


Stray

by Nopejune



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, cannon divergence - post Lazarus Pit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-07-08 11:14:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 98,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15929282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nopejune/pseuds/Nopejune
Summary: After Lazarus Pit, without her soul, Sara escaped from the restraint and ended up in front of Ava's house. Not quite sure she's a ghost or a pet.No clones.Let’s see how fluff a fic can be if Sara can’t use her hands.P.s. please don't @ me if I'm wrong about arrowerse details. I don't even watch that show. I wrote this based on Sara Lance's wiki.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter was edited. Thanks @Xan for stepping in and help me make this fic better. We are editing other chapters too.

 

 

              Starling City in the winter was depressing. It was cold but not cold enough to numb her wounds or freeze the rain. The cold water seeped into the oozing red scratches on her rib and her shoulders. Nothing was broken, she believed. She didn’t have enough strength to actually move and check if her body parts were intact. She assumed she was relatively fine, there’s no urgent pain that she couldn’t endure right now.

 

               This could be an only minute she’s aware who she was. This body was new to her and she wasn’t sure why it felt like a repeatedly disrupted bad dream all the time after she came back from that dark and freezing realm. Sometimes, she dreamt of her sister. Laurel was beautiful as always. But in this bad dream she always cried and she chained Sara in a basement. What a bad dream. It reminded her of her time in the League and on the Amazo. Laurel would never do that to her.

 

               Sometimes she dreamed of bad people trying to kill her. But that kind of dream was fine, none of them were ever a match for her in fighting. She killed them all, as if she was playing a video game.

         

          The latest bad guys were relatively easy. But it’s a dream. Anything was possible. She was killed, sort of. Those child traffickers got their electric guns and they got her. She thought she had died. She stopped breathing. That’s possible. You might dream of yourself in that threshold state of life and death at some point.

 

              It was pitch black for a while, maybe fifteen minutes, but she couldn’t be sure because it’s not real. She heard the frantic siren and the hopeless gunshots. She didn’t see it though. Her visual sense was not working at the moment.

 

               She didn’t see it but she felt two rough hands dragging her body and let it fall into some weird surface. Actually it was soft but so dusty that she suddenly hated breathing, that’s how she realized she was breathing again. Her fingers felt stuck. Weird, the wall trapping her didn’t feel like concrete, or wood, or metal.

 

              Still, why was this series of dreams continuing for so long. When would she wake up? Maybe she was in a coma state. Maybe the whole dream was just the after life.

 

              “Fuck college neighbors. Why would these kids think it’s okay to leave whatever they don't want in front of a random house.”

 

             Sara heard mumbling, a female voice, kind of grumpy but also husky. She heard and felt a thud on the surface of her trap. This woman just kicked her or something.

 

             She suddenly felt a change of momentum. She lost the feel of gravity and her body flipped.

 

             “Holy fuck! Oh my gosh!” That woman was shocked but kept her voice under her breath.

 

               Sara felt the warm fingers quickly touching her neck where her pulse was slowly throbbing. That warm hand left her quickly and came back again. This time, her neck was lifted and in a swift motion, with a husky groan, Sara felt her head resting on a really soft and warm and squishy thing. Two arms were supporting under her back and her knees, carrying her to somewhere.

 

               And then those arms left her on some kind of fabric. The way her body was laid down was too delicate, _unfamiliar_ , as if this woman thought Sara was a fragile baby. The surface wasn’t dusty and stinky like where she had been a moment ago. This smelled nice, a combination of green tea and peach, she guessed.

 

            “Oh fuck she’s not dead but she’s not conscious either. What the fuck should I do?”

 

            Was it weird that Sara thought the franticness in her tone was amusing? Maybe.

 

             Again, a warm touch, very unfamiliar, squeezed her small hand gently. It was weird. That touch was igniting, as if she could see a glint of light within her sternum just from that touch. Sara felt the light on the other side of her eyelids too. It must be bright because she saw red flashing in her eyes right now. Should she open her eyes? Maybe she could try.

 

                “Thank god she’s not dead.”

               She sounded concerned.

 

                The light was too bright. Sara was sure her dreams were never bright like this before. It wasn’t even blurry. The silhouette hovering over her gradually turned from a dark shade into full color. Sara blinked her eyes slowly at what she saw. Since when has her dream been warm and beautiful like this. The dark blonde hair was kept in a neat tight bun, showcasing the perfect cheekbones and well defined jawline. Those slightly parted lips looked soft and full like the skin of a peach fruit. Were they sweet or sour? Sara wondered.

 

               And when she met those glacier blue eyes, Sara swallowed.

 

              “Hey, are you okay?”

 

               Sara blinked, she couldn’t make sense of those words right now. Her brain was focusing on something else.

 

                “Obviously, you are not okay. I’ll get you some water.”  

                 The woman stood up.

               

              “Wait here, okay?”

 

                The woman turned her back towards her, hurriedly walking somewhere nearby.

She came back shortly with a glass of water in her hands. She put it on a table close to where Sara lay.

 

                “Can you get up by yourself?”

 

                Sara didn’t feel like talking. She was focusing on the woman’s eyes. She didn’t have an interest in talking.

 

                Again, that warm hand, inserted under her neck and easily lifted her head up. It’s effortless but still not forceful. Her other hand grabbed a pillow and put it under Sara’s back, helping her sit up. Her long fingers reached for the glass. She touched the rim of the glass to Sara’s bottom lip and Sara realized how thirsty she was. She gulped the water as if it was the only thing that could save her life.

 

              “Easy.”

 

             The woman took the water away from her mouth and placed it on the table. A soft white napkin was placed on her lips, absorbing the wetness on her dry mouth. The woman moved the cloth down to her neck and wiped away the spilled water.

 

             “Do you want more?”

 

               Sara nodded and was granted the glass of water on her lips. This time she could control herself and slowly drank it down her throat. Her withering vein now felt soothed and rejuvenated. It’s a dream, she hadn’t realized she was dehydrated the whole time.

 

              When the glass was empty, the woman put it away and wiped her mouth again. Sara couldn’t move her tired cerulean blue eyes off this weird woman. She dreamt about too many assassins, this one didn’t have the same vibe. She was surprised she’s capable of dreaming about something not so tragic.  

 

            “Can you speak?”

 

            Sara absentmindedly nodded.

 

              “Thank god. What’s your name?”

 

              Sara tried opening her mouth. Her lips were so heavy.

 

               “Sa...”

                “Sara..” She said her name breathily.

 

               The woman fixed her grayish blues on Sara for a moment quietly. She was thinking. She looked hesitated.

 

               She bit her lower lip before she started talking again.

                “Okay, Sara, do you want me to call the police?”

 

              Sara blinked her eyes. No, she couldn’t go to the police. Her father would know she was alive. She couldn’t let him find her. She had become a different person.

 

              Sara shook her head slowly.

 

             The woman sighed.

             “You look... not well. I don't know what you’ve been through but the best way to help you is by taking you to the hospital. Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

 

             Sara shook her head again.

             “I...I cannot be found. If they find me they will take me back. I don’t wanna go back.”

 

              Sara tried her best to speak, and from that, she learned that there might be some bruises at the corner of her lips. She tried to lift her right hand and realized that her fingers were useless. Pain shot through her brain when she tried to move those fingers. Her hand was shaking a bit, dried blood and bruises were apparent, and four of her fingers were sprained, she estimated. She squinted her eyes at the sharp pain.

 

                That warm hand covered her small, damaged palm. She didn’t apply any pressure. Just quietly inspected it. Sara saw how the woman clenched her jaw.

 

           “I’ll get you some food and then we will clean up your wounds. If you agree to cooperate, I will let you stay for a night.”

 

             Her tone changed. It sound like a command from someone who was good at ordering people around. Sara just nodded. She didn’t care about food or shelter at all, but she was intrigued, wondering how this night would end. A break from killing sounded relaxing.

 

             “The bathroom is over there, if you want to use it.”

 

             The woman pointed at the corner of the living room. Sara’s eyes followed, taking in the environment. This place was nice. It’s simple, plain with just white and grey walls. She was sitting on a big sofa located at the center of the room. One side of the wall was dedicated to a giant, library kind of bookshelf. Looking further, she found a grey marble counter bar separating the kitchen and the living room.

 

               Sara thought she could use the bathroom. At least she wanted to see how wrecked she was. She slowly sat up, moving her legs out of the sofa and let  her bare feet feel the soft carpet for a moment. She decided that it’s possible to walk and stood up.

 

               The gravity pulled her down right away when her legs were this sore. An arm circled around her waist to stop her from falling. She could feel the strength and how quick the woman’s reflexes were.

 

              “Hey, you could’ve just asked me.”

 

            Sara looked up to find that those pale blues were not impressed. Her high arch brows furrowed. It was the first time she noticed how tall she was. She’s in crisp white button down dress shirt and a navy dress pants. There were some wrinkles and small stain of dirt and blood, probably from Sara.

 

             “Sorry...” Sara let it out weakly. This woman was full of life. There were so many feelings she could perform in a short amount of time. She was soft and tough at the same time. Weird.

 

               The woman looked back at her. The crease between her brows slowly softened. She ducked her head down and guided Sara’s left arm around her shoulder. Her other arm firmly supported Sara’s back. Warmth radiated from her body, soothing Sara’s skin where she touched her.

 

             They slowly walked to the bathroom. The tall blonde opened the door for her, guiding her to sit down on the toilet.

 

            “Do you need any more help?”

 

             The tall woman crossed her arms over her chest. Sara could see that her cheeks were a bit more red than a few minute ago. She tried not to laugh. Sara lifted up both her hands to make her point. Her small fingers were 80 percent damaged. Maybe the left hand was not that damaged, but still, Sara looked at the woman expectantly.

 

               She rolled her eyes. It was almost comical how this woman looked up at the ceiling and let out a huff.

 

               “Fuck it. I’m doing this because I’m a decent citizen.”

 

               Sara didn't know if she just said that to calm herself down or self-justify what she had to do next.

 

               The tall woman lowered her body and sat on her knees beside Sara. Her hand tentatively reached to unbutton Sara’s pants. She lifted Sara’s legs up a little, enough to pull down her grimy black jeans to her ankles, revealing large and small bruises painted all over her thighs. Again, she clenched her jaws at the sight.

 

             Her white boyshorts didn’t look presentable and Sara was a bit self conscious about it. The woman looked away but her hands were still continuing to get rid of her underwear. Those warm fingers shook for a moment at the contact with Sara’s soft skin but she successfully pulled it down to her ankles without looking.

 

            The taller blonde suddenly stood up. She squeezed her eyes shut while walking to the door, closing it.

 

            “When you’re done just let me know.”

 

             Sara used her elbow to flush the toilet and let the woman know she was done. She opened the door and walked in. The way her eyes avoided Sara’s presence made Sara wondered if this woman was into woman. Her mouth absentmindedly formed a slight curve of smile.

 

             “Uhh.. I think.. since you’re already in here, to save the energy, I shall help you clean yourself because you are really stinky.”

 

           “Thanks for ruining a girl’s confidence.”

 

           The woman quickly turned to her, ready to argue, but when she saw Sara she snapped her head towards the opposite way.

 

             The woman turned the tap on for the bathtub, filling it with warm water. She let the water run and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Sara alone with the warm steam and the sound of water for a while.

 

             She returned back when the tub was almost filled. She changed into a well-worn grey t-shirt and a pair of boardshorts that showcased her long and toned legs. Her hair was kept in messy bun on top of her head. Sara let out a chuckle when she saw that the woman covered her eyes with a pair of sunglasses.

 

               “Sara.”

              Sara stopped laughing. Her name, the sound of her name by the velvety voice sounded nice.

 

              “Yes.”

 

              “To make it quick, I’m gonna undress you and dump you in the tub and help you clean. Will you allow me to do that?”

 

              Sara’s bright blue eyes flickered at the question.

 

              “You may help me.” Actually, she wanted to add ‘it’s not like we’re having sex, it’s fine.’ but she knew better not to push her luck away by teasing her rescuer.

 

               It was quick and methodical, the way her hands undressed Sara from her dirty jacket and a stupid corset. Her black bra was also swiftly gone. She swore she heard a hard swallow from the other woman.

 

                She tried to sit up but it turned out she didn’t have to. The tall blonde put Sara’s arm around her neck, putting her own arms behind her back and under her knees, and effortlessly lifted her up. Sara’s stomach flipped at the lost of the sense of gravity and how her naked skin pressed against the warm body.

 

                 She felt like floating through the fog of steam until she was gently put down into the warm water. Her body reflexively stiffened for a second at the contact of her sore and scrapes on her body and the water.

 

                “Are you okay?”

 

                “Yeah.” Sara nodded.

 

                The woman grabbed a sponge and plunged it in the water before using it to gently wash Sara’s face.

 

                “What’s your name?” Sara asked, her voice was softer than she liked.

 

                 “Ava.”

 

             Sara nodded. The way she pronounced the ‘v’ sounded captivating.

 

              “Ava.” Sara repeated, and she started to like the feeling of her breath through her front teeth that made the sound of the ‘v’ in her name.

 

               “Wanna tell me what happened?” Ava asked tentatively. Sara couldn’t be serious when this Ava girl had the sunglasses on in a bathroom like this. She smiled, although it hurt a little bit at the corner of her lips.

 

                “Got tortured in hell because I was a bad person. Killed so many that the whole world wanted me dead. That’s all.”

 

               “Not funny.”

 

                Sara’s smile faltered. She looked away. The soft and warm sponge move down to clean her neck and her shoulders and dipped under the water to wash her chest. Sara swallowed hard at the not delicate touch. Having the sunglasses covering her eyes like this, Sara couldn’t tell what the woman was thinking while she grazed the sponge over her breasts.

 

                  It was clearly meant for cleaning, nothing other than that. It was fast but gentle enough.

 

                 “Do the glasses help at all? You still see me anyway.” Sara commented after the woman lifted one of her arms up and cleaned the grime and dried blood. It was clear the visibility was enough to know where to wash.

 

              “The steam fogs up the glasses.”  She replied sternly.

 

              “Really? Why are you blushing right now.? Ouch!”

 

               Sara let out a soft cry when the sponge abrasively rubbed her wound on the side of her ribcage.

 

                   “Oh I’m sorry.” Ava’s free hand took off her sunglasses, revealing the sorry pale-blues with the irises that looked like the Arctic Plain.

 

                 Sara was lost into those eyes for a moment. Her eyelashes fluttered slowly.

 

                “It’s okay. Just get it over with. I’m hungry.”

 

               The sponge moved down to her thighs.

 

               “Don’t talk to me like I’m your servant. Maybe don't talk to me at all while I’m getting you clean. That might be useful.”

 

               Sara rolled her eyes but she kept her mouth shut the whole process. She didn’t even blink when the sponge hurt some of her wounds on her back.

 

              After her hair was free from grunge. Ava stood up, reaching her hand to grab a towel on the rack. She hung it on her left shoulder before she lowered her body and inserted her hands under Sara’s armpits and helped her stand up. She let Sara’s body cling on her left arm and used her free hand to grab the towel, unfolding it and put it over Sara’s back and wrapped it around her body.

 

              Sara was dressed in an XL Men size white t-shirt that was big enough to cover her thighs. She wondered why this Ava woman had some spare new underwear at home. How many women had become her urgent guests?

 

              She was sitting on the sofa again. She closed her eyes, indulging in the new found sense of cleanness. She was patched up with gauze pads and some anti-septic ointment on her both hands, her ribcage, her thighs, and her shoulder. Her hair was blow dried.

 

               Her nose caught the warm smell of ginger from the kitchen and about five minutes later, Ava came back with a bowl of hot oatmeal. Sara grimaced. Ava frowned.

 

              “Your body needs warm food. This one really helps. It’s my grandma’s recipe. It actually tastes good.”

 

               She sat beside Sara, not too close but the heat from her body was still too apparent from Sara’s perspective.

 

               She lifted a spoon full of the soup and bring it to Sara’s mouth. It actually smelled not that bad.

 

               “Eat or I dump you in that cardboard box again.”

 

                Sara blinked. Why was this woman was always threatening and bossy. Anyway, she didn’t feel like being dumped tonight.

 

              Sara opened her mouth slightly, it still hurt. Ava tapped the spoon to her lower lip to help Sara take in the warm soft food.

 

              It wasn’t that bad. Actually, the hint of salt and the spice of ginger make it taste savory. Her mouth felt warmer, as well as her stomach.

 

            Ava fed her quietly.

 

              “Your clothes are damp.”

              Sara comment before the next spoon touched her lips. Ava hadn’t changed her clothes after bathing Sara.

 

             “I know. Just eat so I can take you to bed and change my clothes and do other things I’m supposed to do tonight.”

 

              “Why are you doing this?” Sara wondered. She didn't deserve a dream of someone so kind and shining so bright like this. She had that person in her life before, the beautiful assassin princess who saved her life and took care of her. And then what? She left her. She was that selfish.

 

             “Because I can.”

            Those full, peachy lips pursed, coupled with the crease on her forehead, this Ava woman was grumpy.

 

                 Because she sure could. After finishing the meal, Ava tested if she had concussion using her index fingers, asking Sara to move her eyes side to side, up and down. At the end, she asked Sara to moved her head up and down and side to side while keeping her eyes on Ava’s finger.

 

           “Good, no sign of concussion.” Ava breathed through her mouth. This woman was a doctor or something? Sara tilted her head, her gaze was still following the tall woman, who turned on the TV and stood up.

 

              “I’m gonna eat some dinner and get changed. I will take you to bed in a few minutes okay?”

 

             Sara nodded, she didn't understand why her eyes couldn’t stop following the owner of this place.

 

              +++++++++++++

 

              Sara felt a soft comforter wrap around her body. She slowly opened her eyes. The surrounding area was dark but not completely dark. There’s a streak of light from the door that was left ajar. The faint humming of news report was in the air. She blinked her eyes slowly. Maybe this was not a dream. Was it possible to fall asleep while dreaming. Sara’s head hurt because of the thought. She lifted her bruised hand up and rest the back of it on her forehead for a moment. No, it must be a dream, Ta-er al Sahfer would never let anyone take her to bed while she was still asleep. She never felt at ease enough to let it happen. But her body must be really tired, because within a few minutes, she was asleep again.

 

              ++++++++++++++

 

               _“No! Ivo! DONT!” And the_ _sound of the_ _gun shot numbed everything around her. The frail frame of Shado fell to the ground, lifeless. Sara’s eyes widened in terror._

 

_“It could’ve been you, Ta-er al Sahfer.”_

 

_A sturdy jawline move under the shadow of a dark green leather hood while he was talking._

 

_“It should’ve been me, Ollie..” Sara’s voice was weak. Tears fell down, making the rash on her cheeks sting._

 

_He pointed his arrow at her. She surrendered. She heard the swoop in the air and felt the sharp impact stabbing into her sternum, again and again. Her whole upper body felt numb. She lifted her head, hoping to see the last sight of Oliver, but what she saw was a small woman in a red hood, pointing her bow at her._

 

_Sara clenched her teeth and growled. The red of blood blurred her vision. That woman needed to be killed. In a blink, she’s stood in front of that woman and punched her face. The woman in the red hood lost her balance. Sara followed and did a back kick that aim at the woman’s neck. She heard a crack before that small body falling into the filthy ground. She used her feet, kicking the hood away to see her face._

 

_She cried in pain and confusion. No, it can’t be... it can’t be Laurel._

 

               “Sara!”

 

            That’s not Laurel's voice.

 

             “Sara wake up!” The husky voice yelled at her.

 

                She suddenly opened her eyes, noticing a silhouette of someone hovering over her. The assassin.

 

                Instinctively, Sara sat up and hit her forehead at the face of the intruder. It turned out she was slower than she thought because her enemy just dodged her attack. Sara quickly formed a fist with her damaged hand and swung her arm to punch her threat in the face.

 

              A strong hand tapped the inner side of her wrist and diverted her attack away. That hand followed her wrist and slammed it down on the firm mattress. Sara quickly lifted her free hand, aiming to squeeze the assassin’s throat.

 

             But she didn’t get a chance, this assassin was something. Both her wrists were pinned down on both sides of her head. Her hip was straddled firmly under her enemy.

 

            “Sara! Stop! It’s me, Ava!”

 

           “Ava?” She repeated.

 

            Who was Ava? Sara stopped struggling when she remembered what happened before she went to bed.

 

                “I’m...I’m sorry.” She uttered under her breath.

 

                 “Phew!”

 

                   Her wrists were free again. The pain started to come back when she tried to move them. Ava moved her body away from Sara’s hip and reached her arm to pull the lamp’s switch.

 

                 The room was lit by the warm white light. Sara squinted her eyes at the brightness. She sat up, resting her back against the head board. Ava position herself beside her, far enough to avoid physical contact, but close enough for Sara to feel the warmth from her body. This woman was something. Sara was quite sure that, even though she’s in this condition, it’s impossible for a normal person to dodge her attack or pin her down as Ava had just did. But that’s not  important  in the moment.

 

              “Bad dreams?” Ava asked tentatively. Sara nodded. She didn’t know about her state anymore. Dreaming or not, this Ava woman was here.

 

            “Do you want me to stay with you?”

 

               Sara’s eyes flicked up to look at the woman on her side. She didn’t expect a soft smile from the woman who had been grumpy since the moment they met. The sincere pale blues did that again, igniting something, as if there’s still some source of light left within her.

 

                Ava was not that close, but close enough. Sara moved her patched hand up to touch the other woman’s jawline and placed her bruised lips on those full perfect lips. The light in her stomach suddenly glowed when she felt how soft those lips were. The minty scent was still apparent in her breath.

               “What the fuck are you doing, Jerk!”

 

               A strong, warm hand pushed her face away harshly while the other strong hand pushed her sternum and pinned her back down on the mattress again. Sara blinked her eyes quickly, felt so lost into whatever had just happened. What did she just do? She swallowed the lump in her throat forming at the realization that she did the wrong thing again. She just hurt this new found brightness.

 

             “Why do you help me? Don't you want something in return? People always want this from me.”

 

               Sara’s voice was shaking. Her eyes were drooping, hiding from Ava’s angry gaze.

 

              She heard a frustrated huff.

 

                “No! and just sleep, okay?”

 

                Ava moved her hands away from Sara’s sternum. She pointed at the pillow, ordering Sara to lay her head on it. Sara moved her body as directed without a protest.

 

                Ava tugged the comforter up to cover Sara’s neck and tucked it around her body. Sara’s looked at her grumpy face, wondering if her eyes paid too much attention to this woman.

 

                “No, I don’t want that from you. You’re not even in the condition to be able to do that. And you don’t even look clean enough.” Ava mumbled, a strand of her flowing blonde tickled Sara’s nose a little while she adjusted her pillow.

 

               “Plus, I’m in a relationship with someone who is so incredible. Have a good sleep.” She told Sara while retreating from the bed.

 

              Sara didn’t have a comment. Her brain couldn’t process well when she felt the sharp hollowness within her sternum. The light was turned off again and Ava walked out from the guest room.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random objects: Tumeric tea and cuff beanie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's unedited. *Update: it was edited thanks @xan for the help. Everyone go check http://legendsladiesandmisandry.libsyn.com because good LoT content.

         

           Ava didn’t sleep well. It’s not something unfamiliar to her. She didn’t even know when the last time she had a good sleep was. Three years ago, maybe. After being recruited to work under the Intelligence Community, the unpredictable nature of the job prevented her from having the healthy sleeping routine. Traveling around the world all the time messed up her brain, while fighting and witnessing the most gruesome crimes all over the world had been decaying her faith in humanity.

 

                She thought her life would be better after she got promoted to a senior analyst, the vice director at Starling Quarter, one of the rhizome CIA offices scattering around the globe. However, the expectation and misogyny in the male-dominated organization wore her out. But she wouldn’t surrender. She worked hard and deserved to be at the top, hoping to be the force that could change things for the better.

 

               Last night, the quality of her sleep was worse. Ava shuffled under the comforter and tugged it up to cover her head. She wished last night wasn’t real. How could she let herself bring an obnoxious stranger into her house? But Ava couldn’t just leave a seriously injured girl outside like that. It was raining last night, and without her help, the girl could’ve been frozen to death. She couldn’t just take her to the police either. Working in one of the darkest organizations in the world, Ava knew how much those extra legal groups lurking in the shadow of Starling City could infiltrate the judicial institution. Sara’s injuries, the way trauma dimmed the light in her eyes, didn’t look like the normal one. When the girl told her that she couldn’t be found, Ava understood. The way she fought her last night confirmed that Sara wasn’t  just a victim of some random molesters.

 

               And that kiss... NOPE. Ava wouldn’t think much about it. There’s no reason to think about how those lips brushed on hers intentionally.

 

           She opened her bedroom door and stopped at the threshold, frowning in annoyance. Sara curled her body on the floor in front of her bedroom. Her eyes closed, relaxing, her pouty lips slightly parted. It was adorable to watch, indeed, but Ava couldn’t let her mind perceive this  as anything close to adorable.

 

           She sat on her knees beside the curling body.

 

            “Sara, what are you doing here?” She knew that her voice came out a bit too harsh for the early morning.

 

             The blonde girl stirred and opened one of her eyes to look at Ava.

 

              “Hungry.” She answered lazily.

 

             Ava rolled her eyes, finding it infuriating. She stood up and walked away to the kitchen.

 

             Sara slowly sat up. Without the help from her hands, it was not easy to lift her upper body up into a sitting position. She slowly stood up. She rested her back against the wall for a moment before limping herself to the kitchen.

 

               She saw Ava standing in front of the stove, starting to cook something. The pot above the stove was filled with water, no it’s not water, it smelled like broth or something.

 

                Sara climbed to sit on a stool facing the marble counter. She rested the side of her face on the cold surface, fixing her eyes on Ava’s back.

 

               “You're mad at me?” Sara asked casually. Of course, who wouldn’t be mad. Who would take care of someone like her and not be mad. But it’s just a kiss, Ava shouldn’t be that mad. It’s not her first kiss.

 

               “I mean, I can walk now. I can leave right now if you want.”

 

               Sara wasn’t sure if she was talking to herself or talking to Ava. There’s no reason to bother this woman anymore. She was too bright and the darkness like herself should be as far away from her as possible.

 

               Ava stopped chopping the green onions, putting the knife down on the cutting board and turned her body towards Sara, arms crossing over her chest, still frowning.

 

             “Yes I’m still mad but you can’t leave. That doesn’t count as walking. You think I didn’t leave you dying outside last night to just let you die today? Plus, I didn’t prepare your rice soup last night just to let you wander outside and get your ass kicked again.”  

 

            Ava’s voice was harsh and angry. Sara moved her eyes away from her. It should’ve been triggering hearing about death again, but the knowledge that there was soup for her was comforting.

 

           And the Chinese style rice porridge was so good. Ava found that it’s easier to feed her this time. Sara even asked her if she could try eating by herself, using her thumb and the side of her index finger to hold the spoon. She could do it, although it got a bit messy that Ava had to clean her face and change her t-shirt.

 

             When she was done with Sara, Ava got back into her room to get change into a black button-down dress shirt and a pair of grey khaki pants. Her hair was kept in the business bun. Her make-up was fierce but classy. She put her grey wool coat on and grabbed her leather backpack, ready to go to work. Sara was sitting in the sofa, her eyes followed the host.

 

          Ava put a glass of water and a pill on the coffee table.

 

           “You need more sleep. Take the painkiller and then go to bed. I’ll be back around noon. Don't go outside until I come back.” She commanded. Sara nodded.

 

           “Are you sure that you wanna let me stay here alone in your house.”

 

          Ava put on her leather oxfords. “Just don't burn my house, that would be appreciated.” She opened the door and left.

 

        And she came back as she had promised and dragged Sara out of bed for lunch, the high protein meal consisting of roasted chicken and green peas salad.

 

          “You don’t have to work all day?” Sara asked while chewing the chicken. Ava cut them into small pieces for her.

 

         “I’m going back to the office in thirty minutes, don't worry. I can’t leave the office for too long, those idiots always look for my mistakes.”

 

            Sara raised her brows, intrigued.

 

          “So that’s why you look so grumpy all the time.”

 

          Ava flicked her pale blue eyes to look at the injured woman, the corner of her lips were still red.

 

            “The point is I’m still functioning and get the work done.”

 

             “Are you a sort of boss woman or something?”

 

             “You don’t need to know. I will let you go whenever you’re healed and there’s no need to maintain contact.”

 

           Ava’s putting a cherry tomato into her mouth. She didn’t look at the girl sitting opposite of her. She knew it sounded a bit unkind but it was true. She couldn’t let a stranger with potential connections to those in the dark realm of Starling City know who Ava was. It was too risky.

 

            Sara nodded and lowered her eyes to her plate, eating slowly and quietly. Her hands weren’t fully functional and it’s still not easy to eat.

 

            Ava left her alone again with the promise that she would come back before six to change her bandages and have dinner together.

 

            Sara had nothing to do. She spent an hour watching Animal Planet but some of the afternoon documentaries were really dumb and she decided to turn off the TV. She wanted some coffee but Ava had warned her not to drink caffeine. Sara’s eye caught a bottle of whisky on the counter. Ava didn’t say anything about alcohol. A glass would be fine. She needed some of the substance to process things in her head anyway.

 

             She lay on the sofa, a glass of whisky on the table, she was reading a book she got from Ava’s large bookshelf. The title was Global War and the Magical Death, Sara thought it was some sort of a fiction that’s sounded like her own life but indeed, it was a jargony academic book full of speculations that Sara had to rolled her eyes so many times when reading.

 

             _“Please don’t kill me! My daughter can’t live without me, please..please.”_

 

_A middle aged man was on his knees, begging her for life in the middle of a cold desert. His beard was covered in blood spilling from his mouth. His white thawb was tainted by black dirt and dried blood. Sara was playing with a knife in her hand._

 

_“Have a good rest Prince Saud bin Saif al-Nasr.”_

 

_Her knife stuck in between his eyebrows and the blood flowed to flood the plain of sand._

 

_Sara was drowning in the sea of fowl taste dark fluids. She couldn’t breath e and the dark matter filled her mouth, her nose, and her lungs. She couldn’t even scream for help. Her tears mixed with the filth engulfing her body._

 

             Sara opened her eyes, her mouth sucked the air immediately. Warm and salty tears dropped from the outer corners of her eyes and damped her ears. She fell asleep on the sofa. She slowly got up and breathed more air into her lungs, using the bandage on her hand to wipe the tears. She sniffed a few time. The pain from her wounds became more apparent. She slowly stood up, limping her way to Ava’s bedroom. She hoped the scent that she liked might prevent her from more bad dreams. She still wasn’t sure which one was the illusion, the dark one she always had or this one with Ava. But Ava said last night that it was her bad dream that interrupted her sleep.

 

              She chose to believe that, believing in Ava that all the dark and bloody series of events were the bad dreams. Sara stood still after opening the door, taking in how the clean room was and so well organized. The bed was neatly made with comforter tucked under the mattress. Sara smiled to herself softly at the sight.

 

            Her smile faltered when she saw a frame of a photo sitting on the nightstand. She walked closer to get a good look. It was beautiful, Ava was smiling so bright in the arms of a beautiful brunette sitting behind her and looking at her as if Ava was the most precious thing in her life. Sara chuckled.

 

          “Good for you.” She murmured.

 

            She then lay on the firm mattress. It was clear that this bed was more comfortable than the one in the guest room.

 

                +++++++++++++++

 

              In only an hour, Ava would be able to leave the office. She was reading the reports but her mind was thinking about something else. The dinner, what would be for dinner tonight? Should she cook or just order some takeout on the way home. Sara must be really hungry. Her body needed nutrition to heal. She had to get this mysterious woman on her feet as soon as possible so she could leave.

 

             Her phone flashed a notification, a message from her girlfriend.

 

            _“Ready babe? What do you want me to bring tonight? Wine? beer? desert?”_

 

              Ava’s mouth gaped open at the realization the message brought to her.

 

              “Shit!”

 

               She swore under her breath, logging off the office’s laptop. It was tonight that her girlfriend and her parents planned to have a dinner together at her place. It was too late to cancel because the parents had arrived in town. They took a long flight from Chicago to Starling City just to meet their daughter’s prospective partner. This plan had been solidified for a long while, since both of them were so busy with their sensitive jobs. She had been dating this beautiful attorney from the nearby building for about three months now and this would be the first time they had the dinner together with her parents. Ava couldn’t just cancel this. She didn’t want to disappoint everyone. But Sara was in her house. She had to think quickly.

 

         She quickly texted back with four heart eyed emojis and quickly grabbed her backpack, marching out of her office. She made a stop at a supermarket to buy ingredients for the dinner. Her girlfriend loved her cooking and she was certain she bragged about Ava’s cooking to her parents a lot. It’s funny Ava couldn’t tell her that she acquired the versatile cooking skills from the time she spent intervening in other countries’ politics. She stopped at her favorite Chinese restaurant for a moment. Sara had to eat take out tonight.

 

           With help from a cab, she arrived home before five. She felt a little bit of  relief that she had an hour to prepare the dinner.

 

             The door swung open. The peace of her house relaxed her as usual. However, there was a faint melody from the living room. Ava walked inside expecting Sara watching TV or sleeping in the sofa. Ava shook her head when she saw that the TV was on without Sara watching. Ava put all the ingredients on the counter and put her backpack on the sofa. She walked to the guest room and was surprised by the absence of the injured woman. Her stomach churned at the thought of Sara leaving.

 

              It should be perfect. Her girlfriend and her parents were coming tonight so there’s no need to find a place to hide the cute, no, the not cute injured blonde. She’s supposed to feel relaxed and free from problems but she wasn’t. She took off her coat and searched her house. No Sara in her room, her bathroom or her study room. Ava frowned, massaging her temple, started thinking about where to find the girl. She didn’t have enough information, she cursed herself for not checking Sara’s identity with the database she had the access at the office.

 

           She didn’t have to go out and cluelessly roaming the city to find Sara when she noticed the light from the stair to the basement.

 

           Sara was lying, her head downward on Ava’s sit-up bench. Her feet were locked behind the foam rollers, her arms crossed over her chest, using only her abdominal muscles to do the work out. The hem of her t-shirt - Ava’s t-shirt on her- was rolled up due to the position and her movements, revealing the toned and defined abs.

 

           Sara stopped when she noticed Ava’s grumpy presence in the basement. She slowly brought her feet out of the rollers, and carefully stood up. It was clear that her injury wasn’t getting that much better, which was expected.

 

                “Sorry, I used the equipment without asking you first. But I don’t know how to contact you. And I’m bored.”

 

               Sara looked up to meet Ava’s glare.

 

                 “I said sorry, Ava.”  Sara wiped her face with her uninjured shoulder before walking to the stairs.

 

                A strong grip stopped her when she walked past the owner of the gym. Ava grabbed her upper arm.

 

               “You’re sick and you’re supposed to rest, not be working out. What if your injury was getting worse? I don’t plan to take care of you forever.”

 

                Sara chuckled, understood. She gave Ava a weary smile.

 

               “Don’t worry. It’s weird but my body heals really fast. I will be able to leave in a few days.”

 

                Ava clenched her teeth at how bitter those words were. She let go of Sara’s arm. They both walked up the stair.

 

                 Sara noticed three grocery shopping bags on the counter.

 

                “You’re making a fancy dinner today? Wow, I’m impressed. Didn’t know you liked me this much.” Sara turned to Ava to give her a smirk, earning a frown from Ava.

 

                “About that, no. I’m not making you dinner tonight. I bought you some takeout. I totally forgot that my girlfriend and her parents are coming. They will arrive at six.”

 

               Sara’s smirk became flatted, eyes still lingered on Ava’s pale blues. Ava’s hard, angry frown turned into the worried one. She shouldn’t be. Sara was just a stranger.

 

            Sara nodded, biting her lower lip and thought for a moment.

 

           “Got it. I shall eat and leave then.”

 

             Ava’s sighed. Her nostrils flared, moving her eyes away from the melancholic deep blues.

 

              “They can’t see you. It wouldn’t make sense that I have an injured girl in my house. So, just stay in the guest room for two hours and don't make noise. That would be fine. You can't leave right now. You still walk with a limp.”

 

              Sara shook her head. “It’s okay. I can leave. I had worse before. You have no idea.” Sara’s voice cracked. She bit her lower lip hard, suppressing the emotion surging from her chest when she thought about herself in the past. But she didn’t feel like hiding in a room, listening to the joyful laugh of the couple and their parents.

 

            Ava let out a huff, frustrated at how stubborn Sara’s was. Her chest felt a slight pain, almost unnoticeable, at the thought of Sara in the worse condition.

 

              “Sara.”

 

              “Yes, Ava.”

 

            “I don’t want you to leave.”

 

              Ava fixed her eyes on the other woman again. She noticed some light flickering in those bright blues for a millisecond.

 

              Sara swallowed, lost for words for a moment. Feelings are so painful to process, especially this one.

      

            “What about I go out for two hours and come back? Would you be okay with that?”

       

               “You’re not strong enough, Sara.” Ava gave her a stern look, despite feeling relieved that Sara agreed to stay.

 

                  “Are there coffee shops around? I can go to a coffee shop and read a book or, I don’t know, find someone not so grumpy to adopt me.” She smirked.

         

                Ava pressed her lips tight.

            

               Sara pursed her lips, giving Ava a pleading eyes.

           

               “Please, Ava. I’m bored, house sitting the whole day. I could use some air outside. I promise I won’t go too far away and I will come back. I might need to borrow your watch, though.”

            

             Ava rolled her eyes, tired of this unproductive argument.

           

              “Okay..”

            

             “Yay!” Sara beamed.  

           

             “With a condition.”

           

               “What Condition?”

           

              “I will book a cab for you and send you to the coffee shop two blocks away. I will pick you up myself when I’m done with the dinner.”

          

               Sara blinked her eyes slowly at how protective Ava was for a stranger like her. That’s possible, Ava didn’t know who she was.

           

              “Thank you.”

            

            Sara smiled softly at Ava and walked pass her to the sofa. Ava let out a sigh of relief before starting to prepare for the dinner. She didn’t plan to do anything too fancy, she only had an hour and she still had no idea how to dress. Spaghetti shrimp scampi, baked mussels with cheese, and a bowl of salad will do.

        

               Ava in a black apron put a plate of orange sesame chicken and stirred fried vegetable and a bowl of egg and mushroom soup on the dining table.

 

               “Sara, your dinner is ready. Come here.”

          

               A small smile tugged at the corners of Sara’s lips. She slowly got up from the sofa and turned off the TV, and then walked to the kitchen.

              

              She sat on the chair in front of the food. Ava sat on her side.

            

             Sara used her both bandaged hands to carry the glass of water. She drank a little and put it down. Ava started to dig the spoon into the food. Sara gave her a questioning look. Sara was sure she could eat by herself.

         

              “It’s quicker this way. We don't have much time.”

         

              Sara didn’t know how she should feel about this. She liked it when Ava fed her, it warmed her chest. But the reason why Ava had to feed her made her chest felt tight. She let Ava do it anyway.

       

             The kitchen was full of savory smells. Garlic and basil were the prominent tastes here. Cooking made the kitchen warm. Ava was done with the salad and the baked mussels. For the shrimp scampi, it’s better to cook right before serving. She stopped cooking for now, her girlfriend is coming in twenty minutes.

 

              Ava put a creamy white knitted cuff beanie on Sara’s head after she bundled her up with a grey cashmere scarf. Sara felt too warm right now in Ava’s coat that’s a bit too big for her.

         

            “Here’s the money.” Ava put three 20$ banknotes into the coat’s pocket. “Try to avoid caffeinated drinks okay. That coffee shop has concoction of turmeric and lemon. It helps reducing inflammation. You might wanna order that.”

      

             Sara almost gagged at the mention of turmeric tea. She knew how it tasted.

        

             When they open the door, the cab was already waiting near the curb of sidewalk in front of Ava’s house.

         

              Ava opened the back seat door for Sara, making sure the girl got inside the cab safely.

          

              “Wait for me, okay?”

           

            Sara nodded and looked forward. She didn’t want to see Ava’s eyes right now. The door was shut and the car started moving. Sara turned her head to look back at her rescuer who’s still standing on the sidewalk, looking at the car until it made a turn at the junction.

       

              ++++++++++++++

           

              Ava changed into the more proper clothes for a dinner at home. She let her hair down and her blonde locks curled at the end just from being kept in a tight bun for the whole day. She changed into a white and blue stripes long sleeves blouse that hugged her frail frame well. The food was ready on the table. When the bell rang, she walked to opened the door, her heart beat a bit faster.

        

            She smiled widely when she saw a tall brunette with hypnotizing green eyes. Sometimes she wondered why Alexia, a human rights lawyer who looked more like a supermodel, chose someone working in a boring office like Ava.

       

              “Hi.”

      

             Alexia leaned in to give a quick peck on her cheek instead.

         

             “Clemence and  Karl, My mom and dad.”  

 

              The middle aged couple gave Ava a handshake. She invited them inside and her house felt warmer. Alexia opened a bottle of red wine and helped Ava serve the drink and the food before sitting down. Alexia’s hand covered Ava’s under the table. Ava laced her fingers with her, knowing that her girlfriend was trying to help her calm down. It was a big step in her life. Ava never met any of her previous partners’ parents before.

         

              “Wow, so good. Dad, mom, try the spaghetti. It’s so good. I’m so lucky.” Alexia told her parents after tasting the dish.

        

             Ava smiled brightly when everyone enjoyed her food. They expressed their appreciation right away, unlike Sara, that girl didn’t tell how much she liked it but Ava knew just from how she agreed to let Ava feed her and how her eyes always followed the spoon expectantly.

           

             “So, we’ve heard from Alexia how incredible you are, but can you tell us more about yourself? I want to know more about you, Ava.” Clemence, who had a pixie-cut grey hair asked Ava with a gentle smile.

       

             “Not as incredible as Alexia for sure. I’m just a vice president of a security company, that’s all.”

          

              She lied naturally. That company was just a cover for the rhizome branch office of the Intelligence Community. Sometimes she wasn’t sure if she could continue lying to Alexia about her job.

              “See, mom. A woman working at the top position in one of the biggest security companies in Starling City. How cool is that!” Alex enthusiastically commented.

          

              “My work is boring. Let’s talk about all of Alexia’s projects. I like listening to your rambling about human rights situation around the world.”

           

             Ava gave her girlfriend an encouraging smile. Alexia’s work was the opposite to what Ava’s job was about. Alexia fought the government to help those who were oppressed while Ava’s job was basically maintaining the government’s power whether in the local or international level.

         

             “Nah, Ava, we’re tired of our daughter’s judicial vocabulary. Let’s talk about what you know best, security.” Karl looked up, thinking about the question for Ava.

       

             “Starling city is known for high crime rate that we always worry about Alexia. What’s your take on that? I saw in the news that there is serial killing going on right now. Three men were dead, if I’m not wrong.”

        

             Ava frowned, she didn’t have time to check the latest news. As an analyst, she mostly worked from reports from her underling.

 

            “As far as I know, it never happened at the places that employ our system. So far, there’s no request from the police for our cooperation. Poor guys. I feel bad my company thrives in Starling City because of the brutal nature of it.”

          

             She said what she supposed to but her mind wandered elsewhere. Sara was alone, injured, in the brutal city at night.

       

             “I also heard there’s a lot of vigilante activity in this city. What’s your thought about them, Ava, as a security professional.”

       

             “Well, I think they are unprofessional and it seems like they don’t know how to minimize the unpleasant repercussions of their heroic deeds. They ruined people’s properties all the time.” Like the Canary and the Green Arrow. From what she learned from the reports, the Canary had killed so many perpetrators that it made the city felt unsafe for her.  She disagreed that the death penalty was necessary.

       

              Alexia nodded. “Yeah, and a real hero doesn’t only just fight crime, but fights with the knowledge that crimes are gendered and racialized.”

        

              Clemence and Karl both grimaced, knowing that their daughter was gonna lecture about some social sciences findings.

      

              “Let’s talk about something else.”

      

               The main dishes were gone and it’s only forty minutes since they arrived. Ava excused to go to the bathroom before serving the desert brought by her girlfriend. The parents had moved to sit in the living room, ready for more chatting.

         

               Alexia circled her arms around Ava from behind while she was cutting the peach pie. Ava’s body stiffened for a millisecond, she was thinking about tomorrow’s menu for Sara.

   

              “You’re a bit off, Ava. Is this too much, too soon?” Alexia was an inch taller than her. She spoke to Ava’s ear.

 

              “No, it’s okay, Alex. I’m just terrible at socializing. You know it.”

    

              “Yeah, you are the most beautiful awkward hot woman on top I've ever known in human history.”

 

              Alexia lowered her head down to kiss Ava’s neck. The blonde bit her lower lip, and reflexively moved her neck away. She hoped Alexia knew by now that Ava wasn’t the touchy feely kind, especially in the situation where her girlfriend’s parents were in the same proximity.

 

            Alexia just chuckled and freed her arms from Ava. She knew Alexia felt a bit hurt from her reaction, but it’s not something she could control.

  

            “I’m making some tea.” Alexia pointed at the stove. Ava nodded.

       

              Ava stopped plating the pie with ice-cream when she heard the sky rumbling outside. The sound of heavy raindrops hitting the roof filled her house. It’s supposed to be relaxing if she was alone with some candles, coffee and a good book. Ava sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Sara  was at the coffee shop. She would be okay and dry. She didn't want to bathe her again tonight.

 

             Ava served the pies for everyone at the living room. The parents were a bit tipsy now thanks to two bottles of Bordeaux wine that they brought as their contribution. The old couple were caught up into their own conversation.

 

            “What’s wrong Ava?” Alexia asked her softly, her voice small enough to avoid her parents’ attention.

  

            “Nothing.”

 

             “You looked worried.”

 

             Ava blinked her eyes, being caught off guard.

 

            “Uh, I.. there’s an important meeting coming tomorrow.”

  

              Alexia frowned, clearly she wasn’t convinced.

    

            A loud prolonged noise of siren caught everyone’s attention for a moment before it  faded away.

 

               “That’s discouraging. I hope they’re not going to another crime scene.” Clemence commented.

        

             Ava clenched her fist and stood up from her the couch. Alexia looked at her, confused.

         

             “I’m sorry but I have an urgent work-related matter to deal with right now. Is it okay if you guys leave a bit early.”

 

               Ava told her guests, her eyes pleading. A lump was forming in her chest. She swallowed when she met her girlfriend’s confused and hurt expression.

         

             “Please, Alex.”

        

            Alexia’s jaw clenched.

 

            “Okay..Ava, if it’s really urgent.”

         

              Ava clearly heard the disappointment in her girlfriend’s voice.

        

            “Please..I’m sorry.”

       

              Alexia sighed and turned to her parents.

        

             “Mom, dad, we’re leaving now.”

       

               +++++++++++++++

           

                The rain had become more gentle when she arrived the coffee shop. She pushed the glass  door to find a teenage boy cleaning the floor of the shop.

        

               “We closed early tonight, ma’am. It’s our workers’ appreciation day.”

         

              Ava’s eyes widened at the information. Her nostrils flared.

          

              “Did you see the blonde girl with a white beanie? Did she come here?”

 

                “The cute one, right?” He smiled.

    

              Ava tilted her head and glared at him. The boy grimaced.

         

                “She left when we closed, which was fifteen minutes ago. I think she went that way, not that I was keeping my eyes on her or anything.” He pointed to the left of the front door.

        

              Ava stormed out of the cafe and quickened her steps. She was mad at herself right now. How stupid was she that she let Sara go out alone at night. She’s a small injured woman, a perfect target for an assault. And Sara had told her she couldn’t be found. Whoever hunted her might come back to find her.

     

              It’s raining so there’s not many people loitering on the street who she could ask if they saw the certain blonde. But Sara couldn’t go that far, her mobility was limited due to her injury.

  

             She now walked three blocks down following the direction told to her by the boy at the coffee shop. It was too random, Sara might turn left or right at some corner and Ava would never know. Ava hated herself for not giving Sara a phone so she could’ve called her.

 

             She reached the park and saw the park’s shelter glowing in the rain. She could see a silhouette of a small body sitting on picnic table. Ava quickened her pace, her heart beat faster, hoping it was Sara.

 

              She smiled in relief when the blonde girl in her white beanie noticed her steps and turned her head to see who was her new company. Sara beamed brightly when their eyes met. Ava approached the table Sara was sitting on. She stopped when she was standing in front of the injured blonde.

   

            “I told you to wait at the coffee shop.”

  

             Sara smiled sheepishly. Judging from Ava’s frown, she wasn’t impressed that Sara didn’t wait for her as she promised.

    

               “It closed early. I planned to go back when it’s two hours, which is the next forty minutes.” Sara looked at the watch Ava gave her.

      

               Ava sighed and reached her warm hand to grab Sara’s left wrist, tugging it slightly.

           

             “Come home.”

            

              Ava fixed her gaze on Sara’s baby blue eyes. Sara’s chest fluttered when she saw the flickering light in Ava’s pale blues. The rain was freezing and the gritty city was eerie. It’s almost like the dark plain she had visited, except here she had this warm hand guiding her home.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might not be that short.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random objects: bandages and penguins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one. Enjoy! *Update: Chapter 3 is edited. Shoutout to @Xan.

            Sara winced when the bandage on the abrasive wound on her shoulder was removed. Despite the ointment Ava had applied to moisturize the wound, it was still raw and Sara could feel a sharp burning.

 

             “You okay?” The woman who yanked the bandage off her skin paused what she was doing.

 

              “It’s fine. I’ve had worse.”

               Sara’s eyes were drooping. What was worse than the pain was the hint of caring in Ava’s tone. It was as if that sound had color, too bright that it made her whole existence look darker in contrast with that light.

 

              Ava shook her head. She hated to hear Sara repeatedly reciting the nonchalant ‘I’ve had worse.’ Pain and injuries shouldn’t be normalized like that.

 

              Ava sprayed the saline to clean the wound before applying more of vaseline. She then covered the wound with a gauze pad. Sara relaxed her shoulders when it was done. Now there was only one wound needed to be tended.

 

             “Erm... you have another wound on your thigh.”

             Ava casually told her, eyes focusing on her big first aid box on the coffee table.

 

              “Do you need my hands?”

               Ava rummaged through the box to get another piece of gauze pad, avoiding eye contact with the woman sitting on her side in the same sofa.

 

               Sara rolled her eyes. She hated being disabled like this.

 

               “You have to undress me anyway. Lets get it over with. No need to make it weird. I’m familiar with being naked in front of women.”

 

                She wanted it to sound cocky. But with her eyes looking somewhere else and the sudden realization that this borderline flirting was pointless and wrong when Ava wasn’t someone available, her voice came out too cold.

 

               Ava frowned in annoyance. There’s no need for Sara to be this abrasive. Ava was only trying not to make her uncomfortable. She put the new gauze pad down on the table and quickly went to her room.

 

               Sara let out the air she wasn’t aware she’d been holding in her lungs for too long, wondering if Ava was gonna give up and throw her out of her house. She inspected her hands on her lap. They were wrapped in the clean stripes of gauze. She tried curling her fingers, her teeth clenched at the pain that shot to her brain. They’re not broken but definitely sprained. She didn’t remember what they did to her. Sara could understand them, though. If she had her hands intact, she would’ve been too dangerous to handle. Sara trailed her hands down to the waistband of her sweatpants, trying to use her thumbs to push it down. Slowly, she got the pants down to the middle of her thighs. Sweat already formed on her forehead.

 

               Ava rushed back to the sofa when she noticed what Sara was doing. She put the new set of pajamas on Sara’s side and got down on her knees on the floor in front of Sara. She glared at the injured blonde, non-verbally telling her to stop what she was trying to do because it was pointless. Ava’s hands pried off Sara’s damaged fingers from the waistband. She pulled the pants down. Sara’s breath hitched at the contact of Ava’s fingertips and her skin. She tightened her lips, she didn’t want to let Ava know how this small, meaningless gesture affected her.

 

                When Ava was done with the sweatpants, she moved her hands to Sara’s cotton panties that Ava gave her. They both looked away from each other while the soft fabric was trailing down the length of Sara’s legs. Ava’s gaze moved to the clean underwear on the top the pajamas, ignoring the fact that the used underwear she had pulled off Sara were not entirely dry.

 

            Sara cursed her body in her mind. It betrayed her. Ava’s simple touches while she was dressing the wounds on her ribcage, her shoulder, and her palms weren’t meant for her body to react like this.

 

             Ava put the clean underwear on Sara, her eyes focused on the white gauze pad on her left thigh. She peeled it off from Sara’s wound as quick as she can, trying to avoid inflicting any more pain.

 

            “You good?” Ava’s eyes flicked up to check on Sara. The girl grimaced but nodded slightly, indicating that she’s fine.

 

             Sara’s gaze followed the way Ava’s hand cleaned her large pinkish area that might scar. The sharp pain was real. Every time Ava put some pressure on it while she applied the ointment, the wound stung, reminding Sara how alive she was.

 

            Ava swallowed when she noticed how those bright blue eyes followed her movement. She only wanted to dress the wound but it wasn’t easy when the air around them became too warm and thick like the it was the middle of summer. Every touch was electrifying and it’s harder not to let it show when her fingers became more tentative every time it made contact with the freckled skin. She clearly feels it, she felt how firm and muscular Sara’s body was, but that wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. It wasn’t like she had ever dated any less attractive women compared to Sara. Indeed, this girl was too short to be her type. And...and that kiss that she thought she forgot how it felt, now it’s vivid in her mind, the softness of those plump lips, the rough chapped skin, the sleepy taste, her sensorium repeated the moment in her head.

 

           “What’s wrong?”

           A small voice questioned Ava. Sara tilted her head down to look at Ava’s face.

 

          Ava blinked her eyes a few times after the too long moment that her hands paused what they were doing.

 

           “Nothing. I’m distracted by the thought of my meeting tomorrow.”

           

          Ava continued dressing the wound, placing the big gauze pad on the reddened area.

 

           Sara frowned at the touch. She wondered what actually had distracted Ava.

 

          “How was the dinner with your girlfriend? It’s ended too soon. What happened?”

 

           Ava swallowed. “Nothing. I have work to do before the meeting. That’s all. Alexia knows how much I care about my job. She’s always being supportive.” She put the strips of adhesive bandage over the gauze pad.

 

          “Alexia, huh. Nice name.”

          Sara smirked. She felt some kind of sting, but this time it wasn’t from her wound.

 

           “Are you gonna tell her about me?” Sara lowered her body, the strands of her blonde hair fell down, covering her eyes. She felt the urge to see Ava’s pale blues.

 

           Ava let out a sigh, the crease between her brows deepened. Her gaze flicked up to meet Sara’s as if she was compelled to do so.

 

          The light in the living room reflected in those widened cerulean blue eyes, and when the freckled face was free of dirt and grime, she looked almost like an innocent puppy on the first day it witnessed the world with its own innocent eyes.

 

            This was too close. Ava shouldn’t have let herself into this compromising position. Only a few inches and her nose could’ve touched Sara’s. It was too quiet. Her heart didn’t quicken its rhythm. And to her surprise, she felt the serene warmth that’s quite relaxing. She saw how the girl above her parted her lips slightly, her blues eyes flickered as if she was in awe by what’s in front of her.

 

           And in a second, Sara swallowed, looked away and straightened her back, drawing her face away from Ava’s.

 

           “Can you help me with the pants? I’m cold.” Sara’s voice was weary.

 

           “Right.”

 

            Ava looked away and grabbed the clean pajama pants, helping Sara put her legs in them. When she was done, she took off Sara’s t-shirt, training her eyes on somewhere else except Sara’s naked upper body. The clean shirt was quickly put on Sara without any more hesitation that might compromise Ava’s self-control.

 

             “Now go to bed. I have work to do.” Ava stood up tall, her arms crossing over her chest.

 

           “I already had enough sleep. Would it bother you if I stay here and watch TV?” Sara looked at Ava expectantly.

 

            Ava couldn’t believe this was the same girl who fiercely attacked her when she had a bad dream last night. The way her eyes were pleading seemed desperate and sincere, her soul bare. Ava gave her the remote and walked away.

 

              Ava heard the female voice calmly narrating about penguins before she shut the door of her study room. Ava rested her back against the expensive wooden door, closing her eyes for a moment, breathing through her mouth. It was natural. It was normal. The apparent physical attraction was nothing beyond two persons being too close. They both were not unattractive. It’s inevitable. But there were no feelings involved. She shouldn’t freak out. Ava was mature enough to keep things in control, and she loved Alexia.

 

            Ava moved her hand up to trace her fingers along the skin of her neck where Alexia had kissed to ground herself. She gave herself a soft smile. She didn’t like PDA but it didn’t mean her girlfriend’s touch was unwelcome. She walked to her desk, settled herself in the big chair and started looking at what she was working on.

 

            Tomorrow was important. It’s the day she might be able to save some of the suspects from being tortured. She knew the chance wasn’t high, but she hoped she could convince the board not to send them into hell. Ava continued from where she left the bookmark, hoping to find some good information that she could use.

 

            She was lost in the sea of classified files on her computer screen. A smile tugged at corners of her lips when she was quite sure she would be able to convince the board not to send Svetlana Lipnitskaya, a young Russian suspect to Guantanamo. Her job always involved making hard choices between human rights and the security of her country. It wasn’t easy to find the balance that kept her sane. Finding some loopholes to mitigate the unnecessary violence was satisfying. It wasn’t only about saving those suspects, but also her soul.

 

           “Shit.”

 

           Ava swore to herself when she realized it was almost midnight. She saved her notes and hurried to the living room. The dramatic symphony from the TV filled the room. Sara was watching some sort of historical documentary. It was too late and Sara shouldn’t be watching TV. She should be in bed.

 

            Ava’s pale blues were softened at the sight of the shorter blonde curling her body in the sofa, her eyes closed, her mouth parted slightly. Ava wondered how long she had been asleep on the couch. It could be a while ago. It’s the side effect of the painkiller she gave her. Sara looked harmless and carefree when she didn’t talk. Ava took her time looking at her mysterious guest, contemplating if she should wake her up and send her to the bedroom.

 

           She decided not to wake her up. It’s already good that she was asleep. Ava worried that if she was awake, it might be difficult to force her to go to bed again. Ava hovered her body over the sleeping girl. She positioned Sara’s right arm around her neck and inserted her arms under Sara’s back and knees, lifting the small body up from the couch.

 

            When Ava stood up straight again, the small body in her arms stirred a little. Her drooping eyes slowly opened but they didn’t show any sign of awakening. She briefly looked at Ava and closed her eyes again, her free hand unconsciously moved up to clutch at Ava’s shirt. Her nose brushed against Ava’s chest. Ava tightened her embrace reflexively.

 

           She carefully put Sara down on the bed in the guest room.

 

          “Please don't leave me!” Sara whispered frantically, her eyes still closed but her brows furrowed.

 

          “Please... don’t give up on me!”

 

          Ava stood on the side of the bed, looking at the sleeping girl with concern. Apparently, bad dreams were frequent.

 

           Ava could see small drops of tears rolling down from the outer corners of her eyes. Sara’s hand frantically reaching for something.

 

           Ava sat on the edge of the bed, tentatively put one of her hands on the mattress closer to Sara. The small hand found Ava’s fingers. Sara covered Ava’s hand with hers and brought it to her heaving chest. She let out a sigh of relief and the crease between her brows was gone. Her breathing became even.

 

           “Nyssa.. I miss you.”

 

             Ava adjusted her position. She put a pillow behind her back, resting her body against the headboard, stretching her legs on the mattress. One of her hands was still on Sara’s chest. Ava looked at the ceiling, wondering what life Sara had had before ending up in a box in front of her house. She clearly had trauma but she also had this ‘Nyssa’ person. Maybe this damaged woman who acted like she didn’t care about being alive wasn’t that lonely and isolated, which was good. Ava closed her eyes, feeling the warmth seep from Sara’s chest to her hand. She could stay like this for a little longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I imagine Alexia as Freja Beha Erichsen. Enjoy!

### 

 

            “I’ll be back around noon. Snacks are on the counter. Help yourself, okay? And don’t burn down my house.”

 

            Ava in her almond green pantsuit was heading out. She put on her burgundy oxfords and her wool coat. Sara quietly chewing her cereal breakfast. Glasses of orange juice and water were on the  right side of the bowl.

 

         Ava grabbed her leather backpack.

      

           “We’ll go shopping later today.”

       

             Sara stopped eating, craning her neck forward. From the dining table, she couldn’t see Ava at the front door.

           

             “Shopping?” She made sure it was loud enough to reach Ava on the other side of the house.

           

             “Yeah, for your clothes and personal stuff.” Ava yelled back.

        

            Sara heard the door open and shut. She smiled to herself and continued her meal. It felt nice to know that she wouldn’t be stuck in the house for the rest of the day alone. Ava’s house was nice and convenient but her body also ached for the sun and fresh air.

      

            +++++++++++

       

             Ava arrived to her office an hour before the meeting. She took Sara’s photo last night while the injured blonde was sleeping. After logging on her computer, she scrolled through her phone, choosing the image. Ava’s mouth parted just slightly when she realized that she had too many photos of Sara on her phone and they all were ... not too bad to look.

       

             She got the right one that showed the front angle of the sleepy face. She transferred image  to her computer and ran the matching scan from the database. Her stomach churned with anticipation. She wasn’t sure if  she wanted to know Sara as a real person with an actual history beyond an injured useless girl who wouldn’t have survived without her assistance. But to help Sara, Ava needed to know. She needed to know her past to be able to identify the potential threats.

        

          The computer stopped scanning. Ava’s heart skipped a beat when she saw a photo of a young girl with blonde hair smiling brightly to the camera. Her straight, light blonde hair with bangs flowed over her shoulder. This girl on the screen was clearly Sara. But she looked like a different person. This younger version of her wasn’t damaged.

     

              _Full name, Sara Lance._ Ava’s felt the pang in her chest when she scrolled down and  saw the caption under the photo: _Born December 25 1987 - Declared death in Absentia 2007_. Ava swallowed the big lump in her throat. She felt the heat in her eyes. Ava squeezed them shut. The possible reasons why a person who was declared dead was still alive were too overwhelming to think about. She took a deep breath and tightened her jaw. She needed to read through Sara Lance’s profile.                                 

       

            Her phone alarmed at 9.30, ten minutes before her meeting with the board about the four suspects. Ava massaged her temples. Sara Lance’s profile was too much. The girl was declared dead after the cruise she snuck on was sunk in the storm. The fact that the cruise was the property of the Queens was disturbing. They were the demagogue of Starling City. Her organization always avoided crossing paths with them. There’s no further record about Sara Lance except the information about her family. Something had kept this girl in the dark until three days ago. Her brain was hurting just from thinking about what Sara had been endured. Her condition when Ava had found her was the evidence.

 

               Ava sighed heavily, gathering documents and her laptop, her mind was not quite ready for the meeting when all her brain could think of right now was about Sara.

     

             +++++++++++

          

              Ava bit her lower lip so hard that it might bleed. The other members of the board, the middle age white men, already left the meeting room, leaving Ava defeated. Despite all the reasons she had provided for them, they still decided to send the suspects to the torture sites scattered around the globe. Svetlana Lipnitskaya was only twenty one years old. They decided her fate with laughter and sexist comments on the girl’s appearance. The whole process was disgusting. Evidence pointed out that the Russian was the spy but Ava didn’t believe torture would produce good information. Ava felt powerless, another life was going to experience the darkest part of humanity in 24 hours.

      

             The trip back home was too lifeless. Ava didn’t hear the quick pace of life in Starling but she heard all of the non-human sounds piercing through the apathetic air of the humid winter. The screeching underground train, the roaring car engines, the irritating tap of leather outsoles - all of them made Ava feel nauseous. She mindlessly massaged her temples. Her chronic migraine started to ruin her day. Of course, she saw it coming. Failure to save humanity due to patriarchy was an effective way to upset her cerebrum.

    

             Only half a mile and she would be home. Ava quickened her steps. She didn’t want to throw up in public. Luckily, there were leftovers from last night. She didn’t have to stop to buy some random takeouts.

    

               If Sara’s body had been in a decent condition she would’ve jumped off of the couch when she heard the door swing open. A loud thud of something falling onto the hardwood floor urged Sara to carefully get up.

        

               “Ava?”

         

              She called tentatively, slowly walking to the direction of the front door. Sara frowned when she saw Ava run pass her and headed to the bathroom. Sara heard coughing and puking noises echoing. She made a beeline to the bathroom as fast as she could.

        

              Ava was quiet before Sara got inside the bathroom. The tall blonde in suit looked so small when she was sitting down near the sink, resting her back against the cold ceramic wall, panting heavily. Tears glittered at the outer corners of her weary eyes.

 

            Sara’s patched hands carried the box of facial tissues on the sink countertop and brought it to Ava.

         

              “Are you okay?” Sara’s gaze roaming on Ava, searching for the signs of a serious problem.

       

               Ava unrolled her business bun, letting her hair cascade down over her shoulders. She  pulled the tissue papers from the box, using them to wipe her mouth and her reddened nose.

       

              “It’s just migraine, the usual. Let’s fix you some lunch.”

       

              Ava groaned while pushing herself up. Sara slowly followed her. She could walk now, slowly. The muscle inflammation was healing pretty well.

      

                Ava drank some water before taking the leftovers out of the fridge and put it in the microwave. Sara stood idly near the marble counter.

       

              “You always have migraines?” Sara didn’t look at the tall blonde. She didn’t want to witness the vulnerability. She was quite sure Ava didn’t want sympathy from someone like her.

        

              “Well paid jobs always do that to people.” Ava made herself busy by finding the plates and cups for two, but she couldn’t hide how weak her voice was.

        

            “How are you feeling now?”

        

             Sara knew better not to pester her but she needed to know. Sara was aware of the certain distance between them that she shouldn’t cross. They shouldn’t be anything more than strangers, and strangers shouldn’t worry about each other. But she needed to be sure that Ava was fine.

       

              Ava was quiet for a long moment until the beeping noise from the microwave broke the silence.

       

              “Okay, lunch is ready. We’re heading to the mall when we finish.” Ava casually told Sara while plating the spaghetti with shrimp scampi. She brought the plates to the dining table where Sara was waiting. She sat on the chair beside Sara.

       

             “Ava.” Sara demanded attention.

 

             “What?”

        

            “You are sick. We won’t go shopping. You need to rest.” Sara fixed her gaze on Ava who looked away.

       

             “You don’t wanna go out?” Ava started eating. Still, she didn’t look at Sara at all.

       

              Sara frowned. Ava’s face looked paler than usual. Her shoulders were obviously too tense.

          

             “What happened at the meeting?” It must be the meeting that bothered Ava this much. Ava canceled the dinner with her girlfriend and her parents because she worried about the meeting.

       

               Ava’s still quiet, winding her fork to bundle the spaghetti.

       

            “Mind your own business.”

      

             Sara’s eyelashes flicked up, internally cursing herself for forgetting who she was to this women. She’s no one, not even a stray cat or puppy that might possibly mean something for Ava. She tore her gaze from the clearly exhausted woman and grabbed the fork.

 

            Breathing was exhausting for Ava right now, let alone, talking. She just wanted everything done: she’s taking Sara to the mall and coming back home for some rest, although she could see that it might be a restless sleep. She wished Alexia was here with her. She wished her beautiful girlfriend could know what she had done and tell her everything was alright.

       

            A chink of the stainless steel fork hitting the ceramic plate disrupted Ava’s trail of thoughts.

       

            “Stupid pasta.”

      

              Sara mumbled, frustrated with herself after struggling to eat the spaghetti with the fork in between her thumb and the side of her index finger. She let out a huff in annoyance. The oily sauce was glittering on one side of her cheeks. Strands of pasta stuck in her blonde hair.  She hated being like a five year-old child who couldn’t eat properly.

      

            Sara looked up to see Ava when she heard a faint chuckle from the woman. Ava flattened her mouth, clearly trying to suppress her amusement.

      

           “Rude, and probably politically incorrect.” Sara pursed her lips and frowned at Ava.

       

             Ava rolled her eyes but there’s some remnant of a smile there that she couldn’t hide. She moved her chair closer to where Sara was sitting. She grabbed the napkin on the table and brought it up to wipe the messy pasta sauce on Sara’s face. Sara’s frown was smoothened when she realized how close they were.

        

           Ava put the napkin back on the table. She picked the fork discarded on the side of the plate and shoved a bundle of spaghetti, bringing the food to Sara’s lips.

       

            Sara lowered her eyes to look at the pasta and then looked up to meet Ava’s pale blues. Ava nodded just slightly. Sara leaned closer to eat the spaghetti on the fork. The savory taste filled her mouth but she couldn’t focus on how good the food was. There was something else more apparent to feel but she couldn’t quite grasp the essence of it, surely it had nothing to do with the gray blue eyes.

            

           The vein in the back of Ava’s neck was still throbbing but it became less matter for a moment when she saw how funny Sara looked with the food on her face. She forgot about her problem while focusing on feeding this helpless and annoying woman. She didn’t notice how her heart rate was less frantic and how the frown on her face was smoothed just by seeing Sara failing to pretend she didn’t like it. The way those pouting lips sucked in the short strands of the noodle was also funny to see. Ava tapped the napkin on the tip of Sara’s nose when the sauce spilled over there. She hoped Sara didn’t pay attention to the way Ava observed her.

         

         They finished the meal rather quietly. Sara didn’t feel like protesting at the moment.

         

          “We’re leaving in ten.” Ava told Sara while putting the plates into the dishwasher.

       

             “No.”

       

            Sara objected firmly, carrying the glass of water with both hands.

         

            Ava closed the machine’s door, turning to meet Sara’s determined blue eyes glaring at her. Ava bit her lower lip.

       

           “Take some ibuprofen and get some rest, okay? we can do online shopping together later.”

        

           “You don’t wanna go outside anymore? You said you’re tired of house sitting.”

        

            “I can wait.”

          

            Sara’s hands clutched the glass. Those piercing antarctic blues fixed on her for too long and they made her legs feel a bit wobbly.

          

           “It would be really awkward to see you puke in public.”  Sara lifted her chin up a little. This was easier, bantering was less harmful.

       

            Ava arched one of her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning her lower back against the edge of the counter top, noting that Sara avoided her eye contact again.

         

            “Okay.” She agreed softly. As she expected, the smaller blonde quickly turned her eyes back to Ava with a smile that was quickly wiped off.

         

              “Good.”

         

            “But we’re going tonight instead when I’m better. We can even have dinner somewhere.”

            

             There, the mysterious warmth that Sara didn’t quite understand, she felt it again. It sounded too normal, a kind of life she hadn’t had since the Gambit.  

          

              Sara could only manage to nod her head slightly and walked away to her guest room.

         

             Ava shrugged at Sara’s reaction and the lack thereof. She got herself a cup of herbal tea and headed to her bedroom. She changed to the more comfortable clothes.

 

              After finishing the tea, Ava closed the curtains, ready to pass out. Her head was still throbbing but it was bearable now. A good nap might be enough. She didn’t like taking medicine.

           

              Ava closed her eyes. The exhaustion wasn’t normal. It’s the mix of the failure and the knowledge of who Sara was. She wanted to know more but there’s the unsaid boundary between them. Sara couldn’t know or be curious why Ava knew about her past. Ava shouldn’t touch upon something that Sara didn’t volunteer to tell her. And Ava knew it’s pointless to know more about her. Clearly the injured woman in her guest room wanted to leave as soon as she could.

          

           But the fact that Sara insisted not going outside unless Ava was well enough was therapeutic, and Ava couldn’t ignore how effective it was anymore. Nonetheless, it was unexpected.

     

             Usually, thinking while having a migraine hurt the nerve around her eyes. She frowned too much. But thinking about Sara was different. It made her feel sleepy, losing herself into planning where to go tonight.

        

              +++++++++++++++++

            

            It’s 5pm when Ava woke up from her nap. She found Sara watching TV, her blue eyes were lost into the expedition of Guyana. It was obvious that Sara was not an indoor and the domestic kind. She must feel trapped living in her house alone most of the time.

         

            “How is your headache?”

       

             Ava blinked, a bit flustered at how Sara’s eyes roamed from her head to her toe, inspecting if anything wrong, making Ava self-aware of her pajama and messy hair, probably some evidence of drool. Her cheeks felt a little warmer.

         

           “I’ll get changed and we’re leaving.” Ava turned her back from Sara, walking back to the direction of her room.

        

            She stopped and looked over her shoulder. “Do you want some clean clothes? I can help?”

       

              Sara turned off the TV and slowly followed Ava. She knew it’s awkward for both of them when it came to changing clothes and bandages but she’s been in this pair of pajamas since last night.

        

             “May I come in?” Sara stopped in front of Ava’s room. She snuck in to take a nap sometimes but she didn’t want Ava to know.

     

            “Yeah.”

      

             Ava was looking through her big closet, deciding what would work for Sara. She grabbed a grey t-shirt and a black hoodie from the hanger. She turned to see the shorter blonde who’s standing awkwardly.

       

            “Are these okay?” Ava showed them to Sara.

       

             “Whatever.” Sara avoided Ava’s eye contact again.

       

             “What about this one?” Ava showed Sara’s a pair of black joggers.

      

               Sara nodded. She didn’t get why Ava bothered asking. They’re all her clothes. Sara shouldn’t have a say,

       

            “Come here.”

        

              Sara simply obeyed the order and walked to the closet. She noticed herself in the full length mirror on the build-in closet door. She didn’t look half bad. A few days with enough rest and care had changed her a little bit. She looked more alive. The dark shadows under her eyes were gone.

      

            Ava walked a step closer to Sara. Without instruction, Sara lift her arms up so Ava could pull the pajama t-shirt off Sara. Ava moved her eyes to everywhere except Sara’s bare upper body. She hurriedly grabbed the clean shirt.

         

           The problem was the mirror. Ava froze when her gaze accidentally caught the sight of the toned naked body with pattern of freckles painted on the pinkish skin. Instinctively, Ava turned her head to the opposite direction. She swallowed hard because this time it’s not a reflection.

     

              She looked down to fix her eyes on the shirt in her hands. But it was too late. Right now she knew exactly how perfect Sara’s breasts were. Hell, she even caught the slight smirk on Sara’s face.

    

               She wouldn’t let it show how frantic her heart rate was. Ava grit her teeth and quickly put the clean shirt on Sara, noting in her mind that she needed to buy at least four bras to prevent this kind of awkwardness.

     

               Sara was amused at how flustered Ava was. Her smirk slowly flattened when she realized that her naked body didn’t affect Ava that much. If it had been someone else, she was quite sure she would’ve been pinned down on the bed right now.

    

             “Sit on the bed.”

       

              There, that stern and reprimanding tone again. Sara shrugged and did as told and Ava took only two minutes to change her pants.

     

             “Done!”

       

             Ava put both her hands on her hips, looking at the door. Sara got up from the bed, knowing it was time to leave Ava alone. The hint of annoyance due to unfairness she felt made her brows furrow for a moment.

 

            When the door was shut. Ava breath through her mouth. She’s sure her migraine was back with some tightness in her chest. Ava shook her head and rummaged through her closet, finding something casual to wear.

        

            Ava stopped what she was doing when her phone buzzed on the nightstand. She quickly answered it when she saw who’s calling.

        

            “Hi.”

        

             Ava’s voice was softer than when she talked to Sara. She sat on the bed.

         

            _“Baby, I reserved a table at Pierre Gagnaire at six. Flash date since we missed dessert last night.”_

          

          

              Ava’s stomach churned. Obviously she was too sick but Alexia had tried so hard to be a good girlfriend for her. She wasn’t even mad about last night, instead, she planned a date so they could spend some time together.

        

            _“I mean no pressure. I should’ve asked you first but l kind of want to surprise you. Never mind if you’re busy tonight. I get it.”_

          

             Ava swallowed, she clearly heard the tinge of disappointment from the other end.

          

               ++++++++++++

         

            Sara was waiting in the sofa. She stood up to see Ava when she heard the door opened. Sara tilted her head when she saw that Ava hadn’t changed her clothes. The tall woman walked to Sara with her shoulders slightly hunched. Impulsively Sara walked towards her host. There might be something wrong.

 

               “We can't go tonight.” Ava’s pale blues were apologetic. Sara could see the guilt in those stunning blues. She didn’t have to feel guilty. Sara was nothing to her.

          

              “Okay.” Sara nodded, her legs automatically stepping back.

          

             “Alexia wants to see me.” Ava bit her lower lip nervously, seeing Sara slowly look away.

         

           “Good. After a bad day from work and a headache, you totally deserve quality time with your girlfriend.”

         

            She smiled to herself. She needed to give herself some affirmation that she was okay with this.

         

            “I’m leaving soon but I will cook your dinner before going. I’ll be back soon, okay. You need a bath tonight.”

         

               Sara gave Ava a smirk. “Yeah, it’s boring but I’m okay, Ava. Don’t let your girl wait for too long. It’s rude.”  

      

            Sara turned her back towards Ava. Her bravado facade crumbled down when she was quite sure Ava couldn’t see her face. She walk back to the sofa and turn on her favorite channel. The other channels were too human-centric and she didn’t feel like watching them. Her head hurt when she tried to comprehend human behaviors. It was as if she lost some memory and comprehension about life. Sara patched hand clutched on her chest. She didn’t get it. She knew what angry was; she spewed her rage before ending up at Ava’s front door. But this feeling was different. It was neither cold nor hot. It’s hollow and defeated. No way it was because of Ava. Ava didn’t matter. She only knew her for three days. It must be something else.

      

            Ava cooked her lentil soup with herbs. It was delicious and soothing. She didn’t bother feeding Sara this time, leaving the blonde eat alone while she was getting dressed.

     

              When Ava came out of her room, Sara dropped the spoon to the bowl. Ava was in a navy lace dress that didn’t expose her skin that much but it hugged her frail frame well and made her look even taller. The tint of bronzer on her cheekbones and the glossy peachy lipstick suited her well. The stunning antarctic blues were highlighted with the eyeliner and the blue shades of eyeshadow. The dress was long enough to only cover the mid of her thighs, showcasing her long and toned legs.

     

              The bright blues fixed on Ava for too long that Ava had to clear her throat and look away. She must look so weird that Sara had to stare at her like this.

       

              “What?” Ava frowned.

         

             Sara blinked her eyes and looked away, almost felt the dryness in her eyes for staring at something for too long.

      

              “Nothing. Enjoy the date.” Sara told Ava casually and focused on her dinner. She kept her eyes away from Ava who’s grabbing her coat and her shoes, almost ready to leave.

      

               “I’ll be back soon enough. It’s just a dinner.” Ava put her knee high boots on. She didn’t understand why she had to reassure Sara like this. She didn’t get why she had to feel guilty about this.

          

             Sara didn’t respond. She didn’t feel like looking at Ava right now. There, her heart clenched at the noise of the front door closing, at the thought of Ava being happy with that person.

      

            ++++++++++++++++

         

             It was already midnight after four pointless documentaries on the TV screen. Her mind couldn’t concentrate on what she had been watching at all. She lost count of how many time she sighed and how her gut twisted. She was exhausted but restless. She should go to bed. She shouldn’t wait for Ava. But she’s wide-awake. She shouldn’t hold on to that promise. She shouldn’t have believed that Ava would be back to bathe her and change her bandages.

 

            There were only stupid commercials on the screen right now. Sara finally turned off the TV. She closed her eyes for a moment before looking at her patched hands, the hands that Ava carefully wrapped with the clean strips of gauze last night. Sara chuckled bitterly at herself. She wasn’t supposed to feel what she felt right now. Ava had nothing to do with her. She wasn’t obliged to take care of Sara. Ava had no reason to be with her when she knew exactly that as soon as she drifted off, the nightmare would devour her soul.

 

           And It’s good for an uptight woman like her to have some fun with the person she loved. Ava must be in a warm bed right now in her girlfriend’s arms.

     

          Sara stood up and headed to turn the light off, hoping that she could sleep at all.

        

          ++++++++++++++++++

       

            Despite the headache, Ava tried to smile as much as she could. Alexia was beautiful in her black dress and she was beaming all the time when her beautiful green eyes fixed on Ava. The food was great and her girlfriend was perfect. She wouldn’t let the migraine ruin this quality time.

       

         “Ava.”

        

         The velvety voice demanded Ava’s attention.

      

          “You don’t like the wine? We can order something else.” Alexia looked at the glass of wine that hadn’t been touched for too long.

     

            “No. I just.. you know. The food is great. I forgot I should also drink something instead of being busy shoving food into my mouth.”

        

            Ava brushed off the fact that she forget about the wine. She grabbed the stem of the glass and sipped the intoxicating bitter sweet red liquid.  

       

            “Is everything okay with your work?” Alexia talked while chewing a small piece of steak, looking too cute. Ava put the glass down on the table.

 

               “You know what? Let’s not talk about work.”

            

            The conversation flows but the headache hadn’t gone. Ava drank more glasses of wine, hoping the substance would help her forget the headache. They finished the meal with Alexia being smiley and clingy, which was charming.

         

              In one move, the tall brunette pinned Ava’s back against the cold brick wall at the eerie alley on the way to the subway station.

             

             Alexia’s nose was a centimeter away from Ava’s. Their breath was visible in the cold. Ava could see the hesitation in those hypnotizing green eyes. Clearly, Alexia was somewhat concerned about her, and Ava couldn’t let her girlfriend feel that way. She moved her hands up to cradle Alexia’s fine jawline and kissed her. Their lips moved slowly, reciprocating pressure on their lips. Alexia pressed her body closer to Ava’s.

 

                Alexia broke the kiss when they heard a man whistling while he walked past them. They panted. Their heart rate increased and they needed more oxygen.

       

             “Your place?” Alexia whispered to Ava’s lips.

              

            The thought of her place brought the certain blue eyes into her consciousness. Ava froze and Alexia clearly sensed it. The tall brunette let her arms fall down to her side, freeing Ava’s from her embrace.

           

           “That’s okay. You probably have a lot going on with your work.” She tried to smile but Ava could see how hard she tried not to let that smile falter.

         

            Ava couldn’t see her girlfriend being hurt like this. She drew the frail body back into her arms and kissed her cheeks.

        

             “Your place.” Ava whispered to her ear.

 

             Alexia’s place was perfect. It’s close by and Ava was beyond tipsy at this point. Alexia grabbed Ava’s hand and led her to run.

            

             Their lips connected as soon as the front door was closed. The brunette pushed Ava’s body forward until her girlfriend laid her back on her bed. Alexia wouldn’t leave Ava’s body unoccupied for too long. She followed her and kissed her passionately, one of her knee positioning between Ava’s thighs. She slid it forward just slightly, pushing up Ava’s skirt. Maybe this might help in getting rid of the migraine. Ava’s arms circled around Alexia’s neck, pulling her closer. Alexia smelled like that expensive wine mixed with some sensual perfume.

         

            ++++++++++++++++

            

            It didn’t help. Ava slowly woke up in the dark, bringing one of her hands up to cover her forehead. It’s still throbbing. Alexia was sleeping soundly beside Ava. She smiled weakly, recalling how her girlfriend worshipped her body before they both drifted off to sleep. Ava carefully sat up, avoiding waking Alexia. She grabbed her phone on the nightstand, realizing how late it might be. Her stomach twisted when her mind was clear enough. She left Sara alone for too long. It’s 3am already. Ava got off the bed and turned on the light, finding her clothes discarded on the floor. Her knee-high boots splayed in front of the bed. She must be really drunk if she didn’t take off her boots before getting inside Alexia’s bedroom.

             

             She got herself into the dress again and she was sure she looked wrecked. She put on the boots, ready to leave.

          

            Alexia stirred in the bed because of the light and the movement in her room. The brunette squinted her eyes.

         

           “Leaving?” She blinked her eyes lazily.

        

            Ava walked to the side of the bed and hovered over her girlfriend to give her a kiss on the forehead.

        

             “I have to go to work in the morning. Goodnight, baby.”

        

            +++++++++++

         

           As soon as she exited the building, Ava called a cab. This was too late and she didn’t want to spend anymore time outside her home. She shouldn’t be this worried. Sara was probably asleep in her bed right now. It’s not a big deal to leave a grown woman alone in the house. But still, Ava couldn’t stop her chest from clenching itself every time the image of the certain blonde flashed in her mind.

       

          Ava unlocked the front door and entered her house, turning on the light. Her head was still throbbing. She took off her boots, hanging up her coat. She was too tired, not only from the headache but also from the sex. She didn’t have enough sleep to recover. She slowly walked into the foyer.

     

            Ava’s heart dropped to her feet when she noticed a small body wrapped in a comforter curling on the floor at the entrance to the living room. She rushed to sit down by the side of that body. Instinctively, Ava checked Sara’s pulse point. She exhaled through her mouth when she found that Sara was just sleeping. This weird woman apparently decided to sleep on the floor, bringing the pillow and the comforter with her.

          

           Ava was tired and Sara’s face looked so calm and relaxing. She looked almost like the eighteen year-old Sara Lance Ava saw from her profile. Ava slowly lay down on her side, facing Sara, looking at the smaller blonde quietly. All the worries were replaced by the feeling of being at home, and she really felt drowsy right now.

           

           A moment later, Sara stirred. She slowly opened her eyes. Ava’s lips formed a soft smirk.  Ava could see how the corners of Sara’s lips tugged up just slightly, barely noticeable.

           

         “You are back.” Sara’s sleepy voice was dry... and.. and that’s not endearing.

        

            “Where have you been?”

       

            Sara’s bright blues were not even fully awake but they’re piercing through Ava’s bones. Ava’s smile faltered. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Impulsively, she reached her hand to caress Sara’s cheek. Sara’s eyes closed at the touch.

         

          “It’s not important. Why are you here?”

         

          Ava’s voice was too small and softer than the usual tone she used when talking to Sara.

         

            Sara’s innocent blues fixed on Ava’s eyes. The smudge of her mascara was apparent, the remnant of Ava’s smear lipstick was telling enough for Sara. She turned her face away from Ava’s gentle hand, lying on her back. The light from the foyer was too bright.

          

           “Bad dreams.”

          

           Sara’s voice cracked, eyes staring at the ceiling.

          

           Ava unwrapped the comforter and slipped herself under it. She reached one of her arms across Sara’s chest, wrapping the small body, nudging herself closer, feeling the softness and warmth in her arms.

        

          “I’m sorry.”

        

            Ava whispered to Sara’s ear. Sara turned her body to face Ava again, adjusting herself into Ava’s arm, closing her eyes.

       

           “That’s okay.” Sara murmured.

        

           Before Ava noticed, the headache had stopped bugging her, and they both fell into sleep.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Xan helped me edit this fic. Go follow her twitter @XanDanny for more w/w content.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random objects: shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @Xan for editing the chapter. If you need more of LoT content like me, go check http://legendsladiesandmisandry.libsyn.com. There are podcasts about LoT episodes.

### 

 

            _Luke was so soft and fluffy. Ava couldn’t resist his demand to sleep on her chest despite the fact that he_ _ weighed twenty pounds. Of course, Ava hated it when he left his white fur in her bed but he was too cute and so handsome. Ava had never met any cat so smart like him. Luke was her chubby prince. She spoiled this black and white Norwegian Forest  cat all the time. She couldn’t resist him. Sometimes, she let him watch the YouTube videos for cats for hours, enjoying the way he clenched his paws on her laptop trackpad. His paws were human-liked enough that he accidentally paused the video at some point. Ava had to unpause it for him. She even wondered at some point about her feelings towards him. It wasn’t friendship. She wouldn’t want to spoil her friend like that.  _

       The most annoying but also endearing  thing about Luke was his fondness for water. He loved playing with the water in his bowl, splashing it with his fluffy paw. After done playing, he would jump back to her bed and step his wet paw on her face. He was doing that again. Ava felt the sharp coolness on her forehead, waking up her warm skin.

        “Urghhh, Luke. No... let me sleep.” She mumbled, her eyelids were too heavy to bother looking at his cute face. 

         She turned her face away from the soft and wet paw. She felt the wetness brushing her cheek again. Ava huffed in annoyance. She didn’t feel like getting up but if she wanted to get more sleep she had to take him out of her room. 

           She winced before slowly opening her eyes. The warm light hurt her pupils she had to close them again. She groaned. “Uhhh, I swear I won’t let you sleep with me again.” She murmured grumpily under her breath. The cat couldn’t understand human verbal language. This time, his wet paw brushed her nose bridge. 

          Ava huffed, exasperated. Her face scrunched, her eyes half open. The antarctic blues  widened when she found the pale freckled face with the cerulean blues hovering above her, blonde hair flowing down, framing that beautiful face. It wasn’t Luke’s paw. Of course, her parents decided to put him down fifteen years ago when he was too old while only few of his organs were functioning. The realization that his fluffy and warm body she had just felt was a dream made her heart constrict and it hurt. 

           It wasn’t his paw but a soaked cotton ball. Sara’s small patched hand gently applied the cool liquid on her face. She knew the smell. It’s her makeup remover. 

          Her brain traced back to the night before. Ava’s breath hitched at the memory of herself pulling Sara into her embrace and how right it felt when Sara had nudged closer, sharing the same air, taking shelter in the same duvet. She couldn’t see herself but she was quite sure that her cheeks must be blushing. She hoped Sara couldn’t see the color under the layer of her makeup. 

           Ava turned her face away from the cotton ball, her arms were ready to push her body up. 

            “What are you doing?” Her coarse voice softly asked the smaller blonde. She didn’t mean to make it soft like that but her throat was too dry for an admonishing tone. 

             “Lay down. You are sick and you look like shit. Your grumpy face is scary enough. Pimples will make it worse.” 

             Sara casually commented while cleaning Ava’s face with the new cotton ball. Ava frowned and opened her mouth, ready to shoot back. She was stopped by the gentle touch on her chin. 

              “I’m not sick.” Ava mumbled to herself.

 

                 “Really, wow. Didn’t expect you willingly seeking comfort in me like that when you’re in healthy condition.”

           Ava huffed again. She didn't miss the sarcastic tone, heat creeping from her neck to her cheeks. 

            “Just stay still. My hand’s still hurt. This would take longer than it should if you don’t cooperate.”

            Ava closed her eyes instinctively when the cool cotton ball blatantly wiped her eye makeup. 

               Sara wasn’t entirely wrong. Her body was more fatigue d than she would admit, and having someone clean her makeup for her with  a gentle touch felt nice. She shouldn’t feel that way, really. But the headache was gone and she definitely didn’t feel like getting up. 

               When the cotton ball turned from white to the dark color of Ava’s eyeliner, Sara discarded it and grabbed the new one. It wasn’t easy doing all of these with her relatively sprained fingers. But when she had woken up and seen Ava’s face an inch away from hers, painted with the remnant of what she had done before coming home, Sara was not happy. She had slowly extracted herself from Ava’s arms. Yes, with the unknown reason, she wanted to stay like that forever, it was warm, but she couldn’t stand that smear peachy lipstick on the edges of Ava’s lips. 

              She had sneakily went to the bathroom to find what she needed. Prepared the damped cotton balls before hand. With the pain fingers, it would have been a mess if she dampened them one by one while cleaning Ava’s face. 

              She hadn't seen this woman asleep before. Without the crease in between her brows, Ava was breathtaking. Her mouth gaped just slightly. She was relax ed . Her guard was down. No, Sara didn’t notice how her chest fluttered at the sight of her rescuer sleeping carelessly. 

              And then she mentioned a guy name Luke in her sleep. Sara froze for a moment, realizing that Ava might not limit herself to just women. Interesting, who was this Luke guy?

              It’s Sara turn to be mesmerized when the pale blues met hers. She swallowed. This wasn’t easy at all. The thought of last night helped her harden her face. Her eyes and corners of her mouth formed a cold smirk, ready to spew all kinds of abrasive words to the taller blonde. 

             It was quite unexpected that Ava let her do it without actually rejecting it. Sara leaned closer to make sure she cleaned her skin thoroughly. She tilted her head to look at the side of Ava’s face, brushing the cotton ball along her well-defined jawline. She heard Ava let out a soft sigh, her chest slowly rose and fell. 

            Sara didn’t expect the gentle hand to reach up and tuck the strand of her hair behind her ear. The warm palm and fingers lingered on the side of her head. The touch didn’t force her to lean down closer or anything.  Ava’s thick and long eyelashes fluttered lazily when she fixed Sara with the force of of her blue eyes. 

           “What?” Sara’s whisper was weak and it showed how much Ava’s touch impacted her. 

             “Your hair, it’s annoying.” Ava’s coarse voice muttered. The cold cotton ball paused at her neck. Ava swallowed, shivering at the touch. She closed her eyes again. The light made Sara’s eyes too blue and too sacred. Her hand on Sara’s head fell down. She drew it back to place it on her stomach. 

             New kind of cold substance was applied on her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and her chin. By the thicker consistency and the smell, Ava knew it was her expensive cleansing cream. She wouldn’t admit that she was glad Sara actually know how to clean her face properly. The small fingers tentatively spread the cold cream, massaging her cheek with the slightest of pressure, partly because her fingers weren’t fully  functional . It was soothing and calming that Ava felt like she would definitely went back to sleep. 

 

             Sara smiled to herself. She restrained  a giggle. Ava’s grumpy face was covered with the white cream and  it was funny. She wished she had a phone to capture Ava’s face right now and use it for a prank later. Her smiled slowly faltered, realizing that there would never be that kind of time for them. 

            Sara sighed when she thought she had massaged Ava’s face long enough. The woman was asleep again. Sara’s finger put away a small strand of her blonde hair. She wiped the cream off with a wet cloth.

 

             When it was done, she glanced at a pile of cotton balls and looked back at Ava’s face. All of the smear makeup was gone, leaving only the natural pinkish color on her cheeks and her lips. Sara was satisfied. 

           “Ava.”

            Sara tapped her index finger at the tip of Ava’s nose. The woman winced and stretched her arms, arching her back.

           “Go to sleep, Sara.” She mumbled.

             Sara sat on the floor near Ava, her stomach groaned. “It’s eleven and I’m hungry.” 

             This time, Ava frowned and opened her eyes when the sleepiness was completely wiped away in a blink. She sat up, her eyes darted to the clock on the wall. Her pupils widened. It’s comical and Sara couldn’t contain her giggle. 

             “Fuck!” She swear under her breath. Her right hand massaged her temples. It’s too late to go to work and she wasn’t in a good condition anyway. The surprise date with Alexia was disruptive. It fucked up her schedule. 

                “Are you gonna go to work?” Sara asked, hoping she wouldn’t go. 

               Ava let out a huff. The realization that she was still in the uncomfortable dress kicked in. She ducked her head to inspect her attire. The dark blue dress was beyond ruffled and the skirt was pulled up too high while she was sleeping. 

                  Sara noticed the long, toned legs. She turned her face away immediately. 

               Ava pulled the rim of her skirt down before getting up on her feet, ignoring Sara on the floor. “Okay, let’s fix you some breakfast and then change the bandage. We’ll go shopping today.” 

              Sara’s gaze naturally followed the tall blonde. Her blue eyes lit up. She quickly collected the used cotton balls and carefully stood up. The pain wasn’t entirely gone. 

              +++++++++++

           The breakfast was simple. Oatmeal with fruit. It was clear that Ava wasn’t in a mood for  a fancy breakfast. She got changed into the more comfortable clothes, sweatpants and a Starling City t-shirt. Her hair was kept in a messy bun. Sitting in front of her breakfast bowl, Ava made a phone call to her office, telling them she was sick. Sara ate slowly to reduce noise. She didn’t want to interrupt Ava’s phone call. 

           Sara put her spoon down when Ava hung up her call. 

             “Just so you know, I don’t have money and I don’t feel the need to buy stuff. I’m leaving soon anyway.” She felt wrong. Cloth es was never her concern when survival was her main priority for too many years. Ava was a stranger. She shouldn’t spend her money for this. 

             Ava stopped eating, her jaw clenched. 

             “I don’t like stranger wearing my cloth es . That’s all.” Ava said nonchalantly before shoving a spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth. Ava didn’t care if she had to spend a thousand  dollars just for Sara’s new set of clothes. She hated that feeling when she saw the smaller blonde in her cloth es . They were always too big on her. 

            Sara pursed her lips for a moment before continuing her meal. She knew Ava only wanted to help. But it didn’t mean she couldn’t feel the sting in her chest at the term ‘stranger’. Her lips were dry and she didn’t feel like eating anymore. She moved her gaze down to her hands, her mind lost into the illusive memory of Ava’s warmth and gentle arms circling around her small body. Last night at 3 am, Ava was not herself. Sara knew well  enough that the normal Ava would never do that. The sharp contrast replaying in her head was exhausting. 

             Sara got up, her both hands carefully carried the bowl to the sink. Ava’s eyes flicked up, following the smaller blonde. 

              Sara made a beeline to the bathroom. She locked the door and looked at the reflection of herself in the mirror. The sparkles in her eyes were too human, too vulnerable. Three days of secret workout s , sweats of bad dreams, no shower s ,  and her hair was greasy. It wasn’t comfortable but it was nothing compared to her her time  on the deadly island.

              She must leave as soon as possible, Sara reminded herself. The first step was gaining her autonomy back. The sharp pain still bothered her when she stretched or curled her fingers but it was nothing compared to what she had experience d . Sara clenched her teeth when she slowly unwrapped the bandages. 

              She left the  strips of gauze on the bathroom floor. The dark pink abrasive wound s were still apparent on the back of her palms. Sara reached for her toothbrush. Self-care was not easy but doable. She just had to be patient. 

              She walked to the bathtub, staring at it for a moment. It was important to try to take care of herself. She shouldn’t rely on Ava’s assistance. Ava was a stranger. Ava wasn’t hers. 

               Her sprained fingers clutched on the hem of her shirt, ready to pull it up. She let out a guttural noise at the pain. But she could do it. She just had to make it quick.

           Her hands stopped when she heard the bathroom door open. Sara froze, anticipating Ava stepping closer behind her back. She heard the huff. 

            Ava walked past Sara to the bathtub and turned on the tap, filling the tub with warm water. 

            Sara rolled her eyes. Those ridiculous sunglasses again. 

            Ava crossed her arms over her chest,  and stood tall in front of Sara. 

            “Can’t take that off by yourself?” 

           Sara clenched her teeth. She was determined to do it by herself. She looked away, slowly pulling the hem of her t-shirt up. Her fingers were slightly shaking . She took a deep breath. 

           She saw Ava  shake her head in annoyance. It was unbelievable how easy it was to piss  off Ava, how much her existence was so unwelcome. 

           Sara stopped trying when the stronger hands grabbed her wrists. Those long fingers traced down to her palms and peeled them off the hem of her shirt. Sara’s eyes flicked up instinctively. Her bright blue irises were dimmed when she couldn’t see through the the black glasses. She sighed and slowly raised her arms up. Ava’s fingers brushed against her skin while she was pulling her shirt up and took it off her head. She threw it in the basket at the corner of the bathroom. Sara’s lips parted just slightly when Ava stepped closer. She pressed her lips tight but it was not quick enough to restrain the small squeal from the back of her throat when Ava pulled her pants down.

 

            Sara shouldn’t be flustered like this. It wasn’t the first time Ava undressed her. What frustrated her more was the fact that she couldn’t see Ava’s eyes. 

             The injured blonde stepped into the bathtub. She carefully sank her body into the warm water. That same sponge blatantly wiped her skin. 

             “You’re stinky.” Ava commented after inspecting Sara’s greasy hair. She applied the peach-scented shampoo on her head. 

              Sara’s eyes fixed on Ava, a smirked formed at the corner of her mouth. 

             “You still smell like sex.” 

            Ava’s hand stopped massaging Sara’s scalp. Her mouth gaped for a second before she closed it and gaped again at how savage Sara was. She didn’t get a chance to shoot back when Sara splashed the warm water on her face. She quickly took off her wet sunglasses, water dripping down her chin. 

            Sara was satisfied when she saw Ava’s angry pale blues. 

            “You need a bath too.” She said nonchalantly. 

           “Are you sure? Sara.” Ava’s velvety voice was low. She moved closer. 

           The injured blonde made her statement by splashing water on Ava’s again. This time, it wet her t-shirt. 

             Sara’s body jerked away from the strong fingers tickling the sensitive spots on the bottom of her foot. Ava was fast and the bathtub was a trap.

            “No!, Ava! Don't!” 

             It was too late. Ava was hovering over her and tickled the spot under her armpit. Sara’s used the base of her palm to push Ava’s shoulder’s away. It was useless. With Ava’s fingers on those nervous spots, Sara didn’t have enough strength to do anything but let out a mix of laughter and  a scream. 

            “Ava, stop! I won’t say anything anymore!” Sara’s weak hands tried to peel Ava’s fingers off her ribcage. 

            Except  for the mess of wet floor and wet cloth es , the rest of the bath went relatively peaceful when Ava stopped tickling Sara. The injured blonde kept her eyes away from her host, cooperating well enough that it took less than ten minutes to finish her bath. 

             After changing the bandages, Ava went back to take a shower. She let the cold water hit her skin hard. Her body was too warm and she knew exactly what caused it. She shouldn’t have initiated anything intimate like that. But Sara’s smug  face was too annoying and she felt the urge to make it clear who’s the boss in the house. 

             But it didn’t mean she was entirely unaffected by it.  The smoothness of Sara’s skin was still lingering at the tips of her fingers. The sight of the small, freckled body squirming under her touch was vivid in her mind. The joyful, infectious laugh was repeatedly playing in her head. She hoped the cold water could get rid of the remnants of those sensations. 

             ++++++++++

              Ava internally cursed herself for insisting on buying Sara new sets of underwear. The shop assistant looked at them and barely hid her smirk. Even with her stern demeanor, her intimidating Wayfarer sunglasses, and the business bun, the young short-haired shop  assistant still looked at her and Sara with the smirk that conveyed  a certain assumption about the two blonde customers. 

             And the shop  assistant was too serious. She insisted Sara should try the bra before buying it. She said that fitting was important and women should take their time to find the right one. Uncomfortable bra s could cause some unnecessary mental exhaustion due to the irritation. Ava got the point. Of course, she’s a grown woman. She’s aware of that fact. But she didn’t sign up for helping Sara  with the fitting  of the bras. 

            “She can't use her hands. Can you help her with the fitting?” Ava crossed her arms over her chest, staring at the shop assistant . Enough naked cute blonde for a day.

            “Oh, but, wouldn’t it be easier if you help her? I mean...” The girl looked back and forth between Ava and Sara. 

 

               Sara raised her eyebrows at the tall blonde and gave her a side way smile before turning her face to the baffled short-haired girl. 

               “We’re not couple. It’s totally fine if you undress me, sweetie. Be gentle, if you’d be so kind.” Sara winked at the shop  assistant . It worked like magic. The girl’s cheeks flushed. 

               “If you insist.” The girl bit her lip. 

                 Sara nodded before following the girl to the fitting room. She didn’t even look back to see Ava’s face. Maybe she needed this break from Ava. She hadn’t expect ed Ava to do that to her during the bath. She hadn’t been quite sure she was alive until she heard her own laugh and felt the heat  radiating from her stomach. It was almost overwhelming. It was almost impossible to restrain herself from making a move, from pulling Ava into the bathtub and initiating whatever her body wanted. 

             But Sara knew better. Nothing good would come off of that. The temporary break from her gorgeous host would be a good idea. 

            At the bench in the midst of the lingerie shop, Ava’s left foot was tapping the marble floor, a phone in her hand, reading news on global politics. She called in sick today but as a senior agent, she had to follow the movement of the countries of interest. 

             Ava squeezed her eyes for a moment to clear her head. It was too long. She  was done reading two articles already but Sara hadn’t come back from the changing room. To be honest, Ava wasn’t chill about that. Her work was important and she didn’t feel at ease taking a day off just to wait for Sara. Yes, it’s her idea. But Ava expected some form of decency from her guest. At least, Sara should’ve been more considerate and shouldn’t have spent this long  of a time just trying on bras. 

             She locked her phone’s screen and put it in her coat pocket. She wasn’t in a mood to read. Ava got up and walked to the cashier, ready to pay and  be done with the purchase whenever Sara and the shop  assistant returned from the changing room. 

              And they were back, giggling and smiling. Ava frowned. Sara had been acting like she was traumatized. She had nightmares and barely cooperated. Ava didn’t know she could be this bubbly, maybe it’s because she was with someone else who wasn’t Ava. 

            “I’m good with this one. It fits me perfectly.” Sara pointed at the blue cotton based sport bra in the shop  assistant’s hand. 

 

             Ava bit the inner of her cheek, sternly inspecting the way they exchange d glances. 

             “Get her three sets of them.” Ava told the shop  assistant . The girl quickly went to get more of the bra. 

              It was quick and quiet. Ava didn’t even spare a glance at Sara. She signed the payment slip after receiving the small paper bag of the merchandise. She walked out of the shop without checking if Sara followed. 

              Ava didn’t feel like looking at Sara right now. The possibility of what she might  have done with the shop assistant in the fitting room made her stomach churn. She shouldn’t be surprise d . Sara was someone who wouldn’t hesitate to kiss a stranger after all. She experienced that firsthand.  

              The next stop would be some of the basic outfits. Ava made a beeline through the not so busy hallway of the luxurious mall. Her long legs strode a bit quicker than her usual walking speed. She just wanted to get it over  with as quick as she can. 

              “Ouch! Oh! I’m sorry are you okay, Lady?” 

               Ava heard a low voice of a man behind her. 

                “Sorry, it’s my own fault. You didn’t crash me. Don’t worry, sir.” 

                It’s Sara talking. Ava paused her step and in two long strides she was sitting on her knees by Sara’s side.

                “What happened?” Ava frowned but Sara wouldn’t see the crease behind the sunglasses. She looked up and glared at the middle age bulky man standing tall in front of Sara, one of her arms supporting Sara’s back.

 

               “Uh, I’m sorry. He didn’t do anything. He was standing in front of me when I tripped.” Sara told Ava sheepishly. 

               “Do you need any help, lady?” The man asked, his voice sincerely concerned. 

                “Thank you, sir. But I’m fine. Have a good day.” Sara reassured him. He nodded and walked away. 

                “You tripped?” Ava’s hand instinctively inspected Sara’s ankle. The touch was warm and gentle as usual. 

             “My fault. Your shoes are too big. I should’ve been more careful.” Sara’s eyes focused on Ava’s hand at her ankle. 

               Ava clenched her teeth, her chest twisted, realizing that she walked too fast. Sara could barely walk and the shoes were not helping. 

               “Okay, we will go for your shoes first. Are you hurt? Any new injury?” Behind the dark glasses, Ava’s pale blues were roaming from Sara’s face to her toes, searching if there’s anything wrong. 

                “I’m good, Ava. Lets go.” Sara tried to push herself up from the floor. Ava’s strong arm quickly moved down to hold Sara’s waist, supporting the smaller blonde while she was getting up on her feet. When Sara was standing steadily, Ava wrapped her fingers around Sara’s wrist. The smaller blonde glanced at where Ava’s hand met her skin. 

                 “This way you won't trip.” Ava told her, looking around to locate the shoe retailer. 

                 “Why are you still wearing shades. I’m not naked and it’s indoor s .” 

_  ‘To keep the distance between you and me, you goober.’  _ Ava didn’t say it. Exasperated, she huffed and took off the sunglasses, hanging them on her shirt.  

                “Happy now?” Ava looked at Sara. She didn’t get any sarcastic comment in return. Sara only responded with a soft smile. Those cerulean blue eyes and makeup free freckled face  were captivating. Ava tore her eyes away after a long second. 

                 Despite how precise her shopping plan was, it’s took two hours to get everything. Shoes, clothes, some winter essentials, self-care products, and a phone. Two hours of slowly roaming in the mall, two hours of dressing up Sara for fun -- two hours of Ava not letting go of Sara’s wrist. 

 

                 They ended up at a frozen yoghurt shop. Ava thought she was too old to intake such amount of sugar and dairy. She’s mature enough to prefer fresh fruits over ice-cream. But Sara was looking at the picture of a cup of frozen yoghurt for too long while Ava was crouched on the floor to tie Sara’s undone shoe laces.  

                Ava got herself a small cup with the nutty caramel topping while Sara ordered too many toppings for a medium cup. They sat together at the sitting ledge circling around a giant statue of angels pouring water. The falling stream hit the water surface, creating the calming atmosphere at the heart of the mall. 

              Sara shoved a spoonful of ice-cream into her mouth, using her thumb and the side of her index finger as usual. She couldn’t help but let out a satisfying moan when the frozen yoghurt  melted in her mouth. It reminded her of something far away. Maybe her childhood. She couldn’t pinpoint when and where. She only knew that she had had it at some point of her life -- or maybe the past life. 

               “You like it?” Ava almost smiled at how Sara indulged in the ice-cream. 

 

                  Sara nodded and got herself another spoon. This time she wasn’t focus enough and the spoon fell onto her sweatshirt. 

                 “Dammit!” She cursed herself. 

                Ava put her cup on her side. She got a napkin from her handbag and wiped off the mess on Sara’s chest. 

               Sara’s nostrils flared. She was getting tired of not being able to take care of herself. She closed her eyes and sighed. Her blue eyes were dimmed while looking at her patched hands on her lap. It’s frustrating that she couldn’t even clench her fists just to express some anger. The wounds at the back of her hands hadn’t healed and her fingers were too delicate. 

              Ava’s pale blues were soft. She put the used napkin aside and loosely covered Sara’s patched hands with hers. 

              “Hey, it’s okay.” Her voice was softer than normal. She too, felt the sting in her chest. She couldn’t imagine how frustrating it  would be if she lost the self-autonomy and had to rely on someone most of the time. 

             “It’s not.” Sara mumbled under her breath. 

               Ava chewed the  inside of her cheek. She didn’t know what to do for a moment. She looked into space. Couples were walking hand in hand. Kids were excited while parents did their best to  to keep them at arms length. Giggles and loud conversation were buzzing in the air around her. 

               “It’s six bucks for such a small cup. You have to finish it. Don’t waste my money.” 

                Sara flicked her eyes up to see Ava. The hint of anger faded when she saw a spoonful of ice-cream in front of her. Ava raised one of her brows. She moved the spoon closer to Sara’s lips. 

                 Sara hesitated for a moment until she saw a soft smile that turned the grumpy Ava into an angel. Sara leaned towards the spoon and tasted the almonds blending with caramel on top of the smooth cream. Sara wondered for a second if Ava’s lips had the same taste. The food was cold to the point that it shot the sharp pain to her forehead sometimes when she ate it too quick. But she felt warm enough right now when Ava didn’t frown at her.

              +++++++++++++

              They stopped at Ava’s favorite restaurant to order the takeout before heading home. Ava’s fingers lingered loosely around on Sara’s wrist. Too many shopping bags hanging on her free arm, waiting for the next train to Ava’s neighborhood. 

              By the time the train stopped in front of them, Sara yawned. Ava tilted her head to look at how those bright blue eyes were drooping. It wasn’t adorable at all. It was funny. Sara must be really tired after spending three hours roaming in the mall without a nap.  _ ‘Was she a five year-old?’  _ Ava thought to herself. 

              They’ re lucky there were two seats available near the door. They settled in the seats. It took a few minutes of the steady rhythm of the train before Sara’s head was leaning towards Ava’s shoulder. Her eyes closed, her mouth gaped  open just slightly. Ava took a moment to appreciate how carefree Sara was when she was asleep. The taller blonde moved her hand up to cradle Sara’s face, guiding her head to rest on her shoulder. Ava’s peachy lips formed a soft smile. She better let Sara sleep against her shoulder instead of letting the problematic blonde infuriate her for the whole 30 minutes ride. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! hope it's fun enough and worth your while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Xan beta-ed this fic. Go follow @Xandany on Twitter!

       

### 

         The guest room wasn’t completely dark. Sara’s heavy eyelids could sense the streak of light  that shone through the open door. The nightmare got her again. This time the darkness inside her replicated the moment she drowned in the salty, freezing ocean -- the moment she realized how stupid she was after betraying her family. Maybe she deserved this. Maybe it’s the way the karma punished her, though, it was nothing compared to the number of lives she had ended. Sometimes, she wondered, how -- how come a shallow, attention seeking teen like she used to be -- ended up in the darkest shadow of the world. Her brain didn’t help that much. Everything was still in fractions. She knew who she was -- Sara Lance, Ta-er al Sahfer, the Black Canary. But all of them mixed up, unorganized, as if she lost the arrow of time.

          Anyway, who she was -- had been, didn’t quite matter now. No one would care about a disposable assassin like her. The more important thing was, as soon as she started to feel the damp from the outer corners of her eyes in the dark,  there was always a warm, gentle touch wiping the wetness away. That hand was important. It was so important that Sara wouldn’t dare to open her eyes  and look at it. If she hadn’t been asleep, that hand wouldn’t have touched her. Pretending she was still in her dream, Sara took comfort in that touch, feeling the light from that soul. 

 

         It had been that way for almost a week. Towards the end of every cold winter night, the impurity within her soul broke her, reminding her who she was, making sure she wouldn’t indulge herself in this peaceful home. She knew she was selfish. She forced Ava to get up too early almost every morning. 

 

        But Sara wouldn’t get up. She pretended she was asleep until she wasn’t pretending. She better  sleep in. She thought it was invasive to be awake enough to overhear that daily girlfriend morning call. 

 

            +++++++++++

 

         Ava Sharpe craved normalcy. Her life was anything but that -- the paradox of being a perfectionist working in the profession of contingency. Her daily work required flexibility and intuition while all the intricate rules and protocols had to be seriously observed. The stakes were always too high -- a country or two, a life or a massacre. 

 

         Sticking with her routine was the thin line separating her normal facade from the surreality of her job. Really, folding and organizing clothes according to color and function was comforting for Ava. That annoying and ungrateful blonde disrupted the usual flow of her precious routine. For example, new categories of clothes had emerged -- the smaller size, warm blue and pink. She kept them in the closet in her room. Sara couldn’t change by herself anyway. 

 

         Had it been her normal morning, she wouldn’t have been folding clothes. She would’ve  woken up at six and done some workout s before breakfast. This morning Sara had a nightmare around five. After making sure she was asleep again, Ava decided to do the laundry. This week ’s schedule had been messed up because of the unexpected guest. She didn't keep up with her laundry schedule. 

          She got dressed,  and put her navy blue blazer on. It matched her beige dress shirt. She checked her tight bun for the last time. She had a morning meeting today and needed to leave early. Sara’s breakfast and lunch was already prepared. She just had to put a note on the fridge. She’s glad Sara was still in bed. It was easier that way. She wasn’t sure anymore if she wanted to see that sleepy, nonchalant freckled face before leaving the house. Ava didn’t quite get why someone who clearly depended on her enjoyed pissing her  off this much.

 

          She was writing a note telling Sara where to find her food. Her phone buzzed in her blazer pocket. Her lips formed a smile even before seeing the caller’s name.  She was glad Sara was still in bed. It must be weird talking with Alexia while having Sara around. She understood now why her mother was so awkward when she was on her phone with her partner while Ava was watching her, knowing nothing except the fact that her mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. 

 

_   “Babe.”  _

 

          A hoarse, sleepy voice greeted her. Alexia was still in bed. The first thing she did before starting her day was calling Ava. 

 

         “What’s up, Giant Bunny.” Ava smiled, writing the usual last sentence, ‘DON’T burn  down my house’ on the paper. 

 

_  “Not really. Just wanna tell you that I saw a wild bunny near my place last night.” _

 

           Alexia was enthusiastic about rabbits. Growing up in Chicago, the woman barely encountered wild animals. She loved rabbits and admitted to Ava once that she always told any rabbit she saw that she was one of them. This cool, over  achieving attorney who fought for civil right s was just a pure dork. That’s why Ava fell for her. This woman possessed the energy of light, opposite to Ava’s reality. She fell for her since the first time she saw her in court. Ava was among the jurors. Alexia was so brave, yet, so delicate. 

 

           “Ewww. I bet it scavenged the garbage. Bunnies aren’t cute when they shove rotten pizza into their mouth.” 

 

_ “Not nice, but you’re still cute.” _

 

          “Whatever, I gotta go, babe. The usual.” 

 

          Ava put down the pen and  stuck the note to the fridge with a magnet. 

 

_  “I miss you. I know you are busy. But can I come tonight?” _

 

           Of course, Alexia missed her. They were in a relationship after all. They didn’t live together because both of them weren’t ready, thanks to their complicate d jobs. However, They had dinner as often as they could, and they usually had lunch together since their offices were in the same area. It’s been a week that Ava excused herself from the lunch date to come home and check on Sara. 

 

            “I would love that but not tonight, babe. I need to get this project done before letting anyone come into my house. You know it’s my company protocol. We prioritize the security of our customers’ information.”

 

             Ava pressed her lips tight when she noticed a long silence from the other end. That’s a lie, not entirely though. It’s her real job protocol. She hurt her girlfriend again. 

 

_ “For how long, Ava? I miss your bed.” _

 

            Her voice softened, the excitement when she talked about the bunny was gone, and Ava sensed it. She sighed. Her gut twisted at the realization of the question she had never thought of. How long Sara’s gonna stay with her. 

 

            “I... I... I think it might take about two weeks.” 

 

            Right, Sara’s recovery was impressive so far, and she said so many times that she would leave as soon as possible. To where? To what end? Ava squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, shaking off the thought of unsettling possibilities.

_  “Okay, still too long. I’ll try to survive.”  _

 

          Ava gave herself a weary smile. Alexia was perfect. Too perfect that somehow she doubted whether a government’s docile body like her deserved a wonderful woman like Alexia.

 

            “I have to go now, babe. Will let you know if we can have lunch together.” 

 

_ “Okay, I’m looking forward to that.” _

 

             “Bye, bunny.”

 

_  “Bye, Ava.” _

 

             She ended the call.

 

             Ava’s heart skipped a beat when she turned her back to the fridge. Those blue eyes were looking right at her. Sara was leaning against the bathroom’s door frame. Her light blonde hair was a bit ruffled. Ava noticed how the woman blinked her sleepy eyes and looked the other way, suddenly aware of Ava looking back at her.

 

             “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your important call. I just need ed to use the bathroom. I didn’t listen to anything, actually.” 

 

             Sara turned her back towards the kitchen and stepped into the bathroom. 

 

             “You don’t have to come back for lunch. I won’t burn  down your house, I promise.”

 

              Unnecessarily sarcastic. Ava frowned. She didn’t need sarcasm to begin the day. 

 

             “About that, I’m not planning to come back for lunch today.” She wasn’t. Today ’s meeting could take too long. That’s why she had prepared lunch for Sara.

 

             And Sara closed the bathroom door, gently indeed. Her injured hand couldn’t push it as hard as she intended.

 

             Ava didn’t know, she didn’t see how Sara rested her back against the ceramic wall and did nothing except  stare at the bath tub for a long moment. Ava tugged her bottom lip with her teeth before grabbing her backpack and her coat,  and walked towards the front door. 

 

               +++++++++++++

 

             Ava was sitting with her back straight, her lips tightened, her eyes focusing on a silver-haired man presenting his opinion about the immigration regulations along the southern border separating Tucson in Arizona and the north of Mexico. He ended his proposal by insisting that the Department of Defense should increase the budget on the Prevention Through Deterrence Program. He underlined the public anxiety about the influx of illegal migrations. The government needed to heighten the sense of insecurity to justify the defense budget that sustain ed the military business. 

 

            He came back to his seat, leaning against the back of his chair, relaxed. He smirked at Ava, the only woman among the board. Unaffected by his manner, Ava stood up, using her wireless pointer to change the screen in front of the meeting table. It’s a photo of a corpse with the remnants of human  clothes rotted under the dead tree in the red desert. 

 

            “For years, the Department of Defense has been using the Sonoran Desert as killing machine. They intentionally built the fence and increased border patrol activity to funnel the migrants into the desert. People died quietly, out of the public sight.”

 

             The screen changed to a photo of a dark-haired man sitting on a red rock. The sweat glittered his sunburnt skin. His fedora dimmed his eyes. He was smiling against the backdrop of the bright blue desert sky. 

 

             “But that fact isn’t a secret anymore. This is Professor Patricio De Leon from the Center of Social Studies, Colegio De México. He has been vocal about the United State’s inhumane border control regulations, especially, the case of Sonoran Desert. Dr. De Leon and his fellows are organizing a campaign against products from United States. He is gaining popularity among the Mexican public by incorporating the nationalist sentiment to his campaign. The exporters and their business partners in Mexico already sensed the impact of this exposé. According to the intel from our agents, the potential consequence could be the change in the Mexican-United States international affair, especially, under the current situation when Chinese economic imperialism is gearing towards Latin America.” 

 

              Ava clasped her hands behind her back, looking intently at the middle aged man at the far end of the meeting table. 

 

             “Sir, it is unproductive and destructive, if we look from the global perspective. The propaganda against migrants will destroy the economy as well as the influence of United States in the region. And if we insist on decreasing the number of illegal migrants, I say we should spend the money on improving welfare in Mexico instead of buying hi-tech weapons and surveillance technology to fight against the exhausted people who come with bare hands.” 

 

            Ava showed them all of the needed information. They had round table discussion for a long while. Two hours were dominated by the pro-military arguments. At some point, Ava wondered why they had her as the vice director of the headquarter s when it was clear that no one ever listened to her on the subject. But then she reminded herself about the politics of factions in her organization. They appointed her as the counterbalance -- the token counterbalance who  was barely capable of changing those outdate d Cold War mindsets. But she had to be there. Effective or not, she had to be the last defense of humaneness.

 

             They agreed to invest in the border control business, reasoning that the president was liberal enough that half of American citizens hated him. Loosening the border control and supporting  Mexican social safety net would increase the conservative frustration towards his government. In addition, they issued the operation to sabotage Professor De Leon’s campaign.

 

              Ava clenched her fists while the board members started to leave the meeting room. One of them looked at her briefly. 

 

             “By the way, Svetlana Lipnitskaya didn’t spill anything useful. The investigation team almost believe she’s a victim of the Russian child-trafficking network.”  And he left the room, didn’t even bother with how Ava’s frustrated pale blues were hardened. 

 

           They left her alone. The meeting room became quiet as if it was located in the midst of Sonoran Desert. Ava grit her teeth while trying to steady her breath. The air coming out of her nostril s was hot. Her face fell into her palm, defeated. 

 

             She was calm and composed when she returned back to her office. The clock on the wall showed that she had almost a half an hour before noon. She dropped her laptop and folders on her desk before sinking her frail body into her chair. She logged on to her desktop computer and searched the database for the case of Svetlana Lipnitskaya. She scrolled down to the recent video log from the torture site. 

 

             She held her breath when she saw the girl in a navy jumpsuit sitting on a tiny chair. Her hands were cuffed behind her back. Eyes were covered by a strip of black cloth. The investigating team poured iced water over her head. The girl’s body shook, then shivered. The creepy male voice started asking questions. 

 

           They asked many questions. The ice water was poured over her head in between the inquiry. Some questions were repeated. Some questions were just for breaking her sanity. Thirty minutes and they got nothing that led them to those who were behind the network. They only got a life story of a young girl who followed her aunt to the States for the better  life but ended up working in the house, being a servant for the aunt and uncle instead. She didn’t get paid or permission to go outside without the company of her so-called guardians. 

 

           Ava stopped the video. This was a form of trafficking. People tended to think about it in relation to sex slave. But in reality, a lot of victims were trafficked by their relatives to be exploited in various ways. Ava grabbed her office phone, connecting with her assistant. 

 

          “Guantanamo.” She told the assistant. 

 

             A few rings and someone answered her call. 

 

            “This is Vice Director Sharpe from 18437. Suspend the investigation on Lipnitskaya immediately until we have further proof that she was the crucial part of the Russian network.” Her voice was stern, partly because she tried to suppress the anger and regret. 

 

            A moment later, Ava blinked her eyes in disbelief, holding back the warm fluid brimming her eyes. She swallowed, put the handset down, ending the call. 

 

             She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to control her breathing. The echo of  _ ‘She was in a coma state right now’  _ was hurting inside her head. Her chest was heaving when she took the deep breath and exhaled. Her stomach twisted with the gravity that pulled her gut to her feet. Her fault -- it’s her fault again. She hadn’t done enough to save her. 

           Ava closed her eyes, remembering the panic grey-green eyes looking for mercy in the containment facility few days ago. She should’ve known back then that the girl was a victim. She should’ve fought harder. Her own exhaustion and fatigue from dealing with her co-workers shouldn’t be the reason for her to give up and let them take the girl away too easily. 

 

           Her phone buzzed against the surface of her work desk. Her weary eyes caught the flash of a message on her phone screen. She grabbed her device. It had been left in her office during the meeting due to the protocol. 

 

            It was just a weather advisory notification from her weather app. It’s gonna be too cold and rainy tonight. Ava played with the phone aimlessly. Her thumb mindlessly opened the photo library. A smile smoothened the crease between her brows. She stopped scrolling, eyes softened at the sight of the sleeping blonde. The photos had some calming effect on her. The pale face with the delicate freckles and pouty lips, somehow, gave her a shortcut to home -- her sanctuary. Home was  the opposite from her workspace. Home was warm in every sense. Her office -- its structure, color, and the people around her -- was cold and rigid, alienating the human souls from the bodies, making them the vessels of the nation’s purpose. 

 

           Sara was soft and warm and useless.

 

          Ava put her phone into her pants pocket and stood up. She had enough time to go home for lunch. A break, a breach, an escape she needed. Her chest felt a little warmer from just thinking about leaving this place. Of course, she didn’t imagine Sara making a mess while trying to eat at all. She didn’t think too much into how the small, patched hands, in some way, reminded her of Luke’s fluffy paws. 

           ++++++++

           Her long stride was quick. She couldn’t stand the judging gazes behind her back. The tension was always in the air and she always felt it. It wasn’t surprising that male agents were not happy to have a woman like her as their boss.  

 

            She just exited the elevator at the lobby floor when a bright smile greeted her. The tall brunette was in her yellow trench coat, waving her hand at Ava. The vice director’s heart leapt. Right, she kind of promised Alexia the lunch date. 

 

            First thing first, she needed to smile. She straightened her back and brushed off any sign of anger and sadness. Alexia approached her, giving her a gentle hug. Ava brushed her face against her girlfriend’s shoulder briefly, seeking comfort. 

 

            “Sorry, I didn’t mean to force you to have lunch with me or anything. I came just in case I might be lucky. If you can’t go it’s okay too.” 

 

             Ava nodded, reassuring her girlfriend. 

 

             They ended up at the in-store dining area at the nearby Whole Foods. Ava got a bowl of salad, falafel and cup of tomato soup for herself. 

 

            “How was the meeting?” Alexia asked before shoving a spoonful of mac and cheese into her mouth. 

 

             Ava chuckled. “It went well. I almost certain that they will choose us. But we have to wait until the final confirmation in the next week.” She lied, fluently indeed. She was trained to do it well. 

 

          “Good! I have the exciting news too.” 

 

          Alexia grinned. Her eyes shimmering with genuine joy and hope. 

 

           “Really, what is it?” Ava wouldn’t let the smile disappear from her face, focusing on her plate, afraid of Alexia noticing the fatigue in her eyes. 

 

            Alexia didn’t notice it. Of course, she had no idea what Ava had done, how many operations she conducted around the world in the name of her nation. How many lives she ended -- how many she couldn’t save. 

 

            The human right s legal expert cheerfully talked about her project with United Nations. She was one of the coordinators of the international investigation on human right violation s in  the judicial system. There were four teams working in four countries, collecting the court documents that could be use as the evidence against the dictatorial governments in the future.

 

            Ava could see that Alexia was in awe by her own project. It was amazing. The people in her team were so brave to go against the military government. But all Ava could do was curling her toes. Her face was paler but still smiling, hiding the pain in her chest. The food taste d bland when she felt the bitterness in her throat. Alexia was helping people without the limit of her national boundary. Ava had been the part of the killing machine. She was also a part of the organization, the team that almost killed an innocent girl. 

 

            “It feels really nice that I can do something to help people. I’m really happy I can share this with you. You know, not many people care about human right s situation s in other countries.”

 

            Alexia’s voice was infused with the genuine happiness in her tone. That sweetness pierced  into Ava’s chest. Her sternum felt the uncomfortable bitter pang. Her breath shortened. It was too much. The disparity was too much, sharpening the sense of failure she experienced through the whole meeting. 

 

           Ava dropped the fork into the salad bowl.

 

           “Lexia, I have to go back to the office now. Sorry.” Her voice cracked. 

 

            The brunette raised her eyebrows. “But you only ate half of your lunch.” 

 

             Ava put her phone into her coat pocket. “Yeah, but there’s another meeting with another client.” She focused her eyes on everything but her girlfriend, putting the coat on.

 

              “Okay, I’m walking with you.” Alexia stopped eating and gathering her wallet and phone. She stood up, grabbing her yellow coat hung on the back of her chair. 

 

             “No, you don’t have to, babe. Finish your lunch.” Ava was looking somewhere else. She didn’t see the concern in those green eyes. 

 

             “No, I should walk you back.” Alexia insisted. 

 

              Ava tightened her lips before meeting her girlfriend’s confused expression. Ava should’ve sensed the uncertainty and the tinge of fear from the the crease between Alexia’s eyebrows and the way the light flickered in those greens. She didn’t. When it was hard to breath e when her chest burned like this, she only wanted to leave.

 

               “No.” Said, Ava.

 

               Their eyes focused on each other quietly for a long moment. Alexia’s jaw was tightened. Her beautiful eyes blinked. She was thinking, trying to understand what happened with Ava. 

            “Can we kiss?” Alexia asked, the excitement and joyfulness disappeared.

 

             Instead of answering, Ava grabbed the salad bowl and the cup of soup before closing the distance between herself and the tall brunette. Tilting her head for the right angle, Ava gave her girlfriend a chaste kiss, barely applying the pressure on Alexia’s lips. She pulled back from the kiss shortly. 

 

             “I’m sorry but I have to go.” Ava quickly walked away, dumping the food in the trash can near the exit. She cannot let Alexia see the weakness in her weary eyes. 

 

              ++++++++++++++

            It was seven at night already. Sara was sitting on the couch, hugging her knees that she pulled up to her chest. The warm light was turned on to illuminate the house, the noise of the weather report from the TV echoing against the wall, a thick book with monochrome colored cover lying on her side. The title was printed on three black text boxes. It read,  _ The Land of Open Graves _ . Sara took it from Ava’s bookshelf. 

 

            The lifeless sound of the freezing rain hitting the roof and the glass windows chilled her heart. She wasn’t sure if she was hungry. She might be. But the appetite was, somehow, lost. She hadn’t spent energy today. It was weird not having the grumpy tall blonde around while eating. The breakfast and lunch alone by herself wasn’t that delicious. The lunch was the worst when she knew exactly what Ava was doing, or to be precise, whom Ava was having lunch with. No, it wasn’t jealousy. It was more the realization of being left, alone, useless, and not capable of using the table utensils properly. 

 

            Sara glanced at her new phone. No new text s so far. Where was she? It was dark and freezing, clearly not an ideal night for going out. But she didn’t have to go out. She might just be at some house that Sara had no idea where it was. Her chest stung at the epiphany, tightening her embrace around her knees.

 

            Sara’s head jerked up when she heard the door  swing open and hit the the wall of the foyer, shaking the house. A loud thud after the bang made Sara jump off the sofa. She ran, even though it hurt the wound on her thigh. 

 

             Sara’s heart dropped to the floor when she saw the damp honey blonde hair resting against the hardwood wall. Ava’s was sitting on the floor. Her body curled into the corner as if a lifeless doll, letting force of gravity pull her down without resistance. Her pale face was wet with the rain water. Her usual pinkish lips turned blue, quivering. Droplets of water clung on her wool coat. The rain storm was too heavy that the cold water seeped through the fabric of her pants. Her pale blue eyes were glassy, lacked of focus.

 

             “Ava!”

            Sara’s dropped her knees on the floor beside the shivering body. Her injured, patched hands moved up to cradle Ava’s face. Sara flinched when her fingers twitched at the contact with the freezing cold skin. 

 

             “Oh, crap! What  happened ! What did you do?” 

 

               Sara’s breathy voice was frantic. Without thinking about her own injury, Sara inserted her arms under the taller blonde’s armpits, letting Ava’s head rest on her shoulder. She stood up, carrying the weight of the frail body with her. Sara widened her stance to balance herself with Ava in her arms. Ava’s cold cheeks touched hers, and Sara could feel the weak breathing from her nose. The smell of strong liquor hit her sense. 

 

           “Damn it, Ava.” 

 

             Her brows furrowed, frustrated at how careless her annoying host was. 

 

            Sara’s strong arms half carried half dragged Ava into the house. She could care less about her own injury, although she might feel sore tomorrow. But right now her brain already shut itself from sensing her own pain.

           She carefully took off Ava’s coat and laid her down on the sofa, rubbing her warm hand on Ava’s cheek’s again to wake her sense. The frozen pale blues flicked up to meet Sara’s. The smaller blonde was hovering over her. 

 

          “Sara.”

 

           Ava’s mouth recited her name without voice. 

         “Thank god. Hey, you are okay. I’m right here.” The usual sharp edge in her tone was disappear, her softened bright blues looking at Ava as if her gaze could warm the shivering body. 

 

            “Wait a sec, okay?” 

             Sara turned off the TV and got up from the couch. She ran to Ava’s room and returned in a minute with a duvet and a towel in her arms. She dumped them on the floor and inspect ed Ava’s clothes. She lifted Ava’s weak arms to take off her blazer. The dress shirt was dry but the pants were damp. Without hesitation, her sprained fingers unbuckled Ava’s belt and pulled the pants down from her long legs. Sara’s brows still furrowed with concern. She didn’t hear the small whimper. 

 

              As soon as she got rid of the wet fabric from Ava’s body, Sara covered her with the duvet, hoping to warm the drunk woman in the couch. She positioned herself in the same couch, her thigh touching Ava’s arm. She put the dry towel over her damp hair, rubbing her head briefly. 

 

             Ava’s drooping eyes blinked slowly, fixed on Sara’s chin over her. Sara left her side again and Ava’s eyes sought her immediately. She heard the hum of the microwave until it beeped. Sara returned with a mug carried by her patch ed hands. She put it down on the coffee table and  used the spoon to bring the warm liquid to Ava’s cold lips. 

            It was ginger and honey tea. The drink warmed her mouth. Sara’s fingertips put her damp hair away from her face. 

 

             Ava reddened eyes saw the worried bright blues softened after she took a few sips. The patched hand and warm fingers touched her cheek again briefly. 

            “Good. You’re getting warmer.”

 

             Ava didn’t respond. Her head was throbbing, thinking that it would’ve been better if Sara had left her hand lingering on her skin a bit longer. 

 

             When Ava finished the last spoon full of the tea, Sara was satisfied that Ava’s cheeks were blushing slightly and the color of her full lips changed to the usual peachy shade. She put the spoon in the mug and turned to fix her eyes on Ava’s face again.

 

            “Did you have dinner?” 

 

            Ava nodded. After the long afternoon at her office that involved the sickening feeling in her head and her stomach, Ava went to a bar in downtown, drinking the hard liquor until the bartender asked her to leave with concern in his eyes. She only wanted to forget what had happened today. In a way, it was more of the need to punish herself from all the mistakes she made -- putting risk on that Mexican professor, not fast enough to save the Russian girl, and hurting her girlfriend again. She didn’t complain when the cold rain was pouring, soaking her without mercy after exiting the subway station. It was quite amazing that with the intoxicated brain, she was still able to find the way to her home.  

 

            “Are you hurt?” 

 

           Sara’s eyes were searching for any sign of pain. Ava tightened her lips and shook her head. She looked away from those blue eyes that clearly channeled how much Sara cared. Instead, her weary eyes caught a glimpse of the monochrome cover of a book disregarded on the carpet near the couch. The Land of Open Graves. It was as if she was punched in the gut. The tears she had been holding back the whole day slowly started falling from the corners of her eyes.  _ The Land of Open Graves _ \-- the migrants’ tales of Sonoran Desert. The monochrome illustrations of rotten corpses and artifacts of the lost souls in the desert were vivid in her mind. She pressed her lips tight, scared of letting out the frustrated whimper from the back of her throat. 

 

             She felt the shift of weight on the couch. A patched hand wiped the tears off her cheek. Ava’s shimmering eyes flicked back to Sara’s. The crease between her brows was deepened. 

            Sara’s angelic blues didn’t widen. Ava didn’t notice any hint of surprise. The bit of concern was also gone. Instead, Sara let out a deep sigh, the soften blues neither show sympathy nor judgement. The small crinkles at the corners of her eyes seemed out of context. But it brought Ava back to the moment. She frowned, her lips parted, ready to spill  _ ‘Why the fuck are you smiling when I am hurt!’  _

 

           She didn’t let it out when the gentle finger tapped on her lips. Sara drew it back when she was sure Ava  wouldn’t protest. 

 

            “You know...” Sara paused, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before turning her gaze back to Ava. Sara noticed how her lips pursed, the pale blues eyes channeled anything but anger and pain.  

 

            “I’m still picking up the pieces of who I am. I am not really sure if this is a dream or reality. My memory  isn’t quite helpful right now. I don’t know what happened to me. I thought I was dead. I remember how it felt when dying. I deserved it. But then, I’m here, learning one or two things about feelings. I don’t quite get most of it. You might notice that I only watch animals. Right now I don’t quite grasp the essence of being human.” 

 

          Sara wasn’t quite sure what she was doing. It was impulsive. The regret, pain, and frustration in Ava’s eyes -- something clicked, she almost heard the metaphorical sound within herself, as if she had seen this before, as if she understood. 

 

          “Anyway, point is...” Sara paused to brush the tears off Ava’s face.

 

           “The point is, you can tell me. There’s a good chance that I will not remember, that the memory of this moment -- of us, will be gone or distorted tomorrow. And if you are just another one of my dream s , it will not matter when I wake up, if I will ever wake up.”  

           Ava noticed how Sara’s voice cracked at the end. It tugged  at something in her chest. Ava blinked the tears away from her eyes. Looking at Sara for a moment before moving her eyes away from the blonde, debating in her head. Her problem had to be kept as a secret from everyone outside the Intelligence Community. There were so many truths and lies that clogged up her lungs. 

 

            She let out a heavy sigh and sniffed, bringing her cold hand up to wipe her nose. She looked back at Sara again. The injured blonde nodded slightly. 

 

            “You will not remember?” 

            Ava asked weakly. Sara swallowed the tightness formed in her throat at the question. She wanted to reassure her that she would be gone, but all she could do was nod. 

 

              Ava’s pale blues looked away again. She was staring at nothing for a long moment, processing her feelings. 

 

              Another stream of warm liquid wet her eyes again.

 

              “Someone almost died because of me. And I can’t save those who are dying.”

 

               It hurt so much that her heart constricted and the end of her sentence  was lost to sobbing. 

                Sara brought Ava’s hand to her chest. It clicked. This was why it was so familiar, the pain, the way Ava’s body gave up itself to the gravity, the way she let herself froze in the cold winter rain. 

 

              Sara covered Ava’s hand with hers, keeping it where her heart was beating. 

             “You are not like me, Ava. You saved a life. You keep me alive.” 

 

              Ava’s watery eyes dilated for a moment before roaming all over Sara’s calming expression.  This woman would’ve been left to die in the cold a week ago. She remembered how weak her pulse was. Right now, she could clearly feel the rhythm, the strong beat of her heart. It sent the warmth to her palm.

 

             To Sara’s surprise, Ava moved her hand up from Sara’s chest to her nape, pulling her down to the crook of her neck. Her hand traced up to cradle the back of Sara’s head, her long fingers tangled with the blonde hair.

 

            Sara was a bit flustered by the unexpected reaction but she didn’t pull herself away. Instead, she took a gentle breath before drawing her legs up and inserting them under the duvet. The sofa had enough space for two occupants. Her legs tangled with Ava’s naked limbs. One of her arms, despite the pain, draped over Ava’s torso. She sensed how cold Ava’s skin was. She nudged closer, hoping to share her body heat. 

           The low humming came with the brief vibration of Ava’s throat. Sara felt the cool air brushing her crown. Ava’s normal scent mixed with the smell of alcohol, but Sara didn’t mind breathing in all of that. 

 

           No one dared to break the delicate moment. Ava closed her eyes and breath ed in the peachy scent of her shampoo lingering on Sara’s hair. It’s a lot less cold this way. Ava didn’t know what to feel. She had too many feelings, she felt too much. But this, this wasn’t suffocating. Saying it out loud, telling someone outside of her work for the first time, somehow, more or less, unclogged her lungs. 

 

          They stayed like that until Sara noticed that the rise and fall of Ava’s chest wasn’t frantic anymore. Her lips formed a subtle smile against the skin of Ava’s neck. Her body relaxed into Ava’s.

 

             And when all of the emotions were cooling down, the hand that curled in between her chest and Ava’s sternum felt the tingling pain again. Sara winced. She wouldn’t change her position. If being this close to Ava, if it stopped her from crying, she didn’t mind taking longer time to heal.

 

              Unless...unless...

 

               Sara felt the bile in her throat. She lifted her head up few inches above Ava’s profile. Sara saw Ava flinched before peeling her eyes open again. The pale blues were softer, trails of dried tears still visible, the long fingers continued to massage Sara’s scalp. Sara didn’t know what it was, the light that wasn’t metaphorical, the literal light glowing somewhere far away and pitch black. 

             Sara blinked her innocent blue eyes slowly. The heat surging from her nose irritated her eyes. 

 

             “Two weeks, right?” 

 

            If Ava hadn’t been lying under Sara, if those pouty lips hadn’t been just a few inches above her face, Ava wouldn’t have heard Sara’s weakest words. She was lost for only a short moment when the realization kicked in -- so hard that her chest hurt. She shut her eyes, her jaw tightened. 

 

             When those pale blues met Sara’s again. They were different. They were sincere without any mask of annoyance. It was the first time Sara saw this. The winter rain might have stopped, because the house was quiet enough for them to only feel and hear each other’s breathing and heartbeat. 

 

             Ava moved her hand’s from the back of Sara’s head to her shoulder blade, her soften pale blues found Sara’s lips. 

 

             Sara let out a soft but long sigh, as if she was letting go of something that had been holding her back. 

             She leaned down, the tip of her nose lingered on Ava’s. 

 

             “Don’t.” 

              Ava whispered, and she immediately felt a huff from Sara’s nose. Sara didn’t eliminate the air in between their lips but she didn’t pull away either. And Ava was sure she wouldn’t push the smaller blonde away.

             The soft lips brushed against her forehead instead. Ava closed her eyes at the unexpected tender touch. Sara pulled away and rested her head on Ava’s shoulder. Ava felt the hot breath burning her skin. She swallowed, tugging the duvet up to cover Sara’s shoulders and closed her eyes. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I know nothing about CIA. Googled it a little bit I have no idea what they are doing. No factual reference in my fic. The Land of Open Graves is a good book in every sense. Still have to wait for the kiss, though. I learned from my first fic that if I let them have the moment too soon it will be difficult for me to find the next plot point. Also, in writing this I utilized some sad music including Message to Bear's You Are a Memory, Aman Amar's La Terre vue du ciel, and Yann Tiersen's Comptine d`un autre ete - l`apres-midi.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stray: Christmas edition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Dany or @XanDany on Twitter for helping me better this fic. I am relatively new to the community of fanfic writers so it is nice to have such a good and important support to help me develop my writing skills. (Well, I have been reading for ages but never thought of myself writing a fic until avalance happened.)

 

 

Ava Sharpe didn’t do Christmas. Thus, she zoned out when her beautiful girlfriend asked about the plan for the holiday, which was approaching. 

 

             “Aves?” 

 

            “Oh, uh... not really, babe. I can’t think of anything right now. And like, you don’t have to get me anything or do anything special. I know you are too busy.” 

 

             They started dating around the last summer, a few months after Ava had moved to Starling Quarter. It seemed like there were no reason they shouldn’t be together. Alexia’s friends thought they were totally match — good looking boss women, over-achievers, blonde and brunette, a perfect couple. 

            This would be their first Christmas together. It was clear that Alexia may or may not have bought the present for Ava. She had been too excited about the special holiday since Thanksgiving, when Alexia had to be with her family in Chicago instead of spending time with Ava in this gloomy city. 

 

              Ava still had no idea what would be the perfect present for Alexia, partly because she hated Christmas. 

 

              Christmas with her conservative family within a gated community in Fresno had been a form of torture since she was twelve, the year she realized she liked girls. Megan, her first crush, was sixteen. Her family had just moved into the neighborhood a few weeks before Christmas. Of course, her suburb an mother wouldn’t miss the chance to expand her conservative housewives network. Ava couldn’t keep an eye off the older blonde to the point that her cousins made fun of her that she was a lesbian. That night ended with Megan kissing Liam, her older cousin, under the mistletoe. She experienced a mild heartbreak for the first time. Importantly, with all of those homophobic comments, she learned for the first time how hard it was to be something other than heterosexual. 

 

            When Ava was seventeen, she was still in the closet. Having  the look of a supermodel and excel ling in both school and sport, boys were trying to win her. One of them was Sean Johnson, the most popular school jock. Ava knew he bothered with her just to validate his popularity. Of course, her mom knew his family. Sean found his way to join the Christmas party at her home. Ava wasn’t surprised when he blatantly asked if he could sleep with her for Christmas. Ava almost let it slide and acted as if she didn’t hear the disgusting request, until he tried to kiss her under the mistletoe. She broke his nose and her mom lost a friend.

 

            To make it more traumatizing, Luke was euthanized a week after that. She cried until she couldn’t. Luke was the only friend she could talk to about anything. Luke knew all of her struggles. From that moment on, she had no ally at home anymore. 

 

             When she was nineteen, she couldn’t hide the fact that she had her first girlfriend. During her sophomore year, she was brave enough to come out and introduced Natalie to her parents, hoping to have a wholesome Christmas experience. Her parents freaked out and embarrassed both of them to the point that Natalie thought it was unhealthy to date Ava. 

 

             Christmas wasn’t  important to Ava. When the Intelligence Community recruited her during her senior year, Ava never came back home for Christmas. Missions in various countries ensured her that Christmas wasn’t that important. It was hyped up too much because of marketing and consumerism. 

            “Well, I will give you the most useless thing then, and we will kiss under the mistletoe.” Alexia giggled to herself, clearly having some funny thoughts in her mind. 

            Ava gave her girlfriend a tight smile, tightening her grip around the handle of her fork. Of course, Alexia was far too excited about it and clearly expected a present from Ava. How could she reveal herself as a Christmas hater and shatter Alexia’s dreamy thought?

               The melody of  _ Santa Baby _ gently filled the restaurant after the last part of  _ Let it Snow _ ended. Ava dropped her fork onto the ceramic plate. The song irritated her ears. She’s not into a Santa kink suggested in the lyric at all. 

 

                “Are you okay, Aves?” Alexia noticed how Ava winced and flexed her jaw muscle. 

 

                Ava shook her head and smiled to ensure her girlfriend. “Maybe I’m still a bit drained from the work today.” 

             Alexia's green eyes looked at Ava with concern. “My bad, I shouldn’t have planned a dinner. I should’ve asked you first. You don’t have to come to my place tonight then. You should go home and rest after this.” The brunette reached her hand to pat Ava’s head. 

 

              “Oh…” Ava’s mouth slightly gaped. She didn’t plan to end her night at her girlfriend’s place at all. The dinner was more of a compensation for how rude she was to Alexia yesterday. She still had to go home tonight to change Sara’s bandages. 

 

             Ava bit her lips at how her chest felt the sweet hollow at the thought of Sara. Her cheeks felt warm. 

            “Aves?” Alexia tilted her head to inspect why her girlfriend looked a bit lost in the moment. 

             Ava blinked her eyes and cleared her throat. “I think so, bunny. Too tired.” 

            Of course, she was a bit off. Ava herself had too many things on her plate right now. Waking up in the morning with Sara snuggling on her chest wasn’t a good way to start her day. And the whole day of work wasn’t enough to help her forget the warmth and the scent wrapping her the whole night. 

_ Ava woke up with the weight on one of her arm _ _ s _ _. Her bicep was tingling due to the lack of blood circulation. Warm breath tickled her face, and to be honest, it wasn’t close enough, she felt the need to feel that warm and soft skin with her lips. The gentle light still illuminated the room, bright enough for Ava to see the intricate pattern of freckles. Yes, her arm was numb, but she didn’t want to change her position.  _

 

_    There was something about the sleeping Sara. Without the annoying smirk, the sad blue eyes, and the abrasive conversation, Sara was calming.  _

 

_ Ava felt a stir, and her cheeks immediately felt the heat when she realized that her bare legs were tangled with Sara’s. And to push her on the edge, the smaller blonde nudged closer. Ava’s dry lips now brushed against Sara’s cheek. It felt nice that it took every ounce of her to lean her head backward to allow some air in between their faces.  _

_  Out of nowhere, the body in her arms stiffened. Tears were pricking her trembling eyelids.  Ava’s pale blues softened. What kind of life left this much of trauma on her soul. Ava drew her free hand up. She had learned that, to ward off Sara’s bad dream, she had to put her hand over her forehead.  _

_  “Ava…”  _

 

_              The whimper of her own name stopped her hand from touching Sara.  _

 

_              “Don’t leave me alone.”  _

 

_  The dry whisper ended with small drops of tears falling down from the corners of Sara’s closed eyes.  _

_  Ava’s mouth formed the shape of small “Oh..” Her chest felt tight. She couldn’t pinpoint whether it was pain or sweetness. She was a part of her nightmare. Sara was crying in some alternate reality where Ava was leaving her. Was the hint of sweetness even possible in this kind of situation?  _

 

_  “Sara, wake up.” Ava told her softly. The arm draping over her torso tightened just slightly, as if she was scared of losing contact.  _

 

_               “Wake up.”  _

 

_             Sara slowly peeled her eyes open. The bright blues were shimmering with tears. She let out a heavy sigh and loosened her embrace around Ava.  _

__

_             “Oh…”  _

 

_   Her pupils dilated just before she quickly moved her arm from Ava’s waist. Her body jerked backward that if she hadn’t been trapped in Ava’s arms, she would’ve been fallen from the sofa.  _

_ Ava saw how those awaken _ _ ed _ _ bright blues tried to look anywhere but Ava’s face and failed to do so because they were too close. They could see nothing except each other’s eyes and lips. _

_  Sara slowly sat up, she winced at the sharp pain from her fingers. Ava followed, pulling the duvet to cover her bare legs. They sat next to each other, their thighs touched, as if they were not ready to be apart. _

 

_    Despite the grogginess, Ava’s heart beat a little too fast, aware of her wrinkled dress shirt. She was wasted, she shouldn’t have remembered anything from last night. But she did, especially, the last bit of it. The forehead kiss.  _

_  A rumbling sound from Sara’s stomach broke the silence. Sara looked at Ava and smiled sheepishly.  _

 

_  “You didn’t have dinner last night, did you?”  Ava frowned, inspecting Sara. The blonde shook her head.  _

_   Ava rolled her eyes. “Gosh, why are you like this.” Ava draped the duvet around her body and stood up, turning her body towards the direction of her room. _

 

_   “Your pants.”  _

_  Sara picked the garment discarded on the floor. She bit her lower lip just to keep herself from laughing at how Ava glared at her and snatched the pants from her hand. _

               +++++++++++++++++

 

                As if all the Christmas decorations in her neighborhood were not irritating enough, when she enter ed her own house, the xylophone melody of  _ Santa Baby _ welcomed her. Ava’s jaw flexed. She hung her coat and strode to the living room. 

             Ava put her leather backpack on the coffee table in front of the sofa. She grabbed the remote control and turned off the TV. Sara tore her gaze from the screen. She looked at Ava, her eyebrows furrowed, expressing confusion and curiosity. 

 

              Ava was standing tall over Sara, hands on her hip.

 

            “We don’t do Christmas in this house.” 

 

              She anticipated some snarky response from the baffled blonde. However, Sara just nodded and looked at the window, where she could see the colorful light decoration from the neighboring households. 

 

              “What is it?” Sara turned her gaze back to Ava. 

             “What?” Ava frowned. 

             “Why do people have the fancy lights hung around their house?” 

 

              Ava didn’t have a word to respond for a long moment, long enough for Sara to notice. Sara’s shoulders looked smaller. She swallowed. The light in her eyes was dimmed before she looked away. 

 

           “It’s a common thing, isn’t it?” 

            Ava nodded. Seeing Sara looking lost like this, it felt as if someone squeezed her heart. Ava sat down on the sofa beside her. Sara chuckled, it wasn’t a lough, it was a mockery to herself.

 

             “It must be a nice thing then. That’s why I don’t have the memory about it at all.” 

 

            Ava moved closer and reached her hand to pat Sara’s back. She felt how the tense body relaxed at the contact.

 

           “Well, it’s not that nice, actually.” 

 

           “Really? I saw the same thing on TV, too. The songs with tinkling sound and the old man in the red outfit. It seems like it’s important.”

             Ava moved her hand up to pet Sara’s head briefly before getting up from the sofa.

 

              “It’s not important to us. What’s important is dinner and then changing bandage s .”

 

              Ava walked to the kitchen area. She opened the fridge, rummaging through the crisper. Sara followed the tall blonde. She sat on the stool near the marble counter. 

 

            “Can I have a bath too? It’s been two days already.” 

             Ava turned her face from the fridge to look at Sara. Her eyes traced from her face to her patched hands. She didn’t miss the way Sara swallow ed and looked away. Ava cleared her throat and grab bed the cutting board from the rack. Sara didn’t smell like someone who hadn’t showered for two days. Then, her cheeks felt warmer, realizing that it’s because Sara smelled exactly like her. They shared clothes, shampoo, soap, or even lotion. Ava bit her lip and squeezed her eyes at the thought of applying lotion on Sara’s skin. That’s even more challenging than bathing her. And, of course, more often than not, they were too close lately.

 

            “How are your hands?” She put the cabbage on the cutting board.

 

             “You are too heavy last night, Ava. I think my fingers are swelling.” 

 

             Ava swiveled her body around to scowl at the usual ly annoying smug face. 

              +++++++++++++++

             Only three days left until Christmas, at this point, Ava regretted telling Sara she hated the holiday. Every evening, Sara welcomed Ava home with various Christmas songs. But she couldn’t complain too much. Sara’s bruises and wounds were almost healed, only the sprained fingers hadn’t recovered that much, which was normal. Somehow, it was comforting that she still found Sara waiting for her  to come home every evening. 

 

              However, tonight, Ava didn’t make a beeline to the sofa and turn off the TV as she usually did. She just slowly walked into the living room. She moved Sara’s legs away and sat in the sofa, massaging her temples.

 

              “Bad day again?” 

 

                And the cheerful Christmas song was gone. Sara turned off the TV and moved closer to Ava. 

               The taller blonde untied her business bun, freeing her hair. Her honey blonde locks were slightly wavy due to being kept in the tight bun the whole day. She closed her eyes and rested the back of her head against the back of the sofa. 

 

                “Actually, work has been pretty low key.” She checked on Lipnitskaya everyday and was quite satisfied that the girl was recovering. And at the moment, there was no urgent issue. 

               “So what’s bothering you?” 

 

               “It’s Christmas.”

 

               “It doesn’t sound bad. From what I saw on the TV.” 

              Ava sighed.

 

              “Family gathering, exchanging presents. It’s stressful to think about all of those. My parents are going to call me and remind me how bad I am as a daughter. My girlfriend will need me to do something special together. I still don’t know what to buy for her.” 

                Sara already had a glimpse of the confidential part of her life and she never asked or judged her about it. It was weird but it felt safe to talk to Sara. The girl was mysterious, flung  from space, no connection to her life beyond home. Ava didn’t have to pretend to be what other people expected.

 

                “I wish I didn’t have any idea what Christmas wa —.” Ava cut off what she was saying, suddenly realizing that she was thinking too much about herself. 

             “I’m sorry.” 

             It was too late. Sara’s lips were smiling but not her eyes, those angelic blues were clouded. Sara bit her lower lip  so hard that her jaw flexed. She was trying not to show the turmoil inside her chest. 

             Ava didn’t hesitate to close the distance between them. A second later, Sara was in her arms, resting her small back against Ava. Ava’s hand guided her head to rest on her shoulder. They didn’t know when they stopped trying to keep an arm’s length distance from each other. It was pointless. Ava’s touch calmed Sara from the nightmare almost every night. On some of the nights, Ava didn’t  go back to her bedroom. The weight and the warmth of each other weren’t unfamiliar. All Sara knew was that Ava’s touch felt nice and  she was getting used to it. All Ava knew was that having Sara in her arms was relaxing. For her, it was  intimacy without the expectation of reciprocity. She didn’t do it to please Sara. She did it because Sara needed it. They didn’t really think about the lack of personal boundary that much. It was too natural to be noticed, but it made sense, taking comfort in each other’s arms always made sense. 

 

            “I’m sorry, Sara.” Ava apologized. 

 

             “It’s okay, Ava. It’s just… I don’t understand. It shouldn’t matter when I have no idea what it’s like. But I could feel that it’s important. I’m so sure I used to know and feel it. I googled, I know what it is now, but, still, I feel nothing except the void in my chest and frustration.” 

 

            Ava absentmindedly playing with Sara’s hairline. “Hey, it’s okay. Memory  loss isn’t something unexpected after  a traumatizing experience. I still don’t know what you’d been through, because you  haven’t told me, but it will get better.” 

             Sara could feel Ava’s warm breath  tickling her forehead while she was talking. She tilted her head up to meet Ava’s eyes. The solace she found in those arctic blues made Sara wonder how much Ava had endured. The pale ice flakes around the pitch black irises seemed to know what the coldest place on earth look like. The glimpse of disparity in Ava’s eyes was visible sometimes when she was lost in her thought. It’s beautiful, yet, tragic, and it’s last only for a second. 

 

               And at this very moment, Sara wanted to tell her everything — about the League, about the Amazo, and all the lives she had ended. A glint of hope told her that it would be okay, that it wouldn’t change whatever they had together even if Ava knew who she really was. 

 

             But she didn’t. No way someone like Ava would ever experience the life similar to that of Sara Lance. She wouldn’t drag this precious woman into her darkness. She wouldn’t risk Ava’s life like that. And at the end of the day, they would be apart and became strangers. What she had right now was just a  temporary sanctuary. She shouldn’t forget that fact. 

 

              Sara took a deep breath. 

 

              “So, you won’t be home on Christmas then.”

 

                Ava’s body stiffened for a second. Sara closed her eyes, didn’t wanna let Ava see how she felt at the moment. 

 

               “No, I will not be home.” Ava tightened her arms around Sara’s waist, as if her whole body didn’t mean what she said. 

 

                 And Sara started to get why Christmas was a bad thing.

 

                ++++++++++++++

 

                It was dark enough that Sara could see the colorful Christmas decoration s glowing outside of the windows. Ava’s house was too quiet. She didn’t even hear any sound of the wind shaking the windows. Winter seemed to be more gentle at the moment, as if it knew  there was no Ava’s hand to rescue her from the nightmare tonight. She’d been playing some random Christmas songs every evening for seven days in a row, just to piss Ava off. It was fun  to see her stomp into the living room and turn off the TV or change the channel to something else, and then she might just sit close to Sara in the same sofa for a while. 

 

             But tonight, Christmas Eve as she learned from Google, there’s no point to play ing Christmas songs. Ava wouldn’t came back. The worst part was she knew, Ava knew Sara wasn’t totally fine with her plan, that’s why she woke up and made pancakes, that’s why she took her time to go for a walk with Sara, that’s why the bath in the afternoon took a bit longer than usual. She put Sara in a warm cashmere sweater that smelled like herself. But she left anyway, which was, of course, logical and sensible. They were not even friends. 

            The dinner, the Peruvian roasted chicken and herbal salad, was left on the marble counter for too long. Sara didn’t  have an appetite. The restless ness that’s churning  in her gut was inevitable. She swallowed a piece of the cold spicy chicken, and that’s enough. 

             She found a bottle of scotch in Ava’s office and poured herself a tumbler of the expensive liquor. She brought it back to the living room and turned on the TV, the Christmas content popped up and Sara felt the void when she saw a portrayal of a big family gathering in a cozy room filled with boxes of present and the glittering Christmas decorations. She saw the smiles painted on those people’s faces, but to Sara, it felt like watching a silent film. She switched to the next channel.

 

               This channel was broadcasting a movie. The scene had a good looking couple having dinner, glamorous dress, fine looking food. They also had candles lit on the table. 

 

               And Sara switched to the next Channel. That must be what Ava was doing right now, having dinner with her beautiful girlfriend. She might be laughing a lot and talking nicely to that woman, because that person was someone Ava wanted to spend her life with. And in a week, she would be able to bring her girlfriend home, because Sara wouldn’t be here, and their paths would never cross again. It would be a good thing, good for both of them. Sara would be free and do whatever she wanted. And Ava had her normalcy back. 

 

              Sara looked at her hands, trying to move her fingers. She winced. They were not fully healed, but Sara was sure she could deal with this on her own. 

 

               Maybe she could leave this place in a few days — maybe she should leave right now. 

 

              Sara’s hand clutched her chest at the sudden hollowness inflicting where her heart was beating. She closed her eyes, just the thought of not seeing Ava again could be this hurt. 

 

               Then, the memory of Ava crying and hurting flashed in her mind. Ava wasn’t perfect. Ava was dealing with something that was eating her from the inside. Sara remembered how her long fingers tangled in her hair, and how her hand pulled Sara closer to her chest. She found the reason why she couldn’t leave just yet.

 

                She hoped alcohol and and the calming animal documentary would lull her to sleep, shortening the long night. She could try going out to some bar and get laid. But she was sure that strategy wouldn’t fill the hollow in her chest. She  would rather face the nightmare waiting for her instead of being awake and wondering where Ava was and how tired she might be when she had to endure all the Christmas fancy lights and tinkling songs? 

 

                After three tumblers of scotch and forty minutes of various fresh water fishes in Amazon River, her eyes were half lidded, dozing off. 

_  “If there’s anyone who thinks only human being _ _ s _ _ can feel emotions like sorrow and grief…” _

 

                  Sara’s lidded eyes slowly opened when she heard the gentle voice narrating the sentence. She blinked her eyes to adjust to the light from the screen. National Geographic was broadcasting a documentary about African elephants. The warm hue of Savanna, to some extent, transported her mind from the coldness and the nonchalant air of Starling to the peace in the untamed land. She gave herself another sip of the liquid amber. It burned her dry throat in a good way. 

 

               Sara’s angelic blues were fully awake, in awe when she saw a herd of the majestic creatures circling around a pile of bones against the backdrop of the sunset hue over the skyline. Sara could feel the solemn and ceremonial air around them. The scene was captivating, too sacred that Sara couldn’t move her eyes away. She swallowed  as the slight tightness formed in her sternum. 

 

                 Using its trunk, one of the elephants gently picked up a bone from the dirt as if it would break, slowly caressing, feeling the remnant of their beloved matriarch for the last time. 

_  “Scientists _ _ studying _ _ elephants are certain that elephants experience deep emotions, and have some understanding about death.” _

 

             She immediately turned off the TV, but it was too late. Sara shut her eyes, tears pricking at the edge of her lower eyelids.

 

              This was vivid — the feeling of her body losing the sensation of life, the feeling of her body rapidly losing its warmth, the rush and frustrated hands touching her body, refusing to let her go — the way Laurel held her tight in her arms, burying her teary face Against Sara’s motionless chest, painfully screaming her name again and again. 

 

             The deep red of blood blurred her vision. Sara noticed that her surrounding s became suddenly too quiet, as if there’s no air to be circulated, as if every substance around her was waiting for something otherworldly to come.

 

             Sara suddenly felt the cold air  creeping from her spine to the back of her neck. Red light flashed in her eyes. It was dark, and then it was red, and then it was dark again, pitch black. 

            Sara couldn’t breath when she felt a strong, disgusting grip around her neck. It’s rotten smell hit her sense that she choked. Her eyes squeezed shut, her sprained fingers frantically peeled that hand off her throat.

 

             The cold,  foul breath tickled behind her ears. 

             “Sa…ra… Lance” 

 

              The low, scratchy malice voice whispered her name. Sara opened her mouth, trying to breath e . 

 

              “Come…back…” It ended with a devilish laugh that was more satanic than Ra’s al Ghul’s  wrath. 

               The grip around her neck tightened. The wasted air was burning her lungs. The sharp and deep pain radiated from her sternum, reminding her of the moment her soul had left her body. 

 

                Sara’s hands finally  fell to her sides, knowing that it was pointless to fight whatever wanted her back. Maybe she hadn’t been suffering enough and deserved more torture , which was fair. Eternity in the darkest void in the deep of the universe wasn’t enough to compensate those lives she had killed. It wasn’t a big deal, really. She didn’t belong to this world anyway. 

 

                 Too bad she couldn’t see Ava for the last time.

                 And then, everything was  growing darker and colder, slowly.

                +++++++++++++

 

              So, this was what Alexia meant by the term ‘special’, the luxurious fine dinner at Celler de Can Roca, the most fancy molecular gastronomy restaurant in town. A meal for two cost about four hundred  dollars . Of course, the view from the twenty seventh floor of a high-rise building was magnificent. Couples in their beautiful  outfits occupied most of the tables here. The food was good but, to be honest, Ava didn’t think it’s worth the price. However, Alexia was in suit — a black suit over the crisp white collarless dress shirt. Her dark brown hair was styled into soft curls, making her hypnotizing green eyes looked less fierce. Ava’s girlfriend was stunning tonight and she felt lucky Alexia chose her. 

             It would’ve been fine if Alexia just took her to her apartment and let Ava take the jacket and trousers off her girlfriend ’s delicate physique. That Ava could do. Ava didn’t expect a party with Alexia’s colleagues and friends. Alexia called it a warm and friendly party but Ava thought of it as a trap. She barely knew any of Alexia’s friends. Alexia proudly introduced her to her guests, and twenty minutes after that, Ava wanted to run away. But she couldn’t. Alexia was proud of her, that’s why she brought her here.

 

              Ava had to repeat the fabricated story of her life and occupation again and again. And actually, no one cared about how fancy her position was. These human right s lawyers and activists had no interest in someone like Ava who didn’t really make any tangible contribution to society. Being some sort of humanitarian heroes did something to some people. It boosted their arrogance and sometimes made them snobbish, looking down upon those whom they thought lacked of socio-political understanding. She could sense the judgement in their gazes. For them, she was just a shallow outsider. 

 

             Ava knew almost every inch of Alexia’s apartment, but she didn’t feel comfortable at all. She didn’t belong here. This place used to be simple, clean, and elegant. Tonight, it was packed with people in Christmas ugly sweaters and a tall Christmas tree with all the pretty lights that irritated her eyes. To make it worse, someone started playing guitar and people started to sing along. Ava cringed. She didn’t like listening to bad vocal s .

            Soon enough, Ava found herself alone on the balcony. Yes, it was cold outside but she needed some real air after Alexia got caught up in some political debate with her friends. 

             She played with her phone. It’s eleven already and she felt exhausted. The sky above was glowing, the wind was gentle,  and her wool cardigan was warm enough. Her thumb opened the text message, her mind returned to her home, debating if she should talk to Sara. She wondered how relaxing it could’ve been if she had stayed in her warm and peaceful home, watching something random, maybe she could teach Sara about Yuletide or Krampus instead of Christmas. Then, Sara would just doze off and rest her head on Ava’s lap. She knew Sara wasn’t totally happy with her not being home tonight. She couldn’t deny a certain kind of attachment Sara felt towards her. But she had to be with Alexia. Ava needed to make sure, to remind herself how happy she was when she’s with her girlfriend. 

 

_  “Stop watching the penguins documentary already. It's time to go to bed.”  _

 

              Ava typed. Her thumb hesitated to hit send. Was it too much? Was it enough to protect Sara from her nightmare? Was it enough for Ava to stop herself from thinking about how nice it could’ve been if she hadn’t been here. 

 

             Ava didn’t hit send. Her body jerked a little when she heard someone opened the door to the balcony. A tall and skinny man with dark crew cut hair joined her space. Corners of his green eyes crinkled with a gentle smile, a tall glass of white wine in his hand. 

              "Michael.” He introduced himself. 

 

              Ava forced a tight smile. What was this? She hoped it’s not a  _ ‘dumb straight man hitting on me again, WTF??’ _ situation. 

 

             “I know who you are. Alexia has been happily introducing you to everyone. Would you mind if I joined you? I’m not a party  type , too old.” 

 

              Ava nodded and turned her back to him, playing with her phone again, creating her own private space, signaling that she’s not interested in chatting with a stranger. 

              He just rested his elbows on the handrail, enjoying the view of the glowing Starling City below. He didn’t talk but it didn’t mean Ava was comfortable having a stranger sharing a relatively narrow space. She put the phone back into her cardigan pocket. She should  go back inside. 

 

                “You know, you remind me of one of my colleagues who couldn’t make it to the party tonight.” 

               Ava paused  in her step. He started talking. Ava wasn’t interested in talking. But she didn’t want to be rude to Alexia’s friend. 

 

               “Really?” She responded, restraining herself from saying that she didn’t believe there existed a person as weird as her. 

 

                “Yeah, Laurel Lance, she works with the D.A.,” 

 

                Ava frowned. That’s Sara’s last name. Ava hadn’t had time to dig into more information about Sara, but it seemed impossible that this Laurel and her Sara were related. 

              “I have seen that name from the news.” 

              “Always goes for difficult cases, trying to save the world.” He sipped the wine before continued. 

 

                “She doesn’t like  parties but, sometimes, she had to come just for the sake of work. Who could blame her when Christmas was her late sister’s birthday.” 

 

                Michael took another sip before looking up to the sky, didn’t notice how Ava clenched her teeth and how her nails dug into her palms at the realization. December 25, 1987, Sara Lance’s birth date. Ava’s mind recalled how lost Sara was when she realized she didn’t have the memory of Christmas. It’s her birthday. How tragic it was for someone to forget the memory of the most important part of her life. Ava could put two and two together, but she wanted some confirmation. 

 

                 “I think I might have heard about it. Was it about the Queen’s Gambit?” She didn’t let him know she knew the girl’s name. 

 

                “Yeah, what a  tragedy .” The man’s voice was softened. He might be a good friend of Sara’s sister. 

              Ava swallowed a lump forming in her throat. The faint sound of  a siren came from the city below the balcony. Typical characteristic of Starling city, where there’s no Christmas break for crime. 

 

               “Umm, it’s getting cold here. I should get inside. Nice to meet you.” Ava excused herself, avoiding eye contact with him, afraid that he might see the unease in her eyes. 

 

A  few minutes later, Ava found her coat and her hand bag in Alexia’s bedroom. She was buttoning the wool coat when the door was opened. 

 

                 Questions and confusion were apparent in those beautiful green eyes. Alexia stepped closer into Ava’s space. 

 

               “You’re leaving? I thought we will stay here together tonight.” 

 

              Ava crossed her arms over her chest, letting out a huff before looking at her girlfriend in the eyes. 

             “I’m sorry, Alexia. But I feel not well right now. The usual.” 

 

               Alexia bridged the gap between them and gently touched Ava’s forehead. Her skin was actually too warm, thanks to the alcohol. 

 

                Alexia’s eyes searched for any other sign of sickness. She sighed and slowly nodded. 

 

               “Okay, I won’t force you to stay when clearly there will be a mess to clean after the party. But Promise me you will let me know when you arrive home, okay?” 

 

               Ava stepped closer and gave her girlfriend a quick kiss on her cheek. 

 

               “See you later.” Ava told softly before walking out of the room, leaving Alexia alone.  Ava didn’t see how Alexia tightened her fists and how tears pricked in her eyes. 

 

                  The lawyer stood still for a moment before walking to the nightstand on the side of her bed. She opened the small drawer and picking up a small blue velvet box, looking at it for a while before finally opening it. The shiny jewelry reflected the light in the room. Alexia sighed heavily. Maybe later, she told herself. Too bad she couldn’t utilize the Christmas decoration s and the joyful crowd as the backdrop for her grand gesture. 

 

                 ++++++++++++++

 

                    Ava frowned when she entered her house. It was too quiet — the kind of silence and emptiness one could sense when they were alone. She quickly hung her coat in the foyer and walked to the living room. 

 

                  Ava sighed softly when she noticed the small blonde curling her body in the sofa. She carefully approach the coffee table and slowly put her handbag on it, afraid to wake Sara. She frowned when she saw an empty tumbler. 

 

                  When she was close enough, her heart ached. Sara eyes were closed but there was the remnant of tears wetting her eyelashes. Ava slowly sat on the empty space in the sofa, carefully lifting Sara’s head and placed it on her lap. Her hand gently traced Sara’s hairline and rested her palm on her forehead. Sara’s skin was colder than usual.  

 

                   A moment later, Sara stirred. She slowly open her eyes and they were breathtaking. Ava looked down and greeted her with a gentle smile. Sara just stared at her from her lap. 

 

                She didn’t say anything and Ava wasn’t sure if she was awake. Her hand moved from her forehead to rest on her cheek. 

 

               “What?”

                Ava asked, her voice was small. 

 

               Sara didn’t respond for a long moment. She sighed.

                 “Am I still in my dream?”

 

     Ava shook her head, couldn’t hide a subtle smile. 

                “I see the same dream over and over.” 

                 “What kind of dream?” 

 

                Ava saw how Sara swallowed. Tears pricked her eyes again. 

 

               “The demon got me, and I was locked up in the dark place. I thought it would be gone when you came. But no matter how long I waited, you didn’t come.”

 

              Sara paused, her eyes fixed on Ava’s. She was still inspecting. She didn't fully believe Ava was real. 

              “And when I was about to give up, you came, just to tell me to leave you alone, because you didn’t like me.” 

 

              Sara’s hand moved to join Ava’s. 

 

              “Are you gonna say that right now, Ava?”

 

             Ava couldn’t say a word. The lump forming in her chest made it hard to say anything. Maybe Sara sensed how her hands trembled, she got up from her lap to have a closer look of Ava’s eyes. Her small hands moved to rested on Ava’s cheeks. 

 

            “Say it so it’s over. And I will dream about it again, to see you again.” 

 

             Sara’s melancholic gaze lingered on Ava’s face, as if she wanted to memorize all of her.

 

            Ava couldn’t stand it. It was frustrating that no matter how much they spent time together, Sara still thought of herself as something perishable, still thought Ava would leave her.

 

          “No..” 

 

            Ava uttered. Sara’s bright blues widened, then she blinked a few times to adjust to the realization. It was painful to see how surprised she was. Ava wouldn’t let her have that destructive thought for any longer.

 

             Ava moved her hand up to wipe off the tears on Sara’s cheeks. Her thumb traced down and stopped at her chin. She lifted the cleft chin up a little. The moment Sara closed her eyes, Ava leaned forward closer and placed her lips on Sara’s. It was electrifying at the very first moment their lips touched. Ava could sense how Sara was puzzled before tentatively moving her lips against hers, slowly giving in, her hands pulled Ava’s closer. Ava closed her eyes, sighed against Sara’s soft and sweet lips. 

                  Just another fucked up Christmas. 

  
  


 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angst Christmas continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank @Xan for editing the chapter.

           

### 

     

            The moment Ava’s warm lips captured hers, the moment that the dream and reality were crumbled together — that’s the most dangerous split second. Suddenly, the binary became meaningless. Time didn’t matter, memory didn’t matter. The residue of darkness didn’t matter.

        

             Sara had a few partners and plenty of hookups, but she didn’t know kissing could be like this — just the slightest brushing of their lips and her whole body experienced bliss. She didn’t know before that kissing had color — the warm white, like that of the cloud in the late spring.

         

             She wanted more of that delicate cloud. Selfishly, she circled her arm around Ava’s back and pulled her closer.

           

           But in a blink, that warm cloud was replaced by the gloomy fog. Sara’s chest ached. She must leave. She remembered the mistake that turned her life upside - down. With the lack of maturity and self-control, she and Ollie hurt Laurel. Her family was ruined. She and Oliver had to endure the unfortunate consequence of what she had committed.

           

           No way she would ruin Ava. No way Ava wouldn’t regret kissing her. She loved her perfect girlfriend. That’s why she had left Sara alone tonight. Sara tasted the alcohol from her lips, clearly, Ava wasn’t in the right state of mind. Maybe she did it just to calm Sara, because Sara herself was too weak that she let the desperation visible in her eyes, and Ava pitied her, trying to save her like the first night they met.

           

           No, she didn’t think of Ava in that way either. She didn’t fully understand feelings. She wasn’t human enough to feel anything beyond the superficial lust. The need to be closer to Ava, to feel her warmth, to kiss her, was just primal, and she wouldn’t let the raw instinct screw Ava’s life.

        

          “Ugh!..”

         

           Ava let out a soft cry and the warm connection disappeared. Her body jerked backward while her hands shoved Sara away with force. One of her hand reflexively moved up to inspect her plump lips. Her eyes widened when she saw a deep red drop on the tip of her thumb, the hot pain oozing from her lower lip.

         

            She frowned, her mouth gaped, her pale blue eyes were hardened, infuriated. She met a stern, nonchalant expression from the small blonde in front of her. The corner of Sara’s lower lip was stained with a smear of blood. Ava looked at her fingertip and looked back at Sara.

    

          Sara got up, getting herself out of the sofa, ignoring the anger in Ava’s stare.

       

           “It’s a _bite_ , not a kiss. We didn’t kiss. Don’t think too much into this.”

       

           Sara glanced at the oozing blood on Ava’s lip. The gentle concern flashed in those cerulean blues for a split second before disappearing. Sara turned her back to Ava and quickly strode to her own room.  

    

           The door was slam shut. Sara threw her body into the cold bed. Her breath quickened. Her both hands drew up to cover her eyes.

     

             “Fucking Ava.” she cursed through her breath, frustrated.

    

              She grazed the tip of her tongue on her lip. She groaned. It tased iron. The heat left on her lips burned her whole body. Her eyes squeezed shut. It was vivid, the fresh memory of how Ava’s soft lips claimed hers, how Sara tugged that full and sweet lip with her teeth and bit it, too harsh that she drew blood from Ava. It was the only way she could think of to get out of the dangerous situation when her heart was pounding too fast and too loud.

        

             It tasted iron, but also strangely sweet. She tasted Ava’s blood. She’s supposed to feel disgusted about this, but instead, the thought sent the burning warmth down to her stomach and the lower part of her body. The faint bitter saccharine taste was still lingering on her tongue.

         

           She’s having a fever, her breath was hot, her cheeks were burning. Sara sighed. She needed to get some of the steam boiling inside her body out. She chewed her lip, reaching her hand down to the waistband of her sweatpants.

 

          “Fuck!”

      

              She cursed when the sharp pain stopped her fingers from doing what she wanted. She drew her glistering fingers out of her pants and let out a huff, frustrated that the sprained fingers were not healed. She should’ve gone to the bathroom and had a cold shower, but she didn’t trust herself enough to see Ava in the living room. Sara tugged the duvet up to cover her head, hoping the darkness would lull her to sleep.

 

           ++++++++++

         

            “ _Happy birthday, baby._ ”

           

              _The endearment in his tone was ironic to the monochrome depiction in front of her, as if they were not from the same place and time. It would’ve made sense had her father been making blueberry pancake for her special morning, not pointing his gun at her._

        

                _Sara was chained in a dark and cold basement, where Laurel, the bad Laurel from her dream, locked her up without any warm clothes. She shivered, her dry and flaky lips shaking. Her father was standing still in front of her. He sniffed, tears brimming his swollen eyes._

        

              _Her father wanted to kill her. She begged him not to it but he didn’t drop his gun, as if he couldn’t understand her words, as if they were on the opposite sides of a thick glass wall._

       

_“Daddy, it’s me. Please don’t kill me.”_

_Her dad was crying, but he pulled the trigger anyway._

     

              _It’s not painful, and everything turned white, warm white that didn’t hurt her eyes, as warm as the spring cloud._

_The sound of kids laughing infectiously was soothing. She noticed that one of the voices was hers. It must be from when she was seven. She lost one of her front teeth thanks to roller skating. She remembered the way she laughed without a front tooth. It felt different._

       

             The sudden warm wind whirled within her chest. The melody of her dad’s voice and her own laugh was replaying in her mind. Christmas was always this fun. Everyone spoiled her and she knew it’s the only time Laurel was a bit jealous of her. Little Sara was always the center of attention on that night. Her mom always recalled the moment when one of the nurses, who was clearly unhappy that she had to work on the holiday, tried to convince her mom to name her second child Santa.

     

              It’s her birthday, the twilight between life and death, the time when her soul became more vulnerable. If one wasn’t in a good state, the person was prone to the unknown danger. She had learned that from Nanda Parbat.

     

              It’s the day her soul had incarnated into the form of Sara Lance, the liminal state between human and the otherworldly plains, no wonder why death had visited her. Sara didn’t know enough about the League’s esoteric knowledge to draw the connection that it was the reason she had lost the memory of her birthday.

       

              Lying on her side, slowly, her eyes adjusted to the light from the window. It was late. Sara’s eyebrows shot up just slightly. She squinted, didn’t quite get why a plush lion with blue-gray eyes was sharing her pillow. Sara had watched so many animal documentaries that had lions, none of them had blue eyes. Its hair and mane were exaggerated, but it looked soft. The plump tummy made it look damn huggable. The real lions would roll their eyes if they saw this soft, harmless replica of them.

      

             She moved her face closer to feel the fluffy fabric against her cheeks. It smelled new but Sara detected the faint of the familiar peachy scent. Sara sighed, her eyes softened. The dark golden mane, the golden coat, the blue eyes, the fact that it’s supposed to be the king of the jungle but it looked too cute — it looked just like Ava.

      

              Sara slowly sat up and stretched her arms before grabbing the plush toy, holding it in front of her face. The blue eyes and the innocent soft curve of smile on it’s chubby face was just too adorable.

     

              She rolled her eyes and shook her head, knowing exactly that her smile was too wide. She knew she must look like an idiot, but she couldn’t stop smiling. She wondered if she would get sore face muscles.

       

             She pressed the lion against her chest, closing her eyes for a moment, feeling how soft and comforting it felt. It seemed like Ava wasn’t mad at her. She couldn’t ask for anything more for a birthday.

         

              Sara got out of her room with the lion in her arms. She frowned when she didn’t see anyone. The house was quiet, the familiar silence when Ava wasn’t home. She walked to the bathroom and headed to Ava’s bedroom to make sure that she was the only person in the house.

      

             She felt a slight pang in her chest. She was scared for a split second, scared that she didn’t know where Ava went on the day she’s supposed to be home, scared that Ava’s actually mad at her and left her alone as a punishment.

     

           Her eyes caught a new note on the fridge. She squinted her eyes to read.

        

          “Urgent meeting. Food is in the fridge. I’ll be home late tonight. Don’t wait for me.”

       

           Sara almost felt the cold tone from the written note. She could imagine how Ava’s brows tied together when she was writing this.

       

            She gave the plush lion in her arm a crooked smile before looking at the ceiling. She sighed heavily, tired of the fluttering warmth in her chest.

      

               ++++++++++

       

             On Christmas Eve, Ava knew one more thing about Sara Lance — she bit.

        

             The tall blonde blinked her eyes when she heard the door shut. For too long a moment, she was stunned by the sharp pain and the oozing blood. She missed the chance to retaliate. No, she wouldn’t pinned her down and bite her back. She could’ve, at least, punched her for what she did.

      

           Ava was panting, not quite sure if it’s because her anger or something else. Then, she sighed, drawing one of her hands up to massage her temples. She had kissed her and it was insane. Why on earth had her body reacted that way when Sara was hurting? Why she thought kissing Sara would help? It must be alcohol. It must be all the stress caused by the festive nature of Christmas she had to endure for a long week. They didn’t even think of each other in that way. Was there anything romantic between them at all? Ava huffed. Nope, she had zero admiration towards Sara. The girl was useless, infuriating, undependable — and as evidenced by Ava’s swelling lip — she’s untamed and dangerous.

     

           But her heart was pounding and she felt the lightness in her chest. She got up from the sofa and walked to the bathroom.

       

            When she saw the splotch of the deep crimson on her torn, swollen lip, her anger fumed. It was pulsing right now and she felt the heat gathering around the cut.

     

             “Fucking Sara.”

      

             Ava swore in annoyance.

      

             In the mirror, everything besides her lacy dress was red. Her cheeks were blooming with the tint of rosiness. Her lips were two shades brighter than their usual peachy color.

      

             She sighed heavily before her head fell down, looking at the sink instead of the reflection of herself in the mirror. She had crossed the line. A second that she let her emotions guide her action, she committed the shameful misconduct.

 

           She should’ve felt more disgusted by herself. Maybe tomorrow she would be blaming herself for what she did and bury her mind deep into the guilt. But tonight, she was too frustrated and annoyed by Sara. She couldn’t think much.

      

            She applied vaseline to the wound, hissing in pain during the process. When she was done, she changed into more comfortable clothes, ready to go to bed, and couldn’t wait any longer for this hell hole Christmas to end.

      

            She rummaged through her bag to get her phone. Her hand felt the soft, plushy fabric. Ava got the toy out of her handbag, her eyes softened while inspecting the small floppy lion.

       

            Tomorrow was Sara’s birthday and the woman didn’t even know it. Sometimes, trauma unfolded itself that way. Sometimes, human brains deemed the memory of a good time to be destructive when it was impossible to have that moment again in reality.

        

               A Walgreens at the subway station was still open on the holiday. Ava had found the lion on a shelf in the kids section. Just twenty five bucks and she got a cute, chubby lion with blonde fur and blue eyes. It looked just like Sara and Ava had seen Sara being captivated by the documentary about lions. She thought to herself, that it didn’t hurt to make Sara feel a little bit special tonight.

  

              But as tonight turned out, it wasn’t peaceful and civil between them. She rather keep the lion to herself.

       

              +++++++++++

 

             Ava didn’t know how long it took for her to doze off. She was surprised she was able to sleep at all when she still felt the raw oozing pain mixing with something chaotic and intoxicating that made her chest pound.

       

               It’s still dark outside but her phone vibrated and flashed the code that alerted her immediately. She let go of the lion in her arms and picked up the call as quick as she could. A robotic voice told her to meet the board in an hour. She checked the time and it was barely six in the morning. Something really crucial was happening right now, but Ava wasn’t that nervous. Urgent meetings was common. Ava quickly made the simple PBJ sandwiches and put them in the fridge.

        

              After writing the note to Sara and sticking it to the fridge’s door, she returned to her room to get changed into her work attire. She did her hair and put her navy blazer on, giving herself the last glance in the mirror. She rolled her eyes, even with her lipstick on, the cut on her lip was still pretty much noticeable. Those idiots wouldn’t dare ask, but they would definitely gossip about it.

     

               She frowned in irritation but the crease between her eyebrows softened when her eyes caught the gentle smile on the chubby face of the plush lion.

     

             So far, she didn’t hear Sara screaming or crying. Maybe the nightmare last night was enough — the nightmare that involved Ava. She swallowed and grabbed the soft toy.

    

              The light from the opened door was enough for Ava to see the small blonde curling her body in the duvet. She quietly walked to the side of the bed, didn’t want to disturb her sleep, partly because she wasn’t sure if she was ready to see Sara’s eyes after what had happened last night.

       

              Ava carefully placed the lion on same pillow Sara was resting her head on. Sara stirred a little. Ava froze, making sure Sara didn’t wake up before leaving the room.

     

              ++++++++++

     

               Her fingers tapping on the glass surface of her desk, eyes reflecting the light from her laptop screen, Ava wanted to chew her lip but she couldn’t because of the bruising wound. Ava’s lips were big and squishy and she loved chewing her lower lip while thinking, and sometimes she caught people staring at her while she did it.

    

                  “Fuck you, Sara.” she cursed internally. Human bites had more than 50 types of bacteria. Such bites were thought to have a higher rate of infection than dog or cat bites.

     

             She had a lot on her plate after the meeting. Lipnitskaya had escaped the containment facility. She must be needed, that’s why some people in the dark had invested in getting her out of the hands of the CIA. It turned out the girl was the key to the Russian Network after all. Ava had to clear herself from the suspicion of her intervention in Lipnitskaya’s investigating process.

       

            The more urgent matter was about the disturbing activities happening in the past two days in Starling City. Ava’s line of work wasn’t usually concerned with this decaying city. But this time, there’s the connection between local crimes and the larger global outlaw movement.

      

               While the local politics was heating up by the announcement of Oliver Queen campaigning for the vacant mayor position, the report showed the footage of arm dealers and military persons from various countries entering the States via sea ports and private jets. In the past two days, half of them were in Starling.

      

              The vigilantes were also more active. The city’s security cameras caught the Green Arrow and the Black Canary fighting some sort of mercenaries. They were not just local gangs. They wore sophisticated gear and fought like a well-trained marine.

         

             The most concerning matter was the presences of Damien Darhk. The Intelligence Community was tentative about him. They were aware of his rising influence in the city but they weren’t sure what his concern was beyond dominating Starling’s economy and politics. However, there was footage showing him in two different places at the same time. The Pentagon was curious about it.

      

          Ava spent her lunch break analyzing all this disconnected information. In the next thirty minutes, she had to go back to the meeting room again to discuss strategies. This, she could do, dealing with these crime lords was a lot easier than obtaining intel from the harmless people.

      

            ++++++++++++

 

              The meeting ended sooner than she had expected. She was surprised there was not much disagreement in issuing the missions. They set up three teams: one was specifically working on Darhk, the other two were assigned to monitor the vigilante related activities and the international arms dealers.

      

             The work was a good distraction and today’s weather was actually nice. The late afternoon sky was bright blue and clear of the cloud. There were cardinals on some of the branches of the trees on the sidewalk, painting red dots on the sunny winter sky. Chilly breeze brushed her face sometimes on the way from the subway to her home.

      

               She applied more of the lip balm on her lips when she felt the wind grazing the cut. Clearly, Sara had to eat cereal for breakfast tomorrow and she wouldn’t get a bath for four days.

      

               Ava was lost in her own thoughts when she heard a “Hi, Ava.” from a man in his track jacket. She blinked, took a long minute to recall if she knew him.

 

             “Michael.” He reminded Ava, clearly sensed that she didn’t remember his name.

        

           “Right, Michael. How’s your day?” She awkwardly greeted him. She hoped she didn’t have to say anything more and resume her walk.

      

             “Thanks. Good to see you. I heard you were not feeling well last night. You good now?”

    

            He gave her a fond smile and his eyes were gentle. Ava really hoped he wasn’t one of those dumb straight men.

        

             Ava cleared her throat. “I’m better now. Thanks for asking.”

        

            “I’m glad to hear that. Last night was so much fun. You didn’t see how drunk Alexia was but we took photos. Contact us anytime you want some good material to blackmail your girlfriend.”

       

            “Yeah?”

      

              It’s Ava’s only response. This was getting awkward, and if this guy was jogging in her neighborhood like this, it meant he lived nearby.

     

             “Anyway, Merry Christmas!” And he ran the other way.

         

             Ava sighed in relief. She continued her walk for a few steps before squinting her eyes in realization. Last night was hectic and she had been in the secret meeting the whole day. She hadn’t checked her phone since the morning and she hadn’t texted Alexia for almost twenty hours.

         

             Ava quickly reached for her phone in her coat pocket. She unlocked it and found four messages from Alexia.

         

          _“Sorry, I was drunk last night and woke up late. A bit of hungover. You’re home and feeling better?”_

 

            _“Hey, Aves, you good?”_

_“It’s been fourteen hours that I hear nothing from you. I’m kind of worried.”_

_“Ava Sharpe, I’m coming to your place in 30. Please let me know you are okay.”_

             “Crap!”

 

            Ava cursed breathlessly. The last text was twenty minutes ago. She frantically tap her phone to make a call while quickening her step. Only a block and she would be home.

 

          Alexia didn’t pick up the call. Ava changed strategy. She tapped Sara’s name in the contact list.

 

          Ava huffed after the sixth dialing sound and Sara didn’t answer her call. She had bought her a phone — a damn smartphone.

 

           Ava started running, phone still in her hand.

 

           Finally, she saw her girlfriend in a black coat loitering in front of her house. She saw her take a deep breath as if she was deciding to do something. The tall woman reached her finger to the doorbell.

 

         “Bunny, wait!”

 

         Too late, Ava literally heard the chime of the doorbell in her head. Alexia turned towards the street. She grinned brightly when she found Ava running across the street towards her.

 

           Ava stopped and panted. She received a hug from Alexia.

 

           The brunette kissed Ava’s cheek before letting go of Ava so she could See her face. She frowned immediately.

 

           “Your lip?”

 

           Ava was still panting after the sprint. She took a moment to breath and glanced at the door, wondering if Sara was home.

 

            “Ah..uh.. I accidentally bit my lip this morning. Nothing serious about it.”

 

             Alexia’s worried green eyes roaming from Ava’s head to her toe.

 

            “Are you sure? You didn’t text me back. I was worried.”

 

              “Sorry, babe. I had an urgent meeting all day. You know that I couldn’t bring devices into the meeting room.”

 

             Alexia nodded. She patted Ava’s head adoringly.

 

            “May I come in? It’s cold outside. Is your house available for me now?”

 

               Alexia raised her brows, asking softly.

 

               “Ah…”

 

           Ava stuttered, wasn’t sure what would be the right decision. If Sara was home, she should’ve come and checked the front door already. But Sara might be  asleep or having a headphone on.

 

             Ava didn’t have to decide when she heard the clicking sound and the door slowly opened.

 

               Ava’s heart dropped to her stomach when she saw a half awake blonde standing on the threshold, one hand on the door knob, the plush lion was in her free arm.

 

               The sleepy cerulean blues suddenly widened before her eyes. Sara was finally aware of the situation. She saw the blonde licked her lip and swallowed. The girl blinked away the hint of ache in her eyes before looking up to meet Ava and Alexia. The brunette’s eyes moving from Sara to Ava, and to Sara again.

 

             “Ah.. erm…” Ava tried to say something but she didn’t even have any idea what could save her from this. She was too panicked to come up with any decent cover story.

 

           “Name’s Sara, Ava’s cousin. See? Blue eyes, blonde hair.”

 

           Sara told Alexia, trying to look calm and nonchalant. She even yawned.

   

            “But you’re short.”

 

             Alexia stated the fact with furrowed eyebrows and innocent green eyes,  genuinely curious.

 

           Ava involuntarily let out a giggle. Sara’s glared at her immediately. Ava noticed how the guilt flashed in those blue eyes when Sara’s gaze landed on Ava’s bruised lip.

 

            Sara turned her eyes away from Ava to Alexia. She had to literally look up because of the brunette’s hight. Sara smirked — that annoying smirk.

 

             “Awww, trust me, Pretty from Planet Green Eyes, the height isn’t that important. I had a tall girl worshipping my body in a bathroom before.”

 

            Ava clenched her fists, heat crept from her chest to her cheeks. She wouldn’t give her a bath ever again.

  

             Alexia wasn’t doing better. She was blushing. The lawyer wasn’t prepared for Sara’s savagery at all.

  

             Sara raised her eyebrows, giving Alexia a seductive smile. She never looked at Ava that way before.

 

             “Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that.”

 

            Ava scowled at the small blonde.

 

             The bravado in her smile faltered immediately. Sara looked away and turned her small back towards them.

 

            “Okay, got it. Let me grab my stuff and I will leave you two alone.”

 

              And she walked back inside the foyer, grabbing her coat and a beanie. Ava led her girlfriend to the living room. When she heard the front door shut, her chest felt the slight tightness, wondering where Sara would go and when she would come back. But she would be okay. Ava knew that sometimes Sara went for a walk in the neighborhood when Ava wasn’t home.

      

             The moment the door shut behind her — the moment Sara was sure Ava and her girlfriend wouldn’t be able to see her face -- Sara took a deep breath, holding back whatever hurting her chest. Her hand squeezed and she realized she’s still holding the plush toy.

      

              “Damn it!”

 

              She looked at the smiling lion in her hand. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the plush fabric, then, she started running. She needed to be away from them as far as possible. She didn’t know it would hurt like this, literally like her ribcages collapsed and pierced her heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thanks for reading. I literally wrote 20 pages of this chapter and threw it away. it was totally different from the final product. It was too angsty that I myself didn't feel right. Anyway, I followed my instinct and rewrote the chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you may know, I can't write summary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank @XanDany on Twitter for beta. If you miss LoT, check out their podcast.

 

             Luke wasn’t just her cat but also her guardian angel. Every time her parents hosted parties and forced her to socialize with the people she didn’t care about, Luke was always with her. She didn’t have to call him, he knew every time her body tensed with anxiety. He would put himself in between Ava and anyone who made her feel uncomfortable. He either sat on her lap or occupied the space next to her so no one could come too close to Ava. He hissed when the people he deemed dangerous approached her. When her parents frowned at the way she isolated herself from other people, Luke tapped his paw on her arm, never once flexed his claws when he touched her, looking up to reassure her with his innocent round eyes.

 

_What would Luke do right now? What would he do if he knew that  Ava had a perfect girlfriend who was smiling dreamily at her._

 

          “Cute cousin. You never mentioned her before.” Alexia commented, following Ava to the kitchen as the blonde got her a drink. Alexia looked around as if it was her first time in Ava’s house.

 

          Ava raised her eyebrows, forcing a smile. She poured herself and her girlfriend two glasses of wine.

 

          “Ah.., it was urgent. Her partner kicked her out of their place. She’s staying with me until she finds a new apartment.” Her thumb was rubbing the bottle, seeking some comfort. She wasn’t confident about the lie.

 

           “You two are pretty close, right? Judging from the note you left on the fridge.”

 

         Ava’s stomach flipped. Her brain frantically recalled the message on the note.

 

          “I mean, you never be so snarky to me like that.” The tall brunette turned to look at Ava.

 

           “That’s because she is so annoying, didn’t you meet her?”  Ava’s hand let go of the bottle and rested upon the edge of the countertop. She hated the fact that her chest felt a soothing warmth just by thinking about _her._

 

           Alexia giggled with affection in her tone. “Yeah, I can see that she doesn’t like me.”

 

           Alexia moved closer to Ava, her hands found Ava’s, gently lacing their long fingers together.

 

            “Like… she’s afraid I’m stealing her hot cousin or something?” The tall brunette leaned down a little to whisper to Ava’s ear. “I’m stealing you anyway.”

 

            Her warm breath tickled Ava’s ear. Ava chuckled, hoping that her girlfriend didn’t notice the trace of nervousness in her laugh.

 

            Ava untangled their hands and picked up the glasses, leading her girlfriend back to the living room. She put the glasses on the coffee table.

 

           “Wait here, bunny. I have a present for you.”

 

            Ava quickly walked to her room, so quick that her steps faltered, and she almost fell. She wasn’t sure that her present was good enough. Buying a present for someone was not her territory at all.

 

            Ava entered her bedroom and walked directly to the closet where she kept the box wrapped in a delicate white mulberry paper. She took it from one of the shelves inside, looking at it nervously, taking a deep breath, hoping  Alexia will like it.

 

           Before heading out to the living room, Ava noticed a piece of paper on her pillow. She squinted her eyes, intrigued, curious what Sara did this time to rile her up.

 

           She put the present box on the bed before reaching her hand to the small piece of paper.

 

           It was just a note written on a piece of paper torn from valueless printer scraps kept in Ava’s study room. It was rough around the edge and there were visible wrinkles. The characters were big, their shapes were inconsistent. The handwriting looked like that of a child who began to learn writing. Their hand muscles hadn’t developed enough strength to control the pencil to draw a smooth line. The wrinkles on the paper told her how difficult it was for those weak hands to hold a piece of paper and write on it.

 

          Ava swallowed, feeling the warmth in her eyes.

 

_“Sorry for Christmas. I like the lion.”_

 

          Her gaze softened on it, as if the piece of paper was fragile. It barely made sense. Ava was almost certain that there were things left unwritten, that the girl wanted to ask her more about the lion, that she wanted to discuss its name, that her fingers hurt while writing.

 

            It was just a little thing, but no one had said that to her before — no one understood and accepted her dislike of Christmas before.

 

            Corners of her mouth formed a small smile that didn’t hurt her swelling lip. Sara liked the lion. She was carrying it around. They looked adorable together.

 

            Her smile faltered and the warmth in her chest was replaced by hollowness. Sara wasn’t here, she was outside in the cold, away from this safe home, alone by herself. Ava frowned. She didn’t think Sara wore a scarf when she left.

 

            Her trail of thoughts was interrupted by the long slender arms wrapping around her from behind. Ava’s body tensed up at the unexpected physical affection. Soft lips brushed against her cheek. Ava quickly put the note into her pants pocket. Her other hand grabbed the present on her bed. She turned her body to face Alexia who was looking at Ava with her sweet smile that deepened her dimples.

 

            “Here, open it.”

 

            Ava took a deep breath, hoping it wasn’t too cheap for her girlfriend.

 

          The tall brunette fixed her eyes on the present for a moment before flicked her gaze up to look at Ava. She licked her lip.

 

          “That can wait.” Alexia muttered.

 

            One of her hands moved up to cup Ava’s face, the other rested on the small of Ava’s back and pulled her closer. Alexia bended down to brush her lips against Ava’s cheek, she closed her eyes, her long eyelashes softly tickled Ava’s skin. She then traced her kiss down to the corner of Ava’s mouth.

 

            Ava was unprepared. She reflexively pulled her face away from her girlfriend’s kiss, hands moving up to rest on Alexia’s collarbone, slightly pushing the her away.

 

            Instantly, Alexia frowned. Ava could see how her jawline hardened.

 

           “Uh… my lip still hurts.”

            And it was throbbing with pulsing pain right now, reminding her vividly of how the bite happened.  

 

            Alexia smiled — the charming and sexy smile that contradicted her usual dorky personality.

 

           “Okay.” Her deep, velvety voice could easily melt an iceberg.

 

            And Alexia traced her lips down to kiss Ava’s neck with her mouth open. Ava’s breath hitched, her hands reacted by gripping the delicate shoulders harder. But she couldn’t shove her girlfriend away, it was illogical to do that. And when the back of her knees hit the edge of her bed, Ava fell backward onto the firm mattress. Alexia quickly followed her, lips hastily reconnected with Ava’s skin.

 

           Ava opened her mouth to breath. The complex scent of the expensive perfume lingered on Alexia’s pulse points. It was _Valentina_ , her girlfriend’s favorite. Usually, the vanilla and truffle based scent wasn’t suffocating like this. The tension crept from her nape to the back of her head and Ava needed fresh air to breathe.

 

_What would Luke do? If Luke was here with her right now, what would he do to make her feel safe?_

 

             Ava closed her eyes, hoping that her body and mind would relax with the way Alexia touched her. She might need a little more time. But that wasn’t a problem. They were dating, there was no reason to stop what they were doing. And Alexia had been patient. She waited long enough. Despite all of Ava’s nonsense, Alexia said nothing and just loved her.

 

         Too bad that the only thing she saw behind her closing eyelids was those angelic blues shimmering with tears. It was unfortunate that the cut on her lower lip was burning, reminding her of that kiss, of how delicate and warm those trembling lips were, and of how Sara’s arms desperately pulled her closer.

 

           ++++++++++++

 

          Day time was short. After an hour  of a subway ride and walking, Sara noticed how quickly Starling returned itself to the shadow of the earth, allowing all sort of crimes to lurk in the darkness.

 

          Sara’s knees dropped onto the ground, hugging the plush lion against her chest. It was dark around her. The street lamps were too far from where she was. She didn’t clearly see the vertical slab of stone but she knew exactly what it was. Sara reached one of her trembling hands to touch the cold surface of the granite gravestone. She traced her fingers slowly, she needed to feel the letters engraved on it. A gust of wind swayed the branches of the evergreen pines, the eerie rustling noise filled the cold humid air for a moment.

 

_Sara Lance, 1987 — 2007. Loving daughter and sister._

 

           The sky growled a few times before it poured, soaking the slab of stone and softening the ground. Sara could feel the freezing water seep through the fleece fabric of her sweatpants. Her hair was dampened. Drops of water rolled down from her hairline to wet her face.

 

          Her thumb stroked the edge of her own gravestone. Her soul wasn’t there but she could feel the ghost of her funeral day, she could feel the lingering grief and tears of her family and friends. It’s hers, and she needed something to anchor her soul, something that’s hers — something that wasn’t Ava.

 

           Sara moved her hand from the stone to touch the ground. It felt familiar as if she was part of every particle of the dirt.

 

            Her wool coat was soaked and she started to feel the wetness on her skin underneath her clothes. She covered the plush lion with the coat lapel, shielding it from the rain. She sat there in the cold for a long moment, she wasn’t ready to let go of the only thing linking her to the life she used to have.

 

           Sara was standing idly at the subway station for a long while before she decided where to go. She needed some distance, hoping that it would make what she had encountered less real, that the sight of the tall blonde and the brunette standing side by side was just a cruel hallucination. With some money Ava left in her coat pocket after their last grocery shopping, Sara came to where she belonged.

 

         There were moments that she thought of her dad and Laurel, but she didn’t know where to find them. Her memory of them was hazy and fractured. It felt like that time she got lost at the zoo when she was six. She knew her parents and Laurel were there somewhere, she knew she was supposed to go to the visitor center, but everything around her was so big and unfamiliar that she lost all sense of direction. And to be honest, she wasn’t ready to meet them. It was weird, but somehow, it made sense that she remembered how to get to Starling City Cemetery.

 

           Eventually, her fingers felt numb and let the plush toy fall to the muddy ground. Her sense was brought back to the freezing rain and the growling sky. Reluctantly, she picked the lion up and slowly got up on her feet, giving her gravestone one last glance before turning away from it.

 

           Sara walked towards the soft light glowing from the funeral home office building. It closed but the light outside was on. Sara sheltered herself and the lion under the porch roof. She sat down and rested her back against the brick wall, her knees drawn up.  

 

           Her breathing was weak when her body temperature dropped. Sara took the lion out of her coat. She sighed, looking at the lion’s chubby face, as if the toy could give her some advice. It didn’t give her any opinions, instead, the weird grey-blue plastic orbs reminded her of the way Ava’s gaze softened every time she changed her bandages.

 

             Her thumb rubbed against its nose, trying to wipe away the grime.

 

             “Sorry, lion.” She told the toy softly.

 

             Sara was familiar with all kinds of pain. She could laugh when her body bled. She accepted the lost of the connection between herself and her beloved ones. She knew she deserved all of those. But this — the way her chest tightened bitterly — was unfamiliar. It was sharp and illogical, so mysterious that it made Sara fear of seeing them together again.

 

               But she would return to Ava tonight, eventually.

 

            The light from her phone screen danced in her blue eyes.  A half an hour ago, Ava texted her, telling her to come home. Sara didn’t reply but she let her know she saw it. Just when she arrived at the cemetery, she got another text, asking where she was. Still, Sara didn’t reply. She didn’t know what to say. Of course, she wanted more than anything to lay her head on Ava’s lap, but she was hurt, and she didn’t feel like talking to Ava right now.

 

            The phone vibrated again. This time it wasn’t a text. Ava was calling her.

 

             The rain was pouring, thrumming on the roof. Too loud, a good excuse not to answer the call. Sara let it vibrate until it stopped. A minute later, she got a new text message.

 

 _“I have_ _a_ _migraine.”_

 

              Sara shook her head. She stood up and stretched her legs and her arms. She had to find the way home.

 

               ++++++++++++

 

              Ava’s head was throbbing and her stomach felt sick. She lay on the sofa, her head rested on a throw pillow, a blue cold pack covered her eyes to ease the tension around her eye sockets. The moment she shoved Alexia away and stopped what they were doing was repeating in her mind.

 

           She had leg cramps, she let out a yelp and pushed her girlfriend away. She groaned in pain and it was awkward and messy when her hot girlfriend was panicking and had zero knowledge about muscle cramps. Ava had to instruct her with her teeth gritting in pain.

 

            They ended up hanging out awkwardly with a pot of tea and cookies. It wasn’t that bad. At least, Alexia liked her present — the Calico Critters Hopscotch Rabbit Family with a two story dollhouse.

 

             The air thickened when she opened a small present Alexia gave her. It was a platinum necklace with a tiny grey-blue aquamarine. It looked expensive and Ava could feel the weight of expectation when her girlfriend carefully put it around her neck with a soft kiss on her nape. Ava put her hands in her pants pocket without thinking to comfort herself.

 

              And when her fingers felt the rough edge of a piece of paper, Ava’s stomach flipped. The fact that it was getting darker outside quickened her heartbeat.

 

             And when Alexia left, because she told her that Sara was coming back soon and she didn’t want the girl to embarrass her in front of Alexia, Ava sent the first text to Sara, hoping that she was just hanging out at the park or the coffee shop in the neighborhood.

 

             She checked her phone several times while cooking their dinner, butternut bisque and wild mushroom risotto, but she didn’t get any reply from Sara. It was annoying that she knew the message was seen but Sara chose not to communicate.

 

            When she was done with the soup and Sara still hadn’t come home, Ava stopped cooking. She took off her apron and ten minutes later she was at the coffee shop. Sara wasn’t there and the barista boy didn’t think she had stopped by. She walked to the park and found no one there. Of course, it was already dark and the park wasn’t a safe place to stay during the night in Starling city.

 

              She sent another text, asking where she was so she could pick her up and take her home, but Sara didn’t bother replying to her. Ava clenched her palms to suppress the frustration in her chest. She walked home, hoping that Sara would be there and waiting for her.

 

              When she entered her living room, Ava stood still, her left arm crossing over her chest, her right hand massaging her clenched jaw, her eyebrows furrowed. Sara wasn’t home. The realization was sharp. She wasn’t prepared for this. There were plenty of possibilities. For example, Sara might be having fun somewhere. However, that reasoning didn’t make it hurt any less. Sara wasn’t supposed to go anywhere else for this long without telling Ava. Her hands still hurt. Her memories were fractured. She didn’t even have enough money.

 

           The unreasonable ache turned into anger, the anger turned into hollowness. The living room was where Sara spent most of her time. The small blonde read books, watched TV, or just did nothing but look at Ava’s back while she was cooking or doing the chores. When Ava was home, she usually felt the presence of Sara, even though they were in a different room.

 

           It was comforting — the rustling noise of someone doing something or simply breathing in the same house with her.

 

            Ava sat down on the sofa — the sofa that sometimes they slept on together. The fabric was colder than usual. Her eyes fixed at the threshold between the foyer and the living room for a long moment. She recalled the first time she left Sara alone at night. The girl was sleeping there on the floor, just to be a little closer to where Ava was — just to see Ava as soon as she could when she returned home. And they took comfort in each other’s arms right there, on the hard and uncomfortable floor. But she had a good sleep,  the quality sleep she hadn’t had for a long time.

 

             Sara was hurt. Ava hurt her. She decided to let her go for the sake of her girlfriend, knowing that Sara had spent the whole day waiting for her to come home.

 

            And the tightness around her neck and her head that she tried to ignore was killing her. She drew her palm up to massage her forehead as if it would help. It was getting worse with every passing minute.

 

             And she heard the rain pouring and pelting the window. Ava shook her head and grabbed her phone. This time, she made a call, she couldn’t stand the thought of Sara soaking in the cold rain. Her gut squeezed when no one picked up the call. She felt the sudden nausea. She took another deep breath to suppress it and sent another text. It would be the last because it sounded uncharacteristically desperate.

 

           And now she didn’t have energy left to do anything except lying on the sofa with the cold pack over her eyes. She decided not to take the medicine, partly because it wasn’t good for her liver, partly because the headache distracted her from the thought of Sara. She didn’t know exactly how long she had been lying there. She only knew that it was too long and Sara hadn’t come home.  

 

           Maybe this time Sara was done. Maybe she just left to find some place or someone who could take good care of her.

 

            It was meaningless then, if she left so easily like this, it meant all they had together was nothing to Sara. The thought transformed into the clear fluid flooding her eyes. She sniffed. Why was she like this? Sara wasn’t that important to her. And if she really wanted her back, Ava could just use CIA resources to find her tomorrow. But that thought didn’t ease the pain at the moment at all.

 

            Before her mind went deeper into the pit of the destructive thoughts that twisted her gut, Ava’s body jerked up at the sound of someone unlocking the front door. She stood up, clenching her palms.

 

           Ava sighed softly when the small blonde in the gray wool coat emerged from the foyer. Her hair was wet. The redness spread across her freckled cheeks. One of her hands holding a leg of the wet plush lion. Sara had been in the rain for quite a while then.

 

         Those angelic blues brightened when they saw Ava. Her heart skipped a beat as if it leapt out of her chest.

 

           Sara stood still for a long moment, making sure that what she saw wasn’t just her selfish illusion.

 

          Ava was still in her white dress shirt. Her lush honey blonde hair cascaded down on her shoulders. Ava was always stunning, even with the bruised lip and the usual disapproving frown on her face.

 

           But this time it was different. The redness and the shimmer in those pale blues wasn’t something caused by annoyance.

 

           Without thinking, Sara quickly strode to where Ava was standing.

 

           “Stop right there.”

 

            Ava’s deep voice made Sara halt her step. Sara’s eyes flicked up to look at Ava, questioning, searching if there was anything wrong — if she had done anything that Ava didn’t like again. She thought she did the right thing, leaving home so Ava could spend her quality time with her girlfriend.

 

           The flattened lips, the flexing jaw — Ava was angry. But it wasn’t just the usual anger. This time, it looked like she was on the verge of tears.

 

            “Where have you been?”

 

            Her tone was cold, but her voice was trembling at the end.

 

           Sara looked away, she couldn’t form a reasonable response right now. How could she explain about her own grave?

 

          “Why didn’t you let me know where you were? Why didn’t you pick up the phone?”

 

           Ava’s voice was harsh, almost yelling at Sara. The smaller blonde flinched at the bitter tone in Ava’s voice. Her grip on the plush toy tightened.

 

          Sara was tired and her fingertips were numb by the freezing rain. She sighed and her body shivered. Her lips were frozen that they quivered while she was trying to form a word. She wanted to know if Ava’s headache was gone.

 

             Ava shook her head before approaching the smaller blonde, grabbing her wrist and dragged her towards the bathroom.

 

            When the bathroom door shut. Ava took the lion from Sara’s hand and threw it into the laundry basket. Sara’s eyes followed the plush toy, wondering if Ava was mad because it was dirty. Ava took off her coat and threw it into the same basket. Sara clenched her jaw when she noticed that Ava’s usual peachy scent was tainted with the smell of vanilla.

 

          Sara gasped when Ava quickly undressed her. The crease between her eyebrows didn’t smoothen out at all. Sara’s naked body was still shivering when Ava shoved her into the shower stall. Her skin was so cold that Ava’s touch felt like a burning ember.

 

           “Ouch!”

 

           Sara yelped when the hot water poured over her head as Ava turned the shower on. It was the quickest way to warm her body after being in the rain for almost an hour.

 

           She let the hot water heat Sara’s body for a few minutes before she started cleaning her. She poured the shampoo into her hand and lathered Sara’s hair. Her expression still hardened.

 

           Sara was surprised and transfixed by what Ava was doing. Her mouth opened slightly, her eyes on Ava’s face, which was soaked under the shower. Her blonde hair was dripping, the wet fabric of her white shirt stuck on her skin. And to be able to massage Sara’s scalp, she stepped closer. Sara’s heart skipped a beat or two.

 

             Sara noticed a tiny piece of a gray-blue stone clinging at the base of Ava’s neck. That was new. Her chest felt a sting when her eyes caught a bruise mark on Ava’s collarbone. Her jaw tightened and her nostrils flared. Ava moved her lathered hand from Sara’s hair to her cheek. Her pale blue eyes softened and the crease between her brows wasn’t that of anger anymore. Sara hated that Ava noticed how it affected her.

 

            Sara’s couldn’t think clearly. Maybe the steam fogged her mind, maybe it was an effect of being in the cold for too long. But her chest felt tight and she needed to do something. She reached her trembling hand to Ava’s swollen lip. Her thumb slightly brushed the cut that was caused by her teeth. Ava flinched at the contact. It still hurt, but not in a bad way.

 

            The sound of water trickled down from their bodies to the ceramic floor filled the shower stall. Sara didn’t hear a gasp when she traced her fingers down from Ava’s chin to her collarbone and stopped at the mark. Her darkened blue eyes flicked up to meet Ava’s. She didn’t move her eyes away when her trembling fingers tried to unbutton Ava’s wet dress shirt.

 

          Ava let go of Sara’s cheek and drew her hand back to stop Sara’s fingers. She hold the small hand loosely without any real pressure.

 

           Sara raised her eyebrows.

 

           “You need a shower too. That smell, it’s not yours.”

 

             Sara stepped closer, looking at Ava in her eyes.

 

              “It’s not mine.”

             She told to Ava’s face.

 

            Ava closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She forgot she was having a migraine.

 

             Ava’s hand guided the small hand back to the button of her shirt. She sensed how the sprained fingers hesitated for a moment before trying to pry off the button. It wasn’t easy. Sara couldn’t even write properly. But Ava’s hand helped her, guiding her to every button of her shirt.

 

           They didn’t talk. They didn’t dare break the moment. There were only the sound of the shower and the touch on each other’s skin. Sara’s gaze was roaming from Ava’s face to her body and returned to her pale blue eyes again and again. Ava’s eyes were soft on Sara, her heart fluttered at the fact that the small blonde couldn’t stop looking at her. She cleaned her like she usually did before cleaning herself. Sara did nothing but keep her eyes on her. She didn’t even try to initiate anything more than that.

 

          The awe struck bright blue eyes were shining. The water flew down the pattern of freckles on her pale skin. Sara looked like a water nymph carved from white marble stone. And Ava felt like her naked body was a feather floating in the air. She didn’t know how she was able to be on her feet when her legs barely sensed the pull of gravity.

 

             They didn’t talk. They only danced around each other without the actual verbal communication. They ate dinner quietly before Ava did the laundry. Ava’s migraine was gone. Her head and her chest were filled with some strange warm lightness. She dressed Sara in her favorite pink pajamas. She kept her eyes away from Sara. The smaller bonde did the same thing to Ava. It was a meditative experience, really, to just pay attention to the small rustles that ensured Ava that Sara wasn’t far away from her.

 

                ++++++++++++

 

_It was a really hot and humid summer day and Sara was tired. She sat on one of the benches, her small back hunched, her tiny lips pursed. It was Laurel’s fault, Sara thought, blaming her sister. Laurel got the highest GPA among her class and demanded a trip to L.A. Disneyland as her reward. Her parents drove eight hours, taking them to the city Sara had never been to. But they had to wait until tomorrow for Disneyland. Today, her parents took them to the zoo, which was a great experience until Sara lost sight of her parents and her sister._

 

_She liked the lions so much that she didn’t pay attention to her parents and Laurel. When she was six, she was so small that she felt like she was in the forest of people’s legs. There were a lot of legs and they blocked her view._

 

_She decided to walk to the the gorillas that she and her family had visited. However, she didn’t find the gorillas, she went to the wrong direction. She found the hippos instead. Who could blame her, she was six._

 

 _From the perspective of a first grader whose school day ended at 1:15 pm and_ _who then_ _took a nap after school, Sara felt like she had been walking alone for an hour. No one noticed that she_ _was_ _lost because Sara didn’t cry. She was confident she could find her family eventually and crying wouldn’t help._

 

 _She stopped when her tiny legs couldn’t take any more steps_ _and she felt like she want_ _ed_ _a nap. Her freckled cheeks flushed, sweat dampened her shiny blonde hair and the sun made her skin itchy. Sara decided to just sit there on a bench near a crocodile pond. She opened her little pink backpack to find her water bottle. She gulped the water and looked around. Still, she didn’t spot her family. She was contemplating for a moment. Maybe it was the time to cry. It wasn’t cool but tears already welled up her innocent blue eyes._

 

 _A shadow shield her from the sunlight. Sara looked up and squinted her eyes to make sense of a tall shape in front of her. A girl, maybe she was in 7th grade because she was tall and looked older than Laurel. She was looking at Sara with a frown. She kept her blonde hair in_ _a_ _ponytail and dressed in a blue polo shirt and a pair of shorts, her legs were so long that Sara moved her eyes up and down their length. Sara wasn’t sure if she should be scared of this stranger or make friends_ _with her because she was kind of beautiful._

 

_“Got lost?” The girl asked._

 

 _Sara bit her lip. “I’m okay. I can find my family by myself. I_ _’ll_ _just take a break here.”_

 

_And the girl chuckled. Sara realized that she had lost two of her baby teeth a week ago and they were front teeth. The new ones were growing but the gap still make what she said sound funny._

 

_Sara frowned and pouted her tiny lips. The girl squatted in front of Sara so their faces were in the same level._

 

_“May I join your mission?” The girl asked with a smile and Sara couldn’t stop herself from smiling back, showing the big gap between her teeth._

 

 _“You are_ _trying to find_ _something, too?” Sara didn’t want a help from a stranger._

 

_The tall girl nodded. “Yeah, I’m finding the visitor center.”_

 

_Sara looked up and tap her cleft chin with her small thumb, pretending she was thinking._

 

_“I think you can join me. I can help you find the visitor center.”_

 

_The girl waited for Sara to put her water bottle in her backpack and close it. Mindlessly, Sara reached her small hand and held those long fingers. The girl didn’t pull her hand away but held Sara’s palm firmly. Sara thought the girl didn’t want to get lost too._

 

_They walked together for about ten minutes and Sara stopped._

 

_“What’s wrong?” The girl asked. Her voice was gentle._

 

 _“My legs_ _say_ _they don’t want to walk. They have been walking for an hour already.” Sara informed, avoiding the worried pale blues._

 

_The girl shook her head and squatted in front of her, her arms open just enough for Sara to step forward and circle her tiny arms around the girl’s neck. The girl placed one arm around her back and the other just below her backside before lifting Sara up. Sara instinctively rested her head on the girl’s shoulder._

 

_“You’re lucky the visitor center is just right there.” The girl told her softly._

 

_And she carried Sara to the shelter. She talked to a staff and carefully put Sara on a table. Sara reluctantly untangled herself from her._

 

_“What’s your name?”_

 

_The girl bend down to talk to Sara._

 

_“Sara Lanceeee.” Sara emphasized the last sound of her last name. Her saliva spilled from the gap between her front teeth. The tall girl scrunched her face in disgust and pulled her face away from Sara. The staff jotted down her name and in a few minutes Sara heard her name from a speaker, informing her parents that she was safe and they could come and pick her here._

 

_She didn’t leave her. She sat down on the same table, waiting for her family with her._

 

_“Are you a prince?” Sara looked up to ask the tall girl._

 

_She let out a chuckle._

 

_“Why do you think I’m a prince?”_

 

 _“Because a prince always find a princess and take_ _s_ _her home. Have you ever heard about Snow White? She was in the forest and a prince found her.”_

_The girl laughed again. Sara didn’t understand what’s funny about Snow White._

 

_“Well, are you a princess?”_

 

_Sara squinted her eyes, thinking for a moment._

 

_“Sometimes.”_

 

_She nodded, saying with seriousness in her small voice._

 

_The girl smiled brightly and Sara thought this girl was as beautiful as Laurel._

 

_“Fun fact, I’m not a prince.”_

 

_“So what are you?” Sara leaned her face closer to the girl, inspecting her. The girl rolled her eyes before patting Sara’s head. Sara thought it felt nice._

 

_“I’m Ava.”_

 

             Sara slowly opened her eyes. Her breathing was gentle, unlike when she had nightmares. It was still early, the day was barely awake. But there was enough light for Sara to drink in the breathtaking sight of the woman who was sleeping facing her. It felt warmer when someone shared her duvet. Sara let out a long sigh of contentment. Her lips formed a gentle curve of a smile.  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa!! Confused? Bear with me, I have a plot. Anyway, it wasn't my fav chapter. I didn't get high from writing this. I think I should've spent more time on it. So next chapter might take a little longer to finish. I always plan before I write but I always end up with something else entirely most of the time. Note: the story took place in 2015 when Sara was resurrected. Therefore, Sara's age was 28. Ava's age was based on Jes's so in 2015, Ava was 33. When Sara was 6, Ava was 11.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every one go thank @XanDany on twitter. There is a new LoT podcast here to help you cope with the hiatus: http://legendsladiesandmisandry.libsyn.com/legends-of-tomorrow-episode-4x05-tagumo-attacks

 

         

         “Who is Luke?”

 

          Sara mumbled, with her hoarse voice, her throat felt dry from the good eight hours of sleep. Her eyes followed Ava’s movement when she stirred and stretched her body. The gray-blues were half open. The soft morning light made them look a shade lighter than usual, more silvery than blue. The strands of her shiny blonde spread over the pillow, some stuck on her cheeks. There was a visible trace of drool at the corner of her mouth. Sara tightened her lips, didn’t want to laugh and piss Ava off this early.

 

          Ava groaned before she lazily answered Sara’s question. “My cat.” She rolled her body to lie on her stomach so she could bury her face into the pillow, not ready to get out of the warm and comfortable bed.

 

         “You  dreamed about a cat?” Sara asked, clearing her throat at the end of the sentence.

 

          She noticed the way Ava’s body stiffened before she turned her face to see Sara. She squinted her eyes.

 

          Sara felt a swoop in her stomach when Ava gently touched Sara’s forehead with the back of her hand.

 

           “What?”

           Sara murmured, her throat was dry and irritated.

 

           Ava quickly rolled her body away to the edge of the bed, and the duvet fell off her body.

 

             “You have a cold. Stay away from me.”

 

             Sara frowned. “What? No way I —” She didn’t finish the sentence. She coughed, and Ava quickly got herself out of the bed. The soft curls of shiny blonde cascaded down upon her shoulders. The top button of her satin pajama shirt was left open. The picture of the tall blonde without clothes popped in Sara’s head. Sara swallowed and flinched. There was a sore lump in the back of her throat. She noticed Ava’s eyes widened, terrified.

 

              “That’s what you get for ignoring my call last night.”

 

             Sara wanted to argue but she sneezed instead and Ava jumped a step further away, her face scrunched in disgust.

 

             “Why do you have to act like I’m contagious!” Sara got up and glared at the tall blonde. She noticed that her voice sounded congested.

 

              “Because you are! And I won’t take any risks!”

 

               Ava exited the bedroom. Sara frowned with her mouth hung open.

 

                Sara let out a huff but she couldn’t hide a smile. The warm lightness in her chest made her beam, and this time she didn’t have a gap between her front teeth. She rested her back against the headboard and pulled the duvet close to her chest, hugging the soft fabric. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the remnant of Ava’s body heat and her scent. Her heart swelling with the memory from last night. Her cheeks flushed just from the thought of how beautiful Ava was. Sara brought her left hand closer to her face, inspecting it as if it she had never seen it before. Her palm remembered how Ava’s hand felt like in hers, how easy it was to lead her to Sara’s room — just a slight tug and Ava knew. Ava followed her to where she needed most. Something was blooming in her chest and she didn’t know what to do anymore. She couldn’t stop the sun from rising. She couldn’t stop the frost from melting when the light shone this bright.

 

             She sighed, her breath was warmer than usual. Her throat hurt, but that was okay.

 

            ++++++++

 

            No, it wasn’t.

 

             She came to the kitchen for breakfast and found Ava in front of the stove, heating the butternut soup. Sara couldn’t believe Ava could be so infuriating like this.

 

          “Seriously, Ava.”

 

           Sara groaned while approaching the tall blonde. “Do you really have to wear a mask? It’s just a cold. Come on.” Her voice was rough, her throat sore.

 

            Ava turned off the stove, pouring the soup in two cups and bringing them to the dining table. She put one cup on the far end of the table and put another on the opposite end.

 

           “Shut up and stop spreading the germs. Just eat.”

 

           Ava said nonchalantly. She didn’t even look at Sara. Ava sat down, pulling the mask down to her chin, start eating at the one end of the table.

 

             Sara pouted her lips. She didn’t like this but she did as told by Ava. She sat down at the other end and started eating the soup. At least, right now Ava didn’t have the mask covering her face. Ava’s high curved eyebrows tied together while she was reading something on her phone. Her full lips were pursed, thinking. The cupid bow at the top of her upper lip jutted out a little.

 

             Sara’s eyes dropped to Ava’s lower lip. It wasn’t swelling anymore but the dark red tint was still visible. Sara hoped it didn’t hurt. She exhaled softly and blinked her eyes at the memory of the sensation when their lips touched. Her breath was hot and the back of her throat felt like sandpaper.

 

              Ava quickly finished her breakfast and got changed into her working attire. She returned to the living room with her mask covering her nose and her hair in the usual authoritative bun, ready to go to work. She simply dressed in her usual black dress shirt and gray blazer.

 

            Sara crossed her arms over her chest, watching Ava putting her Chelsea boots on. Sara clenched her jaw harder when Ava stepped closer to the door. She wasn’t quite ready to see Ava leave.

 

             “Are you coming back tonight?” She asked even though talking hurt her throat. The  sweet haziness was gone. Sara couldn’t be sure that Ava wouldn’t spend her night somewhere else instead of home.

 

            Ava paused her hand that was reaching for her coat. She slowly turned to see Sara. Her frown smoothed out. She nodded.

 

              “Remember to wash your hands often. You also have a mild fever so you should sleep more. Drink a lot of water. Don’t eat fried food. I know your throat is killing you right now.” Ava grabbed her coat and put it on. She turned back to the door.

 

             “Ava.” Sara walked a few step closer to the tall blonde.

 

            “Yes?” Ava didn’t look at her. She was putting her arms through the shoulder straps of her leather backpack.

 

           “My nails have grown too long. Can you help me clip my nails tonight?” Her voice was small and tentative, wasn’t sure it was something she could ask for.

 

            Ava was quiet for a second, her head bent down slightly.

 

            “If you’re better we might do it. I still don’t wanna catch a cold.”

       

            Ava opened the door and left. Sara stood where she was for a moment, spending a few more seconds to look at the closed door, feeling the silence of the house.

 

          Sara walked to the laundry room and rummaged through the clean clothes in the basket. She found her plush toy and poked its nose.

 

          “Guess it’s gonna be you and me alone again then.”

 

            +++++++++

 

            Ava Sharpe wasn’t friendly and anyone around her could notice. She didn’t need a friend. She had accomplished so many things just by herself. She didn’t owe anyone anything. Her co-workers might think she was a heartless machine built to serve the purpose of public service. There was a conspiracy theory that she was a product of the latest robot technology. However, she wasn’t there to be nice and compromising. She didn’t break rules and she would stop anyone who tried to do it. And there were times she prevented some people from manipulating their resources for personal gain.

 

           Ava knew — she always felt those gazes. When those male co-workers couldn’t take her down, they exercised their male gazes to discourage her — to convey the message that she was just a woman, a good looking one, perfect for being an object of desire. She didn’t care so they gossiped about her personal life instead, assuming that no one would date a robot. Her relationship with Alexia hurt their confidence. However, having a perfect girlfriend reinforced the idea that Ava was not a human.

 

           Vice Director Sharpe was flawless, yet, she had a girl hiding in her house. She wasn't nice to that girl. She made sure she wasn’t. She was harsh on her most of the time. Their words were antagonistic, but it didn’t stop them to get closer to each other. Their eyes were always on each other for too long and the sound of their breathing was enough to warm the air in her house.

 

           And they had kissed.

  


            Ava took her mask off when she arrived the subway station. She let out the air that she didn’t know she was holding. This morning, things felt different. The air in her house was warmer and the lightness in her chest hadn’t gone, and sometimes, it was sweet. She couldn’t believe she let Sara undress her and shower together like that. But everything felt inevitable. The moment Sara tugged her hand just slightly, she followed her as if she was spellbound — as if everything made sense.

 

            They didn’t close the gap between their bodies. What they wanted at that moment was just the sense of being there together. She had a good night of sleep and she dreamed about Luke — about how they fell asleep together in her childhood twin bed.

 

            Sara was sick, which was not surprising at all judging from how cold she was last night. Maybe it was Ava’s fault that she took her to the shower too soon and changed her body temperature too quickly. Anyway, the mask gave her a break. It increased the distance between her and Sara. The thin sheet of fabric kept her from feeling too exposed.

 

           A subway ride to Downtown Starling today was peaceful, partly because not everyone had to go back to work right after Christmas, like Ava. The rhythm from the roaring engine was calming. It wasn’t irritating at all. Ava didn’t get why most of the passengers had their headphones on.

 

           The train stopped at a station for a moment. A teenage boy holding a girl’s hand, guiding her to sit on the seat opposite to Ava. He sat on her side, their fingers laced together. The boy gave his girlfriend a quick peck on her lips. Ava looked away. She had a tendency to cringe when she saw PDA. She didn’t understand why people wanted to share their intimate moments with the public. Ava would rather keep them for herself because they were special.

 

            But the couple sat just opposite to Ava and she couldn’t avoid seeing them. The girl rested her head on the boy’s shoulder, and Ava’s heard a soft sigh of contentment from the boy. A gentle smile graced his face when the girl closed her eyes. They were on cloud nine. They were in a warm bubble that shielded them from the world. He was in love with her and it was impossible for him to hide his feelings.

 

          Ava blinked her eyes and bent her head down. Her stomach flipped. Her body remembered how Sara leaned towards her and used her shoulder as her human neck-pillow. They must look just like this young couple when they went to Marquette Station for grocery shopping. She remembered Sara’s weight, her gentle breathing on her shoulder, and how her blonde hair tickled Ava’s neck. Sleeping Sara was the best Sara, because Ava could look at her as long as she wanted.

 

           No… no, it wasn’t like that. They weren’t like that.

 

            It just… it felt nice having Sara in her arms. It was therapeutic and Ava had every right to be relax after the long day of stressful work.

 

            It wasn’t that _feeling_.

 

             Was it?

 

             But if it wasn’t, why did her chest flutter at the thought of it like this?

 

            Did she look at Sara the same way the boy looked at his girlfriend?

 

            Ava drew one of her hands up to massage her temples. It couldn’t be what she thought.

 

           But they had kissed — twice, indeed, and Ava remembered every bit of those moments.

 

           This didn’t make sense at all. The perfect Ava Sharpe shouldn’t have any feelings beyond sympathy towards the woman who clearly had a connection with the criminal world — the mysterious, the damaged woman who was plagued by nightmares. And she never told Ava what caused them and who she really was. It was dangerous. There was no tangible thing about Sara that she could hold onto, except the illusive — the formless light that glowed in her chest when they were close.

 

           And Ava didn’t even know how Sara actually felt about her, because she couldn’t ask — she couldn’t say anything about that _feeling._

 

           The tiny aquamarine clinging on her neck was heavy and Alexia was so perfect.

 

            Ava sighed, closing her eyes. The teenage couple was out of sight.

 

            ++++++++++

 

             It was already dark and Sara’s throat was burning. She drank a lot of water today to relieve the soreness. It didn’t help that much. Eating solid food was difficult so she mainly drank juice. Actually, she didn’t want to eat at all. Her hands were chilled with sweat. Her hot breath irritated her nose and her eyes. Her body felt weak. She clearly had a fever and she hated it. It was annoying. It was just a cold. She wasn’t supposed to feel so sick like this.

 

            The female voice was narrating a documentary about the Congo River. The dramatic background music was calming. Sara was lying on the couch, breathing through her mouth because of the congestion. She looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. It was seven already but Ava hadn’t come back. Ava had every right to come home late and she didn’t have to notify Sara. Sara just thought that it would’ve been better if Ava was home with her. She could imagine Ava yelling at her when she drank cold water or did something that Ava didn’t approve of. Sara smiled to herself, her hand stroking the soft  mane of the plush lion on her chest. Ava’s smile was the most beautiful thing, but she would trade it for the adorable grumpy Ava. She liked it when Ava pursed her lips. Mindlessly, her hot tongue grazed her dry lower lip at the thought of Ava. Judging from how germaphobic Ava was, Sara thought it would be fun if she tried to be close to her. She giggled at her own imagination of Ava jumping away. She then winced because giggling hurt her throat.

 

            She reached her hand to the phone on the coffee table. She checked if Ava sent any texts. She didn’t. But Sara hesitated to call her, knowing that there were only two possible things that could prevent Ava from coming home — her work, or her girlfriend. Sara didn’t want to know for sure that it wasn’t because of her work. Sara swallowed and grimaced at the pain caused by her swelling tonsils.

 

             Her eyebrows quirked up when she heard a chime from the doorbell. She wiped her nose with the napkin on the coffee table. She put the lion on the sofa and slowly got up. She hated that her body felt so tired with fatigue.

 

           She stood up and made sure she could balance herself and didn’t fall. She pulled the hem of Ava’s gray sweatshirt down, didn’t want to display her abs.

 

           She went to the front door and opened it. She rolled her eyes when she saw who was waiting at the doorstep.

 

            “Ava’s not home, bunny. Bye.” Sara’s voice was scratchy.

 

             She pulled the door knob to close it, didn’t feel like talking to this gorgeous brunette.

 

            “Wa..wait.” Alexia grabbed the door panel. Sara looked up and frowned, trying to look intimidate.

 

            “I couldn’t contact her all day.” The green eyes were concerned.

 

            “So maybe she didn’t want anyone to contact her then. She’s at work. Go to her office.” Sara responded with annoyance in her tone, hiding the worry tugging in her chest.

 

           Alexia swallowed nervously. “You are right. I should’ve gone there instead of coming here. But I didn’t want to interfere with Ava’s professional space.”

 

           Sara crossed her arms over her chest. She smirked and raised one of her eyebrows.

 

            “Really? If you’re so considerate you shouldn’t have —” Sara coughed a few times. She turned away from the tall brunette.

 

             “Are you okay?”

 

            Alexia asked with concern in her tone.

 

           “You shouldn’t have come here either if you really respected Ava’s personal boundary.”

 

           Sara regretted what she said immediately. It was unnecessary to antagonize Ava’s girlfriend like this. It was nonsense and uncharacteristic of her. Sara let out a huff. Her breath was hot, frustrated that she let the bitter sting in her chest get the better of her.  Sara looked away, she wasn’t ready to see the hurt in those green eyes. Did she just fuck up? Ava would kick her out of her house if she knew what Sara said to her precious girlfriend.

 

          “You are sick, darling. You’re clearly running a fever.”

 

          Sara frowned at the unexpected concern in the velvety voice. She didn’t know that her cheeks were flushing with heat.

 

          “Don’t call me darling.” Sara sternly told her.

 

          Unfortunately, the growling noise in her stomach was loud enough to ruin her attempt to look intimidating. The brunette quirked her eyebrows.

 

          “And you haven’t had dinner, honey.”

 

            Sara glared when she heard the term of endearment. However, she was unprepared when the brunette nudged her way pass Sara into the foyer and headed to the kitchen. Sara rolled her eyes and followed her.

 

            It took only about fifteen minutes for Alexia to make the dinner. Sara didn’t have enough energy to argue. She was too fatigued by the fever. She focused on the documentary on TV to avoid awkward conversation. To be honest, she was a bit nervous that Ava might return home at any moment. She wasn’t sure if she could handle seeing them together again.  

 

           She saw the brunette’s movement out of the corner of her eye. The woman was approaching her but Sara pretended she was watching the TV.

 

          “Dinner is ready.”

 

           The unwelcome guest paused her steps in front of the TV and put the cup of soup on the table in front of Sara. Alexia looked at the TV screen with disdain.

 

            “Do you know that Nat Geo is owned by Fox? It also received funding from the corporations that exploit natural resources in the Third World countries.”

 

            Sara rolled her eyes. For God’s sake, this woman was unreal. Alexia sat down on the sofa. Sara tightened her jaw but slowly got up. She randomly changed the channel. She decided to comply so this woman would leave as soon as possible.

 

           Alexia didn’t bother talking. She seemed to enjoy the mellow cooking show hosted by a suburban housewife. Sara started eating the chicken noodle soup. It wasn’t that bad but Ava’s food turned an assassin to a food snob. She ate it just for the sake of eating. She finished half of the cup and put the spoon down.

 

        “You’re done? You only ate half of it.” Alexia raised her brows when she noticed Sara stopped eating.

 

         “I’m done. Now, you may leave.” Sara responded nonchalantly.

 

           The brunette chuckled and got up from her seat to take the cup from Sara and put it in the sink. She didn’t seem fazed by Sara’s offensive words at all, which made Sara more infuriated. Sara made it clear she didn’t want to be friends with her but this woman just ignored it and treated her like a child. She didn’t even look older than Sara. She shouldn’t infantilize her like that.

 

          “Why are you doing this?”

          Sara asked with scratchy voice, looking at Alexia’s small back while she was washing the cup and spoon.

 

         The woman chuckled. She didn’t turn to face Sara. “Well, because you are sick, and you are special to Ava.”

 

          Sara blinked her eyes, her lips parted in surprise. She was afraid to think of herself as anything close to _spacial_ to Ava. But it didn’t mean she wasn’t aware of something that always made them gravitate to each other. She had tried, but she couldn’t lie to herself about that. Hearing someone saying it out loud caught her off-guarded. She wanted to say something mean but she couldn’t find the words. Her eyes moved downward to her feet.

 

          “It’s true.”  Alexia continued. She put the cup and the spoon on the dish rack and dried her hands with the towel.

 

          “Ava wouldn’t let anyone stay in her house so easily.”

 

          She grabbed her coat on the marble counter and put it on, ready to leave.

 

           “And I hope we can be friends. Imagine your girlfriend’s favorite cousin hating on you. I mean if we’re gonna have a wedding you would definitely be one of the bridesmaids.” Alexia continued her walk to the foyer.

 

          Sara didn’t know what to say, her brain was still processing what she just heard. Her heart was pounding harder and her chest felt heavy. Her eyes flicked up to look at the tall brunette. Sara didn’t pay attention to the details of the photo in Ava’s bedroom. Yesterday, when she first met Alexia in person, Sara kept her eyes on something else. She didn’t dare look at her face. It would make Alexia more real, more human to her, and solidified the reality that Ava chose this woman.

 

          But this time, Sara actually saw her. This woman was ethereal. Her presence made everything around her look splendid. She was the force of light, even brighter than Ava. Sara had her azure eyes that so many people had fallen for. But she was sure that hers would look like two fake sapphire orbs in front of those mysterious but delightful emeralds. Alexia would make Ava happy. She had no trace of darkness, _unlike_ Sara.

 

         “Do you really like her?”

 

           Sara’s voice was small. It halted Alexia’s steps. The brunette was silent for a long moment.

 

           “Yeah.” Alexia paused, stepping closer to Sara. Her smile was weary but her dimples made it look oddly sweet.

 

            “One day, I will marry her and move to somewhere else safer than Starling City. You know, the city is rotten. It isn’t a place to build a family.”

 

           There were sparks in those greens. Sincerity and hope were visible in her breathtaking smile. Sara should’ve enjoyed the beauty, but she felt like the ground was slightly shaken. Emptiness filled her chest. She wanted to just turned around from the light that made the shadow darker upon her. But all she did was looked away, forcing a smile, trying not to let her lips tremble.

 

          “Knowing what a workaholic she is, it’s not gonna be easy.”

 

            Alexia sighed.

 

            “So, shovel talk?” She tilted her head, looking at Sara, expecting the blonde to say something.

Sara should’ve found it amusing that the cousins cover story worked so well, but Sara just turned her back to Alexia.

 

         “Have a good night.”

 

           She said weakly and walked away towards the living room. She didn’t want to be rude, really, but she couldn’t let Alexia see her face. She hoped she could keep herself together but she doubted that what she felt in her chest wasn’t apparent in her eyes.

 

          Sara barely heard the sweet _‘Stay warm and get well soon.’_ This time, it wasn’t a turmoil, but the placidity of nothingness.

 

          She sat down on the couch. The boring tone of the cooking show was interrupted by the intro music of Starling News report. Again, drug dealing turning into a gun fight. This time it involved arrows. The footages were blurry but Sara could make a silhouette of the Green Arrow out of it.

 

           She immediately turned off the TV when she felt the dark heaviness rising in her chest. The high pitch noise of an arrow piercing through the air was loud in her ears. The redness of blood pooling in her eyes.

 

           No.. she didn’t want to go back.

 

            She caught a glimpse of the plush lion smiling on the sofa. The plastic eyes were looking at her. Sara reached for it and hold it tight against her chest, smelling the scent of green tea and the ripe peaches.

 

          She was able to breath again. Her friends were fighting for the city. Risking their lives to save the others. It  was best life she could ask for, as someone who had sold her soul to the demon. She was a killer. What she knew best was killing.

 

         Sara didn’t belong here.

 

          She could hear the thudding of her heartbeat but she didn’t feel like it was there. What kind of fever could easily ripped a heart out of her chest like this?

 

            Alexia was so pure — so flawless, and she had a plan to make Ava happy — a reasonable plan, indeed. As a vigilante, Sara knew firsthand how risky it was to live in Starling City. Sara actually liked the idea of Ava living in a better place, free from the work that trapped her, and having a beautiful and caring girlfriend.

 

           Sara drew her legs up, hugging her knees close to her chest. She rested her forehead on her knees, closing her eyes, trying to breath. Her tongue was hot and it was burning the inside of her mouth.

 

          Her breathing was loud because of fever and congestion. No, she wasn’t sniffing.

 

           Sara slowly moved her fingers. Feeling all of them. Some tingling pain was still there but it wasn’t that bad. They were weak but Sara was sure she could kill a well trained assassin with her bare hands if she wanted to. She didn’t need to wait until they were all fully healed. She had survived even when she was in the far worse condition. She pretended she was helpless for too long.

 

           She would take a nightmare that’s real over a dream that’s a lie.

 

           Maybe Ava wouldn’t mind if she stole one of her backpacks hanging in the foyer.

 

            +++++++++

 

            Ava exhaled through her mouth to ease her tense body. Today was unexpectedly long. New intel that came in this morning indicated that tonight, Khalid bin Bandar Al Saud, an arms dealer who was, in fact, a nominee of Saudi Arabian Army, was planning to transport the weapons he acquired illegally from the secret auction in Starling City. Obviously, they had to stop them. However, despite the illegal activity, the U.S. government and many U.S. corporations had business in Saudi Arabia. Some of her co-workers were concerned that the operation might damage the U.S. - Saudi Arabia relation.

 

           But Ava knew well that the weapons would be used against the minority groups in the country to strengthen the political power of the Crown Prince, who was known for his cruelty. Ava had to spend an hour just to convince her boss to issue the mission.

 

           It was intense, they had to come up with good strategies in a very short time. The challenge was to keep it smooth and quiet. To prevent the international political damage, they couldn’t let the press know, and Starling City Channel was always hungry for dramatic crime reports.

 

          The mission started at five. Ava was in charge in the war room. She carefully conducted every move, listening and watching the live video from the field. They were lucky that there was a fight between vigilantes and drug dealers that kept the local police and the media busy. Now it was eight and she got a confirmation that Khalid bin Bandar Al Saud was now being escorted to the Pentagon. They wouldn’t arrest him. They would have a chat and send him back to his country safely to prevent the international conflict. The weapons were sent to the base in Nevada for research and inspection.

 

           The butternut soup was the last thing she ate. The situation was too critical for her to have a break. She only drank water and let the adrenaline keep her functional.

 

            Ava got up from her chair and gathered her stuff, putting her coat on and looping her burgundy cashmere scarf around her neck, ready to go home. She hoped Sara’s cold wasn’t that bad. Sara was an adult, she should know how to take care of herself. Ava shook her head at the thought. Sara was childish. She shouldn’t have high expectations.

 

          She turned on her phone and saw texts from Alexia. She simply texted back, telling her that she just got her meeting done and really tired.

 

           Ava saw her personal assistant waiting in front of the elevator. He gave her a smile but Ava just nodded, letting him know that she didn’t want to have a pointless conversation.

 

           The elevator chimed when it arrived the lobby floor. The building was quiet at this hour, not many agents was involved in the mission.

 

           “Should I request a ride for you, ma’am?” He asked while following her.

 

            “Thank you, Darcy. But I will ride the subway as usual.” Ava wanted to leave her work space as quickly as possible. She didn’t want to be trapped in a black bulletproof sedan with an agent as a chauffeur.

 

             They walked past the lobby area to the entrance. Ava frowned when she saw a blonde woman sitting idly on a step in front of the glass door. She was wearing her white cuff beanie, her mouth and nose were covered behind a mask, a backpack, one of Ava’s backpacks, was at her side. Ava looked at the security guard standing near the entrance. Ava could see that the agent was keeping an eye on the the girl outside. Of course, they wouldn’t let a stranger come in at this hour. But it was cold outside. Ava tried not be angry at the man who was just doing his job.

 

           The woman finally saw her. She wore the backpack and got up on her feet. Her bright blue eyes fixed on Ava. The vice director shook her head and let out a huff. She quickly approached the glass door. Her PA  quickened his step so he could be ahead of his boss and pushed the door open for her. The tall blonde rolled her eyes. She didn’t need this chivalrous nonsense, especially from her underling.  

 

          She heard a soft giggle — that annoying giggle that sometimes drove her crazy because she didn’t want to admit that it was cute. Ava could see just from the crinkles at the outer corners of the blue eyes that Sara was smiling. Her mischievous eyes moved to Ava’s side. She quirked her eyebrows. Ava knew just from the sparkles in her eyes that Sara was smirking, clearly using her charm with her PA. The handsome man looked away awkwardly. Ava should’ve laughed. It was ridiculous —a girl wearing a mask trying to flirt with a man in a well pressed suit. Except it wasn’t funny.

 

          “See you tomorrow, Darcy.”

 

           Her PA knew her enough to get that she needed some privacy. He nodded slightly and went on his way.

 

          “Darcy, huh? He’s cu—.”

 

         Sara’s cheeky tease was cut short by her coughing. Ava sighed exasperatedly, tired of how infuriating woman was.

 

           One of Ava’s hands reached for Sara’s wrist, her other hand opened the glass door. She looked at the guard and nodded slightly to let him know that Sara wasn’t a threat. She led Sara to the lobby. It was cold outside and she didn’t know how long Sara had been waiting for her.

 

          “What are you doing here?”

 

           Ava crossed her arms over her chest, keeping her voice low. It was quiet here. The security guard and the agent at the reception desk could easily hear their conversation if they wanted too.

 

            Sara ignored the question and sat down on the nearest cushioned bench. She rubbed her hands. It was cold outside. With the fever, Sara felt like the cold followed her inside the building. The difference between her body temperature and the air around her made her shudder, crossing her arms over her chest, hugging herself. She looked up and her eyes softened. She felt a little warmer just by seeing Ava in front of her.

 

           Sara slowly closed her eyes when the familiar warm hand gently touched her forehead.

 

          “Gosh, your fever is high.”

 

             Ava sat down on the same bench. The warm touched was gone and Sara felt the cold air. She opened her eyes and took off the backpack. She unzipped it and brought out a ziplock bag and a thermos.

 

           “What is this?” Ava looked at what in Sara’s hand.

 

         “Your dinner. Haven’t had any food since the morning, have you?”

 

           Ava’s lips parted slightly, surprised. She couldn’t find a word for a moment, moving her eyes from Sara’s hands to her blue eyes. There, something Ava wouldn’t dare to pinpoint what it was.

 

        “I don’t know how to cook so it’s just a lame PBJ sandwich and a tea. Hungry?”

 

          Not only in her eyes, it was also apparent in her voice.

 

           Ava didn’t say a word, afraid that she might chose the wrong one. She took the sandwich bag from Sara’s hand and opened it, tearing the sandwich into smaller piece and put it in her mouth. It was just a PBJ sandwich but it tasted nice because, of course, Ava only had high quality food in her house. Sara opened the thermos flask and offered Ava the hot drink. It was Fortnum and Mason apricot and lavender tea — her favorite.

 

          “How did you know my office was here?” Ava asked after taking a sip of the tea.

 

          “Your study room. There were name cards, Vice President Sharpe.”

 

          “Stalkery. Don’t go to my study room without my permission.” Her tone wasn’t reprimanding like usual. She didn’t even frown. Ava took another bite.

 

           “Sorry.”

 

          Sara’s tone wasn’t apologetic. She didn’t really care whether Ava was mad at her or not. She couldn’t think of anything negative while watching Ava eating the food she had made for her.

 

            Sara let Ava took her time to eat. It was obvious that Ava was really hungry and her day was rough. A few strands of blonde hair was free, making her tight bun look softer than usual. The peachy color bronzer was faded on her cheekbones. Her plump lips were dried. The deep red spot on her lower lip was almost gone. It wasn’t the kind of striking beauty. It needed a good amount of time and the opportunity to be with her within the intimate distance to appreciate it. Ava didn’t see the soft smile behind the mask.

 

            They didn’t talk much. Sara’s throat was still hurt and Ava didn’t want to attract the attention from the two agents in the lobby floor. Actually, they enjoyed the warm silence. When they didn’t have to pay attention to sound, they could sense something else that words were not enough to convey.

 

             Ava finished the last bit of the sandwich and took another sip of tea before putting the cap on the bottle and tightened it. She wiped the crumbs out of her lap. Sara’s eyes were on her the whole time. Ava should’ve been used to it already because Sara did it all the time. But she felt self-conscious and she suspected that her cheeks might be flushing.

 

           “What?” Ava asked while adjusting her coat, which wasn’t necessary at all.

 

           A small thump reached to the corner of her lips and wiped off a tiny crumb. Her gray-blue eyes flicked up to meet Sara’s. Something urged her to move closer just to find out what was hidden under the small blue lagoons of stars. She didn’t move any closer, though, not yet.

 

         Ava checked Sara’s body temperature again.

 

         “Don’t you afraid of catching a cold?”

 

           Ava shook her head and let out a huff that ended with a subtle smile. She trailed her hand down from Sara’s forehead to the side of her face and removed the mask ear loop. Did her heart skipped a beat when she actually saw that pouty lips and those freckles again?

 

            When she realized how red Sara’s nose and cheeks were, she frowned and took her phone out of her coat pocket, calling someone.

 

           “Darcy, I need a ride. Pick me up in front of our office.”

 

           She ended her call and met Sara’s questioning eyes.

 

         “I’m the vice president, of course, I can use my company’s resource.”

 

           Ava put the empty ziplock bag and the flask back to the backpack and got up from the bench.

 

           “And you need to rest as soon as possible.”

 

          “So Mr. cutie is driving us home? Nice.” Sara said lightheartedly. She stood up and adjusted her beanie.

 

           Ava chuckled. No, she wasn’t annoyed by Sara’s interest in her handsome personal assistant at all. Something assured her that Sara wouldn’t be able to think of anyone else in a non-platonic way.

 

          “Sorry to disappoint you but Darcy isn’t our chauffeur. His job is just arranging a ride for us.”

 

        Ava saw that Sara left the top buttons of her coat open, exposing her neck. She frowned again. It was surprising that her migraine didn’t get worse despite spending so much time with this frown inducing cute blonde.

 

          Ava unlooped her burgundy cashmere scarf and took it off. She took a step closer to Sara so she could put it around her neck. She made a few adjustments to make sure it snugly fit. Sara looked away. Ava was too close that she could feel the warmth radiated from her body. Her nails dug into her palms, keeping herself from doing anything that she wasn’t supposed to do.

 

           “Let’s go home. The ride will be here in five minutes.”

 

          Ava turned her back to Sara and started walking to the entrance. Sara followed her. She threw the mask into a bin near the seating area.

 

            +++++++

 

            It was weird that sitting on the back seat of a government-issued car wasn’t as stressful as Ava had thought. Despite having an agent on the driver seat, Ava didn’t feel the need to build an invisible wall between herself and her co-worker, whom she didn’t really know.

 

            The colorful lights painted the high-rise buildings along the street lines that form a gigantic shape of star. The car moved relatively slowly. The red and green of traffic lights mixed with the crowds of luminous dots from cars. Starling city was a creature of the night. It woke up and devoured or inspired people after the sunset. The engined hummed softly. Sara was sitting close to the window, her eyes were dancing, relearning about the landscape of her hometown. Ava was looking at how the different shades of lights reflected on Sara’s face. She forgot that flashing light might trigger her headache.

 

           Sara yawned and turned to look at Ava on the other side of the backseat. Ava nodded just slightly, barely noticeable. Sara beamed and scooted closer to _her_ rescuer. Sara rested her head on the small shoulder that was always reserved for her. Ava put her arm around Sara’s back, holding her close. Sara left hand was placed on Ava’s lap, finding Ava’s free hand. Their fingers tangled loosely. Sara’s hot breath tickled her neck.

 

           And the light in her chest was glowing. She tilted her head down to look at Sara’s closed eyes. Her breathing was gentle. The smaller blonde nudged closer. Ava saw how she nip her lower lip when her nose grazed the crook of Ava’s neck. Ava saw how she quickly moved the tip of her nose away, as if she suddenly realized that she shouldn’t be this close to Ava’s skin.

 

           Ava rested her head on back of her seat, closing her eyes. Her body was feeling Sara and she couldn’t deny how delightful it was. It wasn’t hazy anymore. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t know how Sara felt anymore, because everything was luminous.

 

          It had been only a month since the first night she found her being dumped in front of her house. It wasn’t enough to know someone, let alone fall in love with them. But perception of time was flexible, and no one ever spent every day and night with her like this. It would’ve been easier if she really was the vice president of Jupiter Corporation and the girl in her arm was just a random shop assistant at Sink Shower and Stuff.

 

         The aquamarine clinging on her neck was cold against her skin. Could she break Alexia’s heart for something so elusive? Was it worth destroying what she had just to learn more about someone she barely knew — someone who would leave her sooner or later. Did she stop loving, had she ever experienced what it really was? The warm light that linked her with Sara right now was new but it felt like home, like it should’ve been here a long time ago.

 

          She swallowed. The small thumb brushed her knuckle, easing the intensity in her chest. Maybe she wasn’t in this alone.

 

           Ava opened her eyes. She met with a gentle brown eyes in the rear view mirror.

 

           “The local police were investigating the vigilante activity at the next junction, ma’m. It will take a bit longer to reach your house.”

 

            The middle-aged agent informed her gently. He stopped the car and looked over his shoulder. His eyes moved to the smaller blonde whose hand linked with Ava’s. He gave Ava a soft smile briefly before turning his eyes to the road ahead. It was genuine, as if he was relieved that Ava wasn’t the product of latest robot technology, but a real human with feelings. Ava nodded. She wouldn’t whine about it. She wouldn’t mind if she had to stay like this forever.

 

           ++++++++

 

           Sara was woken up when they arrived Ava’s house. Her head felt  light from the fever. The first thing Ava did after hanging up her coat and changing her shoes was forcing Sara to brush her teeth. She changed her into a t-shirt and light pants.

 

          Sara was on her bed, resting her back against the headboard, her chest covered under the duvet, her eyes were hot because of the fever, but she refused to close it. She kept looking at Ava. The tall blonde was sitting on the edge of the bed, cleaning Sara’s face and her arms with a warm damp washcloth. Sara eyes followed Ava’s movement. She clearly noticed the worry in those pale blues.

 

           Ava put the washcloth in in a bowl of warm water. She hoped the fever would be gone by tomorrow. Right now Sara needed to sleep. Sara scooted down to rest her head on the pillow. Ava tugged the duvet up to cover her chin before placing the lion plush on her side.

 

          “Sleep, okay? If the fever doesn’t go away by tomorrow I will take you to the doctor no matter what.”

 

          Ava turned her body away from the bed, ready to leave and have some rest after the long day.

 

          A small hand grabbed hers and tugged at it a little. Ava didn’t immediately turn her body towards the bed. She took a moment to feel that hand.

 

           Ava sat on the edge of the bed. Sara didn’t let go of her hand. Her eyes looked up, fixing on Ava’s face. Ava saw how her throat bopped when she swallowed. Sara guided her hand to rest on her chest. Their fingers laced together.

 

           “Go to bed, Sara. You are sick. I will stay in my room tonight.” Ava’s voice was small.

 

          The yellow light from the lamp was enough for Ava to notice that those blue eyes were shimmering. Ava felt the pressure on her hand.

 

          “What’s wrong?”

 

           Her voice was so soft as if it could break Sara if she said it louder. Ava’s eyes searched Sara’s face.

 

          “My hands.”

 

          Sara swallowed again despite the pain in the back of her throat.

 

          “My hands are healed.”

 

         She proved her point by tightening her grip on Ava’s.

 

          Ava moved her eyes to their hands on Sara’s chest. She looked at them for a long moment. Her jaw clenched.

 

           “What are you getting at?”

 

          Her tone was cold. She looked away and closed her eyes, letting out a sigh that burned her nostrils.

 

           “We can’t stay like this forever.”

 

            Sara’s scratchy voice was barely a whisper. The _‘I want to be with you forever.’_ was loud in her heart.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I cried too, if it makes you feel better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random things in the chapter: NyQuil.
> 
> Music: Arctic by Sleeping At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @XanDany on Twitter for the beta.

   

        _“We can’t stay like this forever.”_

 

         That exhausted voice made Ava’s chest tight, it almost stopped her from breathing. She put the bowl of water back on the nightstand, eyes drooping, looking at her lap. The heat from Sara’s sweaty hand seeped through hers.

 

          Ava let out a chuckle, bitterly. Was it disappointment? She shouldn’t be disappointed. How did she forget that Sara didn’t mean to stay with her? She shouldn’t have let herself feel comfortable with having Sara around. She shouldn’t have thought it was her normal. No, she shouldn’t have let her feelings overwhelm her and made her think Sara wanted the same thing. It had been only a month. It was impossible they could be anything meaningful to each other.

 

          But who would hold a stranger’s hand as if it was her lifeline like this? The pulse point on her wrist was aligned with Sara’s heart. She felt the beat. She hoped Sara felt it too.

 

           “Ouch!”

 

           Sara cried when a sharp pain shot from her fingers to her head. Her body jerked up, immediately pulling her hand away from Ava’s grip but the strong hand didn’t let it go.

 

          “Really?” Ava raised her eyebrows, tilting her head to smirk at Sara’s painful expression.

 

          Sara glowered at Ava. She couldn’t believe Ava bent one of her fingers just to hurt her and make her point. She pursed her lips. She should’ve tried harder to free her hand from Ava’s.

 

         “I can do so many things by myself. I made you a sandwich!”

 

         Ava huffed and shook her head, annoyed by Sara’s stubbornness.

 

         “You couldn’t even write properly. You couldn’t even—”

 

          Ava cut herself short. Her lips pressed tightly, blue eyes widened as she realized what just came out of her mouth. Heat crept from her neck to her cheeks. She didn’t need a mirror to know how red they were. Sara’s cheeks were flushed too, obviously because of fever. But it reminded Ava of how Sara looked when she was naked in the hot shower stall.

 

          Ava shook her head to get rid of the image in her mind. She clenched her teeth, her jawline hardened. Embarrassment or whatever that made her chest flutter a moment ago was now gone and replaced by a bitter sting. But what could she do to ease it?

 

          She pulled that small hand towards her lap. Her thumb applied some slight pressure on Sara’s palm. It twitched a little and Sara let out a soft squeaky noise. Ava didn’t look at Sara’s face. She continued her inspection. Her fingers traced Sara’s index, gently pulling it. As she suspected, the small hand tensed up. She moved to the middle finger, moving it in a circle motion and looked at how Sara’s tightened her jaw, trying to restrain herself from crying in pain.

 

        “I don’t believe you can take care of yourself with these sprained fingers. Maybe you should stop sneaking into my gym when I’m not home.” Ava continued to check the joints.

   

         Sara’s chest rose when she took a deep breath.

 

           “Your life will be a lot easier when I’m gone.” It came out desperately soft. Sara was telling herself, actually. She needed that reasoning to remind her that they weren’t meant to be together.

 

          Ava’s frame seemed smaller, as she breathed out a heavy sigh. She let go of Sara’s hand and moved closer to the sick blonde.

 

           Sara closed her eyes and let out a soft hum in the back of her throat when she felt Ava’s palm cup her flushing cheek.

 

          Ava didn’t say anything for a long moment, the pale blues dancing, taking in every detail — the freckles, those thin lips, and the light brown eyelashes.

 

         “Silly.”

 

          Sara broke into a smile when Ava’s fingers pinched her cheek.

 

          But Sara wouldn’t want anything more than knowing that Ava would be happy. She saw her broken down with her own eyes and it hurt as if they shared the same soul. But how could she be happy living with someone so damaged and dangerous like Sara. The League would chase her and the demon would eventually swallow her. She wasn’t even sure how long she could stay alive.

 

        But didn’t she know how Ava felt? Had she ever met anyone who was so patient and capable of making her heart float like this? Was there anyone’s hands powerful enough to anchor her soul, to pick her up when her legs couldn’t walk — to ward off those nightmares like Ava’s hands?

 

          She could’ve left after packing a few clothes in the backpack. But when she stepped over the threshold between the living room and the foyer, she couldn’t handle the fact she wouldn’t be able to see Ava again.

 

          And when she saw Ava at Jupiter Corp after waiting in the cold for a long while, her heart beat like it was gonna explode. Her chest ached in the sweetest way. All the reasons she had been telling herself were meaningless and didn’t make sense at all.

 

         “You don’t know what you’re saying, Sara. Your fever is really high.”

 

          “But —”

 

          Sara’s attempt to talk was cut short when Ava leaned in closer and placed her lips on her sweaty forehead, Ava’s thumb brushed against her chin, holding her still. She tilted her head downward just slightly and their foreheads touched. Ava clearly felt Sara’s fever. Her free hand tucked Sara’s hair behind her ear. Their noses touched. Sara’s hot breath was burning on Ava’s skin.

 

          “Please, don’t scare me.”

   

          Ava whimpered. Sara felt her shaky breath just above her lips.

 

          When the warm touch on her forehead was gone, Sara eyelashes fluttered, the blooming warmth in her chest compelled her to lean forward, chasing the contact. But Ava held her in place while pulling her face away.

 

          Sara’s mouth slightly parted, her eyes locked with those grey blues in front of her. There were a million things she wanted to say and thousands questions she wanted to ask Ava. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t allowed to say them out loud and transform her feelings into sound or something tangible.

   

         Sara saw Ava close her eyes for a long moment. She took a deep breath, loud enough that Sara could hear. Ava got up from her bed. She picked up the bowl of water and walked away.

 

       +++++++

 

        Ava sighed through her mouth after throwing herself onto her bed. Her left hand was drawn up to cover her closed eyes, applying some pressure around her eye sockets.

 

         She was scared.

 

          A home without Sara was scary. Just the thought of it was enough to shake the ground beneath her. The moment she realized Sara really wanted to leave — it was the moment when she loathed the capacity of human imagination. Sometimes, when her heart wasn’t hers, she caught herself thinking about a place where they were together and had a peaceful picnic under the old willow tree in the warm summer. She took refuge in that kind of thought when the pressure from her work environment was killing her.

   

          Her mind had been there, maybe too many times more than she would admit. The realization that it couldn’t be anything but imagination was sharp, and it ripped her heart into pieces.

 

          And her mind didn’t stop imagining, wondering what Sara’s life would be without her. Would there be anyone taking care of her when she was sick and stubborn like this? Would she be safe from all the bad people who had hurt her? Sara’s wounds were healed but Ava still remembered where they were on Sara’s body. She had spent so many nights tending them. The sight of the small blonde’s fragile body tainted by blood and grime was vivid in her mind. She even remembered how cold it was that night.

   

        Yet, she couldn’t imagine a life without her.

   

          +++++++++

 

            _When she found herself again in a gray barren terrain, Sara realized that she had finally fallen asleep. A dose of NyQuil did its job. She almost gave up the idea of sleeping when all her brain could do after Ava left was_ _convince_ _her heart that she shouldn’t be here. But her heart was not hers, she couldn’t stop it from entertaining itself with the thought of Ava’s sweet touch. Sara didn’t understand what it was. She didn’t have the term to conceptualize what she felt. It frustrated her, as if she was submerged under water, seeing the light shone through the water and trying to find the way to the surface, but a mysterious hand kept pushing her down._

 

_Sara heard the faint flapping sound in the gloomy sky above her. Three vultures flying in a circle like paper planes, as if they expected death to come and feed them their meal. She hadn’t been here for quite a while. The nightmares didn’t bother her that much when she felt the presence of Ava sleeping on her side._

 

_“Ava.”_

 

_Sara mouthed the name just for the sake of doing it. Sometimes, when no one could see or hear her, she just slipped_ _the name_ _out like that for no apparent reason. Maybe everything about Ava was brimming within her and saying the name was a way to let it overflow a little._

 

_Her knees felt the roughness of pebbles beneath them. The patent leather pants didn’t do much_ _to protect_ _her. The dry and freezing air around her made her shiver. Sara crossed her arms and_ _hunched_ _her shoulders. Her fingertips clutched at her biceps, feeling her cold bare skin._

 

_It was a place without_ _a_ _horizon. The plain of_ _the_ _blue desert and the lifeless mountain range with sharp edges seemed endless. White noise of the dry wind was humming around her._

 

_There was a soft light glowing far away. Sara got up on her bare feet and walked towards it. She stumbled a few times because of the harsh gusts of wind. She saw a vertical line of a dead tree. She found solace in the thought that the tree was the only thing besides her that once was alive. Sara was sure she had been to this place but she never noticed it before. Its trunk and branches were as white as the ashes of human bones, glowing against the backdrop of the cold gloomy terrain. She knew that kind of  matte white. Sometimes she had to deal with human remains to erase her track._

 

_Sara paused her steps when she heard the rhythm of_ _rustle_ _noise approaching behind  her. The eerie wheezing echoed in the wind. Sara turned her back and crouched on the sand, focusing on the sound to estimate how far the source of the noise was. She knew who they were. Someone from Israel_ _’s_ _government hired the League to wipe_ _out_ _the Negav Bedouin from their border. The nomad warrior tribe was known for smuggling weapons to support the Palestinians in Gaza._

 

_Sara’s chest constricted at the memory of her kukri knife slicing into a woman’s  sternum. She was the chief’s wife. It was the quickest way to kill at the moment. She couldn’t afford seeing her_ _die_ _in pain. She couldn’t let anyone in her team know how weak she was._

 

_And Sara let her tears fall from her eyes. She could do it right now. No one would see it._

 

_The dark silhouettes of four horsemen were bigger and bigger, the galloping sound was clear as if it was her own heartbeat. Sara stood up again. She couldn’t escape them anymore. She had seen their bodies deform in the flame and turn into ashes._

 

_The black horses circled around her. Their breathing was loud and solemn. Sara looked up, trying to see those faces under the shadows of kufeya headgears and a_ _woolen_ _burqa. Sara didn’t see any glimpse of life._

 

_“I am sorry.”_

 

_Sara’s voice was low and trembling._

 

_Only silence and the sound of the wind responded to her apology._

 

_The hair on_ _the nape of her neck_ _rose when the air behind her felt thick and humid. There, the foul breath tickled her ear._

 

_“Sa…ra…Lance.”_

 

_Again, the cold scratchy voice. The demon who had threw her into the dark prison._

 

_“Come…End…your…pain..”_

 

_The horsemen pulled their janbiya curved knives out of their sheathes._

 

_Before they stepped closer to her. Everything turned into pitch black. Sara closed her eyes, accepting her punishment._

 

_“She’s gonna come back?…No… no…she won’t.”_

 

_Sara frowned at the dry murmurs of two female voices arguing with each other. This was new._

 

_“She’s ours…She killed them…No… not yet.. she hasn’t kill_ _ed_ _her….But we can’t let her go… No she won’t survive this…… Shhhhhh…She can hear us…..She’s weak…we can’t save her….No no no, fight!…fight! them…don’t let them kill her… she’s ours…Don’t let her go… But she’s not… not yet..we can wait…until she kills her…until it’s over…It’s not over…”_

 

_The murmur were clear as if they came from within her head, but Sara didn’t understand the murmurs and didn’t know who they were and what they wanted from her._

 

_“Who’s there_ _?_ _!”_

 

_Sara yelled into the dark._

 

_The foul breath was gone and everything was black and silent for moment. When she inhaled she was surrounded by the barren plain again._

 

_She didn’t have time to look around when the burqa mask fell off a horsewoman’s face in front of her._

 

_And her blood boiled in her veins. It was the face of the woman in the red hood who shot her with the three arrows._

 

          ++++++++

   

           Ava sucked the air into her lungs and pushed her upper body up from the mattress. Her hand clutched at her chest at the feeling of something boiling within her. She breathed through her mouth, her hair ruffled around her face. She ran her fingers through her hair, calming herself from the worry that pulling her gut down.

 

           Ava got up from her bed. She strode out of her room. No, Sara didn’t always scream when she had nightmares. It was worse when she couldn’t let out a sound. Ava knew, she had that sometimes from a mission in Siberia five years ago. Danger always followed her closely. No matter how she tried to escape the threat in her dreams, she couldn’t. All of her screams clogged up at the top of her lungs and she was suffocated by her own voice.

 

            Ava would wake up with a bad feeling killing her inside like this, only to find Sara in her bed gritting her teeth or crying quietly while her eyes squeezed shut.  She cursed herself for not sleeping with her when Sara was sick and clearly needed her to ward off the nightmares. She shouldn’t have let her emotions cloud her judgement.

 

             She turned on the light in Sara’s room. The small blonde was lying on her back. Her chest was heaving and her breathing was frantic, tears wetting her flushing cheeks. Ava rushed to sit on her side and put her hand on Sara’s chest. Usually, her touch was enough. But this time was different.

 

            “Hey, Sara, I’m here.”

 

            She saw the sleeping blonde grit her teeth with force, as if she was fighting something. Growling noise escaped from her mouth.

 

            “Sara, wake up.”

 

           Ava’s free hand shook Sara’s shoulder, but it didn’t do anything to wake her up.

 

          “Hey, you are safe with me, Sara. No one can hurt you.”

 

           Sara’s breathing shortened and Ava frowned with worry. The small blonde was never like this before.

 

           “Wake up for me, please.”

   

           Ava’s words were heavy that it was difficult to utter.

 

            The guttural sound of hostility from Sara’s throat was louder as she clenched her jaw harder as if she was trying to break her jaw bone.

 

           Ava moved one of her hand from Sara’s shoulder to rub her cheek.

 

           “Sara!”

   

           She yelled her name.

 

            And those blue eyes suddenly opened. Her pitch black pupils dilated but there was no light in her eyes. A small hand grabbed Ava’s wrist and harshly yanked it off the heaving chest.

 

            Ava let out a squeal when a strong arm pushed her away with force. She heard the loud thud when her back hit the mattress.

 

           “What the hell, Sara!”

 

           Ava quickly got up and jumped out of the bed. She found Sara standing with wide stance near the closet. Her upper body crouched a little, her arms squared up, her fingers clawing, ready to fight. Her lifeless eyes fixed on Ava.

 

         “Munus-e … a-na bí-in-ak-e al-gaz-e-dè bí-in-eš.”

 

          Ava froze when she saw Sara recite a phrase in the language she never heard of. It sounded like something between Arabic and Hebrew. But it wasn’t. Ava had heard Aramaic during her time in Syria. But what came out from Sara’s mouth sounded much more ancient than that.

 

          “Al-gaz-e-dè-eš”

 

          Sara hissed, showing her teeth with aggression before lunging forward to Ava.

 

            “Sara, No!”

 

           Ava’s words didn’t halt her steps as if she didn’t hear it at all. Ava dodged the heavy punch aiming at her face. She didn’t have any second to wonder what was wrong with Sara when the next attack was faster.

 

          Ava blocked a punch with one of her arm. Her reflexes  were good enough to block the knee aiming at her stomach. Sara was fast. Ava was certain that if she wasn’t sick she must be more dangerous.

 

          Sara snarled and spun her body to hit Ava with her elbow. Ava tried to defend herself without hurting Sara. She moved a step backward and the elbow missed her throat. She knew there was not much space between herself and the wall. And it’s gonna be much harder to block and dodge Sara’s attack without enough space.

 

          The small blonde growled loudly. Ava saw Sara left shoulder widened, gaining force to throw a hook. Swiftly, Ava grabbed Sara’s left wrist and spun her body around, using the momentum to swap their positions. Her other hand quickly found Sara’s right wrist. She used her body to press Sara against the wall. The small wrists were pinned on both sides of Sara's head.

 

          To prevent the attack from Sara’s knees, Ava pressed herself onto Sara harder, eliminating the gap between their bodies.

 

           “Sara!”

 

          Ava yelled to the freckled face that contorted with anger. Sara let out the animalistic snarl.

 

          Ava’s chest felt tight. It wasn’t the pain inflicted by Sara’s attack, although she was certain she would find the bruises on her arms tomorrow, if she would have tomorrow. It was the fear of losing Sara, of not knowing what made Sara lose her sanity like this.

 

          Sara bucked her hip to get herself out of Ava’s grip, but Ava clenched her hands around Sara’s wrist and pressed her body on Sara’s harder. Heat from the small blonde seeped through her thin pajamas. Ava felt as if she was the one who was running fever.

 

           “Sara, come back to me.”

 

            Ava begged. She didn’t mean to sound desperate but she didn’t have enough strength to yell at the woman who was trapped between her body and the wall. A lump formed in her throat and Ava let out a sob. She shook her head when Sara snarled to her face again.

 

           Their faces were only an inch apart. Ava didn’t give Sara a chance to headbutt her face. She rested her forehead against Sara’s. Her skin was on fire. The contact was last for only a second when Sara shook her head and tried to fight Ava.

 

           “Please, baby.”

 

           Didn’t know what to do, Ava leaned forward and forced her lips on Sara’s, hoping it would calm her from the evil nightmare. The back of Sara’s head hit the wall and Ava sucked her bottom lip so hard that she heard a popping sound when she released it. Ava didn’t stop. She brushed her lips against Sara’s, harsher than how she usually did to anyone else.

 

          Ava heard a soft whimper escaped from Sara’s throat before she felt those soft lips moving against hers. Something fluttered in her stomach. Ava felt the glowing warmth that weakened her legs. She parted her lips a little and closed her eyes when she felt the hot wet tongue pushed into her mouth, hungrily tasting her. She tasted the trace of sweetness of cherry and alcohol. Ava hated NyQuil, but at this moment, it was the most pleasant flavor she could think of. At this hour of the night, there was no other sound that could distract her from the noises they were making. The plain room became less stiff and more human.

 

          Ava saw the light behind her eyelids when Sara’s stopped trying to escape from her grip. Ava pulled back a little and opened her eyes. She sighed in relief when she saw those cerulean blues brighten again. Ava was mesmerized, flickering light dancing in her pale blues. She closed her eyes again when those swollen lips captured hers, slowly and softly nipping her lips, kissing her with delicacy. They reciprocated the soft pressure until Sara’s lips stopped moving and let go of Ava’s. The small blonde rested her head on Ava’s shoulder. Ava let go of her hands and circled one of her arms around Sara’s shoulders, her other hand placed on Sara’s lower back, her stance widened, catching the body weight dropping into her arms.

 

           She didn’t have to think about what to say and how to handle the consequences of what she just did at the moment. Sara’s breathing was even. The girl was asleep in her arms as if what had just happened wasn’t real.

 

           Ava took a deep shaky breath. She maneuvered Sara to the edge of the bed and carefully laid her down. Ava took a moment to look at how peaceful Sara was right now. Sleeping Sara was still the best Sara. She picked up the lion plush that was discarded on the floor and placed it close to Sara’s head. Ava turned off the light and lay down on the mattress close to Sara. She tugged the duvet up to cover both of them, her hand found Sara’s, holding it loosely.

 

          It was dark but the windows were wide enough and the moon was merciful tonight. Her tranquil light painted the room with dark blue, as if the universe was worried about her frantic heartbeat and tried to calm her down.

 

           Feeling Sara’s warmth in her hand, Ava stared at the dark ceiling. She swallowed, something soft and sweet was blooming in her chest. _This_ — was beyond her capacity of imagination, and any language would never be enough to put it into words, or sentences — or even an epic. She knew that all of her senses were awakened, but the word _‘awaken’_ conveyed only a tiny bit of what it was.

 

           Sara told her she wanted to leave. Ava should’ve been concerned about that. And She should’ve been drowning with guilt of crushing Alexia’s trust and prepared herself for its consequence. Above all, Sara’s nightmare tonight was beyond dangerous. She hadn’t seen anything like this before. PTSD didn’t make people speak an ancient language or fight violently like this. She must find out what kind of mystery caused Sara’s mental problem. If Sara hadn’t been sick, Ava wouldn’t have been able to handle her. She should’ve been too scared to just lie on Sara’s side and hold her hand.

 

         But they kissed, and it was clearer than ever. Falling in love with just simple touches while everything was falling apart like this, Ava should’ve felt conflicted and hopeless. But it would be a lie if she didn’t acknowledge a tug of smile at the corners of her lips.

       

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I planned to make a long chapter with six scenes but I decided to split them up and posted a shorter chapter so it didn’t take too long between the updates. You know, I looked up Sumer grammar just for that phrase. Of course, it's too difficult to learn in thirty minutes so I ended up took that phrase from Gilgamesh. It has the meaning that fit the story. The League uses Arabic but I always think the Pit should be something more ancient than that.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random things in the chapter: Bunny.
> 
> Music : Max Richter : She Remembers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone go thank @XanDany for beta this.

 

 _“So…_ _you have_ _a crush on me or what?”_

 

_It was what Ava asked Alexia after a week of their unplanned encounters during her lunch time at Whole Foods. Alexia Baudrillard, the lawyer from the branch office of Amnesty International in Starling City, had been coming to Whole Foods for lunch everyday since they met at the courtroom. The first time she saw her, Ava couldn’t keep her eyes off the woman. And Ava wasn’t clueless, after all of the awkward greetings and weird conversation, she was certain that the lawyer had a crush on her._

 

 _Ava didn’t get_ _an_ _answer. The tall brunette wasn’t even looking at her. Her green eyes were on a grey rabbit outside. The fluffy animal was chewing something in the small garden in front of the store. Alexia’s sweet smile was delightful to watch, her dimples deepened and Ava was lost for a moment._

 

_“You like rabbits?”_

 

_“Shhhhh…”_

 

_And Ava chuckled at how serious the woman was._

 

_“You have a rabbit pet at home?”_

 

_The wild rabbit jumped and quickly ran away. Alexia sighed. She turned to Ava again._

 

_“Pardon me. What did you say?”_

 

_Ava rolled her eyes. She tried to suppress her smile but she couldn’t. How could she?_

 

_“I asked you if you had a bunny at home.”_

 

_“No, I don’t.” Alexia smiled sheepishly._

 

_“I have pet allergy. I can’t have pets.”_

 

_There was a glimpse of sadness in those green eyes, and Ava’s chest ached when she discovered it._

 

_“But I’m also a giant bunny myself so…it’s okay.”_

 

_The sadness was gone and her smile brightened the air in between them. Ava hadn’t been with anyone for a long time. Her job prevented her from forming any real human connections. In the past five years, she hadn’t stayed in one place for more than three months._

 

_And when she started to settle down in this cruel city, the universe sent her this wonderful woman, teasing her if she could deal with this kind of feeling again after being alone for so many years._

 

_No, it wasn’t her confidence in the courtroom. It wasn’t her determination to fight for those in need of help either. Instead, it was that moment — the moment when she saw how human Alexia was — how tragic for someone who loved all the animals so much but couldn’t be with any of them. It was the first time Ava saw the depth in those green eyes. They weren’t entirely green. Brownish spots were visible around her irises._

 

         She thought she was in love with her.

 

         She had been in love with her.

 

          Ava’s ears were numb. Her eyes fixed upon the trembling frail body crouching on the leather sofa, the one Ava had spent countless time on it.

 

           Ava’s chest ached. She swallowed down the bitter taste in the back of her throat. The tips of her fingers felt the tingling pain. Seeing someone so pure and delightful like Alexia crying wasn’t easy.

 

           It was Ava’s fault. She crushed the most beautiful relationship she ever had in her life by simple words — ' _I cheated.’_

 

          And she couldn’t think of any reason that made her feel less guilty. She couldn’t blame her profession for the lack of honest conversation between them. It was true that Ava was never comfortable with the way Alexia showed up unannounced at her house or her work. But she couldn’t blame Alexia for loving her so much that all she wanted was to spend time with Ava.

 

         There were plenty of excuses if Ava wanted to find one. She could easily say that their relationship was never real, that it was for the sake of convenience, that it was shallow to fall for someone because of their perfection, that they were never on the same page — that it was too cliche and didn’t mean to last.

 

          But those reasons were not enough to make her think of ending what they had together. Anxiety and stress were part of her daily life. It was normal enough that she didn’t think they were problematic. She would have continued to love Alexia as long as she could, enjoying their time together when it was enjoyable.

 

           But Sara breathed the new kind of life into her. The warm connection changed the boring and stressful day into something else. Ava didn’t know why Sara’s annoyance had calming effect on her. She couldn’t pinpoint when exactly she started to admit that bathing Sara was something she looked forward to. And the way those lips felt against hers…Ava clutched at her knees at the thought.

 

         The soft light was warm and the amber glow of the lit fireplace at the center of the living room should’ve softened the thick air in between herself and her… her ex-girlfriend. But it didn’t. The cracking noise from the firewood were so disruptive it was as if it meant to turn the brokenness into sound. The gentle piano melody in the background, somehow, synchronized with how the woman on her side was sobbing.

 

           The savory smell of rosemary and roasted meat lingered in the warm air. Alexia cooked and prepared her place for a dinner date with her. She greeted Ava with a tight hug, breathing in the scent from Ava’s hair, showing how deprived she had been in the past week without her girlfriend. Everything about Alexia was breathtaking — the soft curls of her hair, the dimples, the sweet smile, and her tiny fang.

 

           But before their lips touched, Ava put her hands on Alexia delicate shoulders and stopped her from leaning in closer. She looked away, too coward to meet the pain and confusion in those green eyes.

 

           The moment Alexia initiated the kiss, Ava realized she couldn’t kiss anyone else after what had happened last night.

 

            And she told her the truth. The world collapsed when a clear drop of tears rolled down on Alexia’s cheek.

 

            “Lexia…I’m sorry.”

 

            Ava’s voice broke. She reached her arm over the small shoulders, hoping to stop Alexia from crying. She drew her hand back to herself when Alexia scooted away from her touch. She didn’t touch her but Ava felt a punch hit her sternum, tears brimming in her eyes.

 

          “What have I done wrong, Ava?”

 

            Alexia looked away, her usual sweet voice turned bitter.

 

             “You did nothing wrong,  Bunny. It’s just … I can’t do this anymore.” Ava’s voice was dry and weak.

 

             “Don’t fucking call me Bunny.”

 

             Alexia snapped and turned to face Ava. The green eyes were hardened, dampened with tears, sadly beautiful.

 

              “I…I…I don’t understand, Ava. Who was that person?”

 

             Ava pressed her lips tight, she needed some pain to ground her. She was slouched, looking downward at her hands on her lap for a moment. Tears drop fell on her wrist. She took a deep breath before looking up to meet Alexia’s teary face. She shook her head slightly.

 

          Ava couldn’t say it out loud. She couldn’t say her name and just tell Alexia who she was. What she had with Sara was too elusive to tell anyone. She didn’t know for sure that it wasn’t just her own imagination. Ava didn’t even know how Sara actually felt about her. They never talked about what they had. There’s no definition of what they were to each other, not yet. Ava didn’t even know who Sara was. And Sara wanted to leave. And possibly, nothing about her would be left behind to convince Ava that their time together wasn’t just a cloud that hid them from the sun for a short moment. More tears dampened her reddened face at the thought. The lump in the back of her throat prevented her from forming any words.

 

          Alexia searched Ava’s face before her eyes widened.

 

            “It’s Sara, isn’t it?” Her voice was so fragile. Her breath hitched.

 

           Ava’s mouth parted, caught off-guarded. She didn’t know how Alexia knew. They met only once. Was it that obvious?

 

           “That’s why she doesn’t like me. Gosh… Ava, what have you done? For how long, Ava?!”  

 

           “I trusted you, Ava. I trusted you when you told me you were busy. I trusted you with all my heart. And you did what? Screwing your own cousin behind my back!”

 

            Alexia raised her voice. Anger mixed with pain and disappointment. She had all the rights to be angry. Ava wouldn’t flinched if Alexia wanted to hurt her. Ava closed her eyes to squeezed out the tears that blurred her vision.

 

           “I wasn’t. We are not like that —” A gasps interrupted her. Ava took a breath before she continued. “Sara has nothing to do with this. Lexia, my feeling changed, and I couldn’t lie anymore. I tried to be honest with you and I hope we can be friends.” Her damp eyes were pleading. Alexia was part of her life, thinking of losing her started to cut a hole within her chest already.

 

           But she wouldn’t get all the things she wanted. Alexia clenched her jaw, anger hardened her eyes.

 

          “Gosh….” Alexia looked at her own hands. “I bought the ring, Ava. I thought I wanted to share my life with you.”

 

             Ava’s felt like she was punched in the chest again. She couldn’t imagine the amount of pain Alexia was feeling right now. Ava never thought of herself as someone who deserved Alexia, let alone being the one she wanted to marry.

 

             The small shoulders slumped. Delicate hands were drawn up to cover her face.

 

            “Have you ever cared about me? I know there’s something you don’t open up to me about. I always knew there’s the distance between us that you wouldn’t let me cross. I told myself I thought too much into things and I should trust you, that you chose me, that I shouldn’t be a stupid clingy girlfriend — that I should wait and hope you would let me in one day.”

 

           Alexia wiped her tears with the back of her hand before looking at Ava in the eyes. Anger wasn’t there anymore, only pain and heartbreak were left in her eyes.

 

           “Did you ever love me?”

 

            Ava pressed her lips tight, swallowing the tightness at the base of her throat. She couldn’t stop herself from moving closer and pulled the frail body into her arms. This time Alexia didn’t resist. She buried her teary face on the crook of Ava’s neck. Ava thread her fingers with Alexia’s hair, rubbing the back of her head softly.

 

           “I’m sorry that I wasn’t good at expressing my feeling.” Ava’s dry voice softened.

 

            “But what I felt about you was real, Bunny. I fell in love with you.”

 

             Ava closed her eyes, memories flooded behind her eyelids. Their first kiss happened right on this sofa. No, it wasn’t a cliche. It was genuine and clear as a summer day.

 

             Alexia’s delicate hands rested on Ava’s shoulder and pushed herself away from Ava’s arms. The puffy green eyes were soft on Ava.

 

            “And now you’re in love with her?”

 

            Ava’s hot breath burned her nostrils. Those green eyes were piercing into her bones, seeing through the thick wall she’s been forging to protect herself.

 

            Ava closed her eyes, trying to stop herself from crying. She couldn’t. She kept everything about Sara from Alexia and everyone in her life for so long.

 

            “We’re not cousins.”

 

             Ava tentatively let herself talk. Alexia shook her head slightly as if she was tired of Ava’s lies.

 

           “I found her a month ago. She was dumped in front of my house, unconscious, seriously injured, like, she was beaten into a pulp. I took her in. I couldn’t let her die. I… I didn’t mean to fall for her like that.”

 

               Ava swallowed, trying to suppress her sobbing.

 

           “She doesn’t know. And she wants to leave. And I…”

 

            Her last word came out in high pitch as her breath hitched.

 

            “And I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what I am to her.”

 

           Ava couldn’t stop herself from crying anymore. Her chest hurt so much and she know she looked like an ugly mess. It was ugly, this whole confrontation was ugly and she couldn’t make it look better. The honest reality was just like that. There’s no excuse. And right now she was the most disgusting thing in the world.

 

          She heard a long sigh from Alexia.

 

           “I’m sorry to hear that, Ava.”

 

          There was no anger in her tone, only sympathy and exhaustion. Ava was surprised that Alexia didn’t call her confession bullshit and didn’t try to hurt her with vulgar words. She must look so pathetic.

 

            “I shouldn’t be mad at you. People change. No one should be blamed for stopping loving someone. No one can be forced to love. Love is inevitable like that.”

 

            “Lexia…”

 

           The tall brunette got up on her feet and grabbed Ava’s backpack on the coffee table by its strap. She brought it to Ava’s hand. Ava was confused. She expected hate, not understanding.

 

           “I hope I will stop loving you someday. But right now I can’t pretend I’m fine. So, please leave me alone for now. I’m not comfortable letting you see me broken. And I wish you and Sara had a chance to talk things through.”  

 

              Alexia sniffed. Ava could see that she was holding back her tears. She took her backpack and turned her back on the most beautiful relationship she ever had.

 

             ++++++++

 

           The frantic siren was quickly dissolved in the cold air when the police cars had gone far enough. The pink cashmere scarf wrapped around her neck, covering her chin and her mouth. She already spent about a half an hour loitering in the small park on the way to the subway station. The weight of few clothes, a bottle of water, and a plush toy she carried in the backpack somehow slowed her down as if she was walking on sand.

 

            Sara sat on a cold bench near a water fountain. The wind scraped her freckled cheeks, marking the redness on her delicate skin. Luckily, she had the white cuff beanie to protect her ears from the element. The fever was gone. The cold left only some irritation at the back of her throat. Only her heart that still felt not well.

 

           Her hand in her coat pocket felt the edge of a piece of paper. It was special.

 

            This morning, Sara woke up to the coldness on the empty side of her bed. She shouldn’t have hoped that Ava would sneak into her room and sleep with her last night.

           

            She found a note on the nightstand. As usual, it started with what’s in the fridge for lunch and dinner, in case Ava came home late. She told her not to drink cold water and called her if she didn’t feel well. However, this time,  Ava’s note wasn’t scowling at her. It didn’t tell her not to burn down the house. This time, the handwriting looked fragile. It ended with ‘ _I will need you tonight.’_

 

          A faint of tingling sensation flashed on her lips for a millisecond. She didn’t know what it was but it nagged at her chest. Her hand absentmindedly drew up to touch her dry lips.

 

            She rested her head against the headboard. She wanted Ava. She wanted all of Ava for herself but it was impossible. Sara looked at the lion’s grey-blue eyes. It reminded her of how she met Ava’s eyes a month ago and how they took her breath away. A slight touch from Ava’s fingertips left an invisible mark on her soul permanently.

 

              The way Ava begged her not to leave — it made Sara wish she had a different life, a reality in which she finished college, went to medical school and become someone worthy enough to meet Ava with confidence. She wished she had that chance to properly introduce herself to Ava as someone whose soul was intact without blood painted on her hands.

 

           She must leave. She didn’t deserve Ava. She shouldn’t make her doubt her relationship with someone so perfect like Alexia.

 

            Saying goodbye wasn’t easy and Sara was too coward. Running away was easier. She couldn’t let them know how weak she was. When she was in college, she kept all the frustration to herself and shunned her back to her family. It was convenient not to tell anyone. She didn’t want to explain her problems. She didn’t even tell Oliver. Telling someone meant she had to form the frustrations into words. She just did whatever helped her forget that she was in pain. She did that again to Nyssa.

 

            She couldn’t wait until Ava came back and stopped her just by simply breathing in the same room.

 

            Sara got up from the bench. She would take a subway train to somewhere far enough. She didn’t know how far was far enough to prevent herself from coming back to Ava.

 

            Sara bought a day pass and enter the gloomy underground train station. She joined the hurried crowd on the escalator. One of her hands gripped on the handrail tight. No, she wasn’t scared of heights. Her legs just felt weak, and she couldn’t trust her mind to focus on what she was doing. It was barely there. It went to some of those moments when Ava held her hand and guided her to the platform. Sara chuckled to herself. She remembered how small her hands were when she was six compared to Ava’s.

 

           Sara was glad it was crowded. The presence of strangers helped her hold back her tears. Her first destination was South Shore. She would started there. She knew there were ships coming and leaving at the sea port everyday.

 

           The robotic voice from the speakers notified the passengers that the train was coming in a minute. The faint roaring of an engine was approaching from the dark tunnel. Her ears were filled with the aggressive noise before the train stopped in front of her.

 

            The door in front of her opened and Sara’s body tensed at the sight of a girl stepping out of the train. Platinum blonde hair was partially hidden under a black hood. But the cold grey-green eyes were unmistakable. The blonde eyebrows raised up a little. Sara could tell that she was startled by her presence too.

 

             Before Sara had a chance to say anything, the girl swiftly ran away from the spot. Sara clenched her teeth before following her. She couldn’t lost sight of her. It would be impossible to track her down.

 

            Had it been somewhere else, people would’ve called the police. But it was Starling City, a home of criminals, no one flinched when they noticed a woman chasing another woman.

 

           Sara jumped over the turnstiles, running past the the line of passengers waiting to get into the platform. The black hood fell off the blonde head. Sara caught the sight of the women running up the stairway to exit the station.

 

            Sara followed her until the girl made a turn at a corner of a building. As she expected, a small knife cut through the air, aiming at her. Sara tilted her head to the right side just slightly but it was enough to dodge the attack.

 

             Under the shadow of the surrounding buildings, The blonde girl with grey-green eyes was smiling at Sara. Her hands tucked in her jacket pockets. She stood in the middle of the dead end alley against the backdrop of a brick wall.

 

             “Ta-er al-Sahfer. Can’t wait to tell the Heir how alive you are.”

 

            Sara felt the thud in her chest at the mention of _‘the Heir to the Demon.’_ She swallowed whatever rising within her and fixed her eyes on the other woman. She approached a few steps closer. Long range combat wouldn’t do any good for Sara in front of this woman.

 

           “Sharzy al-Thalij. Tell them I won’t go back. Leave me alone and I will spare your life.”

 

            Sharzy al-Thalij — _The Ice Shard_ , one of the young bloods in the League, specialized in spying and scouting. She was trained to have a keen spatial awareness. She could inspect a place blindfolded and draw it with details. And because of that, she was a dangerous opponent in long range combat. Under the young and harmless look, she was one of the successful assassins in the League.

 

            “Calm down, Ta-er al-Sahfer, you are not my target. I have a business nearby. No one followed you. No one even think you’re still alive and human enough.” The girl shook her head slightly in disbelief.

 

            “This is interesting. You don’t look anything like when you came back from the Pit. How many have you killed before you could control the bloodlust?”

 

            Sara felt sick to the stomach. An invisible force hit her lungs again. Her eyes widened in confusion.

 

            “What are you talking about?”

 

            The heavy feeling in her gut froze her. Sara felt like she knew it. Something dark and ancient was smiling, mocking at her from somewhere far away.

 

            “You don’t know, do you? You were killed a year ago, Yellow Bird. Your sister brought your dead body to the League and resurrected you using the Lazarus Pit.”

 

             Sara blinked her eyes slowly. She was stunned by the information flowing into her body. Everyone in the League knew about the Pit and the ritual around it. To rejuvenate Ras al-Ghul body, a life had to be sacrifice to Lazarus Pit a day before. But resurrecting a dead body was more complicated. If the ritual worked, the resurrected would suffer bloodlust, the urge to kill.

 

           Sara’s breath shortened. Her skin prickled. How many people had she killed? She saw the other assassin move towards her but her feet were stuck to the ground as if she were pulled down by quicksand.

 

              She had been dead for a year? This body didn’t show any sign of decaying. The beating heart and breathing lungs were new and not quite hers yet. And… and all those nightmares of fighting and killing might be the reality of her true self.

 

             With tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, Sara clenched her hands. The tingling pain was still there and Sara needed to feel it right now before something devilish took over her consciousness.

 

           Sharzy al-Thalij was standing a few inches in front of her. Sara didn’t understand why the young assassin’s green eyes were softened with concern.

 

          “I’m glad you’re alive, Lance. I truly am.”

 

          “Wh…why?”

 

           Her voice was dry, talking was getting harder when she felt an invisible disgusting hand wrapped around her neck.

 

           The blonde girl reached her arm to Sara’s shoulder and squeezed it gently.

 

           “I see hope in you. I see the possibility of a life outside the League.”

 

            She paused and looked right into Sara’s eyes. They shared the same kind of history, the same kind of pain. Killing decayed their souls, and deep down, the human parts in them were trying to salvage their sanity, struggling to escape from becoming one with the darkness, trying to remember who they had been before the League of Assassins.

 

          “I have to go. I wish this was my last job. Stay alive.”

 

          She said softly and walked a few steps behind Sara, picking up her knife. The sound of her steps gradually disappeared.

 

             Sara’s chest was heaving as her breathing became frantic. The bubbling sound of boiling pit filled her ears. A cold sardonic laugh echoed in her head. The reality of daylight became blurry, merging with the dark blue barren terrain. The ancient heat from the core of the earth crept up from the ground to swallow her whole.

 

           Sara closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath. So, this was bloodlust. The only way to cure herself was killing. But Sara knew she had something else that could ease the primal rage. She forced her legs to step to the side of the alley and let her body fell to the ground. She put the backpack on her side. Her back rested against the cold brick wall, her knees drawn up.

 

           She inserted her hand into her coat pocket. Her fingers twitched slightly when they touched the edge of the paper. She took it out, unfolding it close to her face.

 

_“I will need you tonight.”_

 

            She could imagine exactly how Ava’s voice sounded when she said it. Ava’s voice was deep and husky, cold and usually authoritative, but when she laughed at Sara or soothed her with soft words at the end of every nightmare, It warmed her chest —warm in the strict sense of the term — it wasn’t burning.

 

              Sara pressed the piece of paper to her chest as if it would transfer Ava’s touch across time and space to her skin.

 

            Sara used to sneak into the library at the League. The endless rows of bookshelves were her safe place. It was the only place she couldn’t sense the smell of blood. She came across some records about Lazarus Pit but she never seen anything that could explain the affinity between her bloodlust and Ava.

 

           Her breathing was even and all the dark clouds were gone. The streaks of afternoon light brightened the eerie alley. The glint of life danced in her eyes. Her blonde hair glowed under the warm sun.

 

            There were so many things that she couldn’t understand and so many decisions she had to make. If Laurel took her back from the League, why was she ended up at the front of Ava’s house? What happened with her sister? And how could she free herself from the consequence of being brought back to life?

 

             Her head started throbbing when hundreds of thoughts flashed in her head. She buried her face in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut to get rid of the chaos in her head. The note fell to her lap.

 

           Was it the right decision to run away like this? Did it make anything better at all? What would happen if the bloodlust resurfaced when she had nothing about Ava left to stop her from killing?

 

            If the growing hollow within her chest was the indication of the peaceful state of mind, if the brokenness was a form of joy —being a coward and running away helped.

 

            A moment later, she brought one of her hands closer to her face, inspecting the healed wound. She moved her fingers, only the slightest of tingling pain was still there. Sara wasn’t sure if she really wanted them to fully healed. The pain contained the memory of how her hands were carefully wrapped with the clean and soft bandage.

 

            Ava left her finger print on almost every inch of her skin. Sara closed her eyes, and every touched was vivid again, as if Ava was here with her and applying the lotion to her body.

 

            She needed her tonight.  What would she do if Sara wasn’t there?

 

            Sara hit her back of her head to the wall and let out a heavy sigh. She was stupidly blinded by making herself the center of everything. She pitied herself too much when she couldn’t deal with her frustration. She thought she prioritized Ava’s happiness. But she never thought about how Ava would be without her.

 

             What if she came back home with her limbs weakened by alcohol again, what if she cried and needed Sara to wipe away her tears — what if it was too cold and she needed her arms to keep her warm tonight?

 

             Warm feeling surged in her chest. Small drop of tears finally rolled down on her cheek at the simple realization. No, she wouldn’t make that mistake again.

 

             ++++++++++++

 

              Ava left home early this morning after spending a long minute taking in the sight of Sara sleeping soundly with her lips slightly parted. It took every ounce of her to stop herself from leaning down and brushing a feather light kiss on those lips. The fever was gone and her breathing seemed at peace. Yes, she was scared to leave Sara alone. She was so selfish that she’s scared of Sara’s leaving when she wasn’t home as if she had a say in Sara’s life.

 

             She left before Sara woke up anyway. She wasn’t ready for the shift in their relationship and she had to deal with her own problem first.

 

            She told Alexia she wanted to meet her tonight. The enthusiasm in Alexia’s tone stopped Ava from actually telling her that it wasn’t a date. Her hands were sweaty the whole day. It must be obvious. Darcy asked if she was feeling okay. Even the report about Damien Darhk’s suspicious activities and the footages of Svetlana Lipnitskaya in Central City couldn’t distract her from the repeating thought about how to tell Alexia and not hurt her.

 

              She ended it and the important part of her life was lost in that familiar apartment. The moment when it sunk in that she did break up with Alexia, she felt off-balance. Her head was throbbing every time the picture of Alexia crying flashed in her mind.

 

              There, she was at the front door of her home. Warm light glowed through the living room’s windows, but it didn’t ease her fear as it should have. She hoped Sara saw the note and realized how desperate she was. Ava hoped their connection wasn’t just her own illusion. She hoped Sara felt the kiss too.

 

            But Sara told her she wanted to leave, and Ava couldn’t do anything but hoping the house was still filled with the noise from Animal Planet Channel.

 

            The door open and Ava heard nothing but her own movement. She took off her cloth and hung it before changing her shoes to a pair of slippers. She felt a little lightheaded as to the anticipation pounded in her chest.

 

             Actually, Ava didn’t really care about how the warm lighting was designed to resonate with human circadian rhythm. She preferred cool white light as it kept her alert. However, her shoulders relaxed when she saw Sara standing in the living room, bathed in the warm light. The thin lips parted as if she wanted to say something when she saw Ava, but there’s not a word that came out of her mouth.

 

          The woman in Ava’s hoodie looked away and tucked both her hands in the front pocket.

 

            It was complex, the unspeakable feelings between them. The tightness in her chest after leaving Alexia was still there and she needed time to process it. She was relieved that Sara was still in her house but she couldn’t let herself embrace the fact that Sara was here right now. The fact that she just broke up with Alexia held her back from thinking that she deserved happiness.

 

         But she forced herself to walk into her house and put down her backpack on the marble counter.

 

          “You feel better? Your nightmare last night was the worst.”

 

          Ava didn’t look at Sara, trying to keep her voice nonchalant, but she couldn’t say she didn’t hear the hesitation in her tone.

 

         “Really? I don’t even remember.”

 

            Ava felt a pang in her chest. So, nothing changed between them then. The feeling of Sara’s lips and they tasted flashed in her head. But it was nothing. She nodded to herself slightly. Good. So everything was less complicated if it was only her who remembered.

 

           But why did it hurt like this?

 

             Ava went to her room and closed the door. No, she couldn’t let it show. She wiped off the tears and got changed into the more comfortable clothes and let her hair down.

 

             Her eyes caught a photo on the table near her bed. She was happily laughing in Alexia’s arms. She slowly walked to the table and put the photo frame down. She sighed through her mouth. Her breath was hot.

 

            She couldn’t believe she was able to prepare a simple dinner for them without breaking down in front of Sara. But she couldn’t smile and she had no energy left to say a word. The beautiful blue eyes were soft upon her all the time but Sara didn’t push her to say anything. Without knowing what was going on in Ava’s head, Sara let her process things with the familiar quietness and the reassuring sound of her movements in Ava’s vicinity.  

 

          Ava was standing in front of the counter top after cleaning the dishes. It reminded her of their first dinner at her place. Alexia was excited about her cooking skills and followed her around the kitchen. Ava’s hands paused at the edge of the counter. She didn’t know how long she was standing there, doing nothing except staring aimlessly at the wall.

 

           She blinked her eyes when the strong arms circled around her waist, gently pulling her close to the warm body behind her back, and Ava had no energy left to resist the touch. Sara’s chin rested on one of her shoulders. Ava’s hands moved up to cover Sara’s hands on her belly. She turned her face to feel the side of Sara’s head.

 

        “What’s wrong?”

         Sara’s asked. Her lips brushed against Ava’s neck.

 

          Ava’s closed her eyes and breathed in the soothing scent from Sara’s hair. She didn’t answer but laced her fingers with Sara’s.

 

            Ava pried one of Sara’s hand off from her body. She turned herself around and tugged Sara’s hand slightly, asking her to follow. Ava led Sara to the sofa before leaving her there alone for a moment. She came back with a nail clipper and a napkin.

 

            She sensed how Sara’s eyes followed her movement. She sat on the sofa, facing Sara, unfolding the napkin on her lap and pulled Sara’s hand towards her. Sara’s nails grew too long as she had told her yesterday.

 

           The clipping sound was loud in the quiet room. Ava’s frowned a little to focus on the task. Sara automatically scooted closer and rested the side of her head on the sofa’s back. Ava heard a soft hum from Sara. Somehow, holding Sara’s hand like this and listening to whatever noise she made calmed the storm within her.

 

           Ava finished the right pinky and folded the napkin before leaving it on the coffee table. When she had nothing to do, thick silence filled the room for a long moment until she couldn’t stand it.

 

           She took a deep breath before flicking her eyes up to meet Sara’s.

 

          “I…”

 

           Ava paused. Knowing it in her head was one thing, saying it to someone was another. She swallowed.

 

           “I broke up..I broke up with Alexia.”

 

            And that beautiful name was lost in her throat when her tears fell from her puffy eyes.

 

           Sara’s reaction was instant. She moved closer while pulling Ava into her arms. Ava gravitated to her and buried her face onto Sara’s chest. Her breathing broke into sobbing and her body was shaking in Sara’s arms. The small hand gently rubbed her back with circle motion.

 

         “Shhh…it’s okay. I’m right here.”

 

             Sara’s heart ached the moment she saw Ava break into tears. She barely paid attention to what Ava just said. She didn’t think about it at all when Ava was hurting in her arms like this.

 

          “I’m sorry, Ava.” Sara placed a chaste kiss on Ava’s crown.

 

          She let Ava cry until her sobbing wasn’t frantic. Ava tried to control her breathing, forcing deep inhaling and exhaling until her tense body relax.

 

            Sara tightened her arms around her. Ava let herself indulge in the way Sara’s chest rose and fell against her face.

 

            She finally untangled herself from Sara and pulled back. She blinked the tears from her eyes and fixed her gaze on Sara, seeing how those blue eyes search Ava’s face, checking if Ava was okay.

 

           “Do you want anything? Do you want some tea?”

 

           Ava didn’t answer. Sara saw how those grey blues inspected her, as if Sara was someone she had never met. Sara wanted to reach her hand to stroke the redden face but she wasn’t sure if it was appropriate.

 

             She saw Ava pressed her lips tight for a moment.

 

            “Who are you?”

 

            Ava’s strained voice was intentional. Sara didn’t leave and she was here for her. The gentle and reassuring touch told Ava how much she cared for her. But it wasn’t enough. After all the nights they had spent together, all the frustration Ava had to deal with, all the crazy decisions she had made since they met, she still didn’t know who she was. Sara still didn’t open up to her. And it hurt, and Ava couldn’t endure it anymore when her heart was so weak like this.

 

            Sara froze for a long second. She swallowed and her bright blue eyes were dimmed. She knew it was unfair but what part about her would make sense enough to tell Ava? Sara Lance, The Black Canary, an assassin — once was dead and brought back to life. Her chest tightened. What if she told Ava the truth so she could easily kick Sara out of her house. If Ava knew, no way she would hold her hand and ward off her nightmare again. Sara’s arms still felt Ava after holding her for a while when she was crying. Too bad it would be their last touch.

 

           “I’m…I’m a princess.”

 

           Sara told weakly, trying to swallow all of the emotion down her throat. Her heart clenched when she saw Ava tighten her jaw, tears brimming her eyes again.

 

            “I’m nothing to you after all.”  

 

            The bitterness in her tone brought a sharp pain to Sara’s sternum. Sara shook her head, eyes pleading, begging Ava to listen to her.

 

          “I…I was lost. I couldn’t find the way home and a prince found me. The prince took my hand and kept me safe.”

 

             Sara tried so hard not to let her breath hitched, but she couldn’t do anything to stop her voice from shaking.

 

            “What are you talking about?, Sara.”

 

             Sara didn’t respond. She kept her eyes on Ava’s. The pain in her chest grew with every second pass with the glint of confusion in Ava’s eyes.

 

             “Oh…”

 

            Ava’s eyes widened for a second before they softened. She blinked a few times before reaching her hand to cup Sara’s face. Her index traced along Sara’s nose. Her thumb brushed against Sara’s lips.

 

           And Sara leaned into the touch. The familiar warm light glowed in her chest. It was so bright and warm that she had to close her eyes.

 

           “You were much cuter when you were little.”

 

           Ava drew her hand back to her lap. Sara opened her eyes to a gentle smile gracing Ava’s face. Candles lit in those grey blues and they were much more beautiful than the stars in the desert sky. Honey blonde hair cascaded down over one of her shoulders. And Sara’s breath was taken away. Her lips felt the tingle and she knew what it was.

 

           “May I kiss you?”

 

            She barely whispered. Her lips parted after the last word. It was impulsive and it was too late to take it back. The way Ava’s smile faltered made her heart skip a beat.

 

          Their eyes locked and it was quiet. And Sara trusted the heart that was beating in Ava’s chest.

 

          Ava’s brain stopped working. There’s nothing holding her back anymore. She nodded slightly.

 

          She closed her eyes and a moment later, soft lips lightly brushed against hers. The touch lasted for only a second before it was gone. Ava opened her eyes again. There was nothing left in her mind except those angelic eyes and freckled face smiling a few inches in front of her. Ava swallowed and Sara placed another chaste kiss on her cheek and pulled back.

 

          Ava’s hand found Sara’s and brought it to her lips, kissing the back of it as gently as she could, because she knew how fragile it was.

 

         That hand moved up to trace Ava’s hairline and tucked a strand of Ava’s hair behind her ear. Ava could tell that Sara’s fingers were slightly trembling.

 

          And before she could think too much about the space still left between them, Sara’s lips claimed hers. Her lips parted when Sara tilted her face to get a better angle. Ava’s hand circled around Sara’s waist and pulled her closer while laying her back down on the sofa armrest.

 

          Ava tasted the innocence and sincerity from the way Sara’s hot tongue tentatively massaged hers, as if she was learning and waiting Ava to tell her what she supposed to do next. The heart beating above Ava’s chest explained everything. She had never felt someone’s heart beating this loud just from kissing her.

 

           Ava’s hand moved up to cup Sara’s face, her thumb brushing her cheek, trying to calm Sara’s heartbeat.

 

           Sara was trembling and she was aware of it. Ava’s lips and tongue made every cell in her body alive and she couldn’t control her heart. Her legs tangled with Ava’s and the heat from her body ignited her skin.

 

           Sara let go of Ava’s swollen lips when air became a necessity. Ava sighed with contentment when Sara buried her face to the crook of her neck. She closed her eyes and let herself bathe in the sensation Sara just gave her. There were things that she had to process and they still needed to talk. But right now, her thought was singular. It was Sara -- Sara was the only thing she could think of and feel right now. Everything about Sara was wrapping around her.

 

          “What is this?”

 

          Sara’s hot breath tickled Ava’s neck.

 

          “What?”

 

           Ava’s fingers played with Sara’s hair. Sara let out a shaky sigh.

 

           “The way I feel about you. The way I want you only for myself. The way my chest hurt when I couldn’t have you. Why is my heart beating so loud like this? Do you know what it is?”

 

          Sara talked breathily. She was basically panting against Ava’s skin.

 

           Ava’s chest fluttered and her arms tightened around Sara. Her heart swollen at the realization that Sara didn’t know what it was. What kind of cruel life could take away the human ability to comprehend the fundamental, yet, special feeling such as this?

 

          “I know.”

 

           Ava’s words brushed against Sara’s temple.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Yes, Alexia was that good. Ava is amazing she wouldn't date a bad person. And honestly, my head hurts too. I was completely lost myself when I wrote chapter 11. It is difficult to get myself to that state again. Anyway, I'm having fun writing and thanks for reading this unnecessarily angsty thing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random objects: Cheese blintz and Creme Brûlée 
> 
> Music: Sleeping At Last: Hearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @xan for the beta.

  


           How long had Ava been sleeping alone most of the nights on her king size bed? How many times having someone on the same bed with her didn’t feel right? How long did she believe that the weight of her expensive duvet was enough to ground her and lull her to sleep? How many years had this kind of lifeless fabric been the only main source of comfort, wrapping around her, shielding her from the bad thoughts and exhaustion?

 

           The arm draping over her chest and the head on her shoulder were heavier than her duvet. But they were not too heavy, just the right amount of pressure to ease any form of anxiety and make her feel grounded. It was a lot warmer when the source of the heat wasn’t from herself alone. Ava sighed softly. A shiny strand of blonde hair flew just slightly because of her breath.

 

           Yes, it wasn’t the first time Ava decided to sleep in bed with Sara. But it was the first time they completely let themselves gravitate to each other — the first time when the space between them became unnecessary. The thin wall of doubt and guilt that made Ava hesitate to pull Sara closer crumbled just by that kiss.

 

            She had partners before. She was well aware of the unromanticized truth that sleeping with her limbs tangled with someone’s wouldn’t result in a restful sleep. But somehow, the weight, the skin flush with hers, and the scent of Sara’s warm breath didn’t bother her at all.

 

            It was Saturday. Ava didn’t have an excuse to get up and escape the inevitable attraction. Her arm that Sara was sleeping on circled around the small shoulders, her fingers playing with Sara’s hair. The touch was feather light, Ava didn’t want to wake her up.

 

             Ava’s eyes fell downward to look at Sara’s eyelashes. The freckles painted across her nose bridge and there was a tiny darker spot on the top of her cupid bow. Ava found it distracting.

 

             The pinkish plump lips brushed against her chest and Ava felt the dampness cooling her skin. She grimaced. Sara wasn’t a little princess anymore. Ava moved her shoulder away and lay on her side, facing the other woman. Sara stirred and immediately tightened her arm around Ava torso, pulling Ava back to her.

 

             And when those blue eyes slowly opened and squinted a little to adjust to the gentle morning light, Ava’s heart skipped a beat, she completely forgot how germaphobic she was.

 

            Ava blinked her eyes slowly. She knew how beautiful those eyes were but she never had a chance to look at them just for the sake of their beauty. Now, there was no reason left to make her look away. In fact, they demanded her attention. And from the way the light shimmered on them, Ava knew Sara wouldn’t just quickly looked away and trained her eyes on somewhere else like she usually did.

 

            They didn’t talk for a long moment. Maybe their brains were not awake enough to form a word. Sara blinked a lot but her eyes didn’t make sound. Ava’s bedroom was quiet enough for them to hear the pleasant whistles of cardinals on the tree near the windows.

 

              Ava heard a hard swallow before Sara slipped out her tongue to wet her lips. Ava’s stomach felt a swoop at the sight.

 

              “Ava…” It was barely a whisper.

 

              “What?”

 

              “Um, uh..I…”

 

               Sara nudged closer, her breathing was shortened. Ava leaned back just enough to noticed how flustered Sara was. Heat radiated from Sara’s blushing cheeks and Ava could feel it.

 

             “What’s wrong? You’re having fever again?”

 

             Sara flicked her eyes up to see Ava before looking downward and biting her lower lip. Ava gasped without a sound. She was sure Sara did it on purpose.

 

             “I…think… I’m kind of…”

 

             Sara swallowed again.

 

             “Uh… turned on.”

              She cleared her throat.

 

                Ava frowned and her mouth gaped open in disbelief. She immediately extracted herself from Sara’s arm. But, still, it wasn’t quick enough for her to not notice the hardened peaks brushing against her body.

 

             “Gross!”

 

             Ava grimaced, getting herself out of the duvet. She sat up and pulled the duvet up to cover Sara’s face before scooting backward to the empty space of her bed. She huffed in annoyance and shook her head. Sara was unbelievable, she didn’t understand _that feeling_ but knew _this_ one _._

 

           “Why are you like this!? This is very disrespectful of you!” Ava glared at the other woman, who was getting her head out of the duvet.

 

            “Ouch!”

 

            Ava threw a pillow at her face. Sara blocked the pillow with her arm.

 

              “I’m just being honest! Why do you have to act like it’s a big deal? Last time I checked, there’s no children in this house.”

 

               Ava folded her arms over her chest, her face scrunched at how casual Sara was while talking about _that_ thing. Ava couldn’t find a logic or pattern to explain Sara’s selective amnesia.

 

               “I’m a healthy grown woman. And it’s early morning.” Sara whined and that wasn’t cute at all.

 

               A plush toy was thrown at her. This time, Sara was quick enough to catch it.  

 

              “Seriously? Are you a hormonal teenage boy or what!?”

 

               Sara huffed. Ava frowned, she was supposed to be the one who was offended by Sara’s inappropriate confession.

 

               "Hey, it doesn’t mean I want to do it right now. It’s just my body's natural reaction. I’m not a stone, alright. I can't’ help it.”

 

              “Go back to your room.”

 

             Ava commanded sternly.  Sara looked at Ava with her signature shit-eating grin — that cocky smirk that was so annoying. Ava wanted to pinch her cheek every time she did it.

 

              Ava’s body tensed up when Sara crawled towards her. Before Ava could think of moving away, Sara closed the gap between them, her strong arms circled around Ava’s neck, pulling her against Sara’s warm and soft body. The thin cotton fabric of their pajamas was the only thing in between them. The familiar scent of their shampoo wrapped around Ava’s head. She closed her eyes, feeling Sara. Their hug always felt like this — comfortable, never too suffocating, never too loose.

 

               Ava pursed her lips in annoyance but she placed one of her hands on the small of Sara’s back, applying some pressure so Sara moved a little closer to her.

 

              “Not cool. You just wanted to tease me. You already know that I’m awkward around this sort of thing.”

 

               Sara’s palm moved to the back of Ava’s head.

 

                “Sorry.”

 

               Her lips were flush with Ava’s cheekbone. Ava pulled back a little, just enough to look at Sara’s blushing face.

 

                “And it weirds me out that you were that kid. Like, I can’t look at you and don’t see that little kid. You were so small. So tiny I could easily carry you with one arm.”

 

                 “Damn. I shouldn’t have told you.” Sara groaned.

 

                 Sara was infuriating like that, but Ava knew it was just her way to hide something that plagued her from the inside. A tinge of bitterness tugged at her chest. Ava moved her gaze down, swallowing before looking up to meet Sara again. She fixed Sara with intensity in her eyes.

 

              “I know you’d rather tell me about that instead of telling me about your past.”

 

                Sara froze and the sparkles of joy in her eyes were vanished. She let out a shaky breath through her mouth.

 

                Before she could find a word to respond, Ava pulled her closer, cradling her gently like when she carried her to the zoo’s visitor center.

 

                “I didn’t mean to push you to talk about what you don’t want to share. It’s just… I have to find the way to make you feel better. Your hands will heal soon. A few days more, I guess. But I want to free you from those nightmares too.”

 

                  Sara didn’t say anything for a long moment, only resting her head on Ava’s shoulder, breathing the scent of Ava to calm her lungs.

 

                  They were quietly clinging on each other for a long moment, so long that Ava started to regret what she said. Maybe she crossed the line. Maybe she was too confident about what they had together — that Sara would open up to her.

 

                “Can we get some more sleep?”

 

              Finally, Sara broke the silence.

 

                Ava shook her head.

 

               “Actually, no. We’re cleaning the house today. Your hands seem fine so you’re doing the laundry and vacuuming the carpet.”

 

                Sara lifted her head up and pouted at Ava. She groaned, arms still clinging on Ava’s neck.

 

              “How dare you disobey my order?”

 

              Ava tilted her head and raised one of her eyebrows.

 

             “And so what?”

             Sara challenged.

 

           Ava gave her a devilish grin and Sara regretted her cockiness already.

 

             “Arghhh… NO!”

 

             Her body squirmed on Ava’s lap, struggling to untangle herself from Ava’s arms when her fingers tickling the sensitive spots on the side of Sara’s torso. Sara hated the fact that she’s an assassin but still had this embarrassing weakness.

 

            “Ava! Stop!” Sara protested, but it didn’t stop Ava’s giggles and her hands.

 

             Ava trailed her fingers up along Sara’s body to the most sensitive spots under her armpits.

 

            “I’m sorry! I will do anything! Stop!”

 

              Sara’s arms felt weak but Ava didn’t stop. She was enjoying how helpless Sara was. Their laughter brightened the room.

 

             Ava wasn’t prepared when her shoulders were shoved harshly. She let out a whimper. She heard a thud when her back fell onto the mattress. The next thing she felt was the strong grip around her wrists, pinning them against the mattress on both sides of her head.

 

            She felt the warm pressure straddled her hips, blonde hair flowing down above her, blue eyes widened, awestruck, fixing on Ava’s face.

 

            And all the noises around them faded out, leaving only the soft sound of their breathing. Ava saw Sara swallow before her lips parted as if it was difficult to breathe through her nose.

 

              She just woke up. But with just her messy hair and her bare skin that glowed under the streak of light from the window, Sara already looked more beautiful than Ava had ever seen.

 

            Ava’s eyes danced with the morning light reflecting on them. She couldn’t stop taking in Sara, as if she wasn’t familiar with her, as if the affection she always got from those arctic blues was infinite. And her mind was blank, enchanted in the moment.

 

            She saw Sara blink her eyes slowly. Her fingers let go of Ava’s wrists. Sara straightened her back and sighed.

 

            “Uh..sorry.”

 

             Her voice was small as if she wasn’t quite sure what she was saying.

 

             The sweet tinge of pain gently poked Ava’s heart when Sara tore her gaze from her and moved herself off Ava’s lap. She still looked flustered but she managed to get herself out of the bed.

 

             “I’m making coffee.”

 

             She told Ava before leaving her bedroom.

 

             When the door shut. Ava pulled the duvet to cover her head. She felt the heat on her cheeks and wanted to scream.

This was weird.

 

             Ava wasn’t ready for this. Knowing that she had feelings for Sara was one thing. It was easier when it was only about herself. Now that she knew exactly how Sara felt and what she wanted, Ava didn’t know how to deal with the change. It was too fast for her to catch her breath. And Ava wasn’t a woman who jumped into a new relationship the day after a break up. Alexia’s teary face was still haunting her.

 

              But that formless light in her chest that faltered her heartbeat was growing as if it was unstoppable. It was reasonable to slow it down whenever it shadowed over the guilt that she _should_ feel.

 

             Just one innocent kiss, the normal Sara — the useless, the stranger, the annoying girl who wasn’t supposed to mean anything to her— had transformed into something she didn’t dare to put a name to. Ava closed her eyes, tired of the bubbling warmth in her stomach.

 

            +++++++++

 

             Sara was learning. But the more she learned about human feelings, the more confused she was. Everything was messy and illogical. She was supposed to be drowning in the darkness after learning about her death and the bloodlust. She was supposed to grieve for her tragic past and seek redemption. And importantly, she should feel bad for Ava that she broke up with someone so kind and beautiful like Alexia.

 

           She barely felt those feelings and it didn’t make sense. However, at least, Sara understood an aspect of human nature called  selfishness — the lack of consideration for others, being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal pleasure. Was it bad to want Ava only for herself? Was it right that her chest felt the warmth that might be called _‘hope’_ when it sank in that Ava didn’t belong to Alexia anymore? Sara questioned herself many times already.

 

            It had been a week since the night she kissed Ava and her heart beat like gunshots. Things didn’t really change in general, except that the days were brighter and the air was cleaner. Of course, winter in the coast cities like Starling wouldn’t last that long. At least, today, the sun started to clear the gloomy fog covering the heartless city.

 

              Every passing day, it was harder for Sara to keep her hands to herself and not pull Ava into her arms and kiss her every chance she had. It was frustrating that Ava became awkward around her as if they hadn’t spent so many nights together in each other’s arms.

 

            But Sara couldn’t have asked for anything more. Knowing that Ava would come back every night and keep her safe from nightmares was gratifying enough. And she started to think that maybe the Lazarus Pit wasn’t the most unimaginable secret of the universe.

 

             It was weird that she didn’t heard Ava talking to Alexia on her phone in the morning.The familiar bitterness she usually felt every evening when she wondered if Ava had a date night was also gone.

 

             But it didn’t mean Ava was hers. It meant Ava was taking her time to process her break up. It meant Ava hadn’t found someone else good enough for her.

 

             That’s what she told herself to slow her heart rate down when she saw Ava enter the house every time she came home. Sara shouldn’t feel like that. She learned from Animal Planet that it was the way dogs reacted when their owners came home.

 

            Was she tired of convincing herself that Ava didn’t do it for her? — that she didn’t break up with Alexia because she wanted to hold Sara without anything holding her back?

 

            One of the most frustrating things, though, was the fact that Ava didn’t bathe her and dress her anymore. The last time she did, she wore the sunglasses. It was fair. Actually, Sara had to admit that they both had been pretending that she wasn’t capable of taking care of herself for too long. Lately, the real purpose of bathing wasn’t about her hygiene. Rather, it was an excuse to have a temporary bubble separating them from the weighty reality.

 

            The reality that hit her hard yesterday morning.

 

_She woke up with an empty bed. Knowing that Ava already went out to work, she pulled Ava’s pillow to her chest just to salvage Ava’s scent left on it. Her grogginess was suddenly wiped away when she realized that she didn’t feel the slight tingling when she clutched at the pillow anymore._

 

 _She told Ava last night. Ava didn’t give her any response for a long moment._ _So_ _long the air in the house thickened._

 

_Sara clenched one of her hands and she felt like something was missing when she couldn’t feel the familiar pain. The conversation they had a month ago echoed in her head. She remembered telling Ava she would leave as soon as she was healed. Her chest ached at the memory of how Ava used to keep the distance between them because she intended to let her stay just temporarily. Ava even made it clear that they didn’t need to know each other because they would be apart soon enough._

 

_The last reason that justified her presence in Ava’s house was gone and Sara felt lost. She wasn’t ready to think about the future reality. It was reasonable to go back to her family or the League, properly dealing with the consequence of resurrection instead of holding on to Ava to prevent the bloodlust. If things went well, she might be able to meet Ava again._

 

_But she couldn’t shatter this beautiful terrarium — the small sphere where there were only Sara and Ava — the sanctuary where they pretended they couldn’t see the larger world outside the glass container._

 

_Ava just nodded slightly and closed the distance between them. She gently took both of Sara’s hands in hers. Sara felt Ava’s thumb tracing her palm and then massaged her finger joints one by one. Her hands were warm around Sara’s and every touch was careful and considerate. They were few inches away but Ava kept her eyes on Sara’s fingers. She heard Ava sigh, her eyelashes fluttering a few times._

 

_“Good. I’m glad.” Ava’s voice was small._

 

_She let go of Sara’s hand and tucked Sara’s hair behind her ear._

 

_“We should celebrate this.”_

 

_Ava smiled, but Sara wasn’t sure if she heard any excitement in her tone._

 

                Sara’s phone buzzed and her mind returned to the table in the coffee shop few blocks away from Ava’s house. She picked a good spot at the corner near a window. Warm light from a tiny candle shimmered on the a small ceramic pot of cactus.

 

_“See you in ten.”_

 

              Her lips formed a soft smile. Her eyes sparkled. Ava was on her way. They didn’t usually eat out because Ava cooked better than most of the restaurants. However, Sara thought it would be nice to have a small break of their routine. She didn’t ask for a fancy restaurant, just a small coffee shop that served desserts.

 

             Sara thumb traced the lock screen of her phone. She liked this simple photo so much. It was Ava in her white dress shirt with an apron. Sara took it while Ava was cooking in front of the stove. She liked looking at Ava’s back. Those arms and her spine used to pick her up whenever she fell. Ava’s shoulders were small but together with the well pressed white shirt, they made the most beautiful rectangular shape. The photo didn’t show Ava face but that’s what Sara liked about it. Only herself and Ava would know whose photo it was. She found intimacy in that thought.

 

             Sara caught a smirk from the barista behind the cashier counter. He winked at her before returning his focus to his work. Sara was familiar with this place. Actually, she came here sometimes when she was bored. It was the one that sheltered her on the second night after Ava found her. She remembered how she tried to be calm and unaffected by the thought of Ava having a dinner with her ex - girlfriend and her parents. She felt so lost and she couldn’t deny the unfamiliar bitterness in her chest. She remembered the painful walk in the rain from the coffee shop to the park when she had no place to go.

 

             She shook her head at the memory. She felt that much even then. Resurrection was mysterious, but the most incomprehensible part of it was when her eyes found Ava’s and suddenly the monochromic dreams turned into a colorful and warm reality.

 

             Ten minutes was long and Sara craned her neck to look at the coffee shop front door every time she heard a chime when someone opened it.

 

             The bell hanging on the door handle chimed again. Sara sighed when she saw a man in suit entered the shop. He held the door opened, waiting for someone to get inside. Sara frowned when she saw Ava in her favorite coat. She was smiling to that man as if they were in the middle of a conversation.

 

             Ava finally found Sara and made a beeline to her table. Sara clenched her fist when she saw the man following Ava.

 

             Sara saw how his smile faltered when he saw her. The way he pulled the hem of his jacket down nervously was quite telling. A smile returned to his face again but he obviously tried to avoid eye contact with Sara.

 

           “Have a nice day, Michael.”

 

            Ava told him halfway before they reached where Sara was sitting. Clearly, Ava wasn’t into his conversation. The man’s smile faltered for a short moment before he said goodbye back to Ava and walked to the cashier counter to order his to-go cup.

 

           Ava dropped her backpack on the floor under the table and pulled the chair for herself. She took of her coat and hanged it on the back of the chair.

 

            “Who is he? Did he bother you?”

 

            Sara didn’t wait until Ava sat properly. She didn’t look at Ava, her hand was playing with the edge of the menu.

 

           “Just a neighbor.”

 

             Ava answered while taking off her jacket. She put it on her lap before grabbing the menu. She rest her back against the chair back. She pulled the pins in her formal bun and let her hair flow down over her shoulders for a moment before using a black hair tie to keep them in a ponytail, leaving a few strands loose around her face.

 

            “I’m so hungry. Didn’t have time to eat lunch today.” Ava mumbled while studying the menu.

 

            “Are you sure he didn’t bother you?”

 

            “He’s Alexia’s colleague.”

 

           Sara glanced at the door, waiting until the man exited the coffee shop.

 

           “He looks suspicious. I don’t trust him.”

 

             Ava rolled her eyes and put the menu down. She gave Sara a disapproval look.

 

            “Jealousy isn't cute.”

 

             Sara turned her attention to Ava again, her cheeks turned pink and her mouth open, flustered by Ava’s comment.

 

              Ava pressed her lips tight. Crinkles formed at the corners of her eyes. She was trying not to laugh.

 

              A moment later, a server came to their table. Ava noticed right away that his eyes were lingered on Sara for too long. That’s normal. Men always assumed that it was natural for them to look at women whenever they wanted. And Sara was cute in the pink hoodie Ava gave her. She couldn’t imagine how breathtaking Sara could be if she actually dressed up.

 

             But Ava didn’t like it. She had to keep her eyes on the menu to prevent herself from doing something unnecessary.

 

             Ava ordered cheese blintzes while Sara got herself a crème brûlée. Few minutes later two mugs of coffee were served.

 

             Ava noticed Sara’s eyebrows quirked up. She picked the napkin up to have a closer look of it.

 

              “Oh.”

 

             Sara turned her head to the coffee counter.  Ava followed her eyes and saw the barista waved at Sara.

 

             Ava wasn’t aware that her jawline suddenly became more pronounced. She turned her eyes back to her coffee, trying to calm herself from that ugly feeling she’d never knew she was capable of having. This was stupid. It was just a little thing and Sara didn’t even look interested.

 

              “Got a new friend?” Ava asked, still looking at her cup.

 

              “Not really.” Sara sipped her coffee.

 

               “He looks not bad for a guy.”

 

              Ava’s eyes still didn’t meet Sara’s. She internally cursed herself for saying such thing. She didn’t understand the urge to poke Sara about the guy instead of letting it go and having a good time together.

 

             “Not my type.”

 

               Something was still nagging in her chest. Sara’s answer wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear.

 

                The desserts were finally brought to their table. The barista was confident enough to do the job himself. Ava clenched her palm involuntarily on her lap when she saw him look at Sara.

 

                But who was Ava to tell him to back off? She didn’t have a right to say whom Sara could talk to. She trained her eyes on her plate instead.

 

               “I’m Clay. We’re having a party here tonight. You two are welcome to join us.”

 

              Ava frowned at his deep voice. She didn’t hear Sara respond to him. She heard a clink of a spoon tapping on a plate.

 

              “Ava, do you wanna try this?”

 

                Ava looked up. Sara was holding a spoon full of custard.

 

                “Come on. It tastes good.”

 

                 Sara told her enthusiastically, nudging the spoon closer to Ava’s lips.

 

                 Ava hesitated before opening her mouth and eat from Sara’s spoon. The delicate taste of the creamy custard and the sweet crunch of the caramel filled her mouth. Ava couldn’t help but moan at how good the dessert was.

 

                Her eyes met with Sara’s. Those bright blues sparkled with the glint of joy. Sara grinned cheek to cheek.

 

                “You like it?”

 

                Sara asked. Her gaze fell on Ava’s lips as she licked the cream at the corner of her mouth.

 

                Ava nodded. She dug her spoon into the burrito shaped sweet crepe filled with creme fraiche and soaked in mixed berries sauce.

 

                “Wanna try mine?”

 

                 Ava brought her spoon to Sara and the girl didn’t hesitate. She didn’t let it go easily when Ava pulled it back.

 

                 Ava frowned but she couldn’t hide a smile when Sara acted childishly like this.

 

                 Sara let it go when she heard the barista walked away from them, leaving them alone. She didn’t even see how his confident smile faded. It was difficult to be aware of the environment when Ava was sitting in front of her being cute and all.

 

              They finished the desserts quicker than they had intended. They knew even though they didn't actually talk to each other that they wanted to leave this place as soon as possible. When they were ready to go, Ava grabbed the receipt left on the table and walked to the cashier.

 

              Before she could take her card out of her wallet. Sara placed four wrinkled ten dollar bills on the counter. Ava raised her eyebrows in surprise. She didn’t get a chance to protest when Sara just pulled her hand and dragged her towards the exit.

 

             When the cool wind hit her face, she put Ava’s hand in her coat pocket, sliding her fingers to lace with Ava’s.

 

             “This is not a practical way to walk.”

 

              Ava commented but didn’t pull her hand out of Sara’s pocket. Sara ignored her and  headed towards the direction of their home.

 

              “And how did you get that money?”

 

              “I sold my kiss on the sidewalk when you weren’t home.”

 

              Sara answered playfully.

 

              Ava rolled her eyes and halted her step.

 

               “I’m kidding. That was my savings”

 

               Sara squeezed Ava’s hand.

 

               “Savings?” Ava chuckled. She did leave some money for Sara so she could do something outside if she got bored. But she rarely found Sara actually used it.

 

              Sara let out an annoyed huff and let go of Ava’s hand so she could turned her body to face her. There, that smirk again. Ava didn’t know how long she could pretend she didn’t like it.

 

              “Seeing you being jealous was worth my savings.”

 

              Ava’s mouth gaped open. Her shoulders tensed. She wasn’t prepared to be called out by Sara like this. She was supposed to be the mature one. Ava huffed, couldn’t find the right words to respond when Sara looked at her like this. She knew her cheeks already turned pink.

 

             She closed her eyes for a moment to compose herself. She opened her eyes and looked into the street, avoiding Sara’s warm gaze.

 

              “Erm, sorry, that was selfish. I shouldn’t have acted like that. You can talk to whomever you wanted to.” Ava stuttered.

 

               Sara shook her head.

 

                To Ava’s surprise, Sara stepped closer. Ava couldn’t avoid those charming eyes anymore.

 

                 Sara chewed her lower lip for a moment. She was thinking, eyes locked with Ava’s.  

 

                 “I want to be someone you can be truly selfish with.”

 

                 The light in Ava’s chest melted her rigid shoulders. She swallowed the warm feeling surging within her. She felt the warmth in her eyes too. They were lively, dancing, shimmering with the late afternoon light. She searched Sara’s face for a sign of regret. She found nothing except…except that affection that had been there since… since when? Ava couldn’t pinpoint when exactly as if it was already there all along like the ocean or the sun.

 

              Sara tugged her hands, pulling Ava closer.

 

              “May I kiss you again?”

 

               Ava had to close her eyes and breath through her mouth at the request.

 

               “Are you gonna ask me every time?”

 

                “You don’t like PDA.”

 

                Ava rolled her eyes before leaning down to placed her lips on Sara’s. The kiss was weighty — momentous like she meant it, grounding both of them to where they belonged.

 

              Starling City’s traffic was always busy even in the suburbs. The street was filled by the humming of machines, interrupted sometimes by the spiccato of car horns. A middle aged woman just yelled _‘Fuck you’_ at a driver who didn’t stop the car when the traffic light turned red.

 

              Sara and Ava heard none of those noise. The glass terrarium was soundproof.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww. I had to make it this fluff because of the AVA clones issue in the trailer last night. Like. That's the angst. I needed to cope.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random things: Sunshower and a chubby cat
> 
> Music: The City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra : Romeo y Julieta ; Sleeping At Last : Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank @Xan for the help. I will put your name on my dissertation acknowledgement.

 

           Yes, it was bright and shining ten minutes ago but one sure thing Sara knew about her hometown was its volatile weather. Not so long after a chilly gust of wind hit her face and Ava pulled her closer, sunlight was filtered by a single mass of cloud. It poured over them. Gentle raindrops glittered in the air and some of it was on their hair.

 

           Ava took off her coat and used it to cover their heads, one of her arms circled around Sara’s shoulders, keeping the small body under her coat. Sara’s arm automatically reached behind Ava’s back, holding on to the delicate but strong body.

 

           Sunshower — _The Wolf’s Wedding._ Sara couldn’t help but recall the folktales told  by her colleagues. Those assassins were human and they let it show in their eyes sometimes during cold nights in the desert where the eyes of the Demon couldn’t touch them. Living on the edge of the world, being cut off from the normal human society, memories of their homelands were the only connection to their lives before the League. Sometimes, they even dared to use the names they should’ve forgotten. Azra said it was a wolf, Svetlana added that in Siberia it was a bear.

 

           But the most touching story was told by Hiro. He recalled a tale of the Fox Bride told in his village. A fox demon was injured by a trap. A young man found her and took care of her until she recovered and returned her to the forest. The demon disguised herself in a form of beautiful girl and came to see the man who saved her life. They fell in love. The wedding happened on the day that had a sunshower with a beautiful rainbow painted in the sky. Tragically, on their wedding night, the groom found out his bride was a fox. He freaked out. She ran away, heart-broken.

 

           Sara looked up to the sky. Luckily most of the wolf’s wedding tales were not tragic. And she definitely liked this particular moment of sunshower. She didn’t see the rainbow but the way the light reflected on the raindrops was pleasant enough to look. It added a glint of delight to the sweet swelling in her chest caused by Ava’s kiss.

 

          She would let the cold rain pour over her anytime if she could see droplets of water dripping down from Ava’s face while she was in her arms like this. Ava’s make up was usually light. By the end of the day, it was usually gone. There’s no dark trail of mascara under her eyes, just the smooth skin and those grey-blues eyes shining like the raindrops.

 

           “You good? Are you cold?”

 

            Ava’s breath warmed Sara’s ear. Sara shook her head and looked up to Ava, water dripping down from her chin. She liked how some of the water stuck on Ava’s long eyelashes.

 

          “Let’s go home then.” Ava told her softly.

 

           The humming of thunder echoed from somewhere far away. Sara and Ava quickened their steps. There’s good chance that the real rain storm was on its way. Their arms were clinging on each other as if it could actually keep them dry.

 

            By the time they reached the corner of the block where Ava’s house located. The cold water already seeped through their clothes. Sara rolled herself out of Ava’s arm and grabbed her hand. She made Ava ran. She laughed and tasted the water falling from the sky.

 

           They reached the doorstep and Sara took the key out of her pocket, opening the door in no time.

 

           The door was shut behind Ava just before the storm cloud completely shadowed the neighborhood. Their laugher mixed with the thrumming and pelting of heavy raindrops on the roof and the windows. They both quickly took off their shoes.

 

            Ava didn’t get a chance to hang her wet coat properly when her body was pressed against the hardwood wall. Sara’s hands were on the sides of her torso, holding Ava in place between her body and the wooden surface, water dripping from her hair. Ava placed one of her hands on the side of Sara’s neck, unable to move her eyes away from the beautiful freckled face. Her skin looked paler because of the cold but her eyes were so blue and bright- as if they had their own source of light.

 

           Sara didn’t move any closer. Her lips parted a little and Ava’s hand felt the pulse quickening on Sara’s neck.

 

           Her chest felt the rise and fall of Sara’s chest. The heat from their bodies started to warm the water soaking their clothes. Sara’s nostrils flared and her breath was hot. Blue eyes were lost in Ava’s.

 

          Ava nodded just slightly and pulled Sara’s neck towards her. Their cold lips touched and Ava’s body shivered. Sara reflexively pulled back a little, fear that Ava might not want it. The tips of their upper lips were barely connected. Ava’s fingers brushed against Sara’s cheek.

 

           “You will get sick again.” Ava whispered against Sara’s lips. She felt Sara’s eyelashes tickle her cheek.

 

          Sara took her time to feel Ava, grazing her nose on Ava’s cheek, her eyes close, her hands absentmindedly scraping Ava’s torso.  

 

          Sara lingered on the closeness between them for a moment before slowly pulling herself back.

 

           “Okay.”  Sara’s strained voice told Ava.

 

             Her hands loosened their grip on Ava’s body, one of them grabbed Ava’s wrist and led her inside the house. The light turned on the moment they got in the living room.

 

             “You go shower first. I can wait.” Sara said while taking off her pink hoodie.

 

              Ava nodded. Her throat felt a bit too dry to respond.

 

              Ava went to the bathroom and came back to Sara who was now only in her blue t-shirt and a pair of white boyshorts, sitting on the couch with her knees tucked to her chest. Ava swallowed at the sight before throwing a clean towel at her.

 

               “I’ll be quick.”

 

              Ava trained her eyes on the carpet and walked back to the direction of the bathroom. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen Sara naked before.

 

               When the warm water hit her skin, Ava sighed. They could’ve just showered together. But she knew well that both of them were on edge. The last kiss still lingered on her lips, as vividly as if Sara were kissing her right now. And her heart pounded harder, aching at some points as if it was gently squeezed in Sara’s small hand. Ava groaned. She was a grown woman. Her brain shouldn't feel hazy like when she was fourteen.

 

             +++++++++

 

              The rain had already stopped when Sara finished showering. Droplets of water blurred the small hopper window glass in the laundry room, but Sara could see the crimson of sunset peek from the edge of the sky outside. She pulled the hem of her t-shirt down to cover her midsection. She did the laundry today but she hadn’t taken the clothes out of the dryer. She unloaded them to the basket, got herself the needed t-shirt, and started to fold the clothes.

 

            Sara smiled when she saw a tiny print of a round-shaped cartoon cat peek from the pile of clothes in the basket. Her hand automatically reached for it, unfolding the garment to have a closer look.

 

            The tiny fat cat was printed on a corner near the waistband of the white panties. Sara knew that Ava owned two categories of underwear, the set of black and grey formal cotton satin hipsters and those cute cotton briefs for her casual day. Sara was sure she was the only person besides Ava who knew this secret.

 

            Her thumb rubbed the cat on the soft fabric. Was it weird that her chest felt lightness just from how cute it was? And her mind started to think randomly about the cat. She wondered what breed this chubby boy represented. Did it have a name?

 

            A hand snatched the panties from her sight and Sara’s mind was brought back to the laundry room.

 

            “Did you just meditate on my underwear!?” Ava scolded her.

 

            She put the garment back to the pile of clothes. She frowned, but Sara could see that she was also blushing. Oh…this was too cute.

 

             Sara smirked and raised her eyebrows. She saw Ava’s clench her teeth. It always worked. Her charming smirk always riled Ava up successfully.

 

            “What can I do for you?”  Sara asked, folding her arms over her chest.

 

             Her eyes widened when she realized what was wrong.

 

              “Oh crap! I left my wet clothes on the bathroom floor right? Sorry.”

 

             Sara strode to the open door.

 

             Before she could go any further, Ava caught her upper arm. Sara’s eyes glanced at Ava’s long fingers and flicked up to look at Ava’s face.

 

             “Did I get the floor wet, too?”

 

               Ava rolled her eyes at the nervous look on Sara’s face. Her free hand drew up to pat Sara’s damp hair.

 

               “You haven’t dried your hair, creep.”

 

              Ava smirked, amused by how flustered Sara was. The faint crimson appeared on her cheeks and Ava’s chest fluttered at the fact that she could easily make Sara blush.

 

               “Let’s dry your hair.”   Ava put a clean towel over Sara’s head.

 

                She led Sara to the sofa. Ava sat on it and Sara sat on the floor in front of her like she usually did.

 

               A hair dryer was plugged in. Ava set it on low heat. Her free hand ruffled Sara’s wet hair.

 

                Ava knew Sara could take care of herself but she missed doing this for her. Maybe she just wanted to prolong the warm light that had been glowing within her since she saw Sara at the coffee shop today. She wasn’t sure if she should let it disappear the same way the storm cloud was leaving the sky.

 

                Sara’s hair was so smooth and soft to the touch. The peach scent of Ava’s shampoo was sweet and soothing. It was relaxing to spend a short moment just to be close to Sara and think only about her. It had the same effect like when she brushed Luke’s fluffy fur, except the spoiled cat didn’t usually cooperate.

 

               Her long fingers threaded with Sara’s hair, gently combing while the warm air blowing few inches away. The blonde hair was volumized and Ava smiled to herself, thinking that Sara looked just like the lion.

 

              Sara sighed and rested her head on Ava’s thigh. She liked it when Ava blow dried her hair. She felt how the tips of Ava’s fingers massaged her scalp and her body melted into the simple gesture. If she was a cat she would’ve purred.

 

                The house was quiet again when the hair dryer was turned off. The sharp contrast between the humming of the machine and the silence in the house made it felt quieter than it should — the kind of emptiness that made it difficult to hide the whisper of secrets and the sound of feelings.

 

              Sara tilted her head and looked up to Ava. Her soft smile made Sara’s chest flutter. Her warm hand was still on Sara’s crown. Sara had thought that the shower would give them the needed break from the hazy warm rush that clouded their brains — that the adrenaline from running in the rain and their recent kiss would come down.

 

               But the thought of _kissing Ava_ was enough to make Sara feel short of breath.

 

                Ava was so beautiful and caring. Who would have thought that someone so worthless and dangerous like Sara would have found someone like Ava. It was as if Ava’s hands were destined to find Sara’s and reassure her there was hope — that there was a new life beyond that of an assassin, the life in which Sara didn’t have to hide in the shadows and mourn the deaths she had caused — the life that was so simple, free of violence and fear.

 

            With the warm pale blues looking at her with something Sara wasn’t quite able to name, Sara felt a lump forming in her throat. It was a surge of realization that Ava was here with her, that the life she wouldn’t dare to dream of was right here in this moment.

 

              However, all of what they had was built on anything but who she really was. Ava had been nice to her and wasn’t afraid of her because she didn’t know her past. She had been patient. She didn’t push Sara to confess her darkness, but that because their worlds were so different that Ava wouldn’t be able to imagine how monstrous Ta-er al-Sahfer was.

 

               Hiro’s deep voice echoed in Sara’s mind. The memory of the night in the cold desert chilled her skin.

 

              “ _The cool moonlight shone through the window, his bride looked nervous. He thought the young bride was just too shy and didn’t have any idea about what he was going do to her. He cooed_ _at_ _her softly and started undressing her wedding kimono. The smooth and pale shoulders glowed and his breath hitched, his hands worked faster, couldn’t wait to see how beautiful she was without clothes._

 

_He screamed and frantically found his way out of the room. His face contorted with horror when he noticed a fox tail attached to his bride’s naked body. He ran and ran, wanting to be as far away from the demon as possible.”_

 

               Sara’s lips parted and a drop of tears fell from a corner of her eye. The contrast between the happiness she experienced right now and the fact that it wouldn’t last was sharp, it plunged deep into her flesh and cut her bone.

         

            The warm clear fluid was immediately wiped off by Ava’s thumb. One of her hands cupped Sara’s face, the other moved under Sara’s armpit, pulling her from the floor. Sara got up and Ava pulled her down to sit beside her, Ava’s hand stroking Sara’s shoulder.

 

             “Hey, what’s wrong?”  Ava asked with her soft voice, her brows knitted together with worry.

 

              Ava was certain by now that they shared the same heart and that’s why it hurt so much when she saw Sara being vulnerable like this.  

 

              Sara sniffed and shook her head. She swallowed down another rush of emotion.

 

               Sara’s hand found Ava’s and brought it to her lips, kissing Ava’s palm with a light touch.

 

               “Ava…”

 

                Sara paused when her breath shortened.

 

               “Will you leave me if I’m not good enough?”

 

               The last word was almost lost in her dry throat. Sara’s eyes lingered on Ava’s, searching for hesitation. Her teeth clenched, trying to suppress another wave of tears.

 

               The piercing pain in Ava chest made her flinch. It was painful to know that Sara didn’t feel secure at all despite the fact that Ava couldn’t even imagine them being apart .

 

             And Sara thought she didn’t deserve her as if the time they spent together and the fact that Ava broke up with Alexia weren’t enough to proof how much she wanted her against all logic — that she was inevitably falling for her without qualification.

 

             Sara thought she was a bad person. It must be Ava’s fault because she treated Sara poorly when they first met. All of her harsh and abrasive words must have left some scars on Sara.

 

              Her thumb brushed Sara’s cheek. She saw a glimpse of fear in those shimmering blues. Ava couldn’t stand it. She would make her feel safe. She would make her feel loved. She’s going to teach her what it was.

 

             The next thing Sara felt was Ava’s lips on her temple. Sara closed her eyes. Those lips traced down to finally meet Sara’s. She wanted to kiss away all of doubt and fear. She wanted to make sure Sara knew how much she wanted her.

 

           The trembling lips kissed Ava back after taking a moment to process what was happening. Sara gently sucked Ava’s bottom lip and released it. Ava started to notice the pattern — Sara was always tentative as if Ava’s lips were delicate and prone to break. It must be the residue of guilt from her birthday kiss.

 

           It was slow, Ava let Sara kiss her at her own rhythm. She could sense that Sara’s heart was beating a lot harsher than the way she kissed her. Their kiss tasted like Ava’s herbal toothpaste — the mix of spearmint and thyme. And when Ava’s tongue begged for access, Sara parted her lips. Their tongues met and the minty scent became a background taste. Now it was only Sara’s — the warm and soft taste mixed with a hint of saltiness from her tears.

 

            Ava hands found Sara’s and held them with gentle pressure. Their lips were disconnected when Ava carefully got up from the sofa, dragging Sara to rise with her. Ava captured her lips again while tugging her hands, ushering her to the direction of Ava’s bedroom. Sara’s lips started to swell with the way Ava nibbled her lips on the way to her bed.

 

            When the back of her legs hit the edge of the bed, Sara whimpered. Ava didn’t stop what she was doing, continuing to steal the air from the other woman. Ava hovered over her when Sara laid her back on the mattress. She scooted back further and Ava followed until Sara was secured under her with their legs tangled together.

 

             One of Sara’s arms circled around Ava’s back, her other hand cradling her beautiful face, guiding her down to connect their lips again. Ava’s arms were on both sides of Sara’s torso, using her elbows to push her body up a little, not wanting to put all of her weight on Sara.

 

              Sara’s heart pounded under Ava’s chest and Ava felt every beat of it. Sara’s tongue was hot against hers and her breath burned Ava’s skin. The way Sara’s lips trembled made Ava pause for a moment.

 

              The noise of Sara’s shallow breathing filled Ava’s ears. Sara’s eyes squeezed shut and Ava’s heart swelled at the sight. The firm grips on her shoulder blade and the nape of her neck were quite telling. Ava thigh applied more pressure in between Sara’s and she felt a tinge of pain when the blunt nails dug into her back desperately.

 

               “Hey.” Ava grazed the tip of her nose on Sara’s. She waited until she saw those blue eyes again. Ava lifted her face higher to take in the dancing light in Sara’s eyes. “Is this okay?”

 

              Sara’s hand moved to Ava’s cheek, her small thumb lingered on Ava’s lips. They were bright red, swollen and glossy from kissing. Sara breathed through her mouth because everything within her was burning and she needed oxygen to keep up with her heart rate. Her chest squirmed against Ava’s body.

 

              Sara was still quiet, the glow in her eyes was trying to say something but she couldn’t find a word. Ava pushed herself higher above Sara, wasn’t sure if she put too much weight on her.

 

               “Do you want me to stop?”

 

              The back of Ava’s hand brushed Sara’s cheek. The variation  of yellow and red hues peeked through her bedroom windows, and Sara’s pale eyelashes were glowing under the light.

 

              Sara blinked her eyes slowly, and before Ava could increase the distance between them, Sara rolled her body and put Ava’s back on the mattress. Ava gasped at the change of her position, feeling one of Sara’s hand supporting her neck. The familiar weight of the small body grounded her, making her realize how much she wanted this and how many time she had to suppress the urge to have Sara for herself like this.

 

              Ava felt the sweet flip in her stomach when their lips met Again. Her hands were on Sara’s waist. Her long fingers were feeling the smooth skin under the soft fabric. The hem of the t- shirt was drawn up by Ava’s hands, exposing the toned body. Ava should have been familiar with how Sara’s skin felt under her touch. She bathed her so many times. But this time it felt different. Her touch wasn’t innocent and didn’t mean to clean. Her heart pounded harder because of excitement, not the awkwardness. Her touch was selfish as if Sara’s beautiful body was made for her.

 

             Ava heard a swallow above her and Sara pushed herself a bit higher to look at Ava. Ava should’ve thanked her for letting her breathe.

 

             Sara bit her swollen lip. Ava saw the nervousness from those darkened blue eyes.

 

             “Ava.”

 

             “Yes.”

 

             “Uh… it seems like I don’t really know how to do this. I mean I get what I’m supposed to do but it feels like I’ve never done this before. I think that’s why I’m shaking.”  Sara told her breathily. Her cheeks flushed, eyes soft on Ava with the apologetic frown between her eyebrows.

 

             Ava sighed and pushed herself up to give Sara a quick peck on her lips.

 

             “That’s okay.” Ava told her. She propped herself up and Sara was now sitting on her lap. Ava's hand found one of the small hands and brought it to her lips. She kissed Sara’s fingers before looking up to meet her eyes. She smiled reassuringly. She wasn’t surprised. Now it made sense that Sara didn’t understand love.

 

             “Do whatever you want to do to me. I’ve got you.”

 

              “Are you sure?”

 

             Ava nodded and placed a chaste kiss on Sara’s cheek. She slowly leaned back to rest her head on her pillow, eyes never lost contact with Sara’s.

 

              Sara swallowed and took a moment to take in how beautiful Ava was. Her grayish blues looked just like two frozen volcanos. Her defined cheekbones were flushed with heat. Her blonde hair was messy and splayed over the pillow. Ava looked disheveled — a beautiful and perfect mess. Sara took a deep shaking breath.

 

               She then took Ava’s hand to her lips, placing a kiss on her palm.

 

             “I like your hands. They felt so good every time you changed my bandages.”

 

               Then she placed her lips on Ava’s eyebrow. Ava closed her eyes at the touch.

 

              “You’re cute when you frown.”

 

              And Sara leaned down to place a kiss on Ava’s chest. Ava gasped at the contact of wet lips on her burning skin. Sara small fingers joined where her lips were, unbuttoning Ava’s shirt.

 

            “And this is where your heart lies. I like your heartbeat.”  

 

            “I like yours too, baby.” Ava breathed to Sara’s ear. She felt Sara’s lips form a smile against her collarbone.

 

             Ava let Sara graze her lips along the length of her neck. Sara spent a long moment tasting Ava’s skin inch by inch. It would have been more convenient if Ava just showed Sara how to make love. But Ava didn’t want to pressure her. From the way she set her body on fire, Ava was certain Sara’s body didn’t forget one bit of her skills.

 

            By the time their clothes were discarded somewhere they didn’t care to know, Ava noticed that Sara wasn’t tentative anymore. The way their skin created friction stopped Sara from thinking. Her kiss was harsher and her hip moved between Ava’s bare thighs, searching for more contact.

 

            Ava shivered at the sharp heat radiating from where she felt slick wetness. Her legs felt wobbled and she involuntarily let out a high pitched noise.

 

            Sara disconnected her lips from one of Ava’s breasts and looked up to check on Ava.

 

            “Are you alright? Have I done anything wrong?”

 

             Ava bit her lip. This was embarrassing. She didn’t answer, looking away. She couldn’t stand the innocent worry in those blue eyes.

 

            “Are you cold?”

 

             Sara felt goosebumps on Ava’s skin and she didn’t wait for her response. Her hand searched for the duvet, dragging it to where they were and draping it over herself and Ava before giving Ava another kiss on her forehead.

 

              It wasn’t long before Sara started to explore where Ava needed her most. She could scent her own sweat mixed with Sara’s and it drove her to the edge. Sara tried to be gentle at first but there was a point when she was completely lost into what she was doing. Ava felt like Sara was tearing her apart in the most perfect sense.

 

             Ava’s eyes squeezed shut and her nails dug into Sara’s shoulder when the light behind her eyelids became too overwhelming. All of her sense were awakening and every tip of her nerves felt only Sara, hearing the noises of the friction between their bodies, feeling the fingers within her and warmed by the Sara’s body heat wrapping around her.

 

            When she was close, she felt the overwhelming urge to feel Sara’s lips again. Ava opened her eyes and saw Sara hovering above her. She was in a trance. The strands of blonde hair were flowing down and some of them stuck on her sweaty cheeks. Ava fixed them and found that those innocent blues were in awe, her freckled cheeks glowing, her lips parted, almost drooling over Ava.

 

            Ava pulled her face down to kiss her and it was messy and sloppy. Her body twitched when those fingers hit the right spot, Ava’s lips searched for Sara’s earlobe.

 

           “Keep doing that.” She managed to tell Sara with a kiss on her ear.

 

            And Sara was such a good girl. She complied without hesitation. A few more hits and Ava’s arms frantically tightened around Sara, pressing her close against herself, didn’t want any air between them. She wanted to feel the wave of the hot and sharp sensation while having Sara as close to her as possible. She wanted to let her know how amazing she made her feel. And Ava was bathing in the new kind of warmth. This was so much different. It was as if they melted together into a formless mass of light.

 

           Ava opened her eyes to a kiss on her nose. Her legs twitched when she tried to untangle them from Sara’s backsides. She let out a squeal when Sara carefully pulled her fingers out from Ava.

 

            Ava reached for that hand and laced Their fingers together, bringing their hands to her chest.

 

            They spent a long moment doing nothing but looking into each other’s eyes. The contentment in their chests were beyond words and Ava wanted to frame this moment into her memory.

 

            Sara licked her lips. She could still taste Ava in her mouth.

 

            Ava propped herself up and pulled Sara down for a slow kiss, filling the room with the noise of lips tangling together.

 

             +++++++++++

 

_The little princess gave Ava a big smile, showing the gap between her front teeth. Ava just saved her head from hitting the edge of the table after she tried to do a somersault. Where were her parents right now? Ava was tired. It was too hot and humid today._

 

 _This kid was funny, though. She got lost but she didn’t cry at all. And she really wanted Ava’s attention. Ten minutes_ _passed_ _with the tiny voice chatting about whatever came to her mind. The kid asked so many questions. What color did she like? What was Ava’s favorite animal? How tall she was? — and plenty more including the question about which princess she would marry. This little kid didn’t quite get the idea of gender binary._

 

_And she jumped and danced to a hippopotamus song she sung for herself. Ava shook her head at how energetic she was. And sometimes she just blew saliva bubbles for fun. So disgusting. This wasn’t a child. Sara Lance was a little monkey. She totally understood why she got lost._

 

_Ava didn’t want to come here in the first place. It was her mom’s idea to have a family date with the Johnsons. She was only eleven and her mom already thought it was good to set her up with that dimwitted Sean Johnson. Ava tried her best to keep the distance from everyone in their group and finally they lost her._

 

_No one reported her missing yet. Maybe Sean got lost too, that boy didn’t have a brain, their families might assume that they snuck out together. Eww…nonetheless._

 

_She was glad she found this kid. At least, she did something good even though it was a shitty day. And this would be a good excuse not to return to her group if she heard her name from the zoo’s speakers._

 

_Ava didn’t pay attention for only a few seconds and the wet lips were on her cheek. She pushed the small blonde head away._

 

 _“Ewww!”_ _Ava grimaced. The monkey princess laughed cheerfully._ _“Why did you do that?”_

 

_“Because I wuv you!”_

 

_“What?” Ava laughed at the funny pronunciation._

 

_“I shaid I wuv you.”_

 

_Those tiny eyebrows frowned a little. This kid had attitude. Ava shook her head._

 

_“You love me? That’s funny. We just met.”_

 

_Ava didn’t prepare for the tiny arms throwing around her neck. This girl just made herself comfortable on her lap. Totally a lost monkey._

 

_“Becosh you are nice and you don’t leave me alone. Thank you.”_

 

_Ava sighed. She moved her hand up to pet Sara’s small head. She didn’t know before that the smell of milk mixed with sweat and baby shampoo could calm her anxiety._

 

_“I wuv you.”_

 

_Sara said it again. This child must grow up in really loving and caring family. She was familiar with the term, unlike Ava. Sara’s parents must have told her all the time and make her feel loved._

 

_“I know.”  Ava told her when she noticed that the kid just fell asleep on her lap._

 

          “I know..”

 

             Ava whispered, gently put a strand of Sara’s hair away from her face. Ava’s eyes already adjusted to the lack of light in the room. She could see how peaceful Sara looked when she was sleeping on her chest like this.

 

            Ava swallowed down the warm contentment blooming in her chest. She started to get the logics of PDA and the function of friends. She felt like she couldn’t keep this feeling to just herself.

 

          +++++++++

 

          Ava looked at the clock on the solemn wall of her office. If there was no urgent matter, she would go home in an hour. Ava chewed her lips at the thought of home and who was waiting for her. She wasn’t herself lately. She noticed that she was distracted so easily just by the thought of Sara and what she could do to her when she came home. And it showed. Darcy already looked at her with a weird smirk. She got it bad.

 

            Today was exhausting like usual. She had a meeting in the morning about the armed group called GHOST that just killed two cops. Her organization wouldn’t intervene but it was important to be aware of them.

 

            Then, at noon, she had lunch break with Alexia. She emailed her the day before that she finally decided to leave Starling for a few months to do her project on global jurisdiction that she coordinated. She was leaving tomorrow and thought it would do no harm to have a casual meeting with Ava. They tried their best to adjust to the new status of their relationship. Ava could see that her ex had tried not to show her feelings. But Ava noticed the sadness in her eyes. She hoped the distance and the new environment would bring the smile back to this wonderful woman.

 

              Now she was scrolling through some reports on GHOST. She frowned when she saw the name of Captain Quentin Lance on it. The cop was attacked by the gang.

 

             Ava’s stomach flipped when she saw his photo. This man was Sara’s father. What should she do about this? Should she contact him and tell him about his presumed dead daughter? Ava sighed. What if there was a reason Sara didn’t want to return to her family? Ava bit her lip. What if he didn’t like Ava?

 

            Her office phone rang two times before Ava answered it.

 

            “Darcy. What’s the matter?”

 

             “Ma’m, we just obtained new footages of a suspect that might be Lipnitskaya. I think you might like to see them.”

 

             “Okay, send them on my way.”

 

            The Russian suspect was elusive. The fact that she was able to escape Guantanamo was unsettling. The CIA didn’t know much about her and it seemed like she hadn’t caused any problem yet. Anyway, she had to keep an eye on her.

 

             Ava opened the file and read the description. The video clip was recorded about a month ago by a street security camera. It was an evidence for the case of a woman murdering two men with her bare hands. A girl, Leticia Klein, reported that the woman saved her from sexual assault. The victims were part of a gang. The Police Department had yet found the suspect.

 

              Ava’s eyes moved down to the video. Of course, everything looked dark and blurry.  She clicked play.

 

            The footages showed a man pushing a girl against the wall in the dark alley. The other man was standing beside him. It looked like the girl was under influence of some substance. Ava hated to watch this.

 

            And suddenly, one of the men’s head was snapped and his body fell to the ground. The body convulsed for a few seconds before it stopped. The other man was frozen before he turned his back to run away. It was too late. The blonde woman grabbed him by his neck and slammed his face against the wall. His body fell to the ground like a falling leaf. But the woman wasn’t done. She stomped her boot on his neck a few times. And in a blink, the blonde woman disappeared.

 

           Ava’s body froze. She swallowed the thickened saliva in the back of her mouth. She rewinded the video back for a few second and paused it.

 

            She couldn’t see the blonde woman’s face but this wasn’t Lipnitskaya. The mark on her right arm was barely noticeable in the clip. But Ava knew well which shade of pink it was. She was familiar with it. She have kissed it so many times, including last night.

 

           Ava’s felt like her lungs stopped working. Her hands were cold. Her jaw was trembling. No, this wasn’t real. This was just a nightmare. Ava would wake up to Sara’s warm kiss in a moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was soft enough. I mean how can you write the non-PG scenes? It was difficult when you didn't really know about that art (or you don't want anyone know you know that stuff). Lol this is getting awkward (Sara's top, by the way.) The sun shower folklore was totally spontaneous though. I didn't plan to include it in the narrative. I just googled about rain and it came up and it's amazing that so many cultures conceptualize the phenomena the same way. Anyway, happy spring break!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random thing: Peach pie
> 
> Music: Sleeping At Last: The Ash Is In Our Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank @Xan for helping me improving my writing skills. Legends is back and I'm excited about what they have for avalance and all of the precious misfits. Also don't forget to stream the show via CW page. Gotta support our children.

 

       Sara had seen herself covered in dirt and suffocated by smoke and dust before. The climate of Badakhshan Province on the Hindu Kush Range was dry. Most of the buildings in the region were built from mud. When the Taliban fired their AK-47 guns and activated their makeshift bombs, the mud walls easily collapsed into dust, covering the corpses of the victims, making them look like pieces of chicken coated with flour, ready to be tossed into a pot of boiling oil.

 

        Sara looked just like that. She was standing in front of the stove, her arms coated with white dust, her cheeks and her nose were painted with flour. Crumbs of sugar and pie crust stuck near a corner of her mouth. The kitchen was warmed by the heated oven. On the stovetop, sugar and peach juice were boiling in a stainless steel pot, releasing the sweet smell of the fruit. Her eyes were fixed on the syrup. This was the second attempt. She wasn’t satisfied with her first homemade peach pie.

 

         The house smelled like Ava. Sara smiled to herself. Peach pie was Ava’s favorite dessert. She couldn’t wait to see Ava’s eyes dance with happiness and appetite when she came home exhausted and hungry and found out there was a homemade peach pie waiting for her.

 

       The result from her first attempt wasn’t quite right. Sara wasn’t patient enough to cut the cold butter into tiny chunks before mixing them with the dry ingredients. The crust was too dense. The pie filling was also too runny. This time, Sara hoped it was a success. Every step, she checked with the recipe, making sure she did everything right.

 

       She turned off the heat and poured the syrup into a bowl full of sliced peaches. Then she went to the fridge to get the pie crust that she had made from scratch. She tossed more flour to dust the counter and unwrapped the dough and put in on the surface, ready to roll it into a round sheet that fit the pie pan. She grabbed the wooden rolling pin and started working the dough.

 

          “Shit!” Sara cursed. She forgot to dust the dough and the rolling pin. The pin stuck with the dough and it was messy for a moment. She had to scrape the sticky mixture from the pin before dusting more flour on the dough and continued the work.

 

         She tugged her lower lip with her front teeth to suppress her smile. Baking wasn’t her thing. She didn’t get the chance to learn the art. As a cop, her dad was always on duty. As a professor, her mom was always too preoccupied with her research and teaching. As their child, she couldn’t expect a mellow weekend. Their parents’ working hours didn’t end on Friday. But Sara did just fine with sandwiches, cereal, and salad. When she was a kid, food wasn’t her main concern.

 

         She imagined other people learned to cook when they grew up and had to live by themselves. Sara didn’t have that normal period of adulting. Two years in sorority house didn’t require cooking skills. She remembered taking five courses per semester and joining those stupid college parties, living mainly on the college meal plan. And when she quit school, she barely had time to think — barely had time to sleep, preoccupying herself with all the intoxicating nonsenses in the form of alcohol and hook ups.  

 

        Her teeth released her lower lip. Her smile faltered. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat when her mind wandered to the pivotal moment that took away her chance to grow up like normal people. She didn’t get a chance to be bored by the shallowness of college life. She didn’t experience the moment she realized she had potential to be more than just an angry teenager. She didn’t know the struggle of managing everyday life — of preparing lunch the night before going to work. Sara didn’t get a chance to learn how to bake for herself and someone she truly cared about.

 

       She could’ve got her college degree and pursued med school. She could’ve rented a studio apartment and dedicated her time to herself and her career, spending the night reflecting on how her day was and thinking about how to improve her tomorrow.

 

        Unlike her college cohorts, she spent her early adulthood learning how to kill and how to be deceiving — to not die when dying was sweeter than surviving. Sara chuckled. She had died anyway.

 

         She took a breath. She hoped Ava liked it. Sara felt a bit guilty that she was the reason Ava didn’t really have enough sleep lately. Sara squeezed her eyes shut at the thought of what she did to Ava almost every night. A flash of memory of when Ava made that cute noise was enough to make her throat dry.

 

         Sara stopped rolling the dough, her thumb brushing the wooden pin. Her hands hadn’t experienced this before but she was sure they would memorize the dryness of the flour and the softness of the dough. Ava’s hands had been making her food, feeding her, and even cleaning her mouth when she made a mess. This time, when her hands were healed and became the evidence of how caring Ava had been to her, Sara was using them to make something to return the kindness.

 

        The change of what was between them was barely noticeable, because Sara didn’t think her feelings had changed. They had always been there. It happened but they didn’t gradually develop. It had been intense and it was beyond her control and comprehension since the night they found each other. Everything she felt about Ava was already there long before the night Sara relearned about sex.

 

          Nonetheless, they still didn’t really talk about what they had. It wasn’t easy to say it out loud when she didn’t know how to transform what was in her chest into words. It was a lot more convenient to let the day go by with comforting kiss and the quiet understanding that Ava would always be here with her every night.

 

        And Ava promised a weekend getaway. They were going to spend their time somewhere else far away from Ava’s work. Ava needed it. She dedicated herself for work for so long without a real vacation. And after her breakup with Alexia, Sara thought she — _they_ — needed a break to mark the next step of their relationship.

 

           Sara chuckled to herself, amused by the weird and definitely not circular shape of the pastry dough. She continued working according to the technique she found on a YouTube video, hoping to perfect the pie crust.

 

           She wasn’t prepared for the sharp and piercing alarm rang above her head. Sara dropped the rolling pin. The smoke detector was activated.

 

         “Fuck!”

          She noticed the smoke from the oven. The first pie was too runny so she decided to leave it in the heated oven a bit longer to get rid of the excess moisture. The pressure and anxiety caused by baking were quite overwhelming that Sara forgot to take it out of the oven.

 

        Frantically, she opened the oven door. She coughed when the smoke burst out of the oven and hit her face. She reached her hands inside to get to the pie pan.

 

         “Ouch!” She forgot to wear the mittens and quickly drew her hands back after the tip of her fingers touched the scorched dessert. The alarm was still ringing, adding up the urgency to the situation.

 

         Sara turned the vent over the stove on. She wasn’t careful enough and her hand accidentally hit the open bag of flour. The white powder spilled over, dusting the stove top. Sara was lucky the heat wasn’t on, otherwise she wouldn’t survive an explosion.

 

           The alarm and the vent were too loud. Sara didn’t hear the noise from the front door. The next thing she knew was Ava shoving her away from the front of the stove. Sara almost lost her balance and fell backward.

 

          Ava quickly turned the oven off and opened the window above the sink. The alarm rang a few times before it stopped. Ava finally turned off the vent. Sara saw Ava’s shoulders tense up. She bit her lip, eyes drooping to the floor. She was screwed. She didn’t expect Ava to come home this early. The whole kitchen was ruined. The stovetop, the counter and the floor were covered by the white dust. The house was too warm and filled with the bitter smell of burned sugar. The smoke made it harder to breathe.

 

           It was quiet again. Too quiet as if there was no air left for her to breathe. Ava finally turned around. Her black dress shirt was tainted by the white dust. Her brows knitted together and her jaw flexed. She rolled up her sleeves before crossing her arms over her chest, her gaze was cold, roaming around the kitchen and stopped at Sara with her flared nostrils.

 

           Sara’s lips parted. She blinked her eyes. Ava was so pissed. She should be. What Sara did was stupid. Her mind told her to apologize but her throat was too dry.

 

          “What did I tell you before I left for work, huh?” Ava moved a step closer to Sara, eyes staring at the pale face that looked paler than usual. Crumbs and some sticky substance stuck on her cheek.

 

          Sara licked her dry lips, training her eyes on the floor. Ava was angry and she couldn’t stand her fuming gaze.

 

          “You told me not to burn down your house.” Sara mumbled, her voice small, her mouth barely moving.

 

          “Have you ever cared about what I said?”

 

           Ava’s tone sounded just like the Ava Sara met a month ago, except there was a hint of sombre and bitterness barely hidden in her harsh words. This wasn’t an innocent anger caused by annoyance.

 

           Sara’s lips twitched. Her chest ached when she felt her heart falling to her stomach. She didn’t expect that ruing Ava’s kitchen would upset her this much. She misunderstood her place in this house. Maybe she was still just a useless stranger to Ava after all.

 

          But Ava’s eyes were red and her brows furrowed as if she was in pain. Something was off. Something must happened at her work.

 

         Sara clenched her hands, moving her eyes to the stove instead of Ava.

 

        “I…I’m sorry.”

 

         “Can you say anything other than that convenient ‘sorry’?”

 

          Sara snapped her head to look at Ava. Pain flared up in her blue eyes at the sudden tightness she felt in her sternum. She blinked, trying to suppress the unreasonable tears. Ava was angry. She shouldn’t feed more fuel to the fire. She let out a sigh while her shoulders slumped.

 

          “I will clean the mess. I thought I could make something for our trip tomorrow. I’m sorry. I…I didn’t mean to ruin your precious house.”

 

          Sara voice was hoarse and shaken. Her throat felt dry. She tried to smile apologetically without showing how scared she was. It was stupid and illogical to think that Ava would kick her out of the house because of the mess she made. But the logical side of her brain wasn’t quick enough to stop her mind from going there.

 

          Ava bit the inside of her cheek harsher than usual. She felt the inevitable heat burning her eyes. Everything was crumbling the moment she saw Sara’s birthmark in that footage.

 

          She always knew that Sara’s past was tragic, judging from how often the nightmares disturbed her sleep. But she didn’t think this helpless woman could be a perpetrator. Her words might not be the sweetest but her action always ensured Ava how much Sara cared for her. And Sara’s loved watching animals. She didn’t look like someone who had the guts to kill.

 

           The footage of Sara killing two men in a minute left a bile taste in her throat and her head started throbbing because she couldn’t make sense of who Sara was. She thought their connection was special. She knew how Sara liked to be held in bed. Hell, she was so confident that she was the only person capable of calming her from the nightmares.

 

           And Ava couldn’t stop thinking deeper into it. She started asking herself what she should do as the Vice Director of Starling Quarter. It shouldn’t be that complicated, she could just refer back to the protocol guideline. She was sure someone had written about this kind of situation before. Hell, she didn’t even have to consult with anything. This case was obvious. Had it been someone else and not Sara, the first scenario that would’ve come to her mind was detaining her in the CIA facility, investigating her, making sure she gave all the information. Or if the suspect clearly didn’t have any tie to the larger organized criminal groups, she could just make it easier by sending her to the police department. And at the end of the process, Sara would face the consequences of her crime.

 

         Ava was such a moron that she fell in love with someone she barely knew. She let her feelings cloud her judgement and become compromised. Losing herself in the warm touch and the beautiful sparks in Sara’s eyes, Ava lost the gut to follow the protocol and ethical logic that she believed helped maintain social equilibrium.

 

         But what hurt her most had nothing to do with her job or her morals. What made her hands cold and her lungs burning was the fact that Sara had been lying to her and kept everything about who she was from Ava — the fact that she never trusted Ava enough to open up to her despite everything they had been through together. She thought she shouldn’t push her to talk, but this was too much for her to deal with.

 

        Was she a spy? Did she know that Ava was a CIA agent? Were those nightmares real? And how much did Sara’s tears and warm touch come from her true self? Now that Ava thought about it, the night she found her in front of her house sounded like someone’s plan.

 

         Ava was dumb. She believed everything Sara said. Oh… this was embarrassing. Ava even believed in something Sara never said. With her stupid heart, Ava made the convenient assumption that Sara was in love with her.

 

         Her hands were shaking while she unlocked her house. The fire alarm added the pain to the throbbing vein around her head. The kitchen was coated in the white dust just like that village in Afghanistan after the Talibans’ attack. The smell and the mess sent her off the edge.

 

         And the cause of her headache was standing right there in front of her, face painted with flour and crumbs, eyes brimming with fear and guilt. Ava noticed how Sara clenched her palms and she hated that she knew immediately how much her harsh words hurt Sara.

 

          Yes, the house smelled like burning sugar, but Ava was also aware of the scent of her favorite fruit. The unfinished pie crust and the pan were left on the counter. The pie filling was in a bowl nearby. The floating curl of steam was visible over the hot syrup.

 

         Peach pie. Sara was making a fucking peach pie, her favorite dessert. She never told her about that. But this woman was perceptive enough to know and Ava didn’t know how to feel about this anymore. The footage of Sara killing the two men merged with her vivid memory of how gentle she was when they made love.

 

         Sara saw it all. She noticed how the anger that rigidified Ava’s face turned into frustration and confusion. Ava was in pain but Sara didn’t know if it was appropriate to comfort her like she usually did. It was clear that she herself was one of the causes of Ava’s anger.

 

         She didn’t have to decide when Ava stepped closer and leaned down towards her. Sara closed her eyes when Ava’s face blocked her from seeing anything else. A strong hand grabbed the nape of her neck with pressure, holding her in place. Sara felt the hot breath near her lips before feeling the warm and wet flesh on her cheek. The tip of Ava tongue picked up the crumbs near a corner of her mouth. The process ended with a kiss formed against Sara’s flushed skin.

 

          Sara drew one of her hands to cradle Ava’s face, her other arm circled around Ava’s back. Her hand clutched at Ava’s shirt. Sara’s breathing was shortened. She heard Ava chew the crunchy crumbs and swallow.

 

          “The crust is too dense. The filling is too sweet.” Ava pulled back a little, licking the trace of sugar on her lip. Her eyes were drooping, searching for any sign of deception in those baffled blue eyes. The soft shade of red blossomed on those plump lips that parted just slightly as if Sara was half-conscious.

 

          She found nothing except the genuine affection. Ava’s harsh words were so powerless. They didn’t falter the gleaming warmth in Sara’s eyes at all. Sara never showed any anger towards her. But she was surely capable of wielding her rage and violence. Ava experienced it first-handed with that strange nightmare. Ava felt like her head was being shattered by the extreme opposites of who Sara was. Instead of reassuring her, the innocence in those blues eyes fueled Ava’s frustration, and all Ava wanted right now was her brain to stop thinking.

 

         Sara’s chest felt the lightness and her legs were weak when Ava licked the crumbs off her face. Her tongue was burning and Sara pressed the small of Ava’s back to get her closer. But when Ava pulled back, the crease between her eyebrows was still there.

 

         Ava’s face hardened and her eyes were a shade darker than usual. The grip on the back of Sara’s neck tightened. Sara’s brows quirked up slightly, wondering if Ava was okay.

 

          “Ave—“

         Sara’s small voice was silenced by a searing kiss. The hand on the nape of her neck forced her lips to crash with Ava’s. Her stomach felt a cold hand slipping under the hem of her t-shirt and roaming on her skin with pressure. Sara was so small and her legs were wobbling. In one move, Ava’s hand easily shoved Sara’s body against the edge of the island countertop behind her back.

 

          Sara felt her lower lip tucked between Ava’s teeth and the tinge of pain was almost enough to make her bleed. Sara dug her fingers into Ava shoulder, tasting the remnant of peach and sugar on Ava’s lips. Ava’s teeth released Sara’s lip but she didn’t get a second to breathe when she felt the cold fingers slipping beneath the soft cup of her bra and push it out of her away. Ava’s hot tongue licked Sara's soft palate, sending a jolt to her brain, forcing her to open her mouth a little wider. Sara felt her saliva drip down her chin. Her body arched against Ava’s merciless touch.

 

         Ava’s burning lips left Sara breathless before tracing down to suck the skin under Sara’s jaw. Sara’s hand moved to undo Ava’s bun, letting the soft curls free. Her hand buried in the lush hair.

 

           Ava’s teeth scratched Sara’s skin carelessly. Her thumb pushed Sara’s chin up for access to her neck. The humming in Sara’s throat sent vibration to Ava’s lips. The cold hand let go of Sara’s breast and traced down to the waistband of her drawstring sweatpants. Ava pulled them down and let them hang around Sara’s knees. Sara gasped when cold air brushed her bare thighs.

 

          Ava didn’t even bother taking Sara’s underwear off.  When Ava’s fingers pushed the crotch of her soft panties to the side, Sara sucked the air into her lungs as if she just emerged from under water.

 

          Ava’s lips moved up to capture Sara’s swollen lips again while her hand was toying with the dripping wetness. This was easier than thinking about their tomorrow. The unavoidable end of their struggle was coming soon. Ava wanted to lose the sanity that reminded her of the line she couldn’t cross.

 

        Before Ava let herself do whatever her frustrated mind wanted, Sara’s body froze. One of her hand cupped Ava’s cheek and pushed her face away. A strong grip wrapped around Ava’s wrist, forcefully pulling her fingers away from what they were doing.

 

         Sara’s heart was pounding so loud — so frantic, and Ava felt the rhythm against her chest.  A criminal or not, that heart was still beating the same way it did the first time Ava kissed her. No way someone could fake that. Hearts beat on their own and brains couldn’t control them. The cloud of headache dissolved in the warm light from those blue eyes. Ava felt her chest squeeze when she realized what she just did.

 

         Ava blinked her eyes, feeling the bitterness forming in her throat.

 

         “I’m sorry. I…should’ve asked first. I… I didn’t think you…wouldn’t..” Ava stuttered.  

 

         Sara just shook her head slightly, her hand still lingering on Ava’s face.

 

         “Honestly, this is hot and I’m into it, but this isn’t you, Ava.” Sara huffed out a soft breath, her fingers tucked Ava’s hair behind her ear, her soft gaze searching Ava’s face.

 

           Ava swallowed the tightness in her throat, eyes warmed by the hot tears that started to dampen her eyelashes. Now she could see Sara’s face without the judgement she brought home from her work. The girl looked disheveled with rosy pink blooming on her cheeks and her lips. The white dust of flour was still visible on her temple. A reddened trace of scratches and blossoming bruises were painted on her neck and her collarbone.

 

           Ava was lost. She felt like she ran blindfolded into a dead end. She couldn’t think of any miraculous words that would show her the way to escape this predicament.

 

          Sara let go of her wrist. She pulled her pants up to make everything less awkward. Ava stepped backward, making the distance between them. But to her surprise, Sara didn’t let her go. Her arms circled around Ava’s neck. Her head rested on Ava’s chest, letting most her weight on Ava. Ava hesitated for a moment before drawing her arms up to embrace the small warm body. Their hug always felt right. It was their home remedy for all kinds of bad thoughts.

 

          “What happened, Ava. Tell me what’s bothering you.” Sara mumbled against Ava’s chest, hand moving in circle motion on Ava’s back.

 

           Ava was quiet for a long moment, breathing in the calming scent of Sara’s shampoo. She still didn’t know how to process this. She needed to hear it from Sara but she didn’t know how to frame the question in a way that didn’t antagonize her. She kissed Sara’s crown. No, that footage didn’t stop her from loving this mysterious woman at all.

          Ava untangled herself from Sara arms but Sara didn’t let her. The woman pulled Ava closer. Flour dust from Sara’s hands painted Ava’s black shirt.

 

          “What are we, Ava?”

 

           Ava’s chest wrenched at the small and tentative voice told directly to her heart. Ava registered the insecurity from the warm body curling in her arms. She sighed and looked up to the ceiling as if the smoke detector above her head could give some advice. Ava’s chest heaved with a deep breath, arms tightened around Sara, feeling the shape of the small body against hers.

 

          “Can we skip all the unsaid boundary? Can I share your frustration? I feel it anyway.” Sara nudged her nose to Ava’s chest, her eyelashes brushed Ava’s collarbone.  “Isn’t that weird? Never felt like this with anyone before.”

 

          Ava swallowed at the questions. Everything was so real. This was a real relationship. Falling for Sara was inevitable. All the differences didn’t matter—the unequal grounds, the secrets, or the trauma — they fell in love anyway. It wasn’t a mistake of two souls trapped in the same cage.

 

           Ava closed her eyes for a moment before dropping her head to lightly brush her lips on the side of Sara’s head. Sara lifted her face up. Ava saw all the million questions that couldn’t be formed into words melted in those shimmering blue eyes. She drew a step back, her hands moved down to cling on Sara’s waist.

 

          Ava had been thinking about the footage the whole afternoon. She analyzed all the possibilities and scenarios. Losing Sara wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t because it’s an unlikely consequence, it’s because Ava couldn’t bare the thought of them being apart even for half a second.

 

          Ava circled her arms around Sara’s hip and Sara’s feet were off the ground. Sara gasped in surprise, holding on to Ava’s neck. Ava placed her on the edge of the marble island, as gentle as she could, resting elbows on the side of Sara’s thighs, her hands on Sara’s lap. Her chin tilted up a little, just enough to look at Sara’s in her eyes. Those blue eyes above her were inspecting, lights twinkling in them. A calm smile graced her face.

 

         Maybe she feared for nothing. Maybe it would be easier to trust that elusive and unspeakable bond that tied them together. Ava huffed out a breath.

 

         “You know, sometimes I woke up even before you cried.”

 

          Ava noticed the way Sara’s brows quirked up in surprise. She couldn’t help but smiled at the reaction. Sara had no clue. She reached one of her hands to cup Sara’s face, pulling her down to touch their foreheads together.

 

          “Whatever hurt you, I feel it too. And I don’t even know what it was.”

 

           Ava heard a hard swallow before Sara disconnected their foreheads.

 

            Ava’s lips parted, eyes danced with the desperation to know something. Sara looked away for a moment, thinking into what Ava said, her thumb absentmindedly brushing Ava’s face. Ava was as bright and powerful as the sun, would she be burned to ashes just by unfolding the dark truth of who she was, unwrapping herself naked without the protection of the comforting lies? Was it something that could be shared? She had told herself she couldn’t let Ava know because her kind soul shouldn’t be tainted, because it might draw danger to Ava. But deep down, Sara couldn’t deny it —she was scared of the horror and disgust in Ava’s face when she learned that Sara was nothing but a vessel of death.

 

          “If…” Sara paused and licked her lip. “If I was a monster, would you be afraid of me?” Her last word almost dissolved in the air.

 

           Ava leaned forward, her arms holding around Sara’s shoulders.

 

            “I…I saw the footage from a security camera today, Sara. I saw you save a girl from two perpetrators. It happened two days before I found you.”

 

          Ava told to Sara’s ear, her voice light and soft as if what she didn’t refer to something horrifying. But no matter how gentle it was, Ava couldn’t stop the hot tears from streaming down on Sara’s cheeks, the small body was trembling in Ava’s arms. Sara’s breath hitched and turned into the quiet but high pitched sob that synchronized with the violent rise and fall of her chest. This body was just fully healed a week ago, and it was now enduring a different kind of pain.

 

         “I’m sorry, Ava. I… I didn’t know…that it wasn’t a dream.”

 

          Ava held Sara close. She remembered the little princess who didn’t cry when she was lost. She remembered how beaten up Sara was when she found her. Normal people would’ve cried in pain. But Sara didn’t. The only time she really let herself cry was when she had nightmares, which was beyond her capacity to suppress her tears. It broke Ava’s heart seeing Sara completely broken down like this. Ava hated herself for thinking that it was possible that Sara could be a cold-hearted murderer.

 

          Small hands let go of Ava’s face and pushed Ava’s shoulders away. Ava didn’t let Sara untangle herself from her embrace.

 

          “Hey, it’s okay. Shhh…it’s okay, baby.”

 

          “No, it’s not, Ava. I killed two lives and I didn’t even know. I’m dangerous. I might even hurt you one day and I can’t let that happen.”  

 

           “No, Sara. We can deal with this. I will find the best lawyer. I sure can. It’s clear that you saved that girl. If you hadn’t been there who knows what would’ve happened.” Both of Ava’s hands cupped Sara’s face, forcing her to look into Ava’s eyes.

 

           A lawyer? Sounded like a normal reasonable measure. It was clear that Ava had no idea how abnormal the situation was. It wasn’t something that the normal legal system could deal with. Bringing her to the court was impossible. Sara Lance had lost the right to be treated like a citizen who knew nothing about the wicked reality hidden from their mundane life.

 

          Sara’s lips pressed together to suppress the sob. She didn’t say anything for a long moment. She wanted so badly to believe what Ava said — that they could find the way. But Sara couldn’t think of any possibility that they could be together. They came from different worlds and those two victims were just two of many. The bloodlust would devour her again and Ava wouldn’t stand a chance, and Sara didn’t even know how to tell Ava about it. No one would believe she was resurrected from death.

 

           Maybe she should actually think about going back to her friends and family and stop lying to herself that she could have this happiness with Ava.

 

           Sara closed her eyes, tears lazily rolled down her cheeks. That thought alone was enough to tear her heart into pieces. And suddenly the memories of her nightmares flashed vividly behind her eyelids. What if, they too, were not bad dreams. What if Laurel did chain her in the cold and dark place? What if her dad actually pointed his gun to her head? It made sense. She was a monster after all.

 

           And Sara could feel it coming in the quiet air — the rush of violence, the ancient boiling energy from the core of the earth, the voice telling her to return all the lives to the nothingness of the cosmogenesis.

 

          Before it could devour her, Sara’s hand fell from Ava’s shoulders to Ava’s chest. She needed to feel that heartbeat, and when she felt Ava’s chest pounded against her palm, the disgusting cloud of bloodlust completely disappeared. The air she breathed smelled like peach and butter again.

 

         Her gaze moved from Ava’s face to her hand on Ava’s chest. Sara blinked away her tears, contemplating quietly. After a long a moment of silence, her eyes flicked up to meet Ava’s again.

 

         “Come with me.”

 

            ++++++++++++

 

          Without the roaring engine of the train and the echoes of the wind from the tunnel, the platform at Oak Forest Station was disturbingly quiet. At the last station of West Line Subway, only two passengers left in an empty car. They clung onto each other as if there was no space left, as if the emptiness squeezed them together — as if they didn’t belong belong anywhere else. White neon lights contrasted with the silent darkness of the musty tunnel. And it was so bright that both of the passengers couldn’t hide their reddened eyes and the remnant of tears.

 

           Ava helped Sara clean the mess in the kitchen. The pie dough and the filling were kept in the fridge. Ava told Sara that they could bake it later and she promised to help her in every step. Ava packed some fruits in a container and brewed mint tea while Sara was changing her clothes.

 

          They headed out to the subway station. The deep crimson peeked from behind the dark silhouettes of high-rise buildings. They walked hand in hand. Ava wouldn’t risk losing Sara in the crowd of passengers returning back from their exhausting work day. Sara didn’t tell her where they were going, but that was enough. As long as Sara let Ava come with her, Ava could go wherever Sara wanted. It was childish, really, in the storm of uncertainty like this, only a fool would find the calm in the way Sara held her hand. How old was she? Thirty three and a few months, she shouldn’t feel safe despite the unsettling truth just because she knew Sara loved her.

 

            Forty minutes ride was long and the buzz of people heading to Downtown Starling on Friday night should’ve made Ava uncomfortable. But the only thing she could care was the small body resting on one of her shoulders. Sara’s tired eyes were under the shadow of her hood, her right hand was on Ava’s lap, lacing her fingers with Ava’s. And at some points, Sara’s lips sought Ava’s and she let her have some comforting kisses whenever she wanted. The other passengers might judge them, some of them might look away with discomfort. They must look just like a teenage couple who didn’t know that love wasn’t everything in their lives. But Ava didn’t care anymore. At the end of the West Line, the eyes of these strangers were all gone and didn’t matter.

 

           “Is this our destination? Or you just wanted to kiss me on public transportation?”

 

            Ava tilted her head down to talk to Sara. Oh..Ava must be so desperate that she tried to frame something tragic into a joke. And Sara didn’t laugh, she just nodded quietly.

 

           They got up from their seats and exited the train. Only few passengers stepped out of the other cars. They didn’t seem hurried as if they were lost and didn’t have any other place to go. The hydraulic door closed behind them and the engine finally stopped roaring. It was the far end of the line. The train would stopped here for a while for a check-up and cleaning.

 

          Sara stepped forward and started leading Ava to exit the station. Light from a street lamp cast down upon them and Sara quickened her steps as if she couldn’t stand being visible under the light. Ava followed her and tugged her close whenever she heard cars running behind them on the eerie street. Ava wasn’t familiar with the area. She wondered if Sara was taking her to her home. The northwestern part of the city was higher than the rest. They walked for about a mile and had to climb up some hilly parts of the street.

 

         Sara stopped when they were in front of a big slab of stone. The words ‘ _Starling City Cemetery’_ was carved on the granite surface, glowing with the spotlights on the ground. Ava swallowed, Sara was taking her to the grave of someone important to her.

 

         Sara tugged Ava’s hand and enter the gate. The land was surrounded by the rows of pine trees that rustled when the wind blew, making the sound of silence where the signs of life were scarce. They walked past the main building. The light from the street and the building didn't follow them, but Sara didn’t seem to care. It seemed like She had no problem navigating this place in the dark. Orion’s belt gleamed on the eastern side of the night sky. Ava breathed in the cold air, recalling her night in the dry land of Himalayan Range.

 

        They walked through the rows of countless gravestones. Some were more excessively ornate with sculptures. Those lifeless eyes of angels were not on them, but Ava somehow shivered just by the subtle smirks carved on those granite faces.

 

        Many were just plain slabs of stone with names and phrases that meant to make precious memories eternal. Some were gigantic obelisks shot up to the dark sky with the air of power and ambition. Some were broken and tainted with moss and lichens. There were fewer crosses than Ava had imagined. But it made sense. Starling wasn’t a religious city. It was far too rotten for people to believe in God.

 

         And Sara halted her steps. Ava almost stumbled at the sudden pause. Sara’s hand squeezed hers before disconnecting their hands for the first time since they left home. The woman descended to the ground, sitting on her heels. Ava followed.

 

        In front of them was a plain slab of stone. It was too dark to see what was written on it. Before Ava could think of using the light from her phone, Sara took her hand and guide her palm to feel the cold and lifeless surface. It was rough to her touch. Clearly it had been years that it endured erosion. Sara guided her to feel the lines carved into the granite. What would be the eternal memory this person shared with their beloved?

 

         It took Ava a while to make sense of those words. But when it did, her hand fell from the stone, her face turned to Sara, who was looking at her in the dark, light in her blue eyes was weakly shining, like that tiny star on the top of Orion’s bow. She smiled at her -- the most exhausted smile, almost similar to those of the lifeless angels on gravestones.

 

         Ava threw her arms around Sara and pressed her body close to hers. She sat on the grass and now Sara was sitting across Ava’s lap. Ava wanted them to be as close as possible. She wanted to discard the shell made from flesh and bones and search for Sara’s lost soul inside it. Ava couldn’t stop the hot tears flooding her eyes. One of her hands rubbing Sara’s back, her other hand cradled the back of Sara’s head. She sniffed and her body was shaking by the tragic truth, seeking Sara’s face and peppering chaste kisses. Her tears dampened Sara’s cheeks and hair. Ava needed to feel Sara breathing. She needed to feel how alive Sara was in her arms.

 

          The world was cruel and Ava didn’t have any reason to protect it anymore. How…how come the merciless universe turned a beautiful and innocent princess into someone so intimate with death.

 

          Dry lips kissed away the tears on Ava’s cheek while a small thumb brushed lightly on her temple.

 

          “I’m alive, Ava. Shhh..I’m still alive.”

 

             +++++++++

 

           “Are you sure we’re still going to the park?”

 

           Sara was sitting on Ava’s bed, looking at the woman packing their clothes into a travel backpack. They would leave the house early in the next morning to get a rental car at Plymouth Station. Ava had booked a cabin near Green Bank Reservation located 157 miles away up north from Starling. They planned to arrive the destination before noon and have a brunch there.  

 

            “Yeah.” Ava answered while folding a shirt.

 

           Their tears were washed away with the water in the bathtub. Sara told Ava the story of how a princess turned into a monster while both of them were naked and let the warm water clean the grime of frustration and pain. She told Ava about the Gambit, the League, and Lazarus Pit. She was calm enough to keep herself together and didn’t cry more than she already did. Revisiting her tragic past was bearable when she framed it as something leading her to meet Ava. Sara didn’t really go into the gruesome details and she skipped the vigilante part. She couldn’t just tell Ava about Oliver and blow her friend’s cover. Ava didn’t interrupt. She listened quietly while cleaning Sara with the soft sponge, taking in the life story from the shadow realm beyond the horizon of her imagination. The less Ava knew, the better Sara could protect her. Knowing about those dangerous organizations might get her in trouble, and Sara didn’t think Ava’s heart could handle anymore knowledge about how many times she had survived on the brink of death.

 

          However, Sara had to make sure Ava understood how dangerous she was with the symptom of bloodlust that might turn her into a killing machine anytime. Ava told her she had experienced it one night, and she was capable of taking care of herself. But with the frown on her face, it was obvious that Ava didn’t quite grasp the resurrection part of the story.

 

         Ava reassured Sara that not many people had seen the footage and she had the means to alter the evidence. She was the Vice President of a security company after all. She also promised Sara that she would find the way to deal with the bloodlust and she would be with her in every step. At least, they knew by now that it could be warded off by Ava as if her hands and her heart were magical. Ava even let out a chuckle when she realized how cheesy it was that their connection was powerful enough to calm the evil rage from the other world.

 

          Sara lay on her stomach, her chin rested on her palms, using her elbows to prop her upper body up.

 

           “Can we bring the lion with us?”

 

            “No, I don’t think we have enough space.” Ava put another pair of cabin socks into the backpack. “You don’t really use it anyway.”

 

            Ava kept her eyes on the pile of folded clothes. Sara’s lips formed a grin. She knew Ava was annoyed just by thinking about Sara’s cheeky smile. Since they slept together, the plush lion had been more of a decoration in her room. The nightmares barely occurred, and when it did, it wouldn’t last long enough to devour Sara’s soul. Ava was always there and held her close. Every kiss was like a mild cleanser, washing away the rust and filth that plagued her soul.

 

           Ava decided to pack their clothes together in the same backpack. Another backpack would be used for other essentials and food. Sara didn’t even know which pair of socks belonged to whom, and she took comfort in the smallest things like that.

 

          “Why are you laying here and not helping?” Ava grabbed another shirt  from the pile.

 

           Sara rolled her body and got up. She smiled, showing her perfect set of teeth. Ava rolled her eyes up but couldn’t keep her stern expression when a memory of the little princess who lost her front teeth came to her mind.

 

           Sara crawled to the nightstand, she pulled the drawer and got herself a pen and a piece of blank index card. She took a moment to write something on it. When she was done, she crawled back to sit on Ava’s side and held the card in front of the other woman.

 

_“Sara Lance, 28._

_If found lost, please return to Ava Sharpe._

_Phone: 310 873 3530.”_

 

             “This might be useful, you know. I tend to get lost. I will keep it in my pocket.”

 

             Ava shook her head, exasperated. Sara laughed at her own joke. After the exhausting evening, she could still find something to entertain herself, mainly because she was with Ava, who wasn’t scared and disgusted by the fact that Sara was a monster. She looked up to see Ava’s reaction. She expected eye rolling or a frown. She didn’t expect a soft smile and a hand cupping her cheek. Ava was beautiful and Sara felt like she wanted to forgive God, if there was one, for all of the suffering she had endured.

 

           A buzz vibrated from Ava’s phone and Ava’s hand immediately let go of Sara. Ava looked at the screen and her lips frowned.

 

           “Work call. Gotta answer it. Why don’t you go get the pie and pack it for tomorrow.”

 

           Ava raised her brows and looked towards the bedroom door. Sara didn’t protest despite wanting to cuddle with Ava a little more.

 

            “Also, close the door for me, Princess.”

 

            Sara was flustered by the term of endearment, but she managed to comply Ava’s order.

 

          When the door was closed. Ava let out a huff. Crease formed between her brows. She tapped the screen to answer the call.

 

            “Darcy, terminate the backup plan. No need for the team to come to my place tonight. The suspect was harmless and she’s under my custody. No urgent measures needed right now. I will deal with this on Monday.”

 

            Ava ended the call from her PA. She closed her eyes for a long moment, hoping that her decision was worth the risk.

 

           +++++++++++++

 

           They had sex, a lot, actually. After the emotional roller coaster, it was inevitable for them to seek comfort from each other’s body. The last round was at 3am and Sara wasn’t gentle. Ava wasn’t confident she would have the energy left to drive for two hours in the next morning.

 

          She opened her eyes slowly. It was still dark but she felt a bit too cold. Her hand sought the small body that was supposed to keep her warm. It met with the cold emptiness. A sharp pang hit her chest and she immediately got up, turning on the light.

 

           It hurt her eyes, the light from the lamp was too bright, exposing how empty her bed was. Ava swallowed the hard lump in her throat. The plush lion was smiling at her from the pillow that was too big for it’s head.

 

          She shouldn’t be panic about this. Sara might just go to the bathroom.

 

           No, she knew exactly that the bed was too cold. Ava frantically jumped out of her bed. All of her senses were awake and the vein in the back of her head started throbbing. She ran to the guest room and found that the bed was tidy like the last time Sara and herself slept in it, which was almost two weeks ago. Ava ran down to check the dark basement and there’s no sound of someone there.

 

           At this point of the night, the air in the house was too quiet. The aroma of peach pie still lingered in the kitchen. Ava slowly walked to the kitchen to get some water. Her throat was dry and her legs were heavy. Heat surged in her eyes and it blurred her vision. She put the glass of water on the counter. Her head fell forward, letting her hair shadowed her burning eyes.

 

_“Thank you, Ava. Thank you for everything. I’ve never been this happy in my life. Don’t follow me. It’s not worth the risk._

_Stay happy and amazing as you are._

 

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I’ve loved you since the night I met your eyes. Sorry that it took me so long to realize what it was._

_I love you.”_

 

            Ava’s hands balled into fists. Her nails dug into her palms. The paper on the counter was stained by a few drops of clear liquid. Ava bit her trembling lip hard. She was alone. There’s no need to be quiet. No one would hear the high pitched frustration, no one would hear the pain in it — no one — not anymore.

 

           “Fucking Sara. Stupid, ungrateful coward monkey.”

 

            Ava cursed under her hot breath. It didn’t ease the pain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, I cried to. Don't worry they will find the way back to each other. I have a very fragile gay heart too. Thanks for all comments and support. Sometimes when I didn't get the flow I reread the comments as the encouragement.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random things: a pencil and a helmet.
> 
> Music: Zack Hemsey - Facing Demons / At War With Me  
> Max Richter - And Know The Place For The First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank @XanDany. And go listen the podcast because no one should deal with the nipple incident alone. http://legendsladiesandmisandry.libsyn.com/legends-of-tomorrow-episode-4x12-nipstuck?tdest_id=908813

 

           “Thought you quit it a long time ago.”

 

           The calm and deep voice startled Ava a little, but not enough to make her turn around. Her shoulders were already tense because of the cold wind. The balcony of the 20th floor wasn’t the best place to hang out while the grey mass of a storm cloud was devouring the warmth of the afternoon sunlight.

 

           Ava blinked her eyes and took in another puff of the toxic substance into her lungs. She held her breath for a moment before letting the bitter fumes burn her nostrils. The smoke floated up and dissolved in the wind, probably becoming part of the dark cloud above.

 

         With the burning cigarette in between her index and middle fingers, Ava was standing tall, facing the sky, her free hand tucked in her pants pocket. Her eyebrows furrowed. The deep crease hardened her face. Few strands of her hair had escaped the rigid bun. Her pale blue eyes looked grayer, mirroring the color of storm cloud.

 

           She heard a soft sigh behind her back.

 

           “You’ve been working here until late for five days in a row already, Ma’am. There are no more meetings today. You should go home.”

 

 _Home?_  Ava flinched, closing her eyes for a moment to ease the tension forming around her eye sockets. She should’ve worn her sunglasses. Her assistant shouldn’t see the redness in her eyes and talk to her like she wasn’t capable of taking care of herself.

 

            “You may leave, Darcy.” Ava said dryly, flicking off the ash, letting the dust fall down to the ashtray provided at the smoking area. Her head tilted down, eyes aimlessly looking at the city below. Her breath hitched at the thought of where Sara might be among thousand places in Starling City. Somewhere Ava wasn’t allowed to see. Some corner — some room far enough that Sara thought Ava’s hands couldn’t touch her.

 

            She was tempted. Beside deleting those footage, Ava could’ve easily utilized CIA resources to locate Sara. She could have contacted the Lances in case the woman decided to return to them. But she hesitated. As much as she wanted to have Sara as her reward at the end of everyday when she came home, Ava wouldn’t dare keep her against her will. If everything Ava had done for her — every kiss they had shared, every soft murmur she told her to calm the nightmares — weren’t enough to make her stay, Ava wouldn’t dare searching for her and ask her to comeback. She wouldn’t be selfish like that.

 

           Ava could hear the concern in the way her assistant let out a soft sigh before he left her alone. She wasn’t nice to him, treating him like her other colleagues. She didn’t quite understand why Darcy cared.

 

          She was Ava Sharpe after all. A person like her wouldn’t let herself fall down and lost into the funnel of feelings. She was supposed to be able to do her job well and leave her own personal baggage behind. She didn’t need anyone’s support. It was just one woman, one more unsuccessful relationship — one more realization after an illusion. Why would she care? She had been alone for the most of her life, and it wasn’t a bad thing.

 

          She quit smoking after being promoted to senior analyst, when the violent reality was just the information she learned from someone else, not what she had to witness with her own eyes. She returned to it again today just to be reckless, to try if the abnormality of it could stop her from thinking about Sara.  

 

          It couldn’t. Ava ground the cigarette against the ashtray. Maybe she could try to remember how her day was like before she found those injured hands that always clung on Ava’s shirt when their owner was half-conscious. She would go home, cook her dinner, and try not to let her mind wander, imagining forty different ways of how Sara might sneak into the house and wrap her strong arms around her — just to repeatedly realize that no matter how long she was waiting —how many possibilities she could think of — Sara didn't come back.

 

          She would take a shower before going to bed. She would try not to close her eyes, otherwise the memory of herself and Sara showering together might pop up and stab at her chest. She wouldn’t turn the TV on, she didn’t want to think about a tiny blonde lying lazily on the sofa, watching an animal documentary. She would read some more reports before going to bed.

 

          She would find the lion laying on one of her pillows. She should’ve put it away. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t strong enough to fall asleep without it in her arms. The memory was bitter and she might cry quietly when the light was turned off. But at least, it was real. The time they spent together was real. She wasn’t supposed to be weak like this. But one wouldn’t be able to fall in love with a heart too strong to break.

 

          +++++++++

 

 _Ava breathed through the polyester fabric of her balaclava face mask. Her ballistic protective night vision goggles_ _protected_ _her eyes from the harsh elements. On a winter night like this, the temperature would drop to about 12 Fahrenheit. Ava arrived_ _to the_ _Wakhan Corridor in Badakhshan yesterday. Judging from the way her lungs struggled to breathe, Ava had to admit that she underestimated the high altitude of the Hindu Kush Range. Standing on the side of an elevated platform made from stone at the center of the border town and observing the local crowd talking with sparkles of joy in their eyes, Ava realized how arrogant she was. It was true that her team had the more hi-end battle gears and weapons, but she wasn’t sure how she could win, if the battle was unavoidable, when she could barely breathe._

 

_Through the ramshackle speakers, the deep and old voice echoed in the freezing air of the mountain range. Yellow light from the fire torches reflected on the pale walls of mud houses. Tonight, in the No Man’s land between Afghanistan and Tajikistan, an oasis of peace where soldiers could hang out with tourists, Aga Khan VI, the spiritual leader of a stateless ethnic group called the Ismaili, was giving a public sermon to his people._

 

_During the time of crisis like this, the survival of the Ismaili and Aga Khan VI was crucial to maintaining the U.S. influence in the region. Many of the Ismailis migrated to the U.S. and other first world countries, forming the powerful diasporic communities that still kept their strong ties with their homeland in Badakhshan. Aga Khan VI himself was a citizen of Canada. And unlike the Talibans, the Ismaili Muslims were more liberal and did not fear of modernization._

 

 _Ava disagreed with Aga Khan’s plan to risk his life by visiting this remote village. But she understood his decision. During the time of terror when the Taliban armed forces_ _were_ _purging the Ismailis from the Central Afghanistan like this, he needed to exercise his leadership. He couldn’t just sit in his luxurious mansion on the other side of the world and watch his people losing hope._

 

_Ava looked up. Orion’s belt formed a gleaming line above Sirius on the southeastern part of the clear sky. It was almost 8pm. Ava knew some Farsi but not enough to understand Aga Khan’s Pamir speech. However, judging from location of the constellation, the event would end soon. So far, there was no report on the movement of the Talibans in the nearby area. Ava already had her squad check for potential threats in the village. Right now they were split into four teams, occupying four strategic locations. She hoped her operation to protect the imam would end without a battle so her team could escort him across the river to Tajikistan in the next morning._

 

_The sermon ended with the tranquil silence. Ava didn’t understand the ritual but she could feel the thick air of sacredness. The mountain range looked like the dark wall with peaks pointing at the stars in the sky. Ava could hear the faint burbling sound from the river nearby in the wind, as if the nature wanted to reaffirm the holiness of the moment._

_And suddenly, everyone in front of her kneeled and touched their forehead to the ground, pledging their loyalty to the religious king._

 

_If Ava hadn’t had the breathing problem, she would have lost herself into the spiritual moment and didn’t notice the red dot following the movement of Aga Khan._

 

_“Contact. 2 o’clock. Two hundred meters.” Ava commanded via her comm while jumped onto the stage and shoved the old man to the side of the platform in time before a gunshot broke the silence._

 

_Ava pushed the old man off the stage. She followed and pulled him by his neck, forcing him to crouch on the ground, using the stone platform as a bunker. Without looking, Ava knew that the villagers were now running in chaos. Screams mixed with occasional gunshots. Ava clenched her jaw.The Bravo team started firing back. And in a minute, if things went as planned, the Alpha team would reach her location and extract Ava and Aga Khan from the battle field._

 

_A smoke grenade was fire to the clearing in front of the stage. Ava hoped that the crowd had already escaped from the spot and found their way to the nearest buildings. She didn’t want to lose any civilians._

 

_The Alpha team joined her. Two of them pointed their rifles towards the direction of the enemy to cover Ava and the imam. The other three pointed their guns towards three different directions to ensure 180º protection, clearing the path to the Humvee prepared for the escape._

_The firing from both side was still going on. Her team members didn’t report any problem. They had enough equipments and skills to deal with the weapons from Soviet Era._

 

_By the time Aga Khan safely got in the Humvee, the smoke from the grenade started to dissolve. Ava turned to the direction to check if the other two members of her team was doing okay behind the bunker._

 

_The night vision goggles allowed her to notice the silhouette of a small body crawling on the ground, trying to escape the kill zone._

 

_“Bravo. Distraction. Alpha two, go ahead. Alpha one cover me.” Ava commanded and she didn’t waste anymore second before approaching the stage and lowering her body near the ground into plank position and start crawling using her arms._

 

_She was fast. In no time, she grabbed a small body. The toddler immediately held on to Ava and her heart felt the tightness. The child was a girl. She wasn’t old enough to understand the brutality of the situation. Ava lifted her up with one arm, ready to escape the kill zone._

 

_“Contact broken. All clear, Lieutenant.”_

 

 _The firing finally stopped._ _Ava sighed in relief. The Bravo team managed to take down the enemy._

 

_But before she could move, her body was shoved with force and fell to the ground. The girl in her arm let out a whimper at the impact of the fall. Her ACH helmet and goggles fell off when her head hit the ground. She heard the high-pitched noise of a bullet piercing through the air just above her head._

 

_A strong hand grabbed her upper arm and pulled her to sit up. Ava arm was still holding the little girl close to her chest._

 

_“Idhabii!” ‘Go!’. A female voice told her in Arabic, which wasn’t a common language spoken in the region. But Ava didn’t have time to think when she heard a blast of explosion somewhere close enough to shake the ground but far enough to not harm her and the poor kid._

 

 _The mysterious woman grabbed Ava’s wrist and started running as if she was certain that the flying bullets wouldn’t cross her path. Ava let the woman_ _lead_ _her. Without the night vision goggles, Ava barely saw the environment. The people here were familiar with this kind of situation. They usually extinguished the sources of light and hid themselves somewhere, hoping their lives wouldn’t be the part of the collateral damage._

 

 _The toddler in her arm started sniffing. Ava could only kiss her head to calm her, hoping she wouldn’t cry. The sound of gunshots were echoing against the mud walls. But Ava didn’t see any flash_ _es_ _of firing. When the air wasn’t suffocating, she realized she was out of the kill zone. But the woman in front of her didn’t let go of her wrist and didn’t stop running. Actually, she was running with speed that no way normal people without intensive training could keep up with her. Without her goggles, Ava could only see that the woman dressed in black with a black niqab covering her face._

 

_She followed her to the dark alley. And when they reached the house at the end of it, the woman opened the door and dragged Ava inside._

 

 _Then_ _the door was closed and locked. The room was pitch black. The woman let go of Ava’s wrist._

 

_“Antuma amamnataan.” ‘You are safe.’ She whispered close to Ava’s face. Ava could feel the warm breath from her. A moment later, they quietly sat down on the cold floor and rested their backs against the wall. Ava’s arm loosened around the girl’s small body. She let her sit on her lap, her hand rubbing the tiny back, hoping to comfort the poor toddler._

 

_They stayed there quietly. Ava’s heart rate was increasing due to the adrenaline, quickly burning the oxygen she struggled to find in the high altitude climate. The little girl curled up against her chest. She might not understand what was going on, but she surely sensed the danger and knew that Ava was keeping her safe._

 

_It was a bit odd that the mysterious woman was calm and didn’t show any sign of difficulty in breathing at all, as if she hadn’t been running with speed a moment ago. Her breathing was soft. Ava barely sensed any movement from her. But her body heat was apparent. It was weird that Ava thought for a second that the warmth from the woman sitting beside her was comforting._

 

_They stayed like that for a while until they couldn’t hear any sound of gunshot from outside. Ava frowned. She was worried. She hoped all of the Bravo team members survived the battle. She couldn’t communicate with them without the comm installed in the helmet she had lost._

 

_She didn’t have to wonder for long when a sharp siren sound pierced through the air, demanding attention. Ava’s back straightened at the disturbing noise._

 

_“We have four of your friends. Bring Aga Khan to us, or we kill them all!”  A male voice with thick accent yelled in English via a megaphone._

 

_“Anything you want to tell your friends?” That voice asked with a hint of mockery._

 

_Ava heard some muffling sound before someone talked again._

 

_“We’re at the stage, Ten T-men, AK-47, no grenade—”_

 

_Her teammate’s voice was cut off by a gunshot. Ava clenched her teeth. She almost felt the ripple of the cold air caused by the explosion. Ava’s heart sank to the ground. She recognized Charles’ voice. He just turned twenty two a few months ago._

 

_“Now we have three of your friends. Give us Aga Khan. I will count to ten. One!”_

 

_They got her team. What could she do? Ava quickly took her sat phone out of one of the pouches attached to her belt. Before she could check if the military field network was secure enough, the mysterious woman snatched the device from her hand. The next thing she heard was the sound of a foot stomping on the device, smashing it into pieces._

 

_“What the hell!” Ava scolded under her breath, knowing that the woman might not understand her._

 

_“Three!”_

 

 _Ava huffed out her frustration. She placed the little girl on the floor and quickly stood up, taking her M9 pistol out of the holster hanging on her thigh. She_ _had_ _to do something. She couldn't let her underlings die at the hand_ _s_ _of the enemy. They wouldn’t just kill them. They would achieve nothing by doting that. All they wanted was the attention from her. There was still a way to save her teammates, even though it meant sacrificing herself._

 

_“Five!”_

 

_The moment Ava stepped forward, she lost the momentum. Her feet were swept from the ground. She fell backward. A hand grabbed her pistol by its barrel and twisted it, easily disarming her even before her back hit the wall. The next second, another hand covered her mouth. A warm body pressed her against the wall._

 

_“La idhhabi. 'iinah ghyr amanaan.” ‘Don’t go. It’s not safe.’ The woman told her. In the dark, her warm breath seeped through the fabric of Ava’s mask._

 

_“Six!”_

 

_Ava’s free hand quickly grabbed the woman’s neck. But before her fingers applied the pressure, a tiny hand tugged at the hem of Ava’s pants. Ava could feel the little girl scoot closer to the side of her leg. The small and soft voice gibbered something Ava couldn’t understand. She didn’t think the girl was old enough to talk._

 

_“Mordan” The girl tiny mouth whimpered the word that made Ava freeze. Her chest twisted, her hand falling from the other woman’s neck._

 

_“Seven!”_

 

_The woman in black niqab stepped back. Her hands let go of Ava, giving her some space. Ava let herself fall to the floor._

 

_“Eight!”_

 

_The strange woman sat down on Ava’s side. She picked the little girl up and placed her on Ava’s lap. Ava’s hand rubbed her tiny back gently. ‘Mordan’ in Farsi meant ‘to die.’  There’s a good chance it meant the same thing in Pamir. Both languages were the varieties of Persian. It was heartbreaking to hear that from a toddler whose vocabulary was limited to only few simple words. She hated the fact that the war zone forced this innocent child to learn about death._

 

_“Nine!”_

 

_“Ten!”_

 

_Ava felt the other woman moved closer to her, close enough that their arms brushed against each other’s. The first gunshot was fired at the center of the village. The tiny body in her arm shook a little. Ava pulled her closer to her chest, she wasn’t sure if she did that to calm the girl or to help herself get through the moment when her friends were dying and she did nothing to save them._

 

 _The pause between the first and the second firing wasn’t long. And Ava’s tears started to dampen her balaclava mask. Her shoulders tensed up. She swallowed, trying to calm the turmoil in her chest. Breathing was difficult already, she couldn’t afford_ _to cry_ _right now._

 

_A gentle arms wrapped around Ava’s shoulders, pulling her close to the warm body that felt strangely familiar. Ava rested her head on the woman’s shoulder, breathing in the soothing scent that smelled like herself._

 

_“Shh…I’ve got you.”_

 

_Ava’s eyes squeezed shut when she heard the last gunshot._

 

            She slowly opened her eyes to the darkness in her room. She wasn’t aware that she was sniffing until she felt the wetness trail down from the corners of her eyes. She closed her eyes to squeeze out the tears, one of her hands drawn up to massage her temples, her other hand placed on her chest, hoping to ease the tension and pain that shortened her breath.

 

            This was bad. She hadn’t had that dream for a long while now. She had been through the process and she had come so far. But now all of her progress was meaningless. The memory of that night was now vivid and alive behind her eyelids. She remembered every gunshot. She remembered the weight of her weapons and military gear.

 

          However, the worst part of it wasn’t her memory. The worst part of that dream was her imagination. Her subconsciousness worked on its own with good intention, placing Sara into her traumatizing past, creating a nightmare that allowed her to feel the warm touch of her love.

 

          Ava moved her hand away from her chest and searched the bed for the plush lion. She brought it to her chest. Her lips were trembling when another wave of tears flood her eyes. She didn’t know before that curiosity could make her cry. She was just wondering how it would be if she woke up from a nightmare like this but with Sara sleeping next to her.

 

            +++++++++

 

_“Darcy, terminate the backup plan. No need for the team to come to my place tonight. The suspect was harmless and she’s under my custody. No urgent measures needed right now. I will deal with this on Monday.”_

 

           It was the moment when Sara truly felt like she was just a vessel of death — the moment when she didn’t think the heart beating in her chest was hers, the moment when the heat circulating in her body didn’t make she feel alive. She drew her hands up to cover her mouth. She couldn’t stop the hot tears from rolling down, but at least, she could silence herself. The hollowness in her chest shouldn’t manifest itself in the form of crying noise. No, she couldn’t let it disturb the calm and peaceful atmosphere in this house. No one should hear it. No one, especially Ava.

 

          Sara rested her back against the wall near the door frame of Ava’s room. The coldness from the wood wall seeped through her pajamas. Sara’s hands pressed tightly over her mouth. High pitched noise of agony was brimming in her throat. Her jaw was trembling, gritting her teeth to keep her mouth shut.

 

            Being trained as an assassin, Sara was perceptive. Ava knew how to fight and her rough hands were like the palimpsests of years of gun combat experience. The matter of her work was always kept in secrecy. At first, Sara didn’t bother thinking about it. She didn’t plan to stay long enough to care. She didn’t think that they could be anything more than strangers.

 

           Sara never saw a package or mail delivered at the house. It made sense that Ava would use her company address. However, Sara found out one day that Ava’s house was a blank spot on Google Map. It was a common practice of the U.S. secret organizations to conceal their activities from the public eyes. When she was at the lobby of Jupiter Corp, she noticed that everyone was equipped with a Glock 19m. Sara wasn’t bothered by her suspicions at all. If Ava was really a CIA agent, or even worse, a part of the elusive Delta Force, Sara understood the necessity to keep her identity secret.

 

          It made sense that Ava wouldn’t just let an assassin like her walk freely. She was a monster after all. But it didn’t make it less heartbreaking to know that Ava once thought of arresting her.

 

           But Sara didn’t question Ava’s feelings. What they had was real. It was clear that Ava was trying to help her. But Sara didn’t want to be Ava’s burden, and importantly, she didn’t want to be Ava’s potential threat. She didn’t know for sure that the bloodlust would get better without feeding it by killing. She didn’t know how long the Fates would let them be together before those people in the shadows started hunting her.

 

          She did her best to hide the painful decision. The easiest way was to make Ava know how much she wanted her, Sara thought. No, she didn’t kiss Ava and make her whimper her name just to prolong her one chance of happiness for a moment longer.

 

           The moment she tasted herself from Ava’s lips, it sank in that this would be the last time. Sara savoured every touch, wanting to pack the all the feelings Ava made her feel and securing them within her, hoping to carry everything about Ava with her until she rejoined the realm of death.

 

             And when Ava finally drifted off to sleep, Sara couldn’t help but look at her. The surge of feelings hit Sara’s chest. It started with curiosity — why was Ava so beautiful, why did her touch on Sara’s skin always ignite something? Then, the comfort of being in the same house, the same couch, and the same bed. Sara was thankful, obviously. She wasn’t nice to Ava at first. Her body and soul were in pain and everything was murky. She remembered how patient Ava was with her. She came back at noon everyday just to make sure Sara ate her lunch. Then, Sara remembered the relief and safety Ava’s hands brought to her after the nightmares drained her will to live.

 

             Jealousy was one of the strongest feelings she experienced. It was bitter but also sweet at the same time. And when Ava returned home to her, she didn’t mind the pain and frustration she felt every time Ava was with Alexia at all.

 

          And there was a new thing — the joy of seeing Ava’s smile, of knowing she was doing okay with her life.

 

            Sara’s thumb brushed Ava’s temple with a feather light touch. There was that invisible string tying them together. Now it was being torn, and every time a thread snapped, it sent a sharp ache to her chest. She wondered if Ava felt it right now.

 

            She saw a crease form between Ava’s eyebrows. Oh… she felt it too. Sara leaned down to kiss it away. And when her lips touched her skin, the warm light from within her washed away the murkiness that had been plaguing her mind the whole time. She finally emerged from the dark water, taking a breath, and clearly seeing what the mysterious light actually was.

 

            She fell in love with Ava.

 

            Sara tugged the duvet up to cover Ava’s neck, hoping that it would keep Ava warm for while before she noticed her absence.

 

            And now she was drinking alone at an underground bar near South Shore Port. The light here was just bright enough to see, but not enough to know the secrets in the eyes of its clients. Sara took a shot of whiskey and let the burning taste warm her throat.  It had been a week that Sara was hiding in a cheap motel near the port. Money wasn’t a problem for her. Pickpocketing was one of her skills. She knew she caused trouble for some people, but it was better than harassing some gang members to get money. Sara knew those people wouldn’t choose to live with violence if they had a choice.

 

            Besides tracking down the Snakehead in South Shore area, she spent most of her time stopping herself from going back to Ava. Drinking was one of her strategies. It was difficult. The more time she spent without Ava, the more she realized how much she loved her.

 

            On some of the lonely nights, Sara wanted to chain herself, fearing that she would just get out of the room and run non-stop until she found Ava. Tonight was one of those. Her mind kept imagining how Ava would follow her and finally find her in this shabby place.

 

             Her hands were cold. Sara found the Snakehead two days ago. When she told him about her destination, the man’s face turned pale. Clearly it wasn’t the first time he encountered someone from Nanda Parbat. People in the shadow traveled across the globe by cargo ships. The immigration and security controls might exist in policy and hearts and minds of people, but they didn’t exist in practice. The flow of goods and money was the priority in the capitalist world. They wouldn’t slow down their businesses for the sake of something so elusive like national security.

 

            Sara’s eyes fixed on the empty glass but she didn’t see anything in particular. Tomorrow, she was leaving Starling City, returning to the life she deserved. If the bloodlust took over her again, at least, the people there were capable of stopping her. They wouldn’t hesitate to end her life if necessary. Nyssa would be the one who did it for her.

 

           Should she go back to Ava’s house just to see her for the last time? Did she miss her at all? Sara closed her eyes, shaking off the urge to return herself to Ava.

 

            Her mind was too preoccupied with the thoughts of Ava. She didn’t noticed the sound of steps approaching her from behind. When she opened her eyes again, she felt someone’s presence on the stool next to hers.

 

            “Ta-er al-Sahfer? Thought you were dead.” A deep voice greeted her.

 

             She recognized his voice even before she turned to look at him. It had been years since the last time they saw each other. It was strange seeing two of her colleagues in a month. The League was onto something in Starling City that didn’t involve her.

 

           “Al-Naaron.” Sara greeted him. “What’s going on with this city?”

 

            The man grinned and raised his hand to get attention from the bartender. A moment later, a shot of bourbon was placed in front of him.

 

            “Don’t worry, little bird. Nothing involves your loved ones.” _Hiro_ took the shot. The bartender returned to his corner and a mellow melody of country music started playing. He knew enough about the nature of his clients to avoid accidental eavesdropping.

 

              “How so?” Sara raised her eyebrows. She wanted to believe him. In an outlaw community where there was no court to enforce contracts, trust was important. However, it seemed unrealistic that anything that involves the League in Starling City wouldn’t have anything to do with her friends and family.

            Instead of answering her question, Hiro chuckled. “Heard from the Snakehead that someone wanted to go to Nanda Parbat. Thought I had to kill someone. Luckily, it’s you.” He clearly avoided Sara’s question.

 

            “A year in a grave was a lot. Any important updates?” Sara tried again.

 

            Hiro shook his head slightly. He took out his wallet and put some banknotes in front of him. Without a word, he got up from his seat and walked towards the exit. Sara followed him without thinking.

 

            And there was a test. The light from the moon and the street lights was enough for Sara to see the man standing at the rooftop of a three stories building on the other side of the dark alley. Sara ran towards the building and used one of her feet to kick on the wall, taking off, propelling her body upwards. Her hands caught the edge of a window frame and pulled herself up. She repeated the movement twice until she was standing on the top of the building. Hiro became a silhouette on the the next building, which was two stories higher than where Sara was right now. Sara ran forward and jumped from the edge of the rooftop. Her hands caught a rain drain pipe. She reached the rooftop quickly enough to see Hiro jumping off to the next building. Sara followed. This time she had to roll her body to absorb the landing impact. She proceeded to the the ladder and climb up to the top of the building. She met with the system of pipes and ventilation fans. She had to vault over them in order to catch up with her colleague.

 

            She ended up hanging onto the rail of a balcony on the eighteenth floor of a residential building. She pulled herself up and finally joined Hiro in what looked like a luxurious apartment suit. The man offered her a can of beer.

 

             “And I thought you preferred sleeping on a cold sand under the stars and telling baby me fairy tales.” Sara looked around. There was a grand piano near the  sofa set.

 

            “Don’t act like the League didn’t pay you well.” He sat on a leather couch, sipping his beer.

 

            Sara didn’t sit down. She walked around, making sure she knew the surroundings. Hiro was a good friend, but anything could happen when it involved an assassin.

 

            “Now tell me more about what I missed.” Sara started while walking towards the dining table. A vase with flowers was at the center of it. There were some papers splaying on the glass surface.

 

            “Well, not much. Remember Damien Darhk? He’s forming his own secret militarized organization. And he is now in Starling City.”

 

           Sara flinched at the name. She never met the man. The story of him escaping the League and stealing the water from the Pit was told among the young assassins. This didn’t sound like something her vigilante friends and her father would allow it to happen in their city.

 

             “And your job is getting rid of him?”

 

             She heard a dry chuckle instead. Sara flipped one of the papers on the table. It was a charcoal sketch of a floor plan somewhere. She picked another piece of paper and found a drawing of a bald man in suit.

 

            Sharzy al-Thalij was staying at this place too. These were her drawings. The young assassin usually went scouting and drew strategic locations and her targets to help her plan her missions.

 

            Sara didn’t recognize the man in the portrait. She checked the other drawings. So far, the targets were middle aged men in suits.

 

            “You know what, Svetlana doesn’t like it when people mess with her arts without her permission.” Hiro warned her from where he was before playing some music, a soft melody of a violin sonata — Debussy, if Sara wasn’t wrong.

 

             Sara didn’t stop. There were multiple sketches of the subway stations and city views from different angles.

 

             Her hand froze when she noticed a charcoal portrait of a woman sitting on a bench, reading something on her tablet with a frown. Her neat tight bun was highlighted to capture how shiny her hair was. Her arched eyebrows were perfectly drawn. Her eyes — if this were a watercolor painting, they would’ve been grey-blue, the color of stormy sky.

 

            Sara clenched her teeth. At this moment, the bloodlust could easily take over her. She took a deep breath to calm her boiling rage. She couldn’t lose herself to it right now.  Luckily, there was a pencil on the table.

 

          A moment later. The tip of the pencil was on the side of Hiro’s head, to be precise, 35 millimeters behind his left eyebrows and 22 millimeters above his ear, the thinnest part of a human skull.

 

          “Where’s Lipnitskaya?” Sara asked coldly. Her right hand applied more pressure around his throat while the sharp tip of the pencil started drawing blood from his skin.

 

            ++++++++

 

             Ava took her thermos out of her backpack when she finally reached the small park on the path to Downtown Starling Station. She sat on a bench and sipped her lavender and honey tea, hoping to brush the remnants of the toxic conversation away from her head. The meeting took five hours until it’s dark outside and it ended badly, at least, for Ava. The army proposed the increase of private military companies involvement in the U.S. operations in the Middle East. They needed approval from the board of international affairs. From the capitalist stand point, it would cut the cost of war. The state didn’t have to pay for their welfare and benefits of those soldiers, outsourcing like civilian corporations in the age of high capitalism. But Ava strongly disagreed with the proposal. Those soldiers for hire could kill without accountability. They would create the mistrust and ruptures between the local people and the U.S. troops, propelling the war instead of bringing peace. And again, no one listened to her. Her hope and attempt to save lives were futile.

 

             The vein in the back of her head started throbbing again. Ava looked at her watch. It’s 9pm now. She had to go home, otherwise she might throw up on the subway.

 

             She put the thermos back in her backpack and got up. She sighed, realizing that the migraine would not go away when she arrived home. It could get worse. Her home remedy wasn’t there anymore.

 

             The path to the station was strangely quiet. The air was calm, there was no rustling noise from the trees along the path at all. It was warmer than yesterday and Ava could smell the humidity -- the earthy scent of rain. Ava should have quickened her steps. She didn’t. She was tired of the memories of Sara. Ava closed her eyes for a moment, shaking off the sensation of cold lips pressing on hers and the taste of raindrops.

 

            Sara didn’t love her. She didn’t love her, Ava chanted in her head while approaching the entrance of the station. If Sara loved her, she wouldn’t have left her to deal with the nightmares and the frustration from work alone like this. She would have pulled her into a hug right now to make the headache go away. Ava brought her hand up to massage the bridge of her nose.

 

            A thud of something landed on the ground close to her brought her mind back to where she was. She opened her eyes, but she wasn’t quick enough. Before she could see what was happening, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. Warm lips brushed against her cheek and she heard a heavy sigh of relief.

 

          “Thank god, she hasn’t gotten you.”

 

           Small hands moved up to cradle Ava’s face. She pulled back a little just to make sure that this wasn’t one of her nightmares.

 

          Maybe not, she literally felt the pounding of heartbeat against her chest. The rough thumbs were now wiping the tears from her face.

 

           Ava tightened her jaw and shoved the small body away.

 

            “Fuck you.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! This is beyond my comfort zone. It was fun learning by googling. I know nothing about military and the war in Afghanistan. I watched battle drills and learning about weapons and the gear. Now the algorithms think I'm a republican. I had to google how to smoke too because I don’t smoke but I think Ava would look so hot with a cigarette in her hand. I did research on Wakhan mainly on Google maps. It's beautiful. Also I found that there is a place called Nanga Parbat in Pakistan. It's one of the famous peaks of the Himalayan. I don't know Arabic or Farsi. But I didn't just believe whatever appeared on Google Translate. I checked with other sources too. I did learn some Arabic grammar just to make it as accurate as possible. My apology to those who know about military stuff and those who speak Arabic. I had to include the linguistic and cultural aspects to the story. I cannot just make them speak English. If some of you speak Arabic please correct me. I will gladly edit it. The parts about the Ismaili and the smuggling at the port were based on two ethnographic studies on the Ismaili and global outlaws. That being said, I hope this chapter clear your eyes from the filth of Gary's nipple.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random objects: zip ties and a needle
> 
> Music: Woodkid: Land of All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank @XanDany for beta this.

 

          “Argh…”

 

          Sara let out a soft cry through her gritted teeth, her left hand moved up to clutched at her right clavicle where Ava had shoved her. Losing the momentum, she fell backward to the rough asphalt ground.

 

         Ava felt her gut twist but her feet didn’t move from where she was. Her head was throbbing. Sara just came out of nowhere, hugging her, giving her the connection she had lost, as if she wasn’t the one who left her alone, as if the long week of tears was worthless.

 

         She didn’t mean to make her fall and cry like that. She wouldn’t be able to hurt her. Ava’s mouth parted when she felt the coldness on one of her hands. Anger in her eyes was wiped away when she saw the deep red and felt the stickiness on her fingers. Pungent metallic smell hit her nose. She blinked her eyes when she felt the pull of gravity in her stomach. Her eyes moved from her hand to the woman on the ground. Sara was trying to get up on her feet, her hair was kept in ponytail, but there were too many loose strands, her jaw set, her teeth clamped together. Ava frowned. Why didn’t Sara wear warmer clothes? A hoodie was clearly not enough for the late winter night.

 

       Two long strides without a thought and one of Ava’s arms was supporting the small of Sara’s back, making sure Sara wouldn’t fall again. Ava’s eyes darted to the dark damp spot on Sara’s right shoulder, her brows furrowed with worry. She tapped her fingers lightly on it. Sara’s body stiffened at the touch, her jaw tightened with more pressure. A hard line formed along the tendons of her neck.

 

        “How bad is it?” Ava fixed her eyes on the dark spot, asking with concern in her voice. Anger and frustration were evaporated. Seeing Sara bleeding like this, her mind couldn’t focus on anything else.

 

        “It’s just a cut. We don’t have time, Ava.” Sara talked through her shortened breathing. “We need to stay away from subway stations. An assassin is targeting—ouch..”  

 

        Sara couldn’t finish her sentence when Ava yanked the necklines of her hoodie and her undershirt down to expose her skin. She felt a sting when the cold air brushed the oozing wound. She saw Ava shake her head, letting out an exasperated huff that smelled like cigarette. That’s not Ava’s usual scent and Sara didn’t like it when she didn’t know why Ava smelled like anything other than peach fruits. But she would deal with that later.

 

        “An assassin is targeting you and your colleagues. It’s not safe here.” Sara’s voice was small. It didn’t came out frantic. Sara found Ava and now they were close enough to feel each other breathing. It was a relief.

 

         “I will check with my colleagues.” There was no urgency in Ava’s tone. Her arm let go of Sara to take the straps of her leather backpack off her shoulders. “Without me for a week and you come back bleeding. You are like Luke, should stay indoors.”

 

         Sara quirked her eyebrows, didn’t expect that annoyance could sound so gentle like this. Sara’s eyelashes fluttered when Ava took off her wool coat and wrapped it around her. She felt Ava’s body heat from the fabric and didn’t hesitate to put her arms in the sleeves. The cigarette smell was apparent, but that was okay for now. She saw Ava looking around cautiously while buttoning the coat. Sara eyes followed Ava’s, wanting some attention.

 

        “You’re not mad at me?”

 

         Ava turned her face to Sara again, eyes drooping down to look at her, the grey blues were colder than usual. Sara almost shivered under her gaze. Surprisingly, no harsh words came out from the frowning lips.

 

          Ava turned her attention to her backpack. She opened it and took her phone out. It started vibrating the moment she unlocked the screen.

 

_“Director Herzfeld got shot on his way home near Iron Height five minutes ago. Director Comaroff is in charge right now. You should be escorted to our safe room as soon as possible. The team will meet you at your coordinate in five.”_

 

         Sara was close enough to Ava to hear a man’s voice. She was relieved that Svetlana didn’t choose Ava as her first target. Iron Height was five miles away from downtown. Ava would be safe for a while.

 

          “Darcy, your wife and your daughter are already there, right?”

 

_“Yes, ma’am. They are safe.”_

 

           “Good. See you there.”

         

           Ava ended the call and put the phone back in her backpack. She took a Glock 19m out and load a magazine into the gun. Her free hand grabbed Sara’s wrist.

 

           “Let’s find a cover.” Ava ordered and pulled her to the side of the path.

 

           Sara couldn’t help but let out a bitter scoff. “Which elite force are you working for?” She knew it was fair. Sara had kept her secret from Ava for a month. But she couldn’t help feeling a slight tinge of disappointment knowing that Ava had been lying to her.

 

         Ava’s grip on her wrist was tightened but she didn’t pause her steps. “None of your busi—.”  

 

         Ava was cut off when Sara shoved her forward with force. A sharp noise pierced through the air close to her ears and hit a tree trunk behind them. Sara was able to hear a faint of gun explosion a few milliseconds before she pushed Ava away from her spot. It meant the sniper pulled the trigger from somewhere at least a mile away from them, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to hear the shot before the bullet hit its target.

 

         “Fuck!” Sara growled through her gritting teeth, dragging Ava to the corner of the station entrance. Another bullet hit the concrete surface, creating an intense cracking noise just a second after Ava successfully got behind the wall. They were lucky that the crowd of passengers from the train that just arrived started to exit the station, shielding Sara and Ava from the eyes targeting them from far away.

 

           “Don’t think we can wait for your team.” Sara told her while deciding which direction they should go. Maybe they would run across the street to the parking garage.

 

          “We gotta go.” Ava put her gun inside the waistband behind her back before pushing Sara’s back slightly, urging her to run.

 

          Sara grabbed Ava’s wrist again and ran towards the direction of the parking garage. Her heart rate was increase and she could feel warm blood oozing from her wound. They ran across the street, hands linked with each other’s. Sara knew it was impractical, but who could blame her, she almost lost Ava to the sniper. In a life or death situation like this, Sara was grateful Ava didn’t pull her hand away. Ava allowed her to have some reassurance as if she knew how much she needed it.

 

          ++++++++

 

          Ava crossed her arms over her chest, holding herself tightly in front of a pharmacy counter at Walmart in the Northeast part of Starling City. She was lucky it was still open. The eerie white light and the rigid arrangement of the store made it difficult to believe that she was now on an escape run from some deadly assassins. But of all the things happened to her today, nothing was more startling than the presence of Sara. Ava missed her, wanting nothing more than having Sara with her, but the fact that Sara only came back because Ava’s life was under a threat didn’t make it hurt any less. Sara didn't come back just because she wanted to be with her.

 

          Ava blinked her eyes to shake the thought out of her head when the cashier gave her a white plastic bag full of bandages. She forced a smile and left the counter. There were other essential things she needed to buy, such as clothes and food, and she didn’t want to leave Sara alone in the car for any longer.

 

          Ava didn’t panic about the situation. She worked in a high-risk profession. Her line of work made it difficult for many international criminal networks to get their jobs done. Starling Quarter was always prepared for a circumstance like this. There were spare cars that she had access available in various locations. There were four safe facilities available in Starling and three more in the cities nearby.

 

         But Ava didn’t want to go to the underground safe room. Darcy’s wife and daughter were there. Ava didn’t want the assassin to turn their attention to that building. And from what Sara told her, the assassin, Svetlana Lipnitskaya, thank to the interrogation she had been through, knew the place well. She couldn’t go back to her home either. There might be someone waiting for her, and the house wasn’t designed to endure gun battle. She would take Sara to the nearest safe house instead. Comaroff already reported to the Headquarters. The backup was on its way. There’s nothing to worry about right now.

 

          Ava got everything she needed and returned to the parking lots. Not many people came to Walmart at this hour. There were only few cars at the area near the store entrance. She heard the humming of a freight train from afar mixing with the growling from storm cloud. It would rain in a bit. Ava quickened her stride, heading to the black sedan.

 

           Ava shook her head slightly. A smile formed at the corners of her lips. Through the open car window, she saw that the backrest of the passenger seat was reclined. Sara’s small body was curling on the seat, her eyes closed, arms hugging Ava’s coat. She didn’t know whether the situation was far too normal for Sara or the woman was too tired.

 

           But Ava didn’t want to interrupt her nap. Sleeping Sara was still the best Sara. Ava sighed softly, feeling defeated. Even in the situation like this, her chest was warmed from the inside just by seeing Sara sleep. The long week of heartbreak felt like a distant past.

 

           She walked to the back of the car to load the stuff in the trunk. When the lid was opened, Ava frowned.

 

           “The fuck is this?”

 

            Ava swore under her breath. She closed the lid and put the plastic bags down on the ground before walking back to Sara. She open the passenger door and pinched Sara’s cheek to get her attention. Sara slowly opened her eyes and Ava didn’t like it. It always made her feel like seeing the moment the dark sky cracked open in the morning.

 

           “Uh… that guy followed us to our car. Don’t worry he’s not dead yet.” Sara knew exactly why Ava’s eyebrows were knitted together. “I think someone is tracking your phone and this car’s GPS. It makes sense now why the sniper missed the shot. That one didn’t go to my school. You’re lucky you didn’t have your phone with you. He found me instead. Poor him. Can’t complain though. His M9 is nice.” Sara looked over her shoulder to the back seat.

 

            Ava’s eyes followed Sara’s. The crease between her eyebrows was deepened when she saw small pieces of the crushed devices.

 

            “You didn’t have to destroy my phone and the GPS like that. You could’ve just taken the batteries out!” Ava almost yelled at Sara.

 

            “Sorry.” Sara shrugged, clearly not sorry.

 

            “And what kind of amateur put a not-dead-man in a car trunk leaving his hands and his feet untied? You know the basic that every car trunk can be opened from inside, right?” Ava opened the backseat door and duck her head down to reach her arm inside the car, searching the seat pocket for zip ties.

 

            Sara’s eyebrows quirked up. Her cheeks felt warm. Ava was grumpy and about to tie a man. Sara’s throat  suddenly felt dry at the thought. Maybe she lost too much blood. She swallowed and she knew it was loud. She couldn’t help it. Agent Sharpe was way too hot and Sara felt attacked.

 

            Sara heard and felt the compression of air when the trunk lid was slammed shut. A moment later, Ava returned to the driver seat. Her face was still hardened when she started the car. Sara’s seat belt was barely fastened when Ava changed to reverse gear and hit the accelerator. Sara’s head fell forward and almost hit the dashboard in front of her if she hadn’t had the seat belt buckled. She immediately turned her face to Ava on the driver seat.

 

         “Hey, I’m sure he won’t wake up in four hours. You don’t have to be a dick.”

 

          Ava still kept her focus on the driveway. Her lips frowned, forming an upward curve. Rain drops started hitting the windshield.

 

           “You didn’t have to ruin my phone.” Ava mumbled.

 

            “It’s just a phone. I can’t risk them tracking us. You realized that it’s not just the League right? Clearly someone in your organization wants you dead.”

 

             “All of Luke’s photos are gone.” Her voice was cold, her eyes were on the blurry windshield, hands steering the wheel to exit the parking lot.

 

          Sara felt a squeeze in her chest. Now she could notice the tears welling up in Ava’s eyes and how she pressed her mouth to hold it back. Sara wanted to reach for the hand on the steering wheel. But she didn’t know if her touch would be welcomed. It seemed like a week apart had created some unspeakable distance between them.

 

           But she couldn’t stand seeing Ava on the verge of tears like this. Sara knew how important memory of Luke was to Ava. She heard her calling the cat’s name sometimes when she was asleep. Sara took a breath.

 

           “I’ll be your Luke.”

 

            Sara said as soft as she could. Her chest felt light saying it out loud. It was cheesy but sincere. Such a risky thing to say. Ava might not want her anymore. But that was all she could think of, despite wanting to hold Ava close and kiss her forehead.

 

          Sara heard a snort from Ava. It worked.

 

           “You’re not fluffy enough to qualify.”

 

           Sara frowned and pouted at Ava. She hoped Ava thought it’s cute.

 

           +++++++++

 

          They stopped at a gas station near Walmart to withdraw enough cash from Ava’s accounts so they didn’t have to expose their location again. They dropped the unconscious man somewhere on the side of the highway. Sara assured Ava that Svetlana wouldn’t get to them tonight due to the heavy rain. The assassin probably knew by now that Sara was with Ava and all of her plans were useless when her enemy knew her well. However, they didn’t go to any of those safe houses. If it’s true that someone in Ava’s organization was trying to get rid of  her and her high-ranked colleagues, those places were not safe.

 

          They ended up at a shabby hotel that didn’t ask for Ava’s ID. It was better than the one Sara had stayed in the past week. It didn’t smell like marijuana at all. The pale yellow wallpaper was still intact and Sara might not find some questionable stains if she didn’t look for them. Sara was relieved when she found that the room had two twin beds. It would’ve been awkward if they had to sleep in the same bed.

 

          Sara sat on a green couch near a lamp. She quirked her eyebrows when she saw Ava pulling the bedsheet out of a corner of the mattress. Sara rolled her eyes.

 

          “Ava, we’re not gonna change hotel because of bedbugs. Not right now. Not tonight.”

 

          Ava didn’t stop inspecting the mattress. “Can you just shut up and barricade the room?”

 

          Sara scrunched her face but she did as told by Ava. They needed to barricade the door and the window to gain the upper hand if a battle was inevitable. She started by dragging the couch to the door. When Ava was satisfied with her bedbug inspection, she helped Sara move the table.

 

          Now they both were looking at the window. The only furniture in the room that was tall enough to cover the window was the bed. Sara saw Ava look at one of the beds and contemplate for a moment. Ava sighed and walked to the bed near the window, trying to lift the mattress up vertically. Sara helped her move it to the window.

 

           Ava wiped off the sweat on her forehead before rearranging her hair in a ponytail.

 

            “Take off your shirt and lie down on the bed. I will look at your wound.” Ava said without looking at Sara before getting herself a new set of clothes and walked to the bathroom. Sara heard water flow from the tap. Ava was cleaning her hands.

 

            Ava didn’t see how Sara’s mouth slightly parted at the thought of being shirtless in front of Ava. Sara stood still on the side of the only available bed for a long moment. She closed her eyes and huffed out a sigh. Ava had seen her naked so many times. It shouldn’t be awkward.

 

           Ava walked out of the bathroom with fresh clothes. She then rummage through one of Walmart plastic bags.

 

          “Do I have to help you take off your shirt?” Ava asked nonchalantly while taking the equipments out of the bag.

 

           Sara bit her lower lip before pulling the hem of the hoodie and her t-shirt up to take them off. She flinched at the sharp pain caused by the movement of her arms and shoulder. Yeah, she might need some stitches. The wound was unavoidable. Sara was never confident she would survive a close combat with Hiro with only a pencil while he had plenty of knives hidden under his jacket. It was fortunate that she wasn’t the one lying unconscious on the floor with broken ribs and a fractured skull.

 

           Only her black bra was left covering her upper body. Golden hair on her chest rose up when she felt the cool air brush her bare skin. Sara took off her boots and laid her back on the bed, eyes following Ava’s movement. Ava dragged a chair to the side of the bed before carrying a tray of basic suture kit with gauze, cotton balls, and a bottle of normal saline. Her face was covered behind a mask, her hands were in surgical gloves. The warm yellow light from the bed lamp wasn’t the ideal, but it will be enough.

 

          “I’m sorry I couldn’t get some anesthetics for you.” Ava looked at Sara’s blue eyes. Her voice was softer this time.

 

          Sara’s rigid shoulders relaxed and the awkwardness was wash away, looking up to Ava who was hovering over her. Ava still cared about her. Sara heard it in the crack of Ava’s voice. She wanted to let Ava know that her beautiful eyes alone might be enough to relieve the pain. But she didn’t say a word. She just smiled and nodded, giving Ava permission to take care of her wound.

 

            It didn’t hurt too much when the cold saline was injected into the cut to clean the wound. Ava took a moment to make sure there was no foreign material left in the wound. When the needle pierced through Sara’s flesh, she tightened her jaw. She couldn’t restrain a soft whimper in the back of her throat. Ava’s hand didn’t stop because of it. Sara was certain that she could trust Ava. It was obvious that she knew what she was doing.

 

           By the time the fourth stitch was tied. Small drops of tears rolled down from the corners of Sara’s eyes. She wasn’t crying. It was just a physical reaction to the pain. She saw Ava gave her a quick glance before continuing her work.

 

            “Only three more, Sara. I use dissolvable sutures. It probably won’t scar.” Ava reassured her and Sara trusted her words without question.  

 

            “You know, I can do this too.” Sara told Ava with a gentle smile on her face.

 

            “This is not a competition, Sara.”

 

             Sara let out a soft giggle. “Talk to me. Keep me thinking about something else.” She requested.

 

            Ava was quiet for a moment. But the needle holder and the tweezer in her hands didn’t stop working.

 

            “Luke always knew when I had anxiety. He would tap his paw on my arm.”  Ava finally broke the silence.

 

              Sara smiled, eyes aimlessly looking at the ceiling. “I always know when you have anxiety too.”

 

              Ava paused her hands for a second before piercing the needle to the side of the wound. Sara hissed at the sharp pain.

 

             “This is also not a competition. Luke was better than you, period.”

 

             Sara breathed through her mouth. She liked this moment. It was painful but it was a lot better than when she was alone. She should’ve worried about their safety but she felt invincible right now. It was strange but she found joy in the fact that she was quick enough to find Ava and save her. She almost lost her forever but she didn’t. Tomorrow would be a new challenge, but they would be okay. Now Sara knew that leaving Ava didn’t keep her safe. It was better to be with her and fight whatever threat coming across their path. Light bloomed in her chest when she realized she found a good reason to be together.

 

           “What’s your plan, Ava? What’s next.”

 

           “My allies are in Washington DC. We will try to contact them when we can.”

 

            “My dad is a cop. Wanna meet him? He might be helpful.” Sara turned her head to the right side to look at Ava, hope was brimming in her eyes. She didn’t think she was ready to see her dad and her sister, let alone introducing Ava to them. But if that was something she could do to keep Ava safe, she would go for it.

 

           “I know who your dad is. But I don’t want to drag him into this. Starling City police wouldn’t stand a chance against my enemy.”

 

           “That’s true. Normally, the League wouldn’t come after a secret government organization like this.”

 

            Ava tightened the last stitch before cutting the excess thread. She put the tweezer and the scissors on the tray. Sara used her elbows to prop herself up. With the glove on, Ava’s hand was placed on Sara’s chest and pushed her down.

 

           “Nope, not done.”

 

           Sara lay back on the bed. Even though there was the thin latex layer between Ava’s hand and her bare chest, Sara could feel the warmth from Ava’s palm. She didn’t protest, watching Ava applied antiseptic vaseline and covered the wound with the clean gauze pads and bandages.

 

            Ava took off her gloves and her mask before leaving them on the tray. She let out a heavy sigh of relief. Sara could see how her shoulders relaxed. It was as if Ava had been carrying a mountain on her shoulders and suddenly someone lifted it off her back. The gray blue eyes were dim. Sara could see how tired Ava was. Those blue eyes fixed on Sara’s face. Ava’s breathing was gentle.

 

            They locked their eyes in silence for a long moment. They couldn’t find a word powerful enough to describe the tightness in their chest.

 

          To Sara’s surprise, Ava brushed the back of her hand on Sara’s forehead. Sara closed her eyes at the connection she felt from the light touch. Her mouth parted, there was something she wanted to tell Ava, but it didn’t come out. It stuck in her throat, in the silly confidence that Ava already knew how she felt and she didn’t have to make it into words. Sara licked her lips. They were too dry.

 

           A second later, the warm and soft lips were placed on Sara’s forehead. Her hand moved up to linger on Ava’s face above hers, lightly brushing the pad of her thumb on Ava’s warm cheek.

 

        “Don’t get hurt again, okay? I don’t like that.”

 

          Sara heard the tremor in Ava’s voice. She felt the trembling lips against her forehead too. Sara couldn’t say anything. She only gave Ava a reassuring nod, her other hand move to the back of Ava’s head, pulling her down closer, brushing her lips on Ava’s cheek.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My strategy for writing: have a plan but then ditch the plan and go with whatever comes in the process. I also want to thank @xan again. You guys have no idea how many errors I usually have. And it changed the way I wrote too. If you look back before chapter 7, you will see the difference. It is liberating not to worry about errors.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random object: a harp and a laptop
> 
> Music: Sleeping At Last: West / Cecile Corbel: En La Mar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @Xan for editing this!

         Nightmares were scary because it took a long while to know they weren’t real, and when it happened during the nights of those days that Ava barely hoped for tomorrow, it was difficult to draw the line between the imaginary terrors and the hopeless reality.

 

          She woke up to the flashes of lightning peeking through the part of the window that the mattress couldn’t cover. The sky rumbled with the background melody of pelting heavy rain. The darkness in a closed space always made her question where she was.

 

           No, she didn’t wake up from a nightmare. What happened a few hours before was real. The warm body sharing a blanket with her in this small bed was the evidence. She woke up because of the heavy rain and the coldness she felt on her bare upper arms. It contrasted with the heat under the blanket, especially where her bare thigh was flush with Sara’s leg. It was impractical to sleep in jeans and khaki pants.

 

          Ava sighed. It wasn’t her first time finding herself in a sanctuary of darkness in a closed space like this. She knew how to survive, to keep going as if being hunted by an unknown enemy wasn’t a big deal. She could act as tough as she wanted when the line between dream and reality was clear.

 

           But right now — the second after she opened her eyes to the darkness, her mind was bare, free from the filter of logic, and her brain was never quick enough to hide her deepest anxiety -- the 3am thoughts that she could just brush off easily in the next morning.

 

          Yes, she had some allies who could provide her some help and get her out of this life or death situation, but she couldn’t be too confident about her chance to live beyond tomorrow. And she didn’t know where and when it would end. Would she be able to return to her house? Was it possible that she had to run and hide forever? She had been acting like she knew what to do, but she didn’t know enough to make any elaborate plan that could ease her mind.

 

          What would be on the list of things to do tomorrow? Finding a phone that wouldn’t leave a trace of their whereabouts. Contact her mentor. Change the car. Find a place to stay for tomorrow night? No, firstly, Ava needed more information. She needed Sara to tell her more about the capacity of the League of Assassins. She shouldn’t have left that man on the roadside. She should’ve interrogated him. She needed to know who was behind this and for what purpose.

 

          Ava sighed again and she heard how shaky it sounded. Her heart pounded faster with some unpleasant feeling coiled up in her stomach.

 

         It didn’t take long before Sara’s hand found Ava’s and brought it to her chest. Ava turned her face to her right side. It was dark but she could see that Sara was still asleep with her lips slightly parted, her breathing was soft and even. The bad 3am thoughts disappeared like a gust of wind hitting a puff of smoke.

 

          She missed this. She missed waking up to know there was someone so warm in the same bed. Ava bit her lip, hesitated for a moment before changing her position, lying on her side. She carefully untangled her hand from Sara’s and draped her arm over Sara’s torso. She moved closer and rested her head on Sara’s left shoulder, making sure she didn’t disturb her. Ava took a deep breath and let out a soft exhale, moving her head down to the softer part of Sara’s body. She closed her eyes, letting her mind follow the steady rhythm of the heart beating underneath her ear. Sleep silenced the sound of storm before Ava noticed a weight of a warm hand lazily lingered on the back of her head.

 

           +++++++

 

            It was still early but the barricaded room was lit up by the ambient light at the center of the ceiling. The soothing sound of water showering over the tiled floor had been going for about ten minutes already. Sara wanted to lie on her stomach and bury her face on the pillow but the stitched wound prevented her to do so. She tugged the hem of the blanket up to cover her head, hiding herself from the light. Last night was the first time since she left Ava’s house that she had a good sleep and felt rested. She didn’t want to wake up from Ava’s body’s heat and scent left on the blanket.

           Under the shadow of the blanket, the sound of water stopped and a moment later,  Sara heard the door open, the warm steam flowing out from the bathroom door, the rustle of movements approaching her bed.

 

          “Sara, get up.” Ava’s stern voice ordered, but Sara didn’t want to comply. She remained under the blanket until she felt the dip of the mattress near her side. A smile formed at the corners of her mouth. She wasn’t aware of it.

 

           Sara heard a huff of annoyance. That’s what she expected. A beat, and the blanket was pulled away from her head. She squinted her eyes at the sudden exposure to light. She groaned, hands tugging the blanket back from Ava’s hand. Her grip slowly loosened when she scented freshness and water lingering on Ava’s hair and her skin. Her eyelashes fluttered a few times to adjust to the breathtaking sight above her. Ava’s face was free from exhaustion. Sara liked all of the details — the freckles, the smoothness of her cheeks, the full pink lips. Ava already changed into a baseball t-shirt with black sleeves and a pair of grey skinny jeans, her hair was damp, a towel clinging over her shoulders.

          Ava’s hand wrapped around Sara’s wrist and tugged just slightly. The cold of her hand burned Sara’s warm skin. “Go get changed. We have so many things to do.”

 

         Sara’s lips parted. It was unbelievable. Sara didn’t get why Ava wasn’t aware of how gorgeous she looked right now. She said things casually as if it wasn’t important that the shabby hotel room and the simple clothes looked so good because of her. Sara used her elbows to propped herself up, she flinched when she felt a sting from the wound on her shoulder, but she didn’t pause, she got up, her face leveled with Ava’s. Her eyes flicked to those delicious soft lips and flicked up to meet Ava’s eyes.

 

           “Can we kiss?” Sara coaxed the soft words out from her dry, morning throat. She wasn’t trying to flirt. It was sincere. After the hopeless week of convincing herself she wouldn’t be able to see Ava again, she couldn’t help but wanting to feel Ava again.

 

           Ava frowned and straightened her back, pulling herself away. She stood up tall and crossed her arms over her chest, looking down at Sara with stern gaze. “No, you don’t get to do that.”  Ava turned her back to Sara and walked to her backpack, started packing her used clothes. She didn’t see how Sara’s gaze droop down to her hands on her lap.

 

            “Sorry.” Sara failed to hide the hint of bitterness in her small voice. Ava had all the right to say no. She left her and came back just last night. She shouldn’t have thought too much into Ava’s usual kindness. With the tinge of disappointment, Sara was fully awake. She got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom.

 

            Ava sighed when she heard the bathroom door shut. She closed her eyes, her rigid shoulders relaxed. The remnant of pain when she found out that Sara had left was still there in her chest. It wasn’t like she was holding it against Sara. Ava just wanted to be more careful. She fell in love so hard — so easy, and it hurt so much. She was fortunate Sara was always tentative and asked for consent most of the time, otherwise she would’ve given in easily if Sara just did what she wanted without asking.

 

            “Don’t shower. We don’t have time to change your bandage. I will try to do it tonight.” Ava said loud enough. She bit her lip, hoping Sara could hear how much she cared. Ava expected some cheeky responses such as ‘I won’t take a shower unless you join me.’ But there was only the sound of water flowing from the tap.

 

          +++++++

 

          Sara was sitting on a clean marble floor. Her back rested against one of the giant wooden bookshelves arranged in a way that made she feel like she was in a labyrinth of books. The warm but solemn light shone from the motion sensor lamps attached to the high ceiling above. The earthy smell of decomposing papers was strangely calming. It was quiet. She almost heard the echo of her breathing.

 

        The archive room in the Starling City Historical Society Library was enormous, but not many people had the luxury to think about the past. With complicated arrangement of bookshelves, it was a perfect strategic hiding spot. The place was quiet enough for them to easily notice an invader’s footsteps. On their way to the stairway to the second floor, Sara saw rows of white chairs and a ceremony arch decorated with eucalyptus branches and white spray roses. The musicians of a string quartet band with a big harp were adjusting their instruments. A group of people in formal attire were hanging around at the decorated area. There was an event at the library today, a perfect coincidence that might help shielding them from the eyes of their enemy.

         The soft clatter noise of fingertips hitting keyboard was clear on her side. The cheapest refurbished laptop they acquired from BestBuy was on Ava’s lap. With VPN, an email account applied with fake name, a prepaid debit card, and the library’s wifi, Ava was able to contact her associate. Sara leaned closer to Ava to see the conversation on the screen.

 

         Two of the board members were shot but they both survived. While waiting for Ava’s contact, they had prepared a safe place for her. A team would be sent to support her by 3pm. That’s good. Sara hoped there were a collection of weapons she could use. They had yet found out who was behind the assault. Ava informed them that there must be someone from their organization involved in the assassination. They scanned the record of the access to Starling City data right away to identify the rats.

 

          Before Ava could hit ‘send’ after typing a paragraph containing the term ‘League of Assassins’, Sara’s warm hand grabbed her fingers. Ava turned her head to her side, her eyebrows raised with question. Sara was looking at her with concern in her eyes.

 

          “Please, don’t expose the League.” Sara whispered. Desperation was apparent in her breath.

 

           “Why?”

 

          “They saved me.” Sara swallowed. The archive room was so quiet that Sara didn’t want to break the silence. She leaned closer to Ava.“My…uh..my ex.” She stuttered, unsure of how Ava might take it. “She saved me, and…and there are people like me in the League.”

 

           The light in Ava’s eyes danced with questions. Again, Sara was tentative with her again, as if Ava was someone so cruel who could hurt her if she did or say something slightly wrong. Sara was right, though. Most of the people around Ava felt intimidated by her hard exterior. Actually, there was only one person who wasn’t scared of Ava — Alexia, if she didn’t count Luke.

 

           Ava absentmindedly nipped the tip of her lip. Her next exhale was soft, exhausted, wondering how long it would take for Sara to eventually get tired of her like other people. It was unreasonable, unnecessary and immature to feel this way. And…and they were just…something — definitely not in a committed relationship.

 

           But right now it wasn’t the time to think about the hazy thing. Ava returned her attention to the chat box on the laptop screen, hoping Sara didn’t see what was displayed in her eyes.

 

           Ava deleted what she wrote but before she could compose another message, new text popped up. Ava froze. Sara could feel how Ava shoulders tensed up, their arms were touching. She leaned closer to read the message and flicked her gaze to check on Ava.

 

          Ava’s index finger were lightly tapping on the ‘F’ key. The light from the screen lit her eyes. Sara clearly saw how Ava’s gaze fixed on the message, her face frowned. After a long minute, Ava’s mouth parted and let out a soft sigh. Sara’s hand inched closer to Ava’s arm, but she was quick enough to stop it before touching Ava. Sara wanted to wipe away Ava’s worry, but Sara wasn’t sure if Ava still wanted her hug.

 

           Sara didn’t expect Ava to tear her gaze away from the screen and turn to Sara. The distance between them wasn’t enough to prevent Ava’s nose to bump against hers.

 

          “Sorry.” Sara pulled her face away, one of her hands drawn up to scratch the back of her head sheepishly.

 

           Ava rolled her eyes. Sara was unnecessarily awkward around her again. “Anyway, the assassin, Svetlana Lipnitskaya, what is she like?”

 

           Sara frowned. “I think you spoke too loud. You should observe library etiquette.” Sara whispered.

 

            “No one is using this room. Just tell me about her.”

 

            Sara bit her lip and looked away for a moment, thinking. On the one hand, her former colleague was a threat to Ava and Sara would do anything to keep Ava safe. On the other, the assassin was among the few in the League that Sara might call a friend.

 

           “She didn’t really know about normal life. She was a trafficked child. The League saved her when she was twelve.” Sara paused, turning her eyes back to Ava. “It was amazing that despite the suffering she had experienced at a young age and all the harsh training at the League, this girl was still very human.” She flicked her eyes away from Ava’s. “Even more human than me, I believe.”

 

           Ava nodded and returned her eyes to the laptop screen. “You are a cat.” She mumbled while typing her response.

 

           Sara couldn’t help but letting out a snort. She wanted to ask Ava if it meant they could cuddle up but she didn’t say it, pretty sure Ava would reject her again.

 

            She heard Ava hit an Enter button hard so she leaned closer to look at the conversation again. Her eyebrows raised in surprise.

 

_“As you may know, my job these days is more of a desk job. I do not think I am the best person to commandeer the operation. However, I do believe it is the best for our interest to frame it as a negotiation mission. We need to know who are behind this and what their purpose is.”_

 

           It took a while before Ava received the response. Headquarters didn’t pester her to accept the order. Ava let out a relieving sighed and ended the conversation, promising them she would contact them again when she arrived at the new safe house.

 

            “Your friend’s good at hiding, right?” Ava asked while turning off the laptop.

 

             Sara looked at Ava with confusion. “Yeah, your people won’t be able to find her if she doesn’t want to be found. But why, Ava? In this kind of situation, you either fight back or run away forever. Why did you choose to be a passive target?”

 

            Ava put the laptop in her backpack. “Well, there are many good reasons for someone to want to destroy my organization.”

 

            “What do you mean?”

 

             “How is your wound?” Ava moved her gaze to Sara’s right shoulder.

 

             “Hey, you don’t get to dodge the question.” Sara tilted her head down to catch the attention from Ava’s eyes.

 

             Ava huffed out a breath. “We are not the good guy, Sara. We made so many wrong decisions and people died because of us. We dropped the bomb in the wrong places throughout history. We sided with the wrong governments. I’ve been trying to change things but so far, it’s been futile.”

 

             Ava put on the backpack before reaching her hand to pet the top of Sara’s head.

 

            “And you… _we_ … can’t take anymore killing.”

      

            Ava gave Sara a tight lipped smile while ruffling her hair. It was an endearing gesture that warmed Sara’s chest. But Sara couldn’t ignore the truth reflecting in the cold ice flakes around Ava’s irises. Ava knew the coldest place. Sara took in the sincerity in the grey blue eyes, realizing that they were not so different.

 

             “Thank you.” Sara’s lips parted before inching her face closer to Ava’s. She felt the urge to be closer, to make sure Ava was okay. A chaste kiss on her cheek might be fine.

 

             “Nah.” The rejection ended with a soft giggle. Ava’s hand covered Sara’s mouth while pulling herself away. Her hand fell from Sara’s face when she was sure there was enough distance between them.

 

           Sara furrowed her perfect eyebrows and pursed her cute lips, obviously frustrated. Ava pressed her lips tight, trying not to let out anymore giggles. The archive room was quiet again.

 

            A few breaths went by. It felt like an hour when they didn’t talk but couldn’t move their eyes away from each other’s. Ava was beautiful and her eyes were dancing under the library light. And when Sara noticed how Ava gaze fell down and stopped at her lips, she couldn’t keep what she was feeling to herself anymore. In one move, Sara turned her body to face Ava, her right arm reached across Ava’s lap and placed her hand on the floor next to Ava’s thigh. Her left hand was on Ava’s small torso, trapping Ava between her body and the bookshelf. Ava rested the back of her head against the shelf when Sara leaned closer. Her lips found Ava’s. A soft whimper pleased her ears. It wasn’t a chaste kiss as intended. It was burning with the fuel of time and the distance they had spent being apart. Ava’s palm cradled Sara’s jaw, tilting her face for the better angle. Her free hand placed on the small of Sara’s back, pulling her closer.

 

           Their lips tangled, pressing and nipping until the noise they made was too loud in the quiet room. Ava disconnected their lips and moved her head to the side but Sara followed her, took the opportunity to steal another quick peck, arm still holding around Ava’s small torso. Her hot breath brushed on Ava’s cheek, feeling the rise and fall of their chests.

 

            “Why are you so horny like this?” The warm air of small voice brushed Sara’s ear.

 

           “Why are you so cute?” Sara, whispered, grazing the tip of her nose on Ava’s cheek.

 

            “Not a logical excuse.”

 

           “Who needs an excuse?”

 

            “I don’t like it when a pet licks my face, it’s disgusting.”

 

             And Sara couldn’t hold a giggle to herself when the thought of _‘Do you want me to lick somewhere else?’_ came across her mind. But she wouldn’t make Ava resent her more by saying it out loud. Her arms tightened around Ava, her heart pounding harder, so hard that she felt her stitched wound pulsing. She placed another open mouth kiss on Ava’s cheek.

 

             ++++++++

 

            They left the archive room, hoping to arrive at their destination in the next forty minutes. Sara couldn’t wait to relax in a decent place and spend time with Ava without the worry of being hunted. Ava pulled Sara’s arm to halt her steps when they reached the front corridor. Looking from the balcony, they saw the bride and groom standing on each side of an officiant in front of the floral decorated ceremony arch. All of the guests focusing on the bride and groom, smiles painted on their faces. The marble bifurcate stairways connecting the first and second floor would lead them to the middle of the ceremony, and Ava didn’t want to accidentally crash into someone's life changing moment.

 

          They sat down behind the balcony rail, didn’t want to be noticed. It must be awkward if the people down there found two women who looked like they just had a make out session in the library.  

 

          “I think it’s almost done. We’ll just wait. What a nerdy couple, having a wedding at a library.” Ava rested her back against the marble balusters. She didn’t want to invade a personal event such as a wedding.

 

           Sara was quiet, eyes peeking through the gap between the balusters. She was lost into the scene at the hall, curiosity shown in the way her lips jutted out a little.

 

           “You don’t remember wedding ceremony?” Ava asked softly. it wasn’t surprising if Sara lost the memory of another thing related to love.

 

         “I know what it is. It’s just… I haven’t seen it for a long time. It feels…normal.”

 

         Ava nodded, inching closer to Sara. Ava couldn’t imagine how lost Sara might feel right now. Ava had an unusual job but she wasn’t cut out from the normal world. “I always think it’s such a weird and expensive social obligation.” She rest the side of her head against the balusters, eyes were soft on Sara.

 

_“Most of your friends might say love is socially constructed.”_

 

         A shaking voice of a man recited the sentence loud enough for them to hear.

 

         The officiant just coincidentally called Ava out. Sara pressed her lips, suppressing her smile when she saw Ava’s eyes widened in surprise.

 

 _“Scientists might say it was biological drive to prevent our species from extinction.”_ The officiant continued.

 

           Ava frowned at what she heard. “Now I’m surprised they don’t have the wedding at a lab.” She mumbled.

 

           Sara covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to laugh at how the guests looked at each other awkwardly. Ava was close enough to Sara to hear the soft giggle. It was sweet. It lit up the solemnity of the old building. Ava couldn’t help but smiling, lost herself in Sara’s eyes. Their color was the blue of the tropical ocean, Sara’s skin was pale and smooth like a flawless beach. The light shone through the glass of the tall English Gothic windows, gleaming on her blonde hair. Ava felt like this before, multiple times since they met, actually. But she still wasn’t used to it. It felt new and unexpected every time.

 

 _“But we knew by our heart and not by words that true love transcends all of secular and religious theories — that it is very human to not be able to explain what it is and why we feel that way.”_ The officiant’s voice echoed in the quiet hall again. This time it wasn’t shaking. It sounded confident but gentle at the same time.

 

           Sara’s heart skipped a beat as if the man in charge of the wedding was speaking directly to her. Ava noticed how the amusement on her face was faded. The beautiful smile was still there but with more seriousness in her eyes. Ava scooted closer to Sara, taking one of her hands and bringing it to her lap.

 

_“A marriage is simply a promise of courage to hold on to something that we cannot fully understand, to stay together and be each other’s strength when the mysterious future unfolds itself, and when love as you know it today evolves into its new forms and meanings through the course your lives.”_

 

_“Lars, by standing here today, do you take Salene to be your wife? Do you promise to do your very best to face the unknown challenges with Salene and ensure her and her dog’s happiness everyday from now on?”_

 

             This time, the small crowd of guests couldn’t hold their laughter. It broke the sacred silence but it brought joy to the moment.

 

              But Ava and Sara weren’t laughing.They trained their eyes on their joined hands, light blooming in their chest when a couple of questions popped up in their minds. Those questions didn’t need to be answered right now. They were just curious about certain things and made a few hypotheses in their heads.

 

 _“I do.”_ The groom said firmly after the laughter from the crowd dissolved in the air.

 

_“Salene, by standing here, do you take Lars as your husband? Do you promise to do your best each day to help him fight patriarchy and create a loving, healthy marriage with you?”_

 

              The crowd laughed again. It took a moment before the hall quiet enough for the bride to authorize the marriage with _“I do.”_

 

            The rest of the ceremony went by. But Sara and Ava didn’t really pay attention to the sound and the flashes from cameras. They sat there together. They didn’t talk. Their eyes met a few times but there was nothing more than reciprocating soft smiles. Some of those smiles looked awkward, but in the most endearing way. Ava’s thumb was absentmindedly brushing Sara’s knuckle once in a while.

 

            About ten minutes later, the string quartet started playing a beautiful song with joyful melody. The bride and groom walked down the aisle to the exit. Friends and family followed them. By the time the music stopped, the library hall was almost empty. Sara and Ava got up from their spot, knowing that it was the right moment to leave.

 

           “Oh hi, Ava!”

 

           They almost reached the exit when an excited deep voice called Ava from behind. Ava swiveled to see if the man was who she thought he was.

 

            “Oh, hi…Mihaly” Ava forced a smile. Sara raised her eyebrows, giving the man once and over.

 

            “Actually, it’s Michael, but that’s fine.” He corrected Ava with a dry chuckle.

 

            “Right, Michael. Nice to meet you. I..ah.. came to find something in the city’s archive.” Ava’s voice was a note higher than her usual pitch. Sara crossed her arms over her chest, side-eyeing Ava while biting the inside of her cheek. She couldn’t believe Ava worked as a secret agent. She wasn’t good at pretending to be nice or lying at all.

 

              “And I thought Alexia missed our friends’ wedding because of you. I was wrong then. Maybe she’s having jet lag.” Michael tucked his hands in his pants pocket, looking around awkwardly.

 

             Alexia…the name was still heavy enough to make Ava feel the pull in her stomach. So, Alexia was in Starling City but she chose not to tell Ava. She knew she had no right to expect anything from her ex. But it hurt, not much, but definitely hurt.

 

            “I don’t even know she’s in town.” Maybe the tiny bit of bitterness was apparent in her tone. That’s why Sara didn’t hesitate to grab her hand.

 

            “Sorry, sir, but Ava and I have to go. Nice to meet you, by the way.” Sara gave him a tight smile and tugged Ava’s hand.

 

            “See you around.” Ava bid him a goodbye before following Sara to the direction of the exit.

 

             “Bye, Mihaly.” Sara looked over her shoulder and waved at the confused man.

 

              +++++++++++

 

              The Headquarters turned the top floor of Hochman Hotel into a safe house. When they arrived at the lobby, two agents approached them immediately. Ava confirmed the access code but it wasn’t enough. It was a bit awkward when the agents turned their attention to Sara. Ava had to call the Headquarters directly to inform them about her…uh..her _significant other_. Ava had no choice. It was the only answer that wouldn’t open to more inquiry. It was a common strategy to use the target’s significant other to either locate their whereabouts or lure them out from their hiding.

 

             A smirk was plastered on Sara’s freckled face all the way from the lobby floor to the presidential suite where they would spend another night together. Sara didn’t show any sign of fear and confusion. The agents might think she was just Ava’s tiny girlfriend who had no idea how critical the situation was.

 

           They had to trade privacy for security. Two agents, Tory and Ivan, were assigned to guard the living room in the presidential suite. They had lunch quietly. It was weird, partly because they didn’t want to share what they had to the strangers’ eyes. Sara didn’t make any cheeky joke. She didn’t want them to see the way Ava frowned with annoyance or smiled endearingly at her. Ava didn’t make a snarky comment because she didn’t want them to know the way Sara allowed Ava to be herself.

 

           It turned out that the safe place was boring. Sara took a nap then watched TV alone. She tried to get to know Tory and Ivan to gauge their fighting skills but they didn’t cooperate. Ava spent the second half of the day in the other room, checking for updates from the Headquarters and Director Comaroff. She came back for the dinner with two capsules of antibiotics for Sara. She left again to continue monitoring the situation.

 

           It was about ten when she came back to the elegant suite. Sara wasn’t in the living room. The two guards informed her that she was in the master bedroom. Ava thanked them and walked to the fridge for some water.

 

          When she opened the master bedroom door, she found that the light was still on. Sara was sleeping soundly on the bed. She hadn’t changed her clothes, Ava’s coat was splayed over her chest. Ava shook her head but smiled at the sight. She couldn’t believe this girl was a deadly assassin. She sat on the edge of the bed.

 

           “Hey, wake up.”

 

           Sara slowly opened her eyes, she squinted at the light. Ava’s heart swollen, the exhaustion from her job was gone.

 

           “There’s a few things to get done.” Ava looked down at the sleepy face.

 

             Sara looked up to see Ava with one eye open. “Like…sex? Sig-ni-fi-cant Otherrrrr.”

 

              Ave rolled her eyes, cheeks felt warm. “Seriously? No, I have to look at your wound. And I’m quite sure you haven’t brushed your teeth. I won’t share a bed with a stinky pet assassin.”

 

             Sara grinned, showing the perfect set of her teeth. She didn’t protest. She just wanted to have Ava on the bed with her. She did as told by Ava and returned to the bed again, waiting for Ava to change the bandage.

 

            Sara liked the way Ava’s eyes focused on the task. It reminded her of the first night they met. The concerned and caring gaze was comforting on Sara’s skin. She took a breath, warm feeling brimming in her chest.

 

          “Am I really your significant other? Or you just said whatever made sense to your boss?” Sara’s voice was shaking a little, she wasn’t sure if she would get the answer she wanted.

 

          Ava paused her hands for a moment and changed her focus to Sara’s eyes. The bright blues were almost pleading.

 

           “Depends.” Ava continued applying the ointment. Of course, Sara was exactly the definition of her ‘significant other’, but it wasn’t easy to just admit it. There was still one thing she wasn’t sure of.

 

           The light in Sara’s eyes were dimmed. “On what? On whether Alexia calls you when she’s in town?”

 

           She knew she shouldn’t have said it. It wasn’t her business, but it had been nagging in her head since that Mihaly guy mentioned Alexia’s name. It was difficult to think before speaking when her lip felt the bitter taste.

 

           Ava stopped what she was doing, her hand moved to cup Sara’s face, giving her full attention. “No, don’t be silly. I broke up with her because I liked you. Don’t you get it?”

 

           Sara’s lips parted and gasped. Yes, she knew. But hearing it from the voice that she loved so much was something else. It became the source of the light blooming in her chest. She nodded and mouthed “I get it.” quietly.

 

            “It’s just… It felt a little weird when things changed, you know.” Ava explained. She wasn’t sure if that made sense.

 

            Sara turned her face to the side to kiss Ava’s palm. “I like you too. A lot…like my heart is gonna explode right now.”

 

            Sara closed her eyes. It wasn’t cool if she let her tears fall from the corners of her eyes just because she felt a lot of things at the same time.

 

              “You look flustered.” Ava teased.

 

             “Shut up.” Sara groaned.

 

              ++++++++++

 

              It was about two in the morning when Sara came into the kitchen for some water. There was only Ivan in the living room. Tory must be asleep. He quickly turned his back towards Sara. She was too sleepy to think about putting pants on.

 

           “Sorry.” She said apologetically while getting a glass of water from the fridge. She tried to be quick.

 

            “I’m sorry that you have to be involved in this dangerous situation.” Ivan told her with sympathy in his voice. He still kept his eyes away from Sara. “My girlfriend was kidnapped one time. I know how Sharpe must feel right now. But I assure you we will do our best to protect you and the Vice Director.”

 

             Sara sipped the water. Ava always complained about her job. But she must have done something right. There were people around her who liked her enough to care about her well being. That cute PA Darcy was one of them.

 

            “Thank you. I’m fine, really. In my opinion, sniping is such an inefficient way to kill someone. Like, you have to plan and scout the location. And it’s boring to wait forever for the right moment. And if you miss the target, you are done. No one would be dumb enough to be your easy target again. I’m not worried about someone attacking us tonight.” Sara took another sip.

 

              Ivan turned to Sara with confusion on his face but he quickly turned his back towards her again.

 

               “Don’t worry, Ivan. You should get some rest too. I can protect Ava.” She gave him a smile but he didn’t see it. “Good night.” Sara continued her walk back to the bed room, missing Ava’s body heat already.

 

            Sara didn’t turn on the light when she snuck out to get some water. She didn’t expect the warm light from the bed lamp. Sara’s heart fell to the floor when she saw Ava sitting on the bed with her knees drawn up. Her long arms wrapped around her knees, tears rolling down her cheeks. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand when she noticed Sara.

 

            Sara closed the door and hurriedly strode to the bed. She put the glass on the nightstand and sat by Ava’s side, hands drawn up to cup Ava’s teary face.

 

            “What’s wrong?” Sara’s eyes searched Ava’s face. Her chest twisted seeing Ava crying like this.

 

           “It’s nothing.” Ava took a breath to stop her tears.

 

          Sara tucked Ava’s hair behind her ear. “No, it’s not nothing. You are crying.”

 

          Ava sniffed, her eyes fixing on Sara’s face. “Why did you come back?” It came out breathy.

 

           Sara blinked her eyes a few times, unsure why Ava asked. “You were in danger and I couldn’t let anyone hurt you.”

 

           Ava let a bitter chuckle. “I am safe now.” Her teary gaze fell down for a second before flicking up to Sara’s eyes again.

 

           “Tomorrow, when I wake up, will you still be here with me?”

 

           Ava’s fearful pale blues squeezed Sara’s heart. Sara realized how much her stupid, self pitying decision had hurt Ava. It damaged the woman she loved to the point that it made her cry when she woke up and didn’t see her in the same bed. Sara swallowed, moving closer to Ava, her thumb brushed the tears from Ava’s cheek. Her other hand circled around Ava’s small shoulders, pulling her closer and guiding her head to rest on her chest.

 

          “I’m sorry, Ava. I was stupid back then. I'm sorry. But I promise I won’t leave you again. I’ve learned. I died before. Those seven days without you was worse.” She placed a kiss on Ava’s forehead.

 

            Ava buried her face to the crook of Sara’s neck. “That phone, it’s not just Luke. All of your photos were gone too.” She whimpered. “If you leave me again…” Ava’s breath hitched, her fingers clutched at Sara’s shirt.

 

           Sara tightened her arms around Ava. “I won’t. Please, give me another chance.”

 

            Ava pulled her face away from Sara’s neck and looked at Sara in the eyes. Her hands were drawn up to cradle Sara’s face.

 

           “You promise?” She asked with uncertainty in her voice that broke Sara’s heart even more.

 

           “I promise.” Sara told her firmly. She leaned closer and touched her forehead with Ava’s, her eyes closed.

 

           “Gosh…don’t you know that I lo…”

 

           The last word was lost in her throat. Sara couldn’t finish her sentence. She could write the word down on paper, but saying it out loud for the first time after the resurrection was something else.

 

            Ava shook her head slightly, brushing her nose on Sara’s cheek.

 

           “I know. You don’t have to say it. I know you love me.” Ava told to Sara’s lips, her hand pulling Sara’s chin closer to connect their lips.

 

            Sara couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. She let it wet her cheeks. She thought she had gotten her soul back when she realized she fell in love with Ava. But what she felt back then couldn’t compare to what she was feeling right now. She didn't only feel the force of life circulating within her. She felt whole. It was as if the broken pieces of herself were placed together in just the right way and mended together. Every crack was filled with gold.  

 

            They kissed until the tears dried out. Ava was content in Sara’s arms. She yawned a few times when she felt at ease enough to let the exhaustion take its toll.

 

            +++++++

 

            Ava was sleeping soundly on Sara’s chest. Sara tugged the hem of the duvet up to cover themselves. Sara couldn’t sleep. She was still high from the emotions. She took her time savouring the feeling of Ava’s frail body in her arm.

 

            A few knocks on the door interrupted her.

 

            “There is an important update, ma’am.” Ivan told from the other side of the door.

 

             Ava stirred. Sara’s arms let go of her. Sara got up from the bed and helped Ava find the hotel’s robes. When they looked decent enough, Ava opened the door. Sara was close behind her, the 9m pistol was ready in her hand.

 

            Ava crossed her arms over her chest. “Is everything alright?”

 

            Ivan clenched his jaw for a second. “There’s a police report that Alexia Baudrillard was missing, ma’am.”

 

            Ava’s gut twisted at the news. Sara’s quickly grabbed her hand.

 

            “The team have checked her apartment. They found this.” Ivan show a picture from his phone.

 

            Ava froze at what she saw. She felt sick to the stomach, her hands trembling, taking the phone from Ivan. It was a photo of a note on a sketch paper written with an exquisite penmanship.

 

_“Don’t be too late, Ava. Your bunny is waiting.”_

 

           Sara threw her arms around Ava and shielded her from Ivan’s gaze, one of her hands rubbed Ava’s back.

 

           “That’s why there’s no attack in the past twenty four hours. It’s my fault.” Ava’s voice was shaking. “She shouldn’t have met me.”

 

           Sara pulled herself back enough to look at Ava’s teary eyes. “I will get her back. Ava, I will do everything to save her.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time I dabbled in writing wedding script. Lol. Feel free to use it at your wedding. I will be glad to share. The song at the end of the wedding was En La Mar in my head. Of course, I won’t just create Alexia and leave her out of the story. Hope you enjoy this!


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